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advice on a Headline

by accendo
3 replies
I am working on my first launch product to deal with training in Forex. Without getting into a long discussion of the validity of forex investing (or any investing in the stock market), would you guys give me some feedback on which headline you prefer.

Need extra to put in your piggy bank?
Discover the Smart Way to earn a Full-Time Income Online from the comfort of your all home

Want to Finally make a Real Income Online?
30 Days from Now, You could be well on your way to financial freedom

Experience the Freedom on Earning a Full-Time Income Online
Stop wasting time on go-nowhere "Money-Making Schemes! There's a Better Way.

If you knew a brighter future were on 30 days away, would you take the first step?
Take Control of Your Future! Grab This Proven-Effective Blueprint for a Consistent Income
#advice #headline
  • Profile picture of the author Steve B
    Accendo,

    Every one of your headlines has grammatical problems.

    To be honest, none of them really grabbed my attention and made me want to check out your product.

    They are typical marketer talk for "turn your life around with my product." These kind of headlines are so prevalent these days that most folks turn a blind eye to them.

    You need to find an angle or a unique "take" on your product that will cause readers to stop and read more.

    Did this product actually turn your life around? From these headlines, I'm not convinced that you actually believe in what your are peddling or that you can be believed because you have changed your circumstances!

    Steve
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    Steve Browne, online business strategies, tips, guidance, and resources
    SteveBrowneDirect

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  • Profile picture of the author pdrs
    not to be too critical but they are all pretty bland if you ask me. Got any others?
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    RemoteControlHelicopterReviews.(com/net) - Up for sale! No reasonable offer refused. Great branding for a super hot niche!
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