[syndicators] Please critique my writing

7 replies
I am working towards improving my writing skills. Thanks to the suggestions from Joseph Robinson(write for CC), JayRyCu(read Dilbert - both funny and useful ), and Rose Anderson(read out loud) I became more conscious of what I write. I am yet to implement few more suggestions from others. Please take a look at the following article and critique my writing.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1...913HQKl7g/edit

Let me be more specific on the kind of feedback I am looking for. Feedback on the following five aspects would really help me:


grammar - Are there any consistent faults in my grammar? The sample size is probably too small.

engagement - Do you think it is engaging enough, to follow through to the end, for some who is interested in the topic?

experience - What is the feel of the article?

accent - Do you hear any accent when you read?


I just gave that list to make it easy for you to comment. Please feel free to deviate.

Should I hire a proof reader for my articles?


P.S.
You can find the suggestions thread HERE
#critique #syndicators #writing
  • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
    It's on the formal side. You've got quite a few punctuation issues. I understand that you're trying to draw a parallel between learning a spoken language and learning a computer language by using the dialog up front but it's not working. It's actually confusing. It could be done but before you try to be so clever, get your basic stuff in order first.

    As for being able to tell if English is your primary language... Let me say this. You write better than the average American, much better. If your goal is to become fluid so you can get syndicated, you're not too far off. At this time though, I'd put down the pen and pick up some books, American books. Books written for young adults. The reason I suggest that is because they're simple.

    Right now you need help with the basics. Your writing doesn't flow easily. English is not an easy language to master but books written for younger audiences are written in a simplistic style. That's where you'll master syntax, grammar and punctuation. Stay with it. You't well more than half way there.
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  • Profile picture of the author Ravikanth
    @traveling guy.
    Thanks for taking time to give me an in-depth personal feedback . Your feedback covers all the aspects I was looking for. I know it is a lot of effort for someone whom you haven't even met.

    As for mastering basics, can you please suggest the names of a few books? It would be fine even if you can point me to a source which recommends such books. I will have a lingering thought in my head, which will question me whether I picked the right book if I just Google and pick one.

    I have been been reading "Elements of Style" to learn from the way it is written( as opposed to understanding what is written - which I have already done).
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    • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
      Originally Posted by raviandkanth View Post

      I have been been reading "Elements of Style" to learn from the way it is written( as opposed to understanding what is written - which I have already done).
      Ugh. Put that thing away. It's a reference book. It's very hard to read such a book and come away with any measure of understanding. You learn best from usage, not academic study.

      To get started pick up the Harry Potter books. They're fun to read and you'll pick up the cadence of the language. I get the sense you're very serious about this. That's fine but if you lighten up a little the learning can actually be fun. There aren't really any hard-set rules for learning the language.

      I don't know if you have American TV shows available to you but if you do that's another way to learn, especially with older situation comedies like I Love Lucy, Gilligan's Island, Mash, Happy Days, Seinfeld and others. All of these will help you to gain a natural feel for English. Good luck.
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  • Profile picture of the author Ravikanth
    I read the Harry Potter books when I was in college. Read each one more than a few times. I have never read them with an intention to pick up the language.

    I watch Big bang theory, The mentalist and occasionally Two and half men. I am actually completely unaware of all the other sitcoms you mentioned-except for Seinfeld . I actually visited USA two years ago for a month.

    I will probably start reading Stephen King's books. I never read any of them yet. I just went through other threads of yours. I saw you recommending them. Thanks a lot.
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    • Profile picture of the author JohnMcCabe
      Originally Posted by raviandkanth View Post

      I read the Harry Potter books when I was in college. Read each one more than a few times. I have never read them with an intention to pick up the language.

      I watch Big bang theory, The mentalist and occasionally Two and half men. I am actually completely unaware of all the other sitcoms you mentioned-except for Seinfeld . I actually visited USA two years ago for a month.

      I will probably start reading Stephen King's books. I never read any of them yet. I just went through other threads of yours. I saw you recommending them. Thanks a lot.
      King's books will be fun for you.

      I'd add thrillers by folks like Tom Clancy or Dale Brown, and crime/mystery novels. If you want a little different flavor of English, the Dick Francis mysteries will give you a sample of writing by a British author that plays very well in America.

      Watching sit-coms like Big Bang and 2-1/2 Men will give you real education in the English double entendre and the pun. M*A*S*H is one of the most intelligent comedies you could watch. Frasier is another.
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  • Profile picture of the author Ravikanth
    @JohnMcCabe- Your suggestions may keep me busy for another 6 months
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    • Profile picture of the author cashp0wer
      Stephen King has a book called On Writing that is a very good read for want to be writers. Obviously it is geared towards fiction writers but it work well for any writer in my book.
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