Please critize my article

17 replies
Hi warriors, I created a site in Spanish about self development and I worked hard writing an article I like the result, I posted it in a social bookmarking site but I got a bad score, I plan to translate my articles into English for another site but right now my English is not perfect at all. I translated the article and I want to know what you guys think about it. I want to repeat again, my English is not perfect. But all kind of criticism are welcome

Thanks

To fight depression changing the way we see it

Depression is common among us, we probably encountered in some moment of our life, some people suffer it chronically through their lives and others suddenly get deppress when they least expect it. Therefore, it is important to learn strategies to help us fight depression.

When we are depressed we feel helpless by something in our life, like the death of a family member, losing a job, loneliness, and even for internal reasons, such as thinking that your life has no value.

Strangely enough besides feeling bad about a situation in our life we also get depressed by being depressed, that is, when we realize that we are depressed the feeling becomes more severe because we interpret it as our life is worse for having depression, we now have another bad thing that affects us, we have a problem to solve, finding mental stability which can be a difficult task, typically we proceed to search a therapists, the meaning of life, we make positive affirmations or we use evasion mechanisms to avoid the negative feeling.

The act of thinking about your feelings and thoughts is called metacognition, when we think of our depression we see it in a way that makes us feel worse. Being depression a serious problem it is important to fight it in every aspect, even in the metacognitive, And if the way you think affect you that much it is better to use that kind of thought to attack depression.

A positive way of looking at depression is that it is a mental alarm that is activated for ignoring something in your life that needs to be changed, when you ignore something for too long the mental alarm "depression" is activated for you to change the undesired condition that makes you feel bad. Alarms are uncomfortable by nature, it makes you alert to something that you have to do, and if it is not activated you will ignore the obligation of doing something.

If we look it with this point of view it is good to get depressed, your mind is telling you to act now and is not going to turn off until you fix the problem. How nice it is to have that kind of mechanism, it is better to be aware of a problem to do something about it than to ignore it and never do anything.

We have the mechanism of avoidance, when something makes us feel bad we tend to evade it. for example the case of a person with a bad eating habit, when he realizes that he is getting fat he feel bad and then evade the issue by not taking responsibility. Instead of exercising and dieting, he continues his poor diet and physical inactivity, but later when he notice that he is too fat he get depressed the mental alarm gets activated saying to him that he must act now and he ignored for too much time his problem. In this case he has two choices to act for changing his situation taking depression as motivation tool or to ignore it and continue to evade his responsibility.

If you can't change a problem you definitely can change the way you see the problem, when you have the "mental alarm" and you are not able to do something about the problem, as the case of the death of a relative, you can change your view. This is not to say that one should never feel bad about anything, because the sadness of the death of a relative is a healthy feeling because it is the consequence of losing someone who you had a lot of affection, but if the negative feeling persist (depression and not sadness) then there is a conflict in your mind that needs to be resolved and it existed before the the event that caused the depression. in this case you must work to adapt your perception of things to reality, to build positive beliefs against these unfortunate events.

To fight depression is better to see it in this way, so do not let yourself get defeated by this emotion and instead use it to motivate yourself with what you tell yourself, you have to make the effort to see it in this way because otherwise it would be harmful, try to get to the point where you say that it Is great to be depressed, because this is the best kind of motivation you can have, your mind is showing you with pain that you have to do something.
#article #critize
  • Profile picture of the author Mac Wheeler
    If you are serious about presenting a professional appearance, then either hire a translator to take your Spanish articles and turn them in to English ones, or hire an editor to check and correct your own translations. However, most editors would charge quite heavily to correct an article like the one you pasted in here, as it requires a lot of work, pretty much a complete re-write in some areas.
    Signature
    Freelance Writer & Web Author
    FREELANCE WRITING OPPORTUNITIES - GET THEM NOW!
    Like my Facebook page, or add me to your Google+ circles, for free writing tips and techniques.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7163780].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author kamesenin
    Yes but I translated it not to post it in an English site but just to get a review of what is wrong with the article here in the forum, I wrote it right in Spanish. I'm not planning to post that on any site.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7163791].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author milliondream
      What is the main purpose for your english article? If you just want to index in SE and have more page in your site, it's no need to hire translator.

      But If you want to give and reader some good advise and let them follow to read more on other articles on your site. I'm strongly suggest you hire some prove writer or translator.

      Some of your wording still not "hit" to the feeling, you may try to write it like you are talking to your friend. Not a medical journal magazine.

      P.S. I'm not english native speaker too, I'm understand your problem and I faced before.
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7163807].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Mac Wheeler
      Originally Posted by kamesenin View Post

      Yes but I translated it not to post it in an English site but just to get a review of what is wrong with the article here in the forum, I wrote it right in Spanish. I'm not planning to post that on any site.
      Impossible to critique an article that is in English, but will be published in Spanish.
      Signature
      Freelance Writer & Web Author
      FREELANCE WRITING OPPORTUNITIES - GET THEM NOW!
      Like my Facebook page, or add me to your Google+ circles, for free writing tips and techniques.
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7163829].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author Alexa Smith
        Banned
        Originally Posted by Mac Wheeler View Post

        Impossible to critique an article that is in English, but will be published in Spanish.
        This.

        I'm afraid this is right. "How the language reads" is hugely important, in this context. It really isn't possible to tell much from a translation.

        I understand the idea behind what you're trying to do, and why, but I'm afraid I find myself completely unable to help with it.
        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7166857].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author kamesenin
    The article is in Spanish, I only put it in English to get criticism from this forum because It got a bad score in a Spanish social bookmarking site, I'm very aware that I need either a translator or an editor before considering post it to an English speaking audience. Yes I probably need to write with a more friendly tone.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7163823].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Sharpay
      Originally Posted by kamesenin View Post

      The article is in Spanish, I only put it in English to get criticism from this forum because It got a bad score in a Spanish social bookmarking site, I'm very aware that I need either a translator or an editor before considering post it to an English speaking audience. Yes I probably need to write with a more friendly tone.
      Unfortunately it wont work. A big part of critique is not only the idea, but the order in which the idea is laid out. It's also spelling, grammar, and most importantly (in my opinion): vocabulary.

      We simply cannot do this with a translated article.

      off-topic edit: I can thanks now!
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7163855].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author kamesenin
    Sharpay What won't work? to be corrected in English or the content of the article?
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7163874].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author shane_k
    What you should do is find someone here on the WF who can read spanish and get them to critique your article while it is in spanish.

    The reason that we can't critique properly is because when you translated it into english your article changed.

    Do you understand that?

    So find someone who speaks and reads spanish and get them to critique your article.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7164424].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Will Edwards
    Hi Kamesenin

    As the guys above have said, grammar is all over the place. That said, I do like your article i.e. I like what you are saying in the article; that a change of perspective can help people suffering from the condition.

    Provided the English was tidied up to make it grammatically correct, I would have no problem publishing it as a Guest Post at my site.

    Will
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7164614].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Joseph Robinson
      Banned
      Originally Posted by Will Edwards View Post

      Hi Kamesenin

      As the guys above have said, grammar is all over the place. That said, I do like your article i.e. I like what you are saying in the article; that a change of perspective can help people suffering from the condition.

      Provided the English was tidied up to make it grammatically correct, I would have no problem publishing it as a Guest Post at my site.

      Will
      Reading the rest of the thread would alert you to the fact that this article won't finish in English :rolleyes:.
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7166218].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author Will Edwards
        Originally Posted by Joseph Robinson View Post

        Reading the rest of the thread would alert you to the fact that this article won't finish in English :rolleyes:.
        I fully appreciate that Joseph. I was giving an opinion on the quality of the content, as difficult as that may be given the translation i.e. I was not asking the person to submit the artcle to me; I was saying that, provided the grammar was good (which I cannot know since, as you pointed out, the finished version will be in Spanish) I would be happy with the content.

        Will :p
        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7170712].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Berg Canon
    Taking everything into account that's already been said and also trying to guess as to why you received a low score I would like to add that I think the article needs more in the way of positive actions that someone who is reading this type of article could use.

    If I were depressed and found your article I would benefit from more examples of what I can do to change my situation other than to just mention looking at things differently.

    Try including things like try this or try this....

    WHat I guess Im saying is make the article more helpful than informative.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7165889].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author trevnkam
    If you're wanting to get people to read the article...rather than just Adsense clicks, then I'd suggest something catchier for the opening paragraph. Try to grab the readers' attention more--a shocking statement, a intriguing question, or something like that.
    Signature
    The first real IM traffic training course beyond articles, social media, and SEO. (Don't click the link though...the fewer that know this stuff, the better.)
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7166838].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Griffin Smith
    You'll need a lot of work on that article if you're trying to make it engaging and interesting. (A complete format and rewrite IMHO)

    I'm bilingual, send me your article in Spanish and I'll take a look at it for you
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7166873].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author kamesenin
    Shan_k
    Yes, you are right, I don't know how but if anyone would like to give a review to my Spanish site it is racionalidad.org. Even though I put the article in an awful English the message is still the same...

    Will
    Hi, Hey thanks for your comments and I'm glad for the fact that you like it, it gives me more motivation to find a translator/proofreader, I already have a domain and a server for the English site.

    Berg
    Yes, written in that way I think it would be more attractive, and people like more the kind of articles that say "10 ways to..." even if in that way they become shallower, I don't want to go that route but I have to find a balance, nevertheless, my intention was to show a cognitive method called reframe, and that by itself is a hard concept, but the reframe is that depression is good because your mind tells you to do something, like an alarm, and we shouldn't be scare of the feeling because it is meant to motivate ourself in changing something that we are ignoring

    trev72w
    Yes, I have to focus on the readers more, maybe I wrote the article in a way that please me only, with a logical explanation, so I have to use a friendlier tone and as you say, try to grab the reader attention

    Alexa Smith
    Well at least with what I'm trying to do let me know that I should stay away of writing in English
    hey I'm a fan of your posts, I would like to here your opinion when I change it into correct English.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7167619].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author kamesenin
    Griffin Smith
    Here's the link to my article in Spanish, I would like to hear your thoughts
    Combatir la depresiĆ³n viĆ©ndola diferente

    On a side note, for me to find a one word org domain name at a cheap price shows how low is the competition in the Spanish language compared here.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7167621].message }}

Trending Topics