Fire All Your Guns At Once and Explode Into Space

9 replies
OK, not ALL your guns. But fire your biggest gun first!

Holy macaroni, I just read another thread in the vast reaches of WF where a poster wanted feedback on a direct mail letter--this one had more "I"s than an optometrist's office.

I did this and I did that. I want this and I that.

I, I, I, I.

Listen, no one cares about you. Well, maybe your family and your dog. And he likes you mainly because you feed him. Heck, you could say the same thing about your kids.

If you are going to send a direct mail letter for your services, get right to it.

In the headline, the first line, and the first paragraph.

Tell them what you can do for them...

And what they need to do next to move forward.

Take the world in a love embrace, fire all your guns at once, and explode into space. -Steppenwolf
#explode #guns #space
  • Profile picture of the author Jeffery
    Care to post an example without being self-promotional?

    Jeffery 100% :-)
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  • The I letter usually says something like:

    "I am the number one provider of X service. I know the latest trends and techniques in the business. After ten years of winning awards and setting sales records, I look forward to leading the industry for the next 150 years."

    The business owner is thinking, "Good for you, chap. Into the bin you go."

    Usually the writer does this because they don't know any better. They think it establishes their credibility somehow. Better to show what you can do for them first, then explain why you have the credibility to back it up.
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    • Profile picture of the author Jeffery
      Originally Posted by Joe Ditzel View Post

      OK, not ALL your guns. But fire your biggest gun first!

      Holy macaroni, I just read another thread in the vast reaches of WF where a poster wanted feedback on a direct mail letter--this one had more "I"s than an optometrist's office.

      I did this and I did that. I want this and I that.

      I, I, I, I.

      Listen, no one cares about you. Well, maybe your family and your dog. And he likes you mainly because you feed him. Heck, you could say the same thing about your kids.

      If you are going to send a direct mail letter for your services, get right to it.

      In the headline, the first line, and the first paragraph.

      Tell them what you can do for them...

      And what they need to do next to move forward.


      Take the world in a love embrace, fire all your guns at once, and explode into space. -Steppenwolf


      Originally Posted by Jeffery View Post

      Care to post an example without being self-promotional?

      Jeffery 100% :-)
      Originally Posted by Joe Ditzel View Post

      The I letter usually says something like:

      "I am the number one provider of X service. I know the latest trends and techniques in the business. After ten years of winning awards and setting sales records, I look forward to leading the industry for the next 150 years."

      The business owner is thinking, "Good for you, chap. Into the bin you go."

      Usually the writer does this because they don't know any better. They think it establishes their credibility somehow. Better to show what you can do for them first, then explain why you have the credibility to back it up.
      Thanks Joe, but I was referring to:

      Originally Posted by Joe Ditzel View Post

      If you are going to send a direct mail letter for your services, get right to it.

      In the headline, the first line, and the first paragraph.

      Tell them what you can do for them...

      And what they need to do next to move forward.
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7760395].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author erwin78
    Hi everyone,

    nice advice we should help others and not thinking only about ourself!

    Thanks
    See you on top

    Erwin
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  • Profile picture of the author James Gould
    It should be focused more what I can do for YOU, not what I've done in the past.

    I've jumped over a high wall before, doesn't mean I'll do it again. I can teach you to do it though!

    Jamie.
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  • Profile picture of the author bkkmma
    Good points, OP.

    Another thing that turns me off right away is when an obvious one-man(or woman) operation refers to themselves as "we". If you're just one person, that's OKAY, you don't need to pretend otherwise.
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  • Profile picture of the author ecoverartist
    "more I's than an optometrist's office" made me chuckle

    I'm working with a client right now that insists his landing page tell his entire personal story. His personal story is inspiring, but taking up the whole page with it (because it's quite long) is just turning more people away than it helps.
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  • Profile picture of the author KevL
    Originally Posted by Joe Ditzel View Post

    OK, not ALL your guns. But fire your biggest gun first!

    Holy macaroni, I just read another thread in the vast reaches of WF where a poster wanted feedback on a direct mail letter--this one had more "I"s than an optometrist's office.

    I did this and I did that. I want this and I that.

    I, I, I, I.

    Listen, no one cares about you. Well, maybe your family and your dog. And he likes you mainly because you feed him. Heck, you could say the same thing about your kids.

    If you are going to send a direct mail letter for your services, get right to it.

    In the headline, the first line, and the first paragraph.

    Tell them what you can do for them...

    And what they need to do next to move forward.

    Take the world in a love embrace, fire all your guns at once, and explode into space. -Steppenwolf

    Completely agree. I took a couple of training courses with a copywriter called Allen Forest Smith a few years back (well worth the cost!!) and this is one of the things he pointed out, that many people focus on themselves, when of course the copy of any sales content or letter should focus on the reader.
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    SEO Kev
    Small business SEO / Web Marketing Tips.
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