Is This A Good Press Release?

21 replies
Hi Warriors

Just received a press release draft from one of the services recommended here in this forum.. This pressrelease (acc to their site) is crafted by expert writers/former journalists and will go out directly to the in boxes and fax machines of interested journalists (people, not websites) who are actively covering my field.

First time im taking the PR way so i need your advice. Good and ready to go? Send it back. What should i change? (skip the bio part)..

edit: why no spellcheck?

Any help is MUCH appreciated.
#good #press #release
  • Profile picture of the author KimboJim
    The word choices aren't bad, but the pacing and sentence structuring are somewhat awkward at times, and painful at others. I'm also surprised to see several errors in the copy.

    Honestly, it's alright. It doesn't really blow me away, and it seems like someone just trying to make a website sound really good, but without really knowing why it's good.

    It's kinda reminds me of those fake reviews that you find all over the Internet where people say how great the product is because they want a commission, but it doesn't offer many details about how good the product is or its real-life application.

    For example, you have this paragraph:
    "Founded by Tomas Lodén, TomsSportReport.com presents a clean, simple and headline-rich interface that cuts through the fluff to display only the content sports fans want to see. The site presents instant content from across the sporting world, with simple links to each story’s original source."

    It's not a bad paragraph, but it doesn't really tell me what I'm getting from the site. OK, there is content with "simple links," but that makes it sound like you have a basic HTML page with no design elements that just has some text with no formatting.

    Also, what's the "content sports fans want to see"?

    It doesn't really answer this. It seems to get into the meat of the topic every now and then, but then just uses purple language and really doesn't mention much of anything.

    There's another section: "However, thanks to one savvy sports fan, the field of sports news is quite literally changing for good."

    That's quite a bold claim, but this press release doesn't really show me anything revolutionary about your website. In fact, the only real details I'm getting are the lack of Web 2.0 features from this paragraph:

    "While millions flock daily to some of the world’s largest sports newa websites, many remain frustrated at the sheer amount of unwanted content they have to endure just to get the sports news they crave. From annoying pop-ups and forms to slow-loading video and a myriad of social sharing buttons, keeping up with one’s favourite team can be a laborious task."

    Personally, I think about half of this needs to be scrapped because it doesn't really talk about your website in any good ways. It needs to be heavier on the details.


    EDIT:
    I actually just looked at your website, and maybe I was wrong. It is just a basic HTML page.

    To be honest, I think you should buy a custom website design or invest in a WordPress theme to make your website look better.

    I don't want to be mean, I really don't, but I don't think any journalists will take your website seriously. You can use a minimalist design that looks great, but your website needs some formatting and CSS elements to be presentable.

    I seriously urge you to consider improving your website's design before sending out this or any other press release. My comments above still apply, but your website does need some serious work if you want to make any money with it.

    Not only that, but I find one thing peculiar about your website's motive. The press release says that you want to reduce people having to encounter slow-loading videos, pop-ups and a myriad of social media elements, but the websites you're linking to have these exact elements.

    Please think about these things before going any further. I wouldn't want to see you waste any money without some sort of return.
    Signature
    Ready for some great content at a low cost?
    PresentPLR Newest Pack: LED Grow Lights
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7829280].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Tomas Lodén
    Thanks for your input, much appreciated. I'm in my car so I'lll try to keep this short.
    About the design of my site, its exactly how i want ut to be. Now, are we talking about the same site here?
    There are no popups, videos or myriads of socialmedia elements on my site, just a few pics an links to other sites. Gtg, back later. Thanks.
    Signature
    Want me to show you my system for making over $100 per day?
    Free coaching to your first $100 dollars. DM me now..
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7829456].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author KimboJim
      Originally Posted by Tomas Lodén View Post

      Thanks for your input, much appreciated. I'm in my car so I'lll try to keep this short.
      About the design of my site, its exactly how i want ut to be. Now, are we talking about the same site here?
      There are no popups, videos or myriads of socialmedia elements on my site, just a few pics an links to other sites. Gtg, back later. Thanks.
      I think you misunderstood me, so let me clarify what I was saying.

      Your website doesn't have any of those things, neither of us are arguing that.

      However, when I click on a listing, it brings me to a website that has those elements.

      For example, I just clicked the link, "Richard Sherman: Skip Bayless - YOU HAVE NEVER ACCOMPLISHED ANYTHING!" It brought me to the Huffington Post, which has
      -A video
      -Social media buttons

      These are the things that were demonized in the press release, but you're linking to them anyway. I just don't see the sense in that.

      But, I will also say that if you really like the design and want a challenge, then by all means go for it. I'm not trying to detract at all from your website. I thought it was supposed to be like a major money project.

      If this is something you really feel and want to have fun with, then don't let me stop you. I've entered bad niches with terrible designs in the past and made some good money, but the most important thing is that I had fun.

      Hell, some of my best performing articles and websites were about weird grammar rules that no one was covering, and they made me some good money.

      However, it still stands that the writer didn't do your website justice. I would still get a complete rewrite if I were you.
      Signature
      Ready for some great content at a low cost?
      PresentPLR Newest Pack: LED Grow Lights
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7829840].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author BudaBrit
    Before we get to the PR, I agree with KJ.

    I would click away immediately from your site. I'm a sports fan.

    It looks like the site has failed to render, which gives the impression there's a mistake somewhere.

    You should build it with a simple theme or something, but at least a little bit of design in there, otherwise no-one will stay more than 5 seconds, nevermind read an article.

    On the PR, it's...well...not very good.

    There's nothing much in there, just filler and your quote. Oh, and it looks like it's never seen an edit.

    EDIT: Ah, I see you've not got any content at all, just links to other sites...

    What value does this provide to anyone?
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7829487].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Tomas Lodén
    Thanks Buda.. My site is not for eveyone, maybe it's to simple o r ugly for the most but its exactly how i want it to be. I've been here since 2003 and have built a ton of flashy sites with popups, annoying banners and signup forms (sold my biz in 2010 for good money).. This is a complete 360 from all the other sites out there and if it doesnt work no big deal but its a fun challenge to see if you can take a site like this and grow it up to atleast cover the costs every month.. It's only been up for a few weeks and i already have a core group of "fans" and its growing fast despite the simple design.. The value is constant 24/7 updates and easy to use .. Thanks for your input on the pressrelease(maybe ill use it, maybe i wont), much appreciated..
    Signature
    Want me to show you my system for making over $100 per day?
    Free coaching to your first $100 dollars. DM me now..
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7829593].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
    That's one longass run-on sentence you've got up top. I'd either fix it so it makes sense or dump it completely.

    The actual PR itself isn't bad but it's unexciting. Is that the best hook the writers could come up with? Your site not having excessive unwanted content and popups? Ugh.

    That's hardly a reason for someone to call up their friends and recommend your site. That's what you should be shooting for, getting people excited. There's gotta be something more compelling about what you're doing than that.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7829707].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author TMW
    Okay I'll share but could you also share? Your press release was exactly the first that I have ever read. So take that for what it is worth. And I am a woman so not exactly into sports sites although I've seen plenty watching my husband surfing the net (and boy are they filled with all of that stuff you mentioned).

    So anyway I was really impressed with the PR. I was intrigued and, if for whatever reason I was a sports fan and I happened to read the PR (how would anyone ever read this btw?), then I would maybe follow your site for a while (other disclaimer: I haven't clicked on your site and now press release is gone from my screen so can't comment on the content or quality of the design).

    I like the idea of a simpler website and am actually trying a similar format for one of my "experimental" sites at the moment. So maybe that was the draw of your PR for me.

    Now, would you please share how you were able to get someone else to write a PR? I know a decent amount about on-page SEO and have made 40+ sites, but I'm just jumping into the world of backlinking (reluctantly). I know there are PR sites but I didn't think they wrote the content for you. I thought that you had to write the content, which they then published somehow. No? Did you hire a copywriter and pay a PR site?

    I would go with the PR although obviously everyone else disagrees and I sure have been wrong before. But honestly I was impressed and intrigued.

    Edit: Okay, so now I've read your site and (sorry) but I agree that you should change the format. You can still keep it simple. But in my view you at least need better structure & organization. I couldn't tell what the headlines were about. I mean, what if I'm into running and swimming (which I am), but not wrestling or golfing or basketball (which I am not)? I have to read all of those headlines in my busy day to find the few sports that interest me. Minimally, I would recommend categories of some relevant sort (I'm thinking particular sports but there could be others). Also I don't like that the writing in the columns doesn't exactly align. You could *very easily* install a WordPress theme, even the 2012 theme, use a few plug-ins, and create a much better looking and better organized theme that still satisfied your simplicity goal (not to mention that WP is far easier to update, at least for me, although I have zero coding background).

    But I do like your idea, still like the PR, and also like the idea of one "lead" story as an intro at the top of the page. Good luck! And please share more details about the PR company that you chose and how you managed to get someone else to write it. Thanks!!
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7829995].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Tomas Lodén
      Originally Posted by TMW View Post

      And please share more details about the PR company that you chose and how you managed to get someone else to write it. Thanks!!
      just sent you a PM reg my PR service.

      Nah I won´t change my site into a wordpress blog with plugins and stuff, it´s just how i like it now.

      Thanks for your input, much appreciated and good luck with your sites.
      Signature
      Want me to show you my system for making over $100 per day?
      Free coaching to your first $100 dollars. DM me now..
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7830429].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author TMW
        Originally Posted by Tomas Lodén View Post

        just sent you a PM reg my PR service.

        Nah I won´t change my site into a wordpress blog with plugins and stuff, it´s just how i like it now.

        Thanks for your input, much appreciated and good luck with your sites.
        I understand. Just food for thought.

        You might want to check letsrun.com. They have kind of a similar format (with a forum that is HUGELY popular among runners). Might give you some more ideas and gives some credence to the idea that your site could develop a decent following.

        Edit: And letsrun.com has actually become far more glitzy than their site appeared for years. Ads and videos and even some of the structure has been added/improved (the ads are not an improvement IMHO but, hey, I guess they wanted to monetize, which I can definitely understand). But the simple forum was core to their rise in fame amongst runners.
        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7830473].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author TMW
    And I will share your site with my hubby, so maybe you will gain one follower if he likes it.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7830505].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Kay King
      I didn't look at the site but simply the press release.

      The point of a press release is to put out a positive statement about your business in a way that mimics a news story.

      That means presenting a positive tone without obvious hype. The PR is written well except it veers too far into promotional a few times. I'd scale back the superlatives/adjectives a bit and shorten some sentences to gives the impression of "news" for a press release.

      Press releases are tricky to write - I'm not dissing the one you have but I think it could be tweaked for improvement.

      Kay
      Signature
      Be the person your dog thinks you are.

      Saving one dog will not save the world....but will forever change the world for one dog.
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7830697].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author johnben1444
    I gave all the people who posted above thanks for actually downloading and going through the press release Tomas attached, it shows how far people here are willing to go to help one another..

    Keep it up guys..

    Love ya all..
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7831060].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Alex Cohen
      The press release fails at the very beginning: the headline.

      Imagine the busy, intended recipient sorting through dozens of faxes. The first words he/she reads are, "Ground-Breaking 'No Fluff' Sports News Site". Your press release will immediately say hello to the "B pile" (trash).

      As travlinguy stated, you need a better hook.

      Alex
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7832269].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author tomcam
    Harlan stole my thunder. Ignore the haters until testing tells you otherwise. It is reminiscent of the Drudge Report and does load fast. Most important, it's carefully targeted. Definitely worth testing it out as is.
    Press release needs a spell check ("newa" instead of news" in the lead sentence) but it's quite publishable. It will get published and will serve the purpose of getting SEO and backlinks, which I assume is its purpose.

    This may be obvious, but make sure the press release gets to the relevant sports-related blogs and forums as well as general press release sites.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7833123].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Tomas Lodén
    Originally Posted by johnben1444 View Post

    I gave all the people who posted above thanks for actually downloading and going through the press release Tomas attached, it shows how far people here are willing to go to help one another..

    Keep it up guys..

    Love ya all..
    Warriorforum rocks, thanks alot. I really appreciate all your help and input..Awesome!

    Originally Posted by Alex Cohen View Post

    The press release fails at the very beginning: the headline.

    Imagine the busy, intended recipient sorting through dozens of faxes. The first words he/she reads are, "Ground-Breaking 'No Fluff' Sports News Site". Your press release will immediately say hello to the "B pile" (trash).

    As travlinguy stated, you need a better hook.

    Alex
    Thank you Alex, really appreciate it. Yeah, im gonna send it back to the pr writer later today along with the tips and ideas from this thread.

    Originally Posted by tomcam View Post

    Harlan stole my thunder. Ignore the haters until testing tells you otherwise. It is reminiscent of the Drudge Report and does load fast. Most important, it's carefully targeted. Definitely worth testing it out as is.
    Press release needs a spell check ("newa" instead of news" in the lead sentence) but it's quite publishable. It will get published and will serve the purpose of getting SEO and backlinks, which I assume is its purpose.

    This may be obvious, but make sure the press release gets to the relevant sports-related blogs and forums as well as general press release sites.
    Thanks TomCam.. Yeah I´ll take this site and run with it..
    Signature
    Want me to show you my system for making over $100 per day?
    Free coaching to your first $100 dollars. DM me now..
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7833483].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Thomas dave
    What is originally press release, i am also searching about it, I have read some of press releases.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9188199].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Thomas dave
    I searched about the press release and I found a company is going to launch an app and I read all about the app in PR and then I go to the mentioned link so I found many more info about technologies.
    Providing Solutions Better than Best - Skylite Communications
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9191001].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Thomas dave
    Thanks.
    After reading all about the press release , now I am moving on the same app mentioned in that press release.
    I liked it very much.
    Read and see more go to my profile.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9196626].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Thomas dave
    I liked it too much, because in this app / all the basic and applied information about the Ethernet.
    itunes.apple.com/US/app/id875589096?mt=8
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9201138].message }}

Trending Topics