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Can you please critique my squeeze page ?

by smallbusinesstoolkit
25 replies
here is my beta version of squeeze page

http://businessmarketingtools.co.uk/

I will appreciate comments
#critique #page #squeeze
  • Profile picture of the author HKSEO Jonbones
    Not bad. The avatar trailer just a place holder?

    And you need bullet points--the long copy at the top will tend to lose people very early on, bullet points get attention to the next item
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    • Profile picture of the author smallbusinesstoolkit
      Originally Posted by HKSEO Jonbones View Post

      Not bad. The avatar trailer just a place holder?

      And you need bullet points--the long copy at the top will tend to lose people very early on, bullet points get attention to the next item
      the avatar is probably some advert coming with template
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    • Profile picture of the author KaplanT4
      Give me a "reason why" I should bother to stay on this page straight away before the "Get access to free marketing course for small business owners and absolute beginners".

      Why should I want access to it? Start with that first and foremost.

      There's a few other problems, but get this one sorted out for now.
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      • Profile picture of the author smallbusinesstoolkit
        Originally Posted by KaplanT4 View Post

        Give me a "reason why" I should bother to stay on this page straight away before the "Get access to free marketing course for small business owners and absolute beginners".

        Why should I want access to it? Start with that first and foremost.

        There's a few other problems, but get this one sorted out for now.
        there will be screencast video giving sample what is inside
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  • Profile picture of the author threezerozero
    i like it...looks good. a few things....i dont understand the "man with a van" statement. also, i assume you probably already know this as it looks like its still testing, but your social media buttons don't work. also, that avatar video....im assuming you're putting another video up there that is related to what you're giving away, if not, please explain why the avatar video is there.

    my only major suggestion, is putting the optin form higher up on the page, its the most important part of that page and the piece you want people to take action on, dont stick it on the bottom.
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  • Profile picture of the author Alamar
    Overall it looks pretty good. I like the headline, it is good. After that it is a bit wordy, possible that portion could be reduced a bit and more direct to the point. You could also hit those highlighted points using bullit points.
    I hope this helps
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  • Profile picture of the author Leon Kloosterman
    mmh, i think you should place the opt in higher, and the tekst you could explain in the video. Try to make them scroll less.
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  • Profile picture of the author Vadimarket
    The movie trailer is out of place, put a business introduction video instead.
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  • Profile picture of the author thatkeywordguy
    Is that a youtube video - can i ask what player?

    The obvious issues is your optin box is WAY TOO LOW! it should be above the fold.
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  • Profile picture of the author Marcus Rockey
    Hi

    Honesty the opening line is not good. "stop being man with a van and become a businessman"

    I understand what man with a van means but I do not believe it will resonate with your prospects. Is this the kind of statement that depicts your audiences beliefs, feelings and desires?

    I am in the make money niche and it does not compel me to opt in.

    "get access to free marketing course for small business owners and absolute beginners"

    This is not good enough English. If you are going to use this headline then it should read...
    "get access to A/The free marketing course for small business.....etc

    I would not use the word Learn but instead "Discover" or "Find Out"

    Learn = work and many don't want to work...

    "Efficient online/offline sales strategies" More like Killer online sales strategies.

    I would reduce the size of the video and put the opt in box on the right hand side above the fold.

    Hope this helps....

    Marcus Rockey
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  • Profile picture of the author Marcus Rockey
    ensure the opt in box is in sight as soon as some one views the page, no scrolling.
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  • Profile picture of the author AndrewStark
    the video doesn't need to be that big, and I have no idea who you are or what I would get in return for giving you my e-mail address.

    Get a template to fix the template, and then really try to work on a headline that will smack me in the eyes and tell me why I need to join your list.
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    • Profile picture of the author smallbusinesstoolkit
      Originally Posted by AndrewStark View Post

      the video doesn't need to be that big, and I have no idea who you are or what I would get in return for giving you my e-mail address.

      Get a template to fix the template, and then really try to work on a headline that will smack me in the eyes and tell me why I need to join your list.


      This is my plan.
      If they like video they will join the list.
      If they want to join the list really badly they may skip the video and join the list.
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  • Profile picture of the author KaplanT4
    The headline definitely needs to go.

    Something simple along the lines of "To business owners who want to grow their business..." will be far more effective.

    Of course write out a few headlines and test them. Remember to always tap into a pre-existing motivation (which the above basic headline does) of whoever you are targeting. That way half or more of the selling is already done for you.

    Write benefits expressed in clarity.
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  • Profile picture of the author Randall Magwood
    You need more bullet points. Edit the size of your text. I can't tell the headline from the rest of the page. Get rid of the twitter and facebook buttons at the bottom. Your goal is to capture leads.... dont deviate them off your page.
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    • Profile picture of the author Nightengale
      You've gotten really good responses so far. Basically, you've got two major problems:

      1. The headline is NOT compelling. I don't know who your market is, but it makes no sense to me. Worse, there's nothing compelling or enticing about it.

      2. Your video and opt-in form are way too low on the page.

      "Above the fold" is an old newspaper term. Newspapers are generally folded in half. And anything on the first (upper) half is, well, "above the fold." Readers don't have to unfold the newspaper or turn the page to see what's on the front page, above the fold.

      Online, this means putting your most important info at the top of your landing page. Visitors should NOT have to scroll down to see it. If the offer doesn't immediately grab them, or if they can't even see the whole offer, they often won't bother scrolling.

      It's a tall order to get that much info onto such a small amount of space without making your visitors scroll. To make it easier, place your video and opt-in form side by side to conserve space. Visitors should not have to scroll to see where they need to put their information in. They often won't.

      Include your headline and a few bullet points about your offer in this condensed space. (You'll have to make your video and font smaller.)

      Here's an EXCELLENT example of an awesome opt-in page with the headline, video AND opt-in form well above the fold:

      Fill Your Stadium

      This is Carrie Wilkerson's "Fill Your Stadium" program.

      As you can see, such pages seem simple, but it's a bit more complex than it seems to create a good lead capture page with all of the important information above the fold.

      I hope that helps!

      Michelle
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      • Profile picture of the author banx63
        One other minor thing - it says "Insert you name" instead of "Insert Your Name"
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  • Profile picture of the author DarioMontesdeOca
    Originally Posted by smallbusinesstoolkit View Post

    here is my beta version of squeeze page

    Stop being man with a van and become a businessman

    I will appreciate comments
    Change the headline into a benefit. Cool Avatar trailer, think I may just lean back and put it on now.....
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