Please critique my squeeze page

18 replies
Here is the link. I will be using a link shorterner when I send it to people.

BBB recommended Work From Home

Any feedback would be appreciated.
#critique #page #squeeze
  • Profile picture of the author Alexa Smith
    Banned
    I'm not a lawyer, but I'd think, for a start, that it probably contravenes Ameriplan's TOS, Wufoo's TOS and possibly 90SSP's TOS as well. And almost certainly the law, in many countries.

    I really think you need legal advice.

    It just isn't ok to promote this sort of opportunity by deceiving people to get their contact details while pretending to offer them employment. It's deceptive and dishonest.

    (I think there's a large number of other problems with the content and layout of the page itself, too, but they're all pretty much secondary afterthoughts, compared with that).
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    • Profile picture of the author twinkenterprises
      Actually the text comes from a site that Ameriplan approved for us to use. It's for a legitimate business opportunity. I'm asking for contact info so I can email specifics about the position and contact them to see if they are interested in a phone interview.


      Originally Posted by Alexa Smith View Post

      I'm not a lawyer, but I'd think, for a start, that it probably contravenes Ameriplan's TOS, Wufoo's TOS and possibly 90SSP's TOS as well. And almost certainly the law, in many countries.

      I really think you need legal advice.

      It just isn't ok to promote this sort of opportunity by deceiving people to get their contact details while pretending to offer them employment. It's deceptive and dishonest.

      (I think there's a large number of other problems with the content and layout of the page itself, too, but they're all pretty much secondary afterthoughts, compared with that).
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      • Profile picture of the author Steve B
        Twink,

        You asked for a critique - here's mine -

        Your squeeze page breaks almost every rule I've ever seen for squeeze pages.

        But beyond that, it's great!

        Steve
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      • Profile picture of the author Alexa Smith
        Banned
        Originally Posted by twinkenterprises View Post

        It's for a legitimate business opportunity.
        I know that Ameriplan's a perfectly legitimate business opportunity, and I neither stated nor implied otherwise. In my opinion, it deserves a much better and more honest presentation than this deception, though.

        I repeat: it's not ok to promote such an opportunity by pretending to offer people "employment". That's dishonest.

        I don't believe for a moment that Ameriplan's compliance department has approved that page or that dishonest technique. They know better than that. You don't realize it yet, but they'll be very displeased indeed with you, when they see that. And if it's what your upline recommended, they'll be very displeased with them, too. And rightly. And if you genuinely can't understand that, then you're not going to make a living in that industry. Both MLM and insurance sales are very tough to promote, in this economic climate, and it's absolutely essential to be scrupulously honest and never mislead anyone. It's precisely because people do things like this that the regulatory climate is so aggressive now.
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        • Profile picture of the author twinkenterprises
          Thank you for your information. This is the exact text from the website that my upline uses. They just have videos and other more advanced features on thier site that I can't duplicate. If they are using the text it has been approved by the company.

          Originally Posted by Alexa Smith View Post

          I know that Ameriplan's a perfectly legitimate business opportunity, and I neither stated nor implied otherwise. In my opinion, it deserves a much better presentation than this deception, though.

          I repeat: it's not ok to promote such an opportunity by pretending to offer people "employment".

          I don't believe for a moment that Ameriplan's compliance department has approved that page or that dishonest technique. They know better than that. You don't realize it yet, but they'll be very displeased indeed with you, when they see that. And if it's what your upline recommended, they'll be very displeased with them, too. And rightly. And if you genuinely can't understand that, then you're not going to make a living in that industry. Both MLM and insurance sales are very tough to promote, in this economic climate, and it's absolutely essential to be scrupulously honest and never mislead anyone. It's precisely because people do things like this that the regulatory climate is so aggressive now.
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        • Profile picture of the author marketingmaniac
          Originally Posted by Alexa Smith View Post

          I know that Ameriplan's a perfectly legitimate business opportunity, and I neither stated nor implied otherwise. In my opinion, it deserves a much better and more honest presentation than this deception, though.

          I repeat: it's not ok to promote such an opportunity by pretending to offer people "employment". That's dishonest.

          I don't believe for a moment that Ameriplan's compliance department has approved that page or that dishonest technique. They know better than that. You don't realize it yet, but they'll be very displeased indeed with you, when they see that. And if it's what your upline recommended, they'll be very displeased with them, too. And rightly. And if you genuinely can't understand that, then you're not going to make a living in that industry. Both MLM and insurance sales are very tough to promote, in this economic climate, and it's absolutely essential to be scrupulously honest and never mislead anyone. It's precisely because people do things like this that the regulatory climate is so aggressive now.

          Yes OW That one Stung a bit but I have to say that I agree with Alexa also on this one, it stinks because I know Ameriplan has pretty much always marketed this way (and I was with them in 2008, and they were doing it that way then, too) but it is misleading and can bring into question your ethics (it did not do that so much back then but marketing has changed so much since then and my "opinion" is that what worked back then will not necessarily work well for you now, and this probably won't well) Maybe I'm wrong, who knows but I feel like the demands and standards for total transparency are not only different but bigger and the responsibility lies with you.
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          • Profile picture of the author Alexa Smith
            Banned
            Originally Posted by marketingmaniac View Post

            I know Ameriplan has pretty much always marketed this way (and I was with them in 2008, and they were doing it that way then, too)
            I may have been misinformed, though it was a consumer rights lawyer who told me this, but I understand they've had one or two not entirely amicable "exchanges of views" with the regulators, since then, and their compliance people are now not quite so "laissez faire" as they were a few years ago, too.
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  • Profile picture of the author Damien Roche
    It is hard to critique without knowing exactly what you're selling. And the fact that I don't know what I'm signing up for after reading the pitch should be an indication to clarify.

    With your company history and the benefits aside, what exactly does it entail working for your company? Are you recruiting affiliates? Are they encouraged to recruit affiliates under themselves?

    I ask this, because to me it looks like a typical psuedo-pyramid scheme masquerading as a legal business. If it isn't, you need to be extra clear in your pitch because I couldn't close the browser window fast enough.
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  • Profile picture of the author MrDay
    Too much white space between the sections of your content.
    And quite frankly, looks very amateurish at first glance.

    There's no way in hell that I would ever enter my info on a squeeze page like that one.
    And you might want to think about what Alexa mentioned, too!
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  • Profile picture of the author AndrewStark
    McAfee tells me it's a dodgy website, so that based with other comments tells you all you need to know.
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    • Profile picture of the author TheNewJames
      I don't know about all the legalities of it, so, ignoring those I shall critique your squeeze page for it's intended purpose - to get contact info.

      Opt-in is below the fold - don't know how many times this has to be said, but opt-in "should" be above the fold.

      It is poorly spaced.

      It is plain.

      Am I applying for a job?

      Why would I apply for a job here? You don't even accept a resume?...must hire some skilled people....

      I would NEVER EVER enter my phone number into a random site. And I know the majority of people feel the same way.

      You should focus your squeeze page on offering people more information about working from home, what is involved, etc.

      Not as an "apply here" technique. It seems sketchy...
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  • Profile picture of the author Raydal
    I'm not sure that I'm adding anything new to the conversation
    but your page does lack CREDIBILITY. Considering the type
    of information you are asking for this page to way too
    amateurish to get prospects to sign up.

    With so many landing page templates around (some even free)
    I don't see why you would settle for such a poor design.

    -Ray Edwards
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  • Profile picture of the author joshua123
    Put the headline in red! it stands out much more just like a warning sign...and make it bigger. also cut the parahgraphs and focus on the main benefits!!
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  • Profile picture of the author PerformanceMan
    The FBI is partnering with companies now? LOL
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  • Profile picture of the author Bill Hugall
    I am with Alexa. Smells like scam. Now don't take that the wrong way. You can change it. I personally don't like it when I see BBB recommended. You should also never suggest a job.
    Also it just seems like an info page. No real problem, no real solution, no identifying and your call to action is a polite request. You are not telling anyone that this is important you are asking nicely. Look at most squeeze pages out there. They have all that I mention above and they CALL YOU TO ACTION!!!
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  • Profile picture of the author rising_sun
    Banned
    This is not the right section brother ,
    by the way actually good and corporate looking.
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  • Profile picture of the author sbucciarel
    Banned
    My immediate reaction is what the hell kind of job is this? What kind of company is this that would have such a plain, amateurish webpage. I would run and not enter my information into this site. It smells of deception.
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  • Profile picture of the author MKCookins
    Here are a few tips I would recommend doing!

    1) Add a header to the top of the page to make it more eye appealing
    2) Add a FREE gift to entice your visitors to join. This can be a short eBook or video series
    2) Change the title to red and use a font called Tahoma - it converts well
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