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Which is better

by carolf
10 replies
I am writing a sales page and have tried it in two ways.

I have a engaging story to tell about adversity and recovery.

If you were reading that story before buying my product, would you

a. prefer to read it as I was speaking directly to you

or

b. In the 3rd person as if someone else had written the story about me.
  • Profile picture of the author Danny10
    I would prefer A personally. From the horses mouth sort of thing.
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  • Profile picture of the author RootShell-vb
    I prefer A
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    AppsDoc.Com
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  • Profile picture of the author Alexa Smith
    Banned
    Originally Posted by carolf View Post

    would you a. prefer to read it as I was speaking directly to you
    Unless it's a product targeted specifically at internet marketers, it doesn't matter too much what we'd prefer: it matters only what your target demographics would prefer. They'd prefer "a" (is my prediction).
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  • Profile picture of the author carolf
    thank you all so much

    I was writing it in the style of B and suddenly it felt so wrong.

    alex you nailed it I read so much IM stuff that I did forget who I am writing too.

    People in self development want something personal

    you guys rock thank you
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    http://carolfinlayson.com/
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  • Profile picture of the author Fixers
    I agree with the above that A would be my preferred option as it is a little more personal.
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  • Profile picture of the author ralchevd
    And what if your audience are internet marketers? Still A I guess?
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  • Profile picture of the author Sandor Verebi
    Originally Posted by carolf View Post

    I am writing a sales page and have tried it in two ways.

    I have a engaging story to tell about adversity and recovery.

    If you were reading that story before buying my product, would you

    a. prefer to read it as I was speaking directly to you

    or

    b. In the 3rd person as if someone else had written the story about me.
    Hi Carol,

    I would go for the A. version.

    Why?

    Presumably, you already bought something on the Internet. Can you remember, what was the style of the sales letter your purchase based on?

    Let me to suppose that it also was A. type sales letter, wasn't it?

    According to my experience, the sales letter written in the third person singular doesn't entice to buy. I don't even read it because I feel it speaks to someone else instead me. :confused:

    Many successes,

    Sandor
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  • Profile picture of the author mikelukjaniec
    It's always better to tell your story in your own words, because people will relate to it!
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  • Profile picture of the author MichaelSJohn
    There is only one thing to consider... is a bottle in front of me better than a frontal labotomy?

    Sorry, just kidding. Everyone wants to hear about you, not about someone in the 3rd person.
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  • Profile picture of the author WebMarketingDiva
    Yep, tell the story in your words, and target one person, not several.

    Ex. I have an amazing breakthrough story to share with you.

    Instead of: I have an amazing breakthrough story to share with all of you.

    Think of having a one on one discussion with someone - be authentic, and you'll win them over!

    Good luck!
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