What is Wrong With This Landing Page ...

29 replies
Hello guys,

just created a squeeze page here
(i have not included the optin form yet)

YOUR TITLE DESCRIPTION HERE

I have received good comments about
it. But a few people say it looks clustered

Please let me have your honest opinion

Thanks
#landing #page #wrong
  • Profile picture of the author louie6925
    It does look a bit cluttered, my only input would be to remove the clickable links and just have your opt-in form!

    Apart from that the only real guidance you will have is by testing it, tweaking it and more testing it!
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  • Profile picture of the author dessytall1
    thanks a lot louie

    i really appreciate it
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    • Profile picture of the author Shadowflux
      I think it could go for a slight redesign. I'd say you should take out the text at the very top with the arrow pointing right.

      If you're giving away this report for free then you should probably mention that in the very beginning. I also think the grungy "instant free website" text is distracting. It doesn't take much to sell someone on something that's free so try to keep it simple.
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  • Profile picture of the author eternalwarrior
    Put "How to Build Profitable list of 1000 buyers in the next 7 days" and an opt-in form below it.
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  • Profile picture of the author kc33
    I think your opt in/Call to Action needs to be above the fold. It looks like you're going to put it below the fold. But I would definitely put it above the fold. To me it looks a bit "Busy" with the colours. The eye doesn't know what to read first.
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  • Profile picture of the author dessytall1
    Thanks eternalwarrior, I think that is what I will do

    kc33, the color thing right? noted thanks too
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  • Profile picture of the author dessytall1
    Thanks, shadowflux. Cool warrior name, though
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  • Profile picture of the author retsced
    Jesus Christ, are you giving me a FREE report or trying to sell me the Taj Mahal? Only joking

    But seriously, there's a hell of a lot going on there. It looks like a sales page, not a landing page. I would NOT give you my email address, because you are working too damn hard to give me something for FREE. The MMO crowd are bombarded with crappy offers all day long, I'm not saying your offer is crappy, but it most definitely gives me that impression.

    Simple, fresh, clean and minimal landing pages work best IMO. Have your opt-in above the fold, don't use too many power words, it comes across as desperate.

    I'm not even joking here mate, I had to stop writing this comment to go and have another look at your page, just to make sure that it was a landing page and not a sales page. Why do you have to sell something for FREE?

    It seems to me that you're just slapping stuff all over the page. That time sensitive thing you have going on there needs to be taken down, it may work well for a discount on a product or service, but most marketers know that it's just nonsense. So, you have just placed a negative in my mind about your motives. I know you are lying about the product being taken down, so I expect you to continue our relationship like that.

    You also have a few grammatical errors within your copy that need adjusting.

    This is my opinion, I hope it gives you something to think about. Stop trying to "hardsell" a FREE gift.
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    • Profile picture of the author eternalwarrior
      Originally Posted by retsced View Post

      Jesus Christ, are you giving me a FREE report or trying to sell me the Taj Mahal? Only joking

      But seriously, there's a hell of a lot going on there. It looks like a sales page, not a landing page. I would NOT give you my email address, because you are working too damn hard to give me something for FREE. The MMO crowd are bombarded with crappy offers all day long, I'm not saying your offer is crappy, but it most definitely gives me that impression.

      Simple, fresh, clean and minimal landing pages work best IMO. Have your opt-in above the fold, don't use too many power words, it comes across as desperate.

      I'm not even joking here mate, I had to stop writing this comment to go and have another look at your page, just to make sure that it was a landing page and not a sales page. Why do you have to sell something for FREE?

      It seems to me that you're just slapping stuff all over the page. That time sensitive thing you have going on there needs to be taken down, it may work well for a discount on a product or service, but most marketers know that it's just nonsense. So, you have just placed a negative in my mind about your motives. I know you are lying about the product being taken down, so I expect you to continue our relationship like that.

      You also have a few grammatical errors within your copy that need adjusting.

      This is my opinion, I hope it gives you something to think about. Stop trying to "hardsell" a FREE gift.
      Nice suggestion. Like it.
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  • Profile picture of the author RSMarketing
    CLuttered!
    Too much of everything, everywhere.

    Plus your opt-in form should be above the fold.

    Just add your Best Benefit in a headline, then your opt-in form.

    You don't need much to get an opt-in. Just make sure you have a way for them to opt-out in EVERY email you send.

    -Rich
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  • Profile picture of the author dessytall1
    @retsced, cant stop laugh at your review. Really, you had to stop to look at it again?
    anyways, thanks a lot. I will be make some quick adjustments

    @RSMarketing, thats it. I will keep it simple. Thanks a lot
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  • Profile picture of the author dessytall1
    I appreciate more advice, coz i really need it ...
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  • Profile picture of the author KevinW
    2 Problems:

    1. You could use more white space
    2. WAY TOO MANY fonts. It seems every line has a different type of font. That is too many. Makes it hard to read. And nothing stands out when every font is different.
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  • Profile picture of the author dessytall1
    Thanks Kevin, I am working on my squeeze page now ...
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  • Profile picture of the author Vince1990
    Must have an opt-in form and it must be above the fold, there's also too much stuff going on with your squeeze page. It's starting to look like a mini sales page.
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  • Profile picture of the author dessytall1
    Vince, mini - salespage? WOW, I really over did this one!

    Thanks
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  • Profile picture of the author Viramara
    Duoh, the yellow thingy in the first headline kinda hurt eyes...LOL . But if it converts well, just keep it.

    just my opinion : I think you don't have to add "click here for free instant access" below the 1st headline if you're still have another one freebie. why not adding something like, "oh, and here's another one, check this out!" - so it won't be so cluttered.

    And maybe it's better you remove the "yes, I'm filling my email now". The words in checkbox has been compelling enough for people to fill the optin.
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  • Profile picture of the author moneymuze
    Kinda thick and compressed above the fold, pretty busy, and quite honestly everything that is below the fold I would have liked to have seen above with just a little less flash. Keep in mind this is only my personal opinion. Test it out and see how it goes.
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  • Profile picture of the author Brent
    You could analyze it to death and ask people for their opinions, or your could send some traffic to it and see what happens when the people who really matter (the people who spend money in your business) see it.

    But if you want constructive feedback,

    1. I would start with un-kerning the headline. The letters are too close. Ease that up a bit and it will be much easier to read.
    2. Remove the drop shadow
    3. Stick to one font (two fonts at most).
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  • Profile picture of the author RedShifted
    Its too "decimated", like in music when you decimate a sound. You break it down into tiny pieces, and it doesn't "flow" anymore.

    Look at your landing page, its tiny bursts of text as you go down. It should slow down a bit and focus intensely on one thing, the free report.

    Also, you are not bridging sections so they flow. The black and white text in the begining talks about a report, so section 2 should start saying something like "This report contains..." Jumping from what the free thing is, to the persons back story, sets up for a story. Its distracting, TALK ABOUT THE REPORT. Why it will rox the readers sox. Throw up a big call to action, tell them what to do.

    That is it.

    ps. I agree the timer is farrr too much. =]
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  • Profile picture of the author Sabrina001
    One thing is that don't use too many capital letters. Just make the most important one (or the call to action link) standing out with capital letters.
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  • Profile picture of the author michaeljcheney
    I would suggest, as others have that you get all the content here and put it above the fold – that is so everything appears on the first screen without people having to scroll down.

    I also recommend you include a photograph or video of yourself on the page which in my years of testing has always improve conversion.your headline is pretty good but you need to add some short bullet points which raise people's curiosity about what they're going to get on the other side.

    Hope this helps.
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  • Profile picture of the author Ben_Doyle
    For me, there's just too much going on.

    Too Many different colours, too many different fonts.

    I think your headline is Killer. Just stick your opt-in box underneath that.

    Ben
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    • Profile picture of the author DeMango25
      Originally Posted by Ben_Doyle View Post

      For me, there's just too much going on.

      Too Many different colours, too many different fonts.

      I think your headline is Killer. Just stick your opt-in box underneath that.

      Ben
      what he said... It actually disoriented me a little bit, I had no idea where to look first
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  • Profile picture of the author Ben_Doyle
    For me, there's just too much going on.

    Too Many different colours, too many different fonts.

    I think your headline is Killer. Just stick your opt-in box underneath that.

    Ben
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  • Profile picture of the author HammerItHome
    I agree with almost everyones comments on this thread. It's seriously amazing how helpful this can be for someone creating a landing page/offer. The feedback from internet marketers are priceless. I've been in this industry for 5 years now, I've seen a lot and I've ran 5 offers. I've been dying to post my latest offer on this forum to get feedback. I just don't want to get copied! :-\ .... I'm sure others can relate..... ???
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  • Profile picture of the author THK
    I agree with the comments about fonts and colors. Nearly 10 different size, shapes and colors...a little too many.

    I am sure you can also express whatever you are trying to say on that page with less words. That will make the opt in process quick and painless for the visitors.

    And a personal opinion, if I may, get rid of those red arrows (both of them) if they don't have any direct positive impact on the conversion. Something about those arrows, maybe they are overused, maybe many cheap clickbank sites use them or something else, they just don't look right. They look a bit tacky...at least to me.

    My .02 cents

    Tanvir
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  • Profile picture of the author johnes4th
    I find it ironic that your squeeze page bonus says you are including a website "That builds you list 20% to 40% faster without a squeeze page"... If that's true, why are you using a squeeze page to build your list?

    PS. When you timer runs out, the page gets redirected to Google.com
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    • Profile picture of the author Alexa Smith
      Banned
      I looked at your page, and had loads of things to say about it, and then quickly read through the rest of the thread and found that Retsced (post #9 above) had already said exactly what I wanted to say, myself. So I suggest reading his post again, and that one goes for me, too. Good luck!
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