Signs that Your an Internet Marketing Guru

Adie

11 years ago

I never considered myself a "guru but I am making money online...

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louie6925

11 years ago

6. You offer endless support on your product, but have the ability to disapear after one month

7. You have an amazing capability of explaining a 30 second task, over 8 pages long!

Lol. Gotta say, I love your post!!! great subject!!! lets all laugh at plastic guru's!!!!

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Morten V 11 years ago

8. You turn a normal skype video chat with your friends into a webinar.

9. You know you can turn $10 into $1.000 overnight.
- Thanks
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Kukelka

11 years ago

I think 'GURU' is person who really helped others to make money,not just simple giving advice or just giving product to buy and forget about what buyer. I think there is only one sign what you are internet marketing GURU - It's desire to help people and also to see results from what help !

Thanks
1 reply

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MoneyMeek

11 years ago

Originally Posted by Kukelka

I think 'GURU' is person who really helped others to make money,not just simple giving advice or just giving product to buy and forget about what buyer. I think there is only one sign what you are internet marketing GURU - It's desire to help people and also to see results from what help !

Wikipedia says a guru is someone who acquires followers, usually by exploiting their naivete. What a great definition.

[ 1 ] Thanks

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wordpressmania

11 years ago

10. Present a very simple example in very hard way to express that you know everything
11. All the people reading your articles are animals and you are trying to make them social

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JohnMcCabe 11 years ago

You take the Nixon approach...

"I am not a guru..."
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maggie2

11 years ago

This is really cute. Thanks for the share!

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Marg

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travlinguy

11 years ago

12. You cry out in your sleep stuff like: Dirty Little Secrets, Secret Ninja Strategies, Autopilot, Autopilot, Autopilot...

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fin 11 years ago

13. You have a Facebook and Twitter account with over 100 followers.

Plus you can now call yourself a social media expert.
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Tim3

11 years ago

HaHa Paul, LMAO already, great post.

14. You have turned editing Clickbank and Paypal screenshots into an art form.

15. You have so many personas you are no longer sure of your real name :confused:

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fedor50

11 years ago

[DELETED]

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RogueOne 11 years ago

16. Your main product is a dream that you sell as a "business opportunity." :rolleyes:
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- goindeep 11 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by RogueOne
  
  16. Your main product is a dream that you sell as a "business opportunity." :rolleyes:
  
  bAHAHAHA LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  
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tryinhere

11 years ago

17. Every player wins a prize. You sell newbie friendly products (dreams) with easy step by step instructions where everybody makes gazillions and nobody can fail.

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joseph7384

11 years ago

[DELETED]

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mgolder 11 years ago

The think and grow rich book made me crack up.
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shane_k

11 years ago

18. You tell people you can show them how to "automate" conversions with their friends

19. You tell your friends they can hang out with you tomorrow for $10 but if they hang out with you today, and only for today they can pay $5

20. You end every conversation with... "but wait, there's more."

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BrianMcLeod

11 years ago

21. You don't read this thread.

(HAW!)

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HelpingYouBeAnExpert

11 years ago

22. You turn a skype call with your friend into a mastermind exclusive clickbank product with 7000 free bonuses.

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gcbmark20

11 years ago

You film yourself on a beach with your own private swimming pool and all is great and there are no such things as challenges or problems.

Challenges and problems are there to serve us all and make us greater than what we are all already are at this present time.

Earning money online is a great thing but we all have to realise that problems are here to stay no matter what your bank account reads in the morning!

The gurus seem to miss this important fact out!!!

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Deepak Media

11 years ago

Originally Posted by paul nicholls

With so many guru`s arising it`s important that we know how to spot them

Perhaps your a Guru and you don`t even know it?

Here are some signs that your an Internet Marketing guru:

1. You have these weird hobbies such as shooting fish in a barrel and even weirder medical problems such as a jaw that drops to the floor which you can't afford to get fixed because you're always leaving your money on the table.

2. Every note you write to your wife is filled with bullet points and a PS:

3. You include the words Re:, notification of payment received and _______ in your subject lines

4. If asked for advice about something by a friend, you convince them it's a scam before trying to sell it to them for twice the price

5. You can only write weird numbers such as 59673.71. This made you flunk your math courses in school so you dropped out and became an Internet marketer

If you have any extra ways how you can spot a guru then please add them below

paul

I am always asking people for their email IDs. I ignore business cards, phone numbers, directories, meeting them in person and so on. :p

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Xneaker

11 years ago

Hmm... so, clear now. I'm not a guru ;p

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Robert Jordan

11 years ago

As my perception 'Guru" is a Master! Even I'm not a master I can make money online with my skills...

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hebsgaard

11 years ago

I'm too humble to call myself a guru. I am, however, a total freaking rockstar from Mars

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anu_smart

11 years ago

Wow - that s an amazing lot of funny answers - Bookmarked the thread for more!

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R. Shawner 11 years ago

You don't post here unless you have at least 3 offers in your signature... ;-)
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therichb

11 years ago

23) If you are able to build lists more quickly than your competitor thinks

Btw rest above factors made me really think once more about my part IM experience & do some more wonders in my life.... hehe

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cmorgansweb

11 years ago

OMG, this is hilarious! ROFLMAO

I am not a guru . . thanks guys for the laugh, this is sooo funny!

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Kal Sallam

11 years ago

You make money out of thin air!

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1 reply

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Niko A Berezkin 11 years ago

Originally Posted by Kal Sallam

You make money out of thin air!

This is my eventual goal.
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Challendge

11 years ago

You feel the need to teach the WF newbies when they post something that doesn't really make sense!

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1 reply

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cashp0wer 11 years ago

I am loving this post. I make some good money but I don't consider myself a guru. I guess I leave that to those that have made millions in Internet marketing.
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- Steve B 11 years ago
  
  A guru is:
  
  - An ordinary everyday schmuck that's a safe distance from home speaking at a seminar
  
  - A self-proclaimed rags to riches poster child that wants to show you how to be the same
  
  - A self-proclaimed niche master that found a PLR product yesterday and started a blog this morning
  
  - A sincere and true friend that has you on his mailing list and denounces all other marketers as not-to-be-trusted gurus
  
  - A repentant self-made millionaire that now wants to "give back" to the IM community
  
  - A seller that has NO memory ...
  
  He only has 100, no 75, no 50, no 27, no 14, no 9, no 3, no 1 digital download left
  
  His product costs $5,000, no $3,000, no $2,500, no $1,000, no $799, $7 today only
  
  The offer closes at midnight tonight - but you can still by it 6 months later
  
  I made 6 six figures* in July (* $2,844,630 spent on ad blasts)
  
  His privacy statement says: "I will never rent or sell your personal contact info" The Fine print says: I may, from time to time, share your non-personal list identifer (email) with certain 3rd party trusted business partners who may send you offers that you may want to see which may be in your best interest that may require a substantial outlay of personal resources that may bankrupt your immediate household.
  
  Steve (I could go on forever)
  
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Robert M Gouge

11 years ago

24. You had your first thousand dollar day, the day after implementing your "secret" while living in your car, having $100K in debt, and no money in your pocket.

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JamieSEO

11 years ago

25. You have ever hired a sports car so you can create a sales video

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John J M

11 years ago

hahah wow this is great...

Strange how everyone knows all about this...

26. You can talk for 2 hours on one simple subject that could have been summed up in a minute. And then you make a lot of money from talking.

This being said, there's a fine line between "gurus" that people hate and just flat out good online marketers who know how to sell. I think a lot of it comes down to value and whether or not the person really cares to help others. Knowing how to sell something, even from my example, is not a bad thing. Don't we all want to make money after all?

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jazbo

11 years ago

Anyone who truly was a GURU would never proclaim that fact.

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Claude Whitacre 11 years ago

Man, I'm enjoying this thread!

You're a Guru if:

You promise to show people the secret...and it's one they told you about, a year ago.

Someone calls you brilliant, and you act like you hear it every day.

You sell the "Secret To Making $1,000" and it only costs $1,000 for the course.

You sell a course on Doing Simple Math. The course is $169 in cash or 12 payments of $69.95 (OK, I stole that one from a comedian)

You have 50 testimonials...all of which are from other Gurus that you also give testimonials to (Too close?)

You think refunds should be either outlawed or given in sticks of gum.

You are teaching a subject on how to make money...in a niche that you just heard about a week ago.

You call an expert about a niche you just learned about, and at the end of the conversation pitch a $5,000 Mastermind membership to teach them about that same subject. (I've had almost exactly that happen)

Every family get together ends up being you...in the middle of the room...talking about your new thing.

You refer to friends as "Future Clients"

You go to a friend's wedding and see, by the size of the crowd, how many new clients you should be able to get before you leave.

You say a few words at a cousins funeral. And then when nobody applauds, you think "Tough room".

You think the word "Upsell" is a charitable thing to offer.

Hanging on your wall, instead of the first dollar you ever made...you have the first dollar you ever refused to refund.

You can say "I bill my consulting time out at $1,000 an hour" without bursting out laughing.
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intergen

11 years ago

27. You can sell thin-air (not even thick-air) from the comfort of your pop-up pool in Iowa (no Denver - where the air IS thin) while wearing floaties.

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BillyParadise

11 years ago

I'm eagerly awaiting a World's Most Interesting Man reference in here....

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LukeDavenport

11 years ago

lol...love this post

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NewAge29

11 years ago

28. You consider yourself friends with Frank Kern and Tony Robbins because you watched one of their videos.

29. It's impossible for you to get high from the smell of dry erase markers.

30. You still think that no one knows they can click the X and get $15 off.

31. You got your first date with the help of David DeAngelo. HAHAHAHA

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RogueOne 11 years ago

Originally Posted by NewAge29

28. You consider yourself friends with Frank Kern and Tony Robbins because you watched one of their videos.

Frank Kern replied to one of my emails one time...anybody want to sign up for coaching?
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- Walter Parrish 11 years ago
  
  funny stuff thanks everyone i needed this.
  
  let me try one. lol
  
  41. You don't mention products outside of your own unless you're an affiliate.
  
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- goindeep 11 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by RogueOne
  
  Frank Kern replied to one of my emails one time...anybody want to sign up for coaching?
  
  Hilarious!
  
  I once seen a FB ad for some douche offering his copy writing service on the provision that he had received a letter back from Warren Buffet... he was actually serious.
  
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Claude Whitacre 11 years ago

Originally Posted by NewAge29

28. You consider yourself friends with Frank Kern and Tony Robbins because you watched one of their videos.

There have been lots of clever "Signs". But I think this one is the funniest. I think because I actually know a couple people like this.
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- MP80 11 years ago
  
  LOL, I am going to run out thanks here soon..
  
  Great thread! Soo funny (probably because it's all true.)
  
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  Horny Devil Banned 11 years ago
  
  You shave in the morning and your reflection in the mirror tries to pitch you an e-book on razor technology.
  
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Tim3

11 years ago

No.236 Your product includes the word 'Commission' or a natural disaster word.

No. 237 You deliberately misuse customer Paypal email addresses so you can send them the same message twice to different accounts, and sell one on.

No. 238 You change people's lives... for the worst.

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noyzguy

11 years ago

Originally Posted by paul nicholls

With so many guru`s arising it`s important that we know how to spot them

Perhaps your a Guru and you don`t even know it?

Here are some signs that your an Internet Marketing guru:

1. You have these weird hobbies such as shooting fish in a barrel and even weirder medical problems such as a jaw that drops to the floor which you can't afford to get fixed because you're always leaving your money on the table.

2. Every note you write to your wife is filled with bullet points and a PS:

3. You include the words Re:, notification of payment received and _______ in your subject lines

4. If asked for advice about something by a friend, you convince them it's a scam before trying to sell it to them for twice the price

5. You can only write weird numbers such as 59673.71. This made you flunk your math courses in school so you dropped out and became an Internet marketer

If you have any extra ways how you can spot a guru then please add them below

paul

This is oddly interesting lol Guru

Thanks

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Jacob Lot

11 years ago

Lol, this is pretty funny. But you should title this "Clickbank GURU".

I say there are some "good" Gurus out there that don't do stuff like...

3. You include the words Re:, notification of payment received and _______ in your subject lines

Thanks
1 reply

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RogueOne 11 years ago

Originally Posted by Jacob Lot

I say there are some "good" Gurus out there that don't do stuff like...

I agree. But the actual Gurus I've know (who taught me a lot) didn't market themselves as such.
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Randall Magwood

11 years ago

When your product is the number 1 selling product on Clickbank or Amazon.

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Rod Cortez

11 years ago

32. You charge no less than $400 an hour for your "coaching".

RoD

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paul nicholls 11 years ago

Originally Posted by Rod Cortez

32. You charge no less than $400 an hour for your "coaching".

RoD

and then 50 minutes out of the hour your trying to upsell them into your $5000 coaching program

lol
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Robert M Gouge

11 years ago

33. You pay someone from fiverr to spin a 3 year old WSO and release it as new. (Too close?)

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goindeep

11 years ago

Originally Posted by Robert M Gouge

33. You pay someone from fiverr to spin a 3 year old WSO and release it as new. (Too close?)

Boom!

Damn these are getting good!

I think I'm going to be a proper Guru and steal all the funny ideas and then release a book titled "Signs that Your an Internet Marketing Guru"... 'You consider yourself friends with Frank Kern and Tony Robbins because you watched one of their videos.' That's just too funny!

Here's may add:

34. You say the word "Dude"... a lot!
35. You recently started surfing, but you drive a 100K Range Rover... and have a lambo in the Garage!
36. Your wife hasn't seen you in three years, but 10,000 people saw you last night on that webinar thingy...
37. You'r a real success... but you have 20,000 posts on the warrior forum and you only joined last year!
38. When you found out your cousin had Influenza you rang to congratulate him on the domain name purchase.
39. You bought your daughter a kitten... but at night when no ones watching you dress it up in star wars outfits and sell the pictures online...

NEXT!

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Robert M Gouge 11 years ago

Originally Posted by Andrei Rotariu

38. When you found out your cousin had Influenza you rang to congratulate him on the domain name purchase.

That made me laugh.

Good one.
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- JohnMcCabe 11 years ago
  
  Your success in dating beautiful women relies on "outsourcing"... :p
  
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lossman29

11 years ago

Originally Posted by Robert M Gouge

24. You had your first thousand dollar day, the day after implementing your "secret" while living in your car, having $100K in debt, and no money in your pocket.

Hahaha. This one is true for almost every GURU out there today.

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NewAge29

11 years ago

53. You ruined Clickbank so you went to the WSO section. People caught on in a few months. Now Clicksure is your thing.

54. A friend went out with a new girl. You asked him what his DPL was.

55. You have a Benz but borrow money for gas.

56. You got arrested in the rich part of town for filming a sales video in front of someone else's house.

57. Just 6 months ago you were living under a bridge living on garbage until you found this "magical thing" and now Warren Buffet has you on speed dial.

58. Your capped teeth put Joe Biden to shame.

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paul nicholls

11 years ago

Originally Posted by NewAge29

56. You got arrested in the rich part of town for filming a sales video in front of someone else's house.

57. Just 6 months ago you were living under a bridge living on garbage until you found this "magical thing" and now Warren Buffet has you on speed dial.

these cracked me up lol :-)

Paul

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ksmusselman 11 years ago

"20. You end every conversation with... "but wait, there's more.""

ROFLMAO!!! I have actually SAID this!!!! And I don't even sell any type of IM product! I've just read it or heard so many times...

This thread is hysterical .. thanks for the laughs!!!
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dreamtoreality

11 years ago

You have a hard time differentiating between the truth and lies.

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Beverley Boorer

11 years ago

You can't really spell, typing the word 'your' instead of 'you're'

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Charlotte Jay

11 years ago

As soon as you get rich, you turn into a hobo and start living in a castle, then decide to walk backwards across Amurrrica.

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Jeff Lenney

11 years ago

Originally Posted by paul nicholls

With so many guru`s arising it`s important that we know how to spot them

Perhaps your a Guru and you don`t even know it?

Here are some signs that your an Internet Marketing guru:

1. You have these weird hobbies such as shooting fish in a barrel and even weirder medical problems such as a jaw that drops to the floor which you can't afford to get fixed because you're always leaving your money on the table.

2. Every note you write to your wife is filled with bullet points and a PS:

3. You include the words Re:, notification of payment received and _______ in your subject lines

4. If asked for advice about something by a friend, you convince them it's a scam before trying to sell it to them for twice the price

5. You can only write weird numbers such as 59673.71. This made you flunk your math courses in school so you dropped out and became an Internet marketer

If you have any extra ways how you can spot a guru then please add them below

paul

*You're

:-)

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NewAge29

11 years ago

39. Everything you say is so important that we must "turn off the skype and shut down the email" while we listen.

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ksmusselman 11 years ago

Originally Posted by NewAge29

39. Everything you say is so important that we must "turn off the skype and shut down the email" while we listen.

ROFLMAO!!! I know... "no distractions" :rolleyes:
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- ksmusselman 11 years ago
  
  "56. You got arrested in the rich part of town for filming a sales video in front of someone else's house."
  
  That's a classic... ROFL
  
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Dennis Gaskill

11 years ago

Originally Posted by paul nicholls

2. Every note you write to your wife is filled with bullet points and a PS:

Um ... not every note.

30-something. You start your ebook with 9 pages of fluff explaining why your ebook doesn't have any fluff, and you think every word of that drivel is important.

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paul nicholls 11 years ago

Originally Posted by Dennis Gaskill

30-something. You start your ebook with 9 pages of fluff explaining why your ebook doesn't have any fluff

i like this one lol
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Robert M Gouge

11 years ago

40. Your home videos are all auto-play and have all control options disabled.

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maggie2

11 years ago

This list just keeps getting better and better!

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Marg

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Beverley Boorer

11 years ago

and you type "your" instead of "you're"

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Robert M Gouge

11 years ago

42. You get excited when you answer the phone and it's a telemarketer because you get to pick apart their pitch.

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piaps

11 years ago

Originally Posted by paul nicholls

With so many guru`s arising it`s important that we know how to spot them

Perhaps your a Guru and you don`t even know it?

Here are some signs that your an Internet Marketing guru:

1. You have these weird hobbies such as shooting fish in a barrel and even weirder medical problems such as a jaw that drops to the floor which you can't afford to get fixed because you're always leaving your money on the table.

2. Every note you write to your wife is filled with bullet points and a PS:

3. You include the words Re:, notification of payment received and _______ in your subject lines

4. If asked for advice about something by a friend, you convince them it's a scam before trying to sell it to them for twice the price

5. You can only write weird numbers such as 59673.71. This made you flunk your math courses in school so you dropped out and became an Internet marketer

If you have any extra ways how you can spot a guru then please add them below

paul

I'm no. 2 and 3..

but I don't consider myself a "Guru" (maybe a little

)

Here's another way to spot a "Guru":

Gurus are givers - they are always willing to share information and not expecting anything in return.

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pdrs

11 years ago

LOL Hilarious and shared - thanks!

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sdentrepreneur

11 years ago

40. Your friends call you by your Twitter Handle
41. Random hot girls approach you at bars and say they are your Facebook Friend...haha

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Exel

11 years ago

43.You convince people that all the so called gurus out there are scamers,
and only you are the real deal, in spite of doing EXACTLY the same thing they do.

44.You casually mention that you are NOT a guru 124-317 times every day.

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Claude Whitacre 11 years ago

Originally Posted by Exel

44.You casually mention that you are NOT a guru 124-317 times every day.

Loved it, because it hits home. And usually, nobody just called them a "Guru"...they just want to remind you...one more time...that they aren't one. One of the best so far.
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Gianni

11 years ago

Maybe by the way they make money, we can tell they are gurus.

All the best.

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CarlosCoto 11 years ago

45. If you're having a baby...

You use your aweber autoresponder product launch sequence...to tell your family and friends ... And keep them "updated" and prepared ... for the big "launch"!
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mayur6578

11 years ago

I am not Guru and hence my money making day's are not going well.
well do you have any suggestions for me, i will really appreciating it. thanks!

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Resale Rights Ninja

11 years ago

You haven't had a shower for days....

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MP80 11 years ago

46. You post a thread on WarriorForum, asking how you can create a series of video tutorials, where after each video ends, the next one immediately begins.
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shane_k

11 years ago

47. You can't go 30 minutes with out sending someone an email about a product that gets your 100% approval and recommendation!

Thanks
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JohnMcCabe 11 years ago

Originally Posted by shane_k

47. You can't go 30 minutes with out sending someone an email about a product that gets your 100% approval and recommendation!

And you still plan to actually read it someday...
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bizwisard

11 years ago

Before I saw this thread here ,I never knew what a "guru" was or how to spot one ,Now I know that it is really not a kangaroo that has been hit by an 18 wheeler.

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tanshi

11 years ago

48. You know how to get tones of free traffic to your website with just 5 mins of work per day - what am I saying?! Per month!

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ceenote100

11 years ago

Nothing on this list applies to me so I guess I'm not a guru.

But then again, claiming to be NOT a guru makes you somewhat of a guru too.

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tanshi

11 years ago

49. You have unsolicited testimonials about the way you brush your teeth

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The best things in life aren't things

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CarlosCoto

11 years ago

50. If you go to therapy with a shrink, he will diagnose you with bipolar disorder... Manic state during "product launch" periods, and depressed when you have no product to launch.

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Robert M Gouge

11 years ago

51. You consider the purchase of your first whiteboard as one of the most exciting moments of your life.

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CarlosCoto

11 years ago

52. The shrink might also diagnose you as obssessive compulsive since your brain only thinks IM, IM, IM, MONEY, IM,IM,IM!!! In series...

Thanks

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CarlosCoto

11 years ago

Or he might say... " i know what YOU have... You have that new disorder! Warrior Forum personality disorder!!!"

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Tim3

11 years ago

You keep sending emails saying "Sorry, I sent you the wrong link"

You dream of a real Twitter following like the Dalai Lama...
Followers - 4,879,310
Following - 0

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wordpressmania

11 years ago

I was curious what is going on here.... so come back again and adding some more points..... I added 10 and 11 point on this list and now.......

40. You sell product for only $1 and you are saying it is the secret to be millionaire though you are earning at most 2 to three figure here

41. your seccess history makes you lazy and you are traveling all the world ( I got a email last day.... a so called marketer is traveling all around the world!! )

I had a post of the WF.... regarding low competition product on Clickbank but I did not get a single product name..... Actually no one will let you know their business secret as they do not want a lot of competition in their business. So all most of them as fake and they are trying to earn some money with their sweet talks....

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Edwin Torres

11 years ago

6. You put a 60 day refund guarantee but never honor it
7. You say your support answers all questions but never give a response till like 2 weeks later