Elephant in the road...

27 replies
I was walkin down the road this mornin pullin my little red wagon behind me. I was lookin for some fresh vittles for supper tonight when I came along an elephant layin on the side of the road. It had done been runned over by a car and it was layin there with its little legs just stickin up in the air and it was graveyard dead!

Now ole Thad ain't never been one to pass up some fresh kilt vittles so I loaded that there elephant into my little red wagon and proceeded to take it home. If you want to be knowin the truth, there ain't nothin like some fresh-out-of-the-oven elephant fritters! Them thangs just melt in your mouth!

While them fritters was cookin, I decided I needed to get me somethin special to go with it! I went traipsin down to my still... ummm, my sodie water cooker with the intent of getting me some fresh home-brewed... sodie water. Well, guess what?

When I got there ole Sasquatch himself, Mister Bigfoot, was sittin there partkin of my sodie water. I walked up to that ole bigfoot and I slapped that jar right outta his hand. Then, I proceeded to beat the livin daylights outta that big monkey man and taught him a lesson that he won't never forget! Once I was done, I skint that critter and made me a rug outta his fur. Last I saw of ole Sasquatch, he was runnin butt nekkid through the woods just cryin and screamin like a little sissy!

On the way back to the cabin, I used a 20 foot rattler to make a lasso to rope a unicorn. When I got tired, I caught a grizzly bear and rode him like he was a horse. Then I... do what? What do you mean you don't believe a word I said? Are you sayin that you think ole Thad would make up a story? You think ole Thad would be tellin tall tales? You are sayin that you believe my story ain't nothin but ole Thad just shootin air out his butt? HUH!?!?!?

You believe all these folks who say they is makin tons of money online but you won't believe ole Thad! Well, go figure!!!

All I am sayin is that you take what you read with a grain of alcohol... I mean salt! Don't be so desperate that you fall for everythin! Let me give you a word of advice... it ain't how much money any other folks make, it's how much money YOU make!
#elephant #road
  • Profile picture of the author Karen Connell
    I just love the way ole Thad puts across a point.

    After the first two paragraphs I was just about to get myself down to Stumpwoody for my share of the fritters...

    But I guess I'd best go and make some money instead.
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    • Originally Posted by Karen Connell View Post

      I just love the way ole Thad puts across a point.

      After the first two paragraphs I was just about to get myself down to Stumpwoody for my share of the fritters...

      But I guess I'd best go and make some money instead.
      Why Karen you sweet thang you! You come on down to the holler some day and I will fix us up a big ole batch of Rocky Mountain Oysters!

      Why ole Thad is so bad to the bone that I once made me up a mess of Rocky Mountain Oysters using the oysters from ole Bodacious (now go Google that one and see what you folks come up with)!
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      • Profile picture of the author tpw
        Originally Posted by Thaddaeus T. Hogg View Post

        Why Karen you sweet thang you! You come on down to the holler some day and I will fix us up a big ole batch of Rocky Mountain Oysters!

        Why ole Thad is so bad to the bone that I once made me up a mess of Rocky Mountain Oysters using the oysters from ole Bodacious (now go Google that one and see what you folks come up with)!

        My girlfriend wears some of those on her necklace...
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        Bill Platt, Oklahoma USA, PlattPublishing.com
        Publish Coloring Books for Profit (WSOTD 7-30-2015)
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        • Originally Posted by tpw View Post

          My girlfriend wears some of those on her necklace...
          Well, that makes it mighty handy if she were to get hungry! I like to carry a passel of em in my pocket like ole Napolean Dynamite did with his tater tots!
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        • Profile picture of the author jimmymc
          Originally Posted by tpw View Post

          My girlfriend wears some of those on her necklace...
          Yours... by chance? Ain't no telling down in Stillwater!
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      • Profile picture of the author ShayB
        Originally Posted by Thaddaeus T. Hogg View Post

        Why ole Thad is so bad to the bone that I once made me up a mess of Rocky Mountain Oysters using the oysters from ole Bodacious (now go Google that one and see what you folks come up with)!
        Now, Thad....quit telling everyone about our first date! :rolleyes:
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  • Profile picture of the author tpw
    The difference bein Thad is that folks aren't needin to pray you are right!! So, they can rightly call you a fool not much worth listenin...
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    Publish Coloring Books for Profit (WSOTD 7-30-2015)
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    • Originally Posted by tpw View Post

      The difference bein Thad is that folks aren't needin to pray you are right!! So, they can rightly call you a fool not much worth listenin...
      Dang Bill, you shore do talk funny! I can hardly understand what you are sayin!
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      • Profile picture of the author tpw
        Originally Posted by Thaddaeus T. Hogg View Post

        Dang Bill, you shore do talk funny! I can hardly understand what you are sayin!

        Let me put my teeph back in... That might help...
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        Publish Coloring Books for Profit (WSOTD 7-30-2015)
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  • Profile picture of the author Joseph Robinson
    Banned
    I'm a bit concerned that I did believe your story Thad. I wonder what other tall tales I have believed...
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    • Originally Posted by Joe Robinson View Post

      I'm a bit concerned that I did believe your story Thad. I wonder what other tall tales I have believed...
      Oh, I am shore sorry there little buddy! Did I give you the impression that my story WASN'T true?
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      • Profile picture of the author Joseph Robinson
        Banned
        Originally Posted by Thaddaeus T. Hogg View Post

        Oh, I am shore sorry there little buddy! Did I give you the impression that my story WASN'T true?
        I...I don't know! I can't think anymore, I'm LOSING IT.



        Joe is currently experiencing mental difficulties. In the meantime, enjoy his avatar, where he apparently has a mustache.
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  • Profile picture of the author MaggieDavid
    Thad that must have been some little red wagon you were pullin' did it have 6 wheels that were painted yellow or just the little 'ol 4 wheeler?

    You rock ma mountn' man!
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  • Profile picture of the author Jeannie Crabtree
    I get your point about the tall tales of fellow marketers, but think I better watch the road between the coast and Eugene for them elephants!
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    • Originally Posted by Jeannie Crabtree View Post

      I get your point about the tall tales of fellow marketers, but think I better watch the road between the coast and Eugene for them elephants!
      Jeannie, them thangs is thicker than bugs on a bumper on that road. You have to drive real careful!
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  • Profile picture of the author zuberr
    Just love the way you reminded us about a very important point, with a smile on our face.

    Thanks
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  • Profile picture of the author kindsvater
    I once had a case where the plaintiff sued for emotional distress arising from events she had read about in the news. Her testimony was if it wasn't true it couldn't be printed. She lost.

    .
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  • Profile picture of the author jgrigs711
    That is an interesting way make your point Thad. I think that the spinner of yarns may have a future in creative writing. lol
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    • Originally Posted by jgrigs711 View Post

      That is an interesting way make your point Thad. I think that the spinner of yarns may have a future in creative writing. lol
      Thank you for them there words but I ain't quite shore what writin and knittin have in common!
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      • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
        Oh no! Say it isn't so Thaddaeus T!

        I was just about to go and pack my bags to come and visit you there in Stumpwoody!

        Now I don't care much for elephant fritters or mountain oysters or ole Sasquatch, but I wanted to see me a unicorn. You see, my daddy used to sing me a song when I was a little girl and it ended something like this:

        You'll see some green alligators and long-necked geese,
        Lots of humpty backed camels and some chimpanzees.
        Some cats and rats and elephants, but sure as you're born,
        You're never gonna see a unicorn!

        I've been out to prove that wrong all of my life and I thought you could help. I thought the secret might lie in your fresh home-brewed... sodie water!

        But alas, now you say your story ain't true.

        Terra
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        • Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

          Oh no! Say it isn't so Thaddaeus T!

          I was just about to go and pack my bags to come and visit you there in Stumpwoody!

          Now I don't care much for elephant fritters or mountain oysters or ole Sasquatch, but I wanted to see me a unicorn. You see, my daddy used to sing me a song when I was a little girl and it ended something like this:

          You'll see some green alligators and long-necked geese,
          Lots of humpty backed camels and some chimpanzees.
          Some cats and rats and elephants, but sure as you're born,
          You're never gonna see a unicorn!

          I've been out to prove that wrong all of my life and I thought you could help. I thought the secret might lie in your fresh home-brewed... sodie water!

          But alas, now you say your story ain't true.

          Terra
          Howdy there Terra! First off, take a look at this here...
          Second thang, I ain't never said my story wasn't true! Heck, sometimes I see unicorns and all sorts of other thangs around here.... specially after I have had a sip of my elixr!

          Don't you be worryin Terra! There is a lot more that's real in this here life than what can be seen with the nekkid eye! Just because no folks have seen somethin in a long time don't mean it don't exist. In Thad's world uni-corns are runnin all over the green pastures and tain't no folks can tell me they don't exist!!!
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          • Profile picture of the author Cali16
            Originally Posted by Thaddaeus T. Hogg View Post

            Howdy there Terra! First off, take a look at this here... Folk song Irish Rovers The Unicorn song - YouTube
            Wow, I haven't heard that song in years! It sure brings back memories.

            A million years ago (or so it seems), when I was in college, I worked as a singing waitress in a popular German restaurant here in Portland. We had 3 or 4 accordian players, but one was a woman who was so fun to work with, and extremely talented (she could make an accordian sound amazing, and that's not easy to do!). She taught me this song, and we used to sing it together. The guests always loved it. Fun times (the singing part, that is - not the waitressing part!).
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            • Profile picture of the author KenJ
              Weyall Thad
              I wos completely n utteeeeerly taken n by yuuur liddle tale. pleeese teyall mi wot happins in de ennd. I can't sleep for not knowing

              KenJ

              (Post edited for spelling errors)
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              • Profile picture of the author JohnMcCabe
                'Fess up, Thad. You got into the sodie water before you went vittle shopping by the highway, didn't you?

                Elephant fritters, Sasqatch, even unicorns - fine.

                But marketers what lies? That's the sodie water talkin', now...

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  • Profile picture of the author George Wright
    Thad,

    I've resisted opening this thread ever since you started it. I just knew it would have something to do with food and I'm trying to lose 100 pounds.

    i finally couldn't resist and sure enough its about food. Thanks a lot.

    Now I have to buy the course on how to make thousands a day without working so I can afford a McElephant and fries.

    George hungry again Wright
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    • Profile picture of the author Matt Bard
      Originally Posted by George Wright View Post

      I'm trying to lose 100 pounds...I have to buy the course on how to make thousands a day without working
      No George, you need to find the course on how to make thousands a day while running, jumping, and doing pushups

      Unfortunately, I do too
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      • Now I have to buy the course on how to make thousands a day without working
        Dang George, that shouldn't be too hard! If you read my original post you know that tons of folks on here is making lots of money!

        As far as losin that there hunnert pounds... I am offerin you a six months free membership to my gymnasalum here in Stumpwoody! It is called "Thad's Wait Loss Clinic and Big Fat Hiney Remover"

        I also have some super secret special fitness drinks what will make you shed the excess wait in nothin flat! You talk about lookin good nekkid... WHOOOO WEEE, I shore do but that ain't got nothin to do with my clinic!
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