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Does this make you curious?

by Tinkerbell
36 replies
"It's Already INSIDE You ...And It Already Has CONTROL Of Everything You Do"

Yes, I know it's out of context, but what I want to know is...if you hit a page or picked up a paper with those words on it, would you be curious to find out more.

If you would be curious, why would you?

If you wouldn't be at all curious, why wouldn't you be?

Thank you for your feedback.

Tina
#curious #make
  • Profile picture of the author Tinkerbell
    Daisuke,

    How so? I mean what is it about those words that make you feel weird?

    Thanks for replying.

    Tina
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    • Profile picture of the author Russ Reynolds
      Yes it makes me curious.


      I am thinking it might be self-esteem but it also sounds like something phallic.
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  • Profile picture of the author Tinkerbell
    Russ,

    Thank you for replying. It's not phallic related in this instance.

    Tina
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  • Profile picture of the author Diana Lane
    It reminds me of when I first found out I was pregnant with my eldest. Even though he was a VERY much wanted baby, I felt like the woman out of 'Alien'!
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    • Profile picture of the author understandyourniche
      Originally Posted by Diana Lane View Post

      It reminds me of when I first found out I was pregnant with my eldest. Even though he was a VERY much wanted baby, I felt like the woman out of 'Alien'!
      I thnk in this case the "thing" is your brain, your soul, or your heart. And yes, to the OP, it does make me curious.
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  • Profile picture of the author Tinkerbell
    LOL Diane. I completely understand that feeling, having done the "pregnant" thing six times myself. At some point, you definitely feel you've been "taken over" by the "thing" inside.

    So, it reminds you of your first pregnancy. But I haven't mentioned what it's about (on purpose) so...knowing this...are you curious to find out what it "is" about?

    Tina
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  • Profile picture of the author Diana Lane
    If I found it and it was clearly related to something I'd been looking for then I expect I'd be curious - without seeing it in context, it's hard to tell. There are probably times when IT is inside of you that you're better off not knowing about
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  • Profile picture of the author Tinkerbell
    Hahahah! So true. There are times we definitely wouldn't wanna know about from some perspectives.

    Wicked of me to leave it out of context, I suppose, but I've got this idea and before I go changing things...you know, sometimes having other people's opinions is helpful.

    Tina
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    • Profile picture of the author Tina Golden
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      • Profile picture of the author Amitywill
        It does make me a little curious. But
        on the other hand it's a little bit too
        strange and deep of a headline IMO.

        Sounds like some demon/ exorcism
        sort of thing. Depending on what
        context it's in I wouldn't use it.

        But then again it may just be wierd enough
        to get me to keep reading. So...

        Will Cooper
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        • Profile picture of the author Pam M
          Yes, it definitely makes me curious. If I were waiting in
          line at the super market and saw that headline, I'd
          certainly pick up the mag and flip to the page.

          Being a bit of a control freak, I want to know what could
          possibly have a reign on my self-control. And if it's a good
          thing, bad thing...or how can I use this "thing" to my advantage.

          Are you going for the curiosity factor in a headline? If
          yes, I think you're on the right track.

          pam
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          • Profile picture of the author Tinkerbell
            Pam, yeah curiosity is what I'm going for, but I needed to see if it evoked curiosity or something else.

            Thanks for replying...and for giving a reason for your reply. I appreciate it.

            Tina
            Originally Posted by Pam M View Post

            Yes, it definitely makes me curious. If I were waiting in
            line at the super market and saw that headline, I'd
            certainly pick up the mag and flip to the page.

            Being a bit of a control freak, I want to know what could
            possibly have a reign on my self-control. And if it's a good
            thing, bad thing...or how can I use this "thing" to my advantage.

            Are you going for the curiosity factor in a headline? If
            yes, I think you're on the right track.

            pam
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        • Profile picture of the author Tinkerbell
          Demon/exorcism? Okaaay. Still, it does evoke your curiosity, right? If I put it into context, you'd probably keep reading, provided it was a context you were interested in in the first place?

          Tina
          (who thinks Amitywill is close to Amityville)

          Originally Posted by Amitywill View Post

          It does make me a little curious. But
          on the other hand it's a little bit too
          strange and deep of a headline IMO.

          Sounds like some demon/ exorcism
          sort of thing. Depending on what
          context it's in I wouldn't use it.

          But then again it may just be wierd enough
          to get me to keep reading. So...

          Will Cooper
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      • Profile picture of the author Tinkerbell
        Originally Posted by TMG Enterprises View Post

        It would definitely intrigue me and make me read further.

        Tina G
        Thanks, Tina, for responding. Intrigue is kinda what I'm hoping to get, but...you never know with some things.

        Tina (too)
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  • Profile picture of the author shane_k
    Like Diana said if it was something related to what I was already looking for then I might feel curious.

    But out of context it seems like some paranoid, government conspiracy crap. That's the first thing that I thought of when I read it.

    So out of context no it does not make me curious, but just turns me off. I would definately leave the page.

    Shane_K
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    • Profile picture of the author Pam M
      Interesting to see the polar responses here.

      I guess it depends on what you're in to. I'm
      thinking this may intrigue those into alternative
      health. When I first read the headline, Clayton
      Makepeace came to mind - maybe because I've
      recently read his Ultimate Desktop,

      Still thinking it's a good curiosity headline.

      pam
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    • Profile picture of the author Tinkerbell
      Shane,

      Government conspiracy? Eeek. That's definitely not my direction, but thanks for letting me know if it was related to what you were looking for it would definitely raise your curiosity.

      Tina
      Originally Posted by shane_k View Post

      Like Diana said if it was something related to what I was already looking for then I might feel curious.

      But out of context it seems like some paranoid, government conspiracy crap. That's the first thing that I thought of when I read it.

      So out of context no it does not make me curious, but just turns me off. I would definately leave the page.

      Shane_K
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  • Profile picture of the author dcushion
    I've got to admit it does make me a bit curious. Not even sure why.

    How would this be for a twist on it - "Does this make you want to eat less?"

    Bet that would get some response.

    Or... "Does this make YOUR back pain go away?"

    Interesting... I might have to use some variation of it.
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  • Profile picture of the author Tinkerbell
    @understandyourniche: It's neither the heart, soul, nor brain, but it is something we all already have.

    @Dave: You could be right. I'd love to know how those variations work for you.

    Thanks for responding.

    Tina
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  • Profile picture of the author ChristianM
    I'd read the next bit, or whatever it lead to, but i'd do so with a negative mindset - it would instantly make me think of some new-age stuff - not something I'm interested in.
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    • Profile picture of the author Tinkerbell
      So you're saying you'd be curious enough to read on, but if you discovered it led to somethng "new-agey", you'd be out of there. Right?

      Thanks for your response.

      Tina
      Originally Posted by ChristianM View Post

      I'd read the next bit, or whatever it lead to, but i'd do so with a negative mindset - it would instantly make me think of some new-age stuff - not something I'm interested in.
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  • Profile picture of the author rapidscc
    Tina,

    It's sounds mysterious and a bit frightening..

    "It's Already INSIDE You ...And It Already Has CONTROL Of Everything You Do"

    people are always afraid of what they don't know..and being told that something that is not me has control of everything I do is quite a good reason to be a bit scared.

    If this is a headline of a copy..Well I guess you'll get only the real curious ones or the adventure seekers. Maybe it's good for narrowing down your readers...maybe its bad...

    But I'm getting ahead of myself here...will this be a headline?

    Omar
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    • Profile picture of the author Tinkerbell
      Omar,

      You're right, it is a bit frightening. Sounds ominous even, to me. But from the posts here, I see that it does make those who've replied curious and most of them would read on. I had considered it for a headline, yes, but before I ran it on a sales page, I wanted to see if it would do its job. So I posted this thread here.

      I appreciate your response. It helps a lot.

      Tina
      Originally Posted by rapidscc View Post

      Tina,

      It's sounds mysterious and a bit frightening..

      "It's Already INSIDE You ...And It Already Has CONTROL Of Everything You Do"

      people are always afraid of what they don't know..and being told that something that is not me has control of everything I do is quite a good reason to be a bit scared.

      If this is a headline of a copy..Well I guess you'll get only the real curious ones or the adventure seekers. Maybe it's good for narrowing down your readers...maybe its bad...

      But I'm getting ahead of myself here...will this be a headline?

      Omar
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  • Profile picture of the author Maria Gudelis
    Tina - it does make me curious - I'm a strong believer in the power of the mind so went t to that thought right away about your message as to 'what could that be' - your thoughts!

    can already see a very cool movie-like video trailer to this - nice wording of yours with cool vid effects , music, voiceover...

    cheers, m
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    • Profile picture of the author Tinkerbell
      Maria, oooh! A movie trailer. That sounds fun and I hadn't thought of that at all. Thanks for bringing it to my attention.

      Tina
      Originally Posted by Maria Gudelis View Post

      Tina - it does make me curious - I'm a strong believer in the power of the mind so went t to that thought right away about your message as to 'what could that be' - your thoughts!

      can already see a very cool movie-like video trailer to this - nice wording of yours with cool vid effects , music, voiceover...

      cheers, m
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      • Profile picture of the author Maria Gudelis
        Originally Posted by Tinkerbell View Post

        Maria, oooh! A movie trailer. That sounds fun and I hadn't thought of that at all. Thanks for bringing it to my attention.

        Tina

        No problem! it will be a fun one!!!
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  • Profile picture of the author Jonathan 2.0
    Banned
    Yeah I'd definitely read it. Because it sounds like something to do with personal development and I'm into all that stuff. Good headline because of the curiosity factor. I'd read it just to find out what "it" is.
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    • Profile picture of the author Tinkerbell
      Thanks for letting me know both that you would read further and why. I appreciate your response.

      Tina
      Originally Posted by ZigZag View Post

      Yeah I'd definitely read it. Because it sounds like something to do with personal development and I'm into all that stuff. Good headline because of the curiosity factor. I'd read it just to find out what "it" is.
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  • Profile picture of the author Allen-S
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    • Profile picture of the author Tinkerbell
      Allen,

      Nervous system? Haha! Thanks. I appreciate the response. Why such a weird headline? Erm...well the first one I had didn't work like I wanted it to, so I thought I should try something different if I ever wanted to move the product. The headline actually "fits" the product, so in that regard, it's not weird.

      Thanks for letting me know your reaction.

      Tina
      Originally Posted by Allen-S View Post

      If I saw your headline, I'd think:

      It must be an article about my nervous system.

      But why such a weird headline? :confused:

      If the headline is that confusing I think I'll just skip the article.

      Regards,
      Allen
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  • Profile picture of the author Daisuke
    Originally Posted by Tinkerbell View Post

    "It's Already INSIDE You ...And It Already Has CONTROL Of Everything You Do"

    Yes, I know it's out of context, but what I want to know is...if you hit a page or picked up a paper with those words on it, would you be curious to find out more.

    If you would be curious, why would you?

    If you wouldn't be at all curious, why wouldn't you be?

    Thank you for your feedback.

    Tina
    The word INSIDE makes me feel weird. You can look at other guru products and see what their headlines are and get an idea from it.

    Try using words like, discover, what if, secrets, world's greatest, how to make people, how to form, what will you do, how to get rich by, i'm going to show you step-by-step, how to make serious money, secret profit advantage, how to get your fair share of money online, how to get millions of dollar online without even a computer, etc..

    Hope I gave you some good ideas

    Mind telling me what you're trying to sell so I can make some headlines for you for free?
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    • Profile picture of the author Tinkerbell
      Originally Posted by Daisuke View Post

      The word INSIDE makes me feel weird. You can look at other guru products and see what their headlines are and get an idea from it.

      Try using words like, discover, what if, secrets, world's greatest, how to make people, how to form, what will you do, how to get rich by, i'm going to show you step-by-step, how to make serious money, secret profit advantage, how to get your fair share of money online, how to get millions of dollar online without even a computer, etc..

      Hope I gave you some good ideas

      Mind telling me what you're trying to sell so I can make some headlines for you for free?
      Daisuke: So the idea of having something unknown to you "inside" you makes you feel weird then? Don't blame you a bit, since you have no idea what I'm talking about yet. But just to put your icky feeling at ease, it's nothing bad, and no more sinister than your heart, lungs, blood, etc.

      Thanks for your offer to create headlines for me, but I'm not really looking "for" headlines...just reactions to possibilities, if that makes sense?

      And no, I won't say what the product behind this headline would have been here in this thread because the minute I do, the thread would be seen as "promotional" and get nuked.

      I'm not trying to promote anything here.

      Thanks again for your response.

      Tina
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  • Profile picture of the author Tinkerbell
    Anyone else care to comment? I'd love to know your reactions/thoughts.

    Tina
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  • Profile picture of the author GeorgR.
    Originally Posted by Tinkerbell View Post

    "It's Already INSIDE You ...And It Already Has CONTROL Of Everything You Do"

    Yes, I know it's out of context, but what I want to know is...if you hit a page or picked up a paper with those words on it, would you be curious to find out more.

    If you would be curious, why would you?

    If you wouldn't be at all curious, why wouldn't you be?

    Thank you for your feedback.

    Tina
    i'd say whoever wrote this pitch line should lay off whatever they're smoking Its like a very bad b-movie horror flick headline from the 50s.. aka "aliens in my body" or something...
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  • Profile picture of the author Tinkerbell
    dvtran93: Thanks

    GeorgeR: In this case the pitch-line writer wasn't smoking anything to lay off of, but I'll keep that in mind for later writing stints. LOL. Okay, so it's like a bad b-movie horror flick headline. But...did/does it make you at all curious? Or do you automatically assume it's going to be dealing with aliens?

    Thanks for your response.

    Tina
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    • Profile picture of the author Kay King
      I thought it was like one of the lead-ins from the old Twilight Zone series.

      If I clicked on it (and don't know if I would or not) - the first 2-3 lines that came next would have to grab my attention in a big way or I'd be gone.

      kay
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