I Wish Someone Had Kicked Me In The Butt 5 Years Ago

by Steven Wagenheim 27 replies
When I first started trying to eek out a living online, the few times I did ask
for criticism (I was failing miserably) I'd get sh*t like this.

"Oh, you have to give it time."
"You need to find your voice."
"It's a numbers game. You'll make it."
"You have to find the right market."

I wish ONE person had said to me...

"Look jackass, your ads suck. You're using promotional mediums that aren't
worth sh*t. You're promoting the crappiest programs that nobody gives a
rat's ass about. You have no business plan. You don't have a clue what
you're doing."

It wouldn't have taken me so long to get where I wanted to go.

So when somebody comes here and says, "Why isn't my <whatever>
selling?" I'm going to give it to them straight, blunt and say whatever I
have to say to make it sink in. So if I may come off as a little insensitive
at times, it's because I care. It's because I'm sick and tired of people
patting others on the back when it's obvious that they don't know which
end is up. It does nobody any good including the poor sap who can't rub
two nickels together.

So stop pampering people. You're not helping. Sometimes we need a kick
in the ass instead of a pat on the back. And that includes me too.

As successful as I am, I've been told more times than I'd care to remember
by many very successful people here that my business model is not the
most efficient in the world. And of course, stubborn ass me resisted
change for as long as I could until I finally got sick and tired of working
14 hour days.

If I had listened to Big Mike, Bev Clement, John Taylor and Andy Henry 19
months ago when I first got here, this past year would have been double
the income that it was.

Stupid, stupid, stupid...and I have nobody to blame but ME because I DID
get JUST the advice I needed.

So stop pampering people. Give it to them straight. If they don't want to
hear it, at least you've done YOUR job.

You owe them THAT much.
#main internet marketing discussion forum #ago #butt #kicked #years
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  • Profile picture of the author Keith Boisvert
    Your posts suck.

    How's that for telling it straight?

    Just kidding. Great point. "looks good" or "well done" said just to be nice isn't always helpful. Constructive advice mized in with a bit of praise for taking action goes a long way and is much more helpful than trying to be wary of hurting a feeling or two.

    Sometimes being nice IS actually more hurtfull(long term) then being honest.

    Keith
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    • Profile picture of the author Jason Fladlien
      If you look at the advice I give on this forum, you'll see that it's brutally honest and right to the point.

      And, since I've been doing a lot more coaching lately, I've discovered the best way to give people advice on what to do. The reason most people struggle is they get overwhelmed with too many choices and options.

      So what you do is drill down to the basic 3 or 4 things they need to do, that are 1000 times more important than anything else, and you tell them to just do THAT. And forget about all the other distractions, options, choices, whatever. The rest are merely details.

      What people who struggle need more than anything is some stern, "fatherly" advice.

      -Jason
      Signature

      Co-creator of WP Twin. Perhaps the most expensive yet most reliable wordress cloning tool on the market. We've definitely been used more successfully than all other options :)

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      • Profile picture of the author Scott Ames
        I think some of us ( like me ) suffer from the drilling I got as a kid. "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it"

        My wife is from another country and has no problem telling me straight what I do wrong. She says things like: "That shirt is an old man shirt" "You don't know how to take care of the baby right" "You smell, take a shower"

        I've often wondered why it is my culture to soft shoe bad news. I'm getting more blut in my advancing years, but I have still a long way to go. The "everything's rosey" comments don't really give people the information they need to succeed.

        I've noticed people are more blut regionally as well. Someone from Jersey is going to be more blut than someone from Idaho.

        Good points Steven.
        Signature

        Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm. -Winston Churchill

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      • Profile picture of the author JayXtreme
        Oooooooh...

        I'm sooooo gonna like the new Steve W. There is no better way to help someone than a bit of tough love..

        Tough love builds empire's you know!!

        Peace

        Jay

        p.s. Steve your website design sucks
        Signature

        Bare Murkage.........

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        • Profile picture of the author Steven Wagenheim
          Originally Posted by JayXtreme View Post

          Oooooooh...

          I'm sooooo gonna like the new Steve W. There is no better way to help someone than a bit of tough love..

          Tough love builds empire's you know!!

          Peace

          Jay

          p.s. Steve your website design sucks
          Yeah, I know and a Warrior has offered to redo it for me for nothing more
          than a testimonial.

          How's that for warrior togetherness?
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          • Profile picture of the author Frank Bruno
            LOL you crack me up Steve.....

            I wish I would have had somebody to show me the ropes when I started in 1997.

            But noooo...

            I had to learn it all myself, no gurus, noone to turn too, barely even on-line merchant accounts.

            I only realized I was doing stuff right the whole time when I bought Corey Rudhls (rest in peace) Internet Marketing Secrets home study course around 99'-00' and about fell off my chair when I realized there was NOTHING in there new to me and that I was doing everthing he was teaching.

            These days theres hundereds of "gurus" everywhere you look.

            This is really good news for newbies as long as they choose wisely who to learn from.

            Newbies you have an advantage!

            There's thousands of "how to books", home study courses, and mentors to learn from.

            Frank Bruno
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            • Profile picture of the author Michael Lee
              Hey Steven,

              If you want someone to kick you in the butt now, I can do that. Just kidding.

              Although brutal honesty works, be careful not to hurt someone else's self-esteem.

              I was told before by someone close that I was stupid, so I worked hard to prove how wrong they are and passed a Board Exam where only 19% out of thousands passed. However, my ego was bruised. It's not nice.

              Telling someone exactly what to do to improve their situation (with a bit of tough love or brutal honesty like what Steven said) is much better than simply criticizing without adding value.

              Cheers,
              Michael
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              • Profile picture of the author Jason Fladlien
                Yes, Michael brings up a good point I failed to mention in my previous point. Obviously, you have to be able to read the individual, and then give them stern advice in a manner that they can handle it and benefit from it. And if they can't handle it at all, then you just keep your mouth shut and don't say anything.

                -Jason
                Signature

                Co-creator of WP Twin. Perhaps the most expensive yet most reliable wordress cloning tool on the market. We've definitely been used more successfully than all other options :)

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                • Profile picture of the author Steven Fullman
                  Steve,

                  You never fail to amaze.

                  Steve
                  Signature

                  Not promoting right now

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  • Profile picture of the author Bill Brickman
    Many people get offended or insulted when they get "the truth". But they must remember that the advice is coming from someone much further down the path.

    This is business folks. When a business works it puts food on the table. When it's not working you starve.

    If you can't stand the heat this ain't the arena for you.

    Great post Steven.

    Bill
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  • Profile picture of the author Peter Bestel
    Originally Posted by Steven Wagenheim View Post

    Stupid, stupid, stupid...and I have nobody to blame but ME because I DID get JUST the advice I needed.

    So stop pampering people. Give it to them straight. If they don't want to
    hear it, at least you've done YOUR job.

    You owe them THAT much.
    I can hear you thumping your head against the keyboard from here, Steven.

    But enough of the masochism already! You weren't in the right place to hear the advice you were given - just at that moment. You're resourced enough to understand and take it on board now, be grateful for that, accept it and get on with it.

    But you're right about offering other people advice. It's important not to hold back - cruel to be kind and all that. But let's not forget, we don't all have to be like Simon Cowell, let's remember that when we give advice we give it to help the other person, not to make ourselves look good. I've seen it happen on this forum, some folk use advice giving as a way to score points. They're nasty, rude and have delusions of grandeur. Civility and good manners cost nothing - and your point is less likely to fall on deaf ears.

    Peter
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  • Profile picture of the author Jelasco
    Originally Posted by Steven Wagenheim View Post

    So when somebody comes here and says, "Why isn't my <whatever>
    selling?" I'm going to give it to them straight, blunt and say whatever I
    have to say to make it sink in. So if I may come off as a little insensitive
    at times, it's because I care. It's because I'm sick and tired of people
    patting others on the back when it's obvious that they don't know which
    end is up. It does nobody any good including the poor sap who can't rub
    two nickels together.
    I agree, but for most of us, if we say that, we get slammed for being negative or putting others down or things like that.
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    • Profile picture of the author Jean Morgan
      When the student is ready the teacher will appear.

      You just weren't ready back then Steven but you are now and you are learning from those teachers fast.

      jean
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      • Profile picture of the author Ernie Lo
        I like your attitude Steve....BUT

        be prepared

        I tried helping a newbie last week who made a thread announcing to the world his great achievment of 200 subs in 10months,

        When I told him that was actually quite bad and that he prob shouldnt announce that to the world.

        A few members came to the newbies rescue...and said I was being mean/discoraging etc...


        So yeah ...you are warned! LOL..
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      • Profile picture of the author severt
        Steven, I do it all the time, but nobody is replying to my posts cause they think I'm rude... Well, I'm just honest and they are searching for "miracles"

        Dennis
        Signature
        Never overlook the chase for the almighty dollar.
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  • Great post, Steven. I completely agree. I wish I had truly gotten going five years ago...I'd be SO much further ahead than I am now.

    There's no reason to be rude about it, but being honest is the very best thing, in my opinion.
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  • Profile picture of the author Andres
    Hello fellow Met fan,

    Perfect post!

    I started my first website in late 2000 and I failed miserably and just gave up in 2003. I took 5 years off and moved to California from Queens NY to make it in the mortgage business.

    Then for some reason in February of this year I said the hell with it and went back to marketing online.

    Gotta say I'm glad I did - now I do this P/T until it pays the bills and then some.

    Andres
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    • Profile picture of the author trafficwave
      Attaboy, Steve!

      I've offended a few folks in my day, for sure. BUT ... the people that really WANTED to hear and learn are still around and we're still doing business together.

      For me, the key is to be authentic. I'm not going to just "be mean" but I'm going to call it like I actually DO see it. Sometimes, I get a read on someone and feel that a little patience is called for. Other times, the read is to smack 'em right between the eyes.

      This reminds me of a time I was having lunch with my daughter. I made a comment to her about how talented she is with art and how proud or her I was. I said, "And I'm not just saying that because I'm your Daddy."

      She said.... "I know. That's something I've always liked about you. You don't just tell us we're good at everything even if we suck at it. Parents like that are how kids end up on 'American Idol'."

      I just about spit my coffee across the table!
      Signature

      -----------------------------
      Brian Rooney
      TrafficWave.net Email Marketing AutoResponders
      Email Marketing Blog

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  • Profile picture of the author Andyhenry
    Originally Posted by Steven Wagenheim View Post

    If I had listened to Big Mike, Bev Clement, John Taylor and Andy Henry 19
    months ago when I first got here, this past year would have been double
    the income that it was.

    Stupid, stupid, stupid...and I have nobody to blame but ME because I DID
    get JUST the advice I needed.

    So stop pampering people. Give it to them straight. If they don't want to
    hear it, at least you've done YOUR job.

    You owe them THAT much.

    Steven,

    Can you remember the responses we would get when we were trying to give you that advice?

    Not from you but from bystanders watching.

    "don't be so nasty to him"
    "at least he's doing something"
    "you have to start somewhere"
    "if you can't be nice don't say anything"

    etc. etc. etc.

    I'm sure you remember it too.

    John and I would be on Skype talking about how on earth we could get the message across to some people that their focus was like poison to their potential.

    I know that it's common for people not to want to take responsibility for their situation not being as good as they would like it. Afterall, that's like telling a depressed person that they have the choice to be happy. It may be true (in some cases it is) but it's not what they want to hear and any advice about the detail of how to be happy will fall on deaf ears.

    We all control our own destiny and I always knew that you'd ultimately be the only person who could ever change things and it would only happen when it made sense in your version of the world, but what used to make me keep trying was that because you post so much here, you were also leading newbies down the same path - and THAT was my biggest concer. It's one thing to try and give you advice to open your mind and to get ignored, but when you were simutaneously converting others to think the same, it felt like some sort of orwellian conspiracy. We see so many people in IM just regurgitating the same of crap that someone told them without any knowledge whatsoever of whether it's actually correct or not that sometimes it's un uphill effort to cut through the myths and get some critical thinking to happen.

    I've always adversely impacted my own financial success by my focus on helping other people more than myself and I've been critcised for it many times, but I think that sometimes we have a social responsibility to try and get people to stop and think before they spread information that is fundamentally hurting others, whether they realise it or not.

    Everyone gets to make their own choices but many people entering IM are looking outside themselves for answers, whether it's due to low self confidence or ignorance or something else - I still think we have a responsibility to tell them what we think they need to know rather than what we think they want to hear.

    This applies on so many levels. I feel the same when I see people saying something in a thread that's been said 1000 times here before, and a couple of people respond with "you should turn that into a report and sell it as a wso". NO! you shouldn't turn it into a wso just because you know you can make money out of fellow warriors who don't realise they can read it in another thread for free. Sometimes when you hear something that sounds too good to be true - it's because it is. You can't take anyone's advice about any detail of IM at face value - you need to measure every strategy against whether it's right for you and your business. There is no secret to making money. There does seem to be a law that the more you use your own brain, the more likely you are to create something of true value. The more you look to others to tell you what to do, the more likely you are to create something less valuable.

    We all need to travel our own journey but to truely help others along the way, our help should be based on what we believe to be in their best interests, no what we want to believe about our own version being the right one for others.

    Andy
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    nothing to see here.

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  • Good point.

    I wish someone had given me a nice big kick in the ass 4 years ago when I first got here. I certainly would be making a heck of alot more money than I am now, that's for sure.

    The truth really does hurt, but sometimes it really is for the best.

    I'm actually curious to know what you were doing 5 years ago that was so bad?

    Maybe we can all laugh at it
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    "The successful man is the one who finds out what is the matter with his business before his competitors do"
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