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Rate My Copy - My First Product

by Mark_Saenz
13 replies
What's up WARRIORS!

Ok, so I finally finished my first product and I wrote the copy myself. Will you go check it out and give me honest feedback?

I think its pretty good and I am already making sales, but I haven't had enough traffic to really gague a true conversion ratio.

Working on JV partners to attack the traffic issue.

Thanks
link: 6figure.html

Please provide honest feedback on the copy and the video and remember...I couldn't even spell Internet Marketing a few months ago!

Thanks and I look forward to your feedback.

Mark
#copy #product #rate
  • Profile picture of the author artwebster
    Results that are three years old are not going to impress in a volatile arena like internet marketing.

    Apart from that, it seems like the same sales page I have been reading for far too long.
    Signature

    You might not like what I say - but I believe it.
    Build it, make money, then build some more
    Some old school smarts would help - and here's to Rob Toth for his help. Bloody good stuff, even the freebies!

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    • Profile picture of the author Mark_Saenz
      Originally Posted by artwebster View Post

      Results that are three years old are not going to impress in a volatile arena like internet marketing.

      Apart from that, it seems like the same sales page I have been reading for far too long.
      Thanks! Any suggestions?
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  • Profile picture of the author yesacpow
    Like the above poster had suggested, I think you need to update your income proof. all your stats are in 2006.

    My personal opinion is that you should invest in some cool graphics. It helps. Just as when you go in a book store and you gravitate towards the better looking books it is the same way with a website.

    Also change the font that are in the tables.

    - Also I think there is too much white space between your sub heading. As a matter of fact too much white space overall. So get some professional graphics and that should boos your conversion.

    **NOTE: My personal Opinion** Lets hear what others have to say.


    Originally Posted by Mark_Saenz View Post

    What's up WARRIORS!

    Ok, so I finally finished my first product and I wrote the copy myself. Will you go check it out and give me honest feedback?

    I think its pretty good and I am already making sales, but I haven't had enough traffic to really gague a true conversion ratio.

    Working on JV partners to attack the traffic issue.

    Thanks
    link: 6figure.html

    Please provide honest feedback on the copy and the video and remember...I couldn't even spell Internet Marketing a few months ago!

    Thanks and I look forward to your feedback.

    Mark
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    FREE Step-By-Step Blueprint To Make $1000/Month With YouTube - Even Without Being On Camera!
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    • Profile picture of the author delac23
      I thought the offer was pretty good. $1 trial
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  • Profile picture of the author JOEWEBHOG
    I have to agree with the other warriors... You may need to seriously consider hiring someone to write your copy.
    Signature

    Patrick Gomulka (aka JoeWebHog)
    WestCoastWebSolutions.com

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    • Profile picture of the author Dean Shainin
      Maybe you can get some free copywriting info with a simple Google search on Dan Kennedy.

      Best to learn from the pros.

      As mentioned 2006 is getting a bit outdated for anything IM related. I've noticed with one of my older sites showing income slow down now that it's 2009...

      Cheers,
      Dean
      Signature

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  • Profile picture of the author J. Barry Mandel
    This is poorly written copy and it is just NOT good.

    The way it starts off alone my B.S. meter was going off.

    I suggest you hire someone to write it for you if you don't have the time to research for yourself how to improve it on your own.

    Sorry to be harsh, but hopefully that will save you some time.

    Best of luck!
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    • Profile picture of the author Loren Woirhaye
      As some of the other Warriors have commented it kind of
      reads like a lot of similar NWM training offers. What you
      need is a "hook" to distinguish you from the competitors
      in the NWM arena.

      It's not always easy to come up with it, but in this case
      it is critical. Your basic pitch lacks character.... even though
      your new offer will be basically similar (training), it's all in
      the way you frame it that will make the difference.

      My guess is you have a real compelling story buried deep
      inside you that isn't coming out. It has nothing to do with
      how much money you've made or your rags-to-riches story.
      Those are common elements to these things today so they
      seem interchangeable. Your hook may have to do with
      an affinity appeal to a specific market segment. Doing this
      will lessen your appeal to "all network marketers", but to
      those who fit within the appeal it will make your offer
      magnetic.

      Once that affinity appeal is arrived at and framed in an
      exciting way your duty then is to accurately target your
      advertising so you are getting less of the wrong people
      looking at your offer and more of the right ones.

      "Niche it", basically.
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  • Profile picture of the author phey12
    Originally Posted by Mark_Saenz View Post

    What's up WARRIORS!

    Ok, so I finally finished my first product and I wrote the copy myself. Will you go check it out and give me honest feedback?

    I think its pretty good and I am already making sales, but I haven't had enough traffic to really gague a true conversion ratio.

    Working on JV partners to attack the traffic issue.


    Please provide honest feedback on the copy and the video and remember...I couldn't even spell Internet Marketing a few months ago!

    Thanks and I look forward to your feedback.

    Mark
    Here are some tips to make you internet marketing better:
    There are two main approaches to making money on your website.
    • Directly offer a product/service for sale at your website. You can offer a product or service on your webpage or you can offer free information to lure people to another where you then have a product or service available. This is the most popular way of making money on the net because it's easy to set up and you can get the initial profits rolling almost overnight. Or,
    • Get as many visitors to your site as possible by enticing them to come with something special you offer (Such as valuable information, help, files, free stuff, etc.). Then, once the visitor counts are high enough, you can sell advertising space on your site or sponsorships or banner advertising.
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  • Profile picture of the author Mark_Saenz
    Ok, now what do you think? It's getting better!!!!
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  • Profile picture of the author Mark .W. James
    it just doesn't look very professional.. break it up into different pages.. that will do much better for you.
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  • Profile picture of the author SeanSupplee
    Few things higher a better designer to do your images header and footer. Honestly splash wonderful looking graphics do make all the difference and impress people.
    Tip 2 your video make it autoplay voice and video do improve conversion rates
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    Sean Supplee -Expert Insight of an Affiliate Marketer (Blog)
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