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Grabbing attention can be tough. Does this work for you?

by JimMichael
12 replies
I am currently in the process of having my site re-designed and we have gone for the complete 'gut and rebuild' approach.

One of the challenges of marketing a service is trying to keep the audience's attention. If selling a product, you can simply demonstrate it and show it off visually. However, with a service a different approach is required.

Our current site had short pages. As we found, this didn't help our SEO so, following much advice, we have written some longer-form copy for the new site.

Now, here is my dilemma. Below are two mocks for two pages that the devloper is currently hosting on their site. Do they keep your attention?

Piece of Cake
'How it Works' page.

and

Piece of Cake
'Features & Benefits' page.

As is the point with any web copy, we want to excite the reader - ring the benefits for them and then keep them focused long enough to absorb the information.

Does it strike that balance?

Also, since I should really be adding something with more value to this thread - what do you do to keep people staying on your site for longer?
#attention #grabbing #tough #work
  • Profile picture of the author Shaun OReilly
    I've been selling my own services for over a decade
    and can see a number of problems in your current
    approach.

    For example, a lot of your copy is focused on YOU,
    YOUR company, and YOUR services.

    Instead, you need to start off by focusing on your
    target client - THEIR problems, THEIR frustrations,
    and THEIR desired solutions.

    Then you can move on to relate what they want to
    what you have to offer.

    Most of the copy sounds like company speak rather
    than a conversation between a visitor in need with
    a provider who can help.

    Dedicated to mutual success,

    Shaun
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    • Profile picture of the author Richard Tunnah
      I agree with Shaun. You've got to sell the benefits to those visitors and ideally in the first few sentences as according to google you have approximately 10 seconds before they go elsewhere.

      Rich
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  • Profile picture of the author JimMichael
    Awesome feedback guys, keep it coming! Just what I am after.
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  • Profile picture of the author Alexa Smith
    Banned
    Originally Posted by JimMichael View Post

    Below are two mocks for two pages that the devloper is currently hosting on their site. Do they keep your attention?
    Honestly, no. Not at all. "Boring boring", I'm afraid.

    I'm afraid I don't like the layout, the style, and especially not the content at all - about which I completely agree with Shaun.

    I think a copywriter could help you a lot.

    Sorry.
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    • Profile picture of the author JimMichael
      Originally Posted by Alexa Smith View Post

      Honestly, no. Not at all. "Boring boring", I'm afraid.

      I'm afraid I don't like the layout, the style, and especially not the content at all - about which I completely agree with Shaun.

      I think a copywriter could help you a lot.

      Sorry.
      I welcome your honesty! I learned long ago that, as the business owner, what I think doesn't matter - what matters is how the web audience react to it.

      Honestly is always the best policy!
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  • Profile picture of the author Koolsteve
    What about a success testimonial by a well known person at top of page - celeb or top guru to show instant credibility. Let's face it, if I saw a testimonial for your services by say Matt Cutts (Google) or Top Warrior from this Forum, I would definitely stay and read more.

    Hope this helps,
    Koolsteve
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    • Profile picture of the author JimMichael
      Originally Posted by Koolsteve View Post

      What about a success testimonial by a well known person at top of page - celeb or top guru to show instant credibility. Let's face it, if I saw a testimonial for your services by say Matt Cutts (Google) or Top Warrior from this Forum, I would definitely stay and read more.

      Hope this helps,
      Koolsteve
      That is a great suggestion, and actually something I am working on.

      I have two house-hold name, celebrity clients that are on retainer - I'm sure I could get one or both to do agree to something.
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  • Profile picture of the author Koolsteve
    BTW - I have got pages on first page of Google for good keywords that are 90% graphics. Yes, good content does play an important part in SEO but that can be other pages or a Wordpress Blog running alongside website on same server.
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  • Profile picture of the author Koolsteve
    Thinking on:

    Could you offer a Free Trial or reduced Introductory Offer of some kind with a time limit purchase - sort of: if you Order within the next 7 days.
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  • Profile picture of the author JimMichael
    If anyone is interested in re-writing these two pages, please PM me with a quote.

    You must have an established WF reputation and be a copywriter as your main profession. I'm not looking for someone who is just 'good at writing for the web'.

    I find copywriting a true minefield. As an ex-journalist I can write awesome press releases, but sales copy for the web is a totally different skill set!
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  • Profile picture of the author Koolsteve
    Thinking on:

    "Sign up for Free Course on Press Release Writing".
    I'm thinking on the lines of giving something of value for free to build an email list.
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    • Profile picture of the author JimMichael
      Originally Posted by Koolsteve View Post

      Thinking on:

      "Sign up for Free Course on Press Release Writing".
      I'm thinking on the lines of giving something of value for free to build an email list.
      All in the works my friend. One thing we neglected was list building so now we're out to make up for lost time!
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