31 replies
Hi..

What would you do if you joined a group coaching and the coach seems to ignore you but you really wanted to learn the skill that's being taught? I feel like this coach is putting me on the back burner because I'm a women and is putting all the other members ( who I assume are man) ahead of me completely.

What would you do? Just keep going and not let it bother you or would you do something else?

This is the very first time I've ever even joined a coaching group and I had high hopes that have lead me to feel down because of the way I'm treated. Any advice would be nice... Thanks.
  • Profile picture of the author mekdroid
    Hi! I think you should let the coach know that you are paying for the product and that you expect some attention. Generally when you talk about money (theirs!) it catches their attention ...
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  • Profile picture of the author Rewbert
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    Originally Posted by sweetcrabhoney18 View Post

    Hi..

    What would you do if you joined a group coaching and the coach seems to ignore you but you really wanted to learn the skill that's being taught? I feel like this coach is putting me on the back burner because I'm a women and is putting all the other members ( who I assume are man) ahead of me completely.

    What would you do? Just keep going and not let it bother you or would you do something else?

    This is the very first time I've ever even joined a coaching group and I had high hopes that have lead me to feel down because of the way I'm treated. Any advice would be nice... Thanks.
    Before you decide to do anything i think you should enter a room where you and the coach can speak privately, and then tell him how you feel.
    If he still doesn't change his approach i would personally have gone with another coach.
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  • Profile picture of the author Linkology
    Voice your concern to the offending party in a Professional yet Firm Manner after all, I am assuming that you are paying for said "Coaching" that you do not seem to be receiving to your satisfaction?
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  • Profile picture of the author sweetcrabhoney18
    Honestly I wrote two emails to the guy and my response wasn't even that good. It was a " Just take action and you'll be fine" kind of reply. Yet he brags about how the other people in the group are doing. I already paid in full for the course so it's not like I have much to loose. But I feel like I might as well have bought an expensive book instead.

    I'm this super friendly and bubbly valley girl and I think he just doesn't like me. I feel like I should pretend to be a guy or something after this kind of stuff...

    Talking to him just doesn't seem to do anything.. it's like he's just " too busy to worry about it."

    Should I just ignore it all?
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    • Profile picture of the author Rewbert
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      Originally Posted by sweetcrabhoney18 View Post

      Honestly I wrote two emails to the guy and my response wasn't even that good. It was a " Just take action and you'll be fine" kind of reply. Yet he brags about how the other people in the group are doing. I already paid in full for the course so it's not like I have much to loose. But I feel like I might as well have bought an expensive book instead.

      I'm this super friendly and bubbly valley girl and I think he just doesn't like me. I feel like I should pretend to be a guy or something after this kind of stuff...

      Talking to him just doesn't seem to do anything.. it's like he's just " too busy to worry about it."

      Should I just ignore it all?
      I live by a principle that i respect and trust those who have earned it. This guy obviously have not.
      I say hang in there and squeeze whatever value you can out of this coaching group and then never contact the guy again when you're done. You do not want to deal with such a deucebag.
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      • Profile picture of the author Kay King
        because I'm a women and is putting all the other members ( who I assume are man) ahead of me completely.
        You are making an assumption that's convenient because it lets you be a victim. Doesn't mean it's true, though.

        You say talking to him doesn't do any good - but maybe you need to be blunt rather than bubbly and friendly. Tell him you are not happy with the help you are getting and ask why you seem to get less attention than others (your perception).

        He may be at fault - but this is your first coaching and it might be your expectations are too high. There is no other answer to the problem except to confront the coach about it and find a solution.

        kay
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  • Profile picture of the author mekdroid
    Maybe ask for a refund? If you are not getting the value that you expected that would be reasonable ... a lot of those programs have a money-back guarantee.
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  • Profile picture of the author sweetcrabhoney18
    I think I will stick it out. I might just have to fake it or something. I really want to finish the course instead of asking for a refund. So crossing my fingers this guy can change his ways... if not.. Like Rewbert said --- Hang in there.. then never talk to the deucebag again.

    Thanks everyone -- you brighten my bad week.
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  • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
    Write or call the guy personally and tell him exactly what you're saying here. If you're feeling left out let him know.
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  • Profile picture of the author sweetcrabhoney18
    Yes I do think that my expectations might be too high.

    I could try being more blunt however the second I email him ( with a long email ) I get the sense that he's not even reading it. He said in his sales page " I'd like to have one on one time with everyone; add me on skype." I don't even use skype and since Sunday I have been on daily just waiting and waiting and waiting for MY one on one time. I did add him and he's even online most of the day ; yet not talking to me AT ALL.

    I might be over reacting but it still hurts and nothing seems to work to get it to change.

    I'll try a more direct approach. Thank you Kay Kay.
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    • Profile picture of the author angela99
      Originally Posted by sweetcrabhoney18 View Post

      Yes I do think that my expectations might be too high.

      I could try being more blunt however the second I email him ( with a long email ) I get the sense that he's not even reading it. He said in his sales page " I'd like to have one on one time with everyone; add me on skype." I don't even use skype and since Sunday I have been on daily just waiting and waiting and waiting for MY one on one time. I did add him and he's even online most of the day ; yet not talking to me AT ALL.

      I might be over reacting but it still hurts and nothing seems to work to get it to change.

      I'll try a more direct approach. Thank you Kay Kay.
      This sounds very odd to me. I do a lot of coaching, and he shouldn't be ignoring you. Are you asking specific questions which are directly related to the material?

      You might be right that he's not responding to your long messages.

      (I'm not saying it's your fault he's not responding -- he should respond, I'm just trying to work out what might be happening.)

      Try asking one SHORT question such as: "You say that we should _________ (whatever), but I can't _______ (what you can't do). Please give me some help."

      Make it the most important question you have.

      Make sure he answers the question. Don't let him get away with not responding. If he doesn't answer your question within a day, ask the question again. And again.

      If he still ignores you, get a refund.

      His job as a coach is to validate you, encourage you and inspire you. You're feeling bad, and it's not your fault.

      I hope you get a result.

      Cheers

      Angela
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  • Profile picture of the author laurencewins
    If you have already addressed the issue in private and he has not done what you wanted, I would address the issue in public. When the whole group is in the same room, decide on what you want to ask but I would ask something like this...
    "hey coach. Can you tell us how you would handle a scenario where you had a student who felt they weren't getting the full benefits of your course because of the way you teach?"

    Then wait and see what he says.
    You don't have to mention it's you ...YET! Just wait and see how he reacts.
    If he doesn't say/do the right thing, you can say he isn't giving you the full attention and that it's pretty poor for a coach to behave in that manner. Then ask the others what they think...while they are all there with you and him.

    Shaming a coach is a great way to get what you want if the private way doesn't work.
    Remember, it's his reputation at stake here and if everybody in his class isn't happy with the way he is treating you, then that will look very bad for him.

    Let us know what happens. Good luck!
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  • Profile picture of the author newbim
    What skill is it you're getting coached in?
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  • Profile picture of the author PPC-Coach
    Be blunt and to the point with him.

    Don't assume he can take hints, (most men can't), I know because I'm a man and I'm hint-impaired.

    Tell him what you're thinking and say that you would like a response and not the generic type.

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  • Profile picture of the author sweetcrabhoney18
    laurencewins : I like the idea of calling him out during his webinar on Sunday. I might just have to do that. I'd be so nervous but it would answer all the questions I have.

    Angela: I actually asked him a really simple question. One of the ebooks noted that there would be a report on tracking clicks. I wrote a two sentence email saying where is this report. My question wasn't even answered. I have a feeling if one of the guys asked it, he'd send a whole broadcast about it. I will totally keep asking the same questions until I finally get my answers. Thank you for the advice.

    Newbim: It's a solo ad business course. I mostly want to learn how to speed up the art of list building and find trustworthy solo ads to buy. I was super excited about the course before ; now the idea of it just upsets me.

    PPC- Coach: Being blunt is on my to do list now. I just have to make a plan of action and see what the guy says in return. Thank you for your advice.
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  • Profile picture of the author laurencewins
    Remember that, as a coach, he has more to lose than you do if his coaching isn't what he promises.
    I have not coached online stuff but I used to run large telemarketing rooms and there were times when staff addressed questions openly in front of a training group.
    Because I had nothing to hide, it did not faze me.

    However, there were a couple of times in large groups where students came to me and said they felt overlooked and I had not even realised I was doing it. So it is possible it is unintentional too...although from what you say, it does sound like it is more deliberate so stick up for yourself.

    Apart from anything else, it will be a good character-building exercise for you.
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  • Profile picture of the author CRGreen
    The first thing I would recommend is talking to him, which from reading your comments to others, you did but it didn't help. Asking for a refund would have been perfectly acceptable in this situation - you deserve to get what you pay for and you're definitely not paying to be ignored! But it sounds like you didn't want to ask for a refund because you wanted the information/product he was offering. My suggestion to that would be to check and see if there is anything similar out there that you could purchase instead.

    It's a shame that this was your first experience with a coach/coaching group. Hopefully it doesn't give you a bad taste and make you not want to give others a chance in the future. There are great coaches out there that won't ignore you and give you above and beyond what you pay for.
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  • Profile picture of the author newbim
    It's a tough one, but I would treat this as any other purchase you make. If you were in a cafe, and ordered a coffee, and instead they brought you a cup of muddy water, I'm sure you'd say something. Sure it looks the same, but it's not what you asked for, nor what they said you'd get on the menu, and certainly not what you paid for.

    The example's a little abstract, I admit, but it's the same principle.

    It's a sad state of affairs when the customers are nervous about exercising their refund rights, which I'm sure the sales page offered.

    Hold the guy to his word: alternatively, on his next sales page, he will boast his 100% satisfaction from previous students.

    I know it turned into a bit of a rant, but I hope it helps somehow.
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  • Profile picture of the author sweetcrabhoney18
    Thank you all for so much advice. I feel like I can handle this a lot better now. I really want to stick it out for the rest of the course, so I will totally talk to him about this whole thing ASAP. I can completely understand if he's doing this on accident but it doesn't feel that way. Still I'll give him a chance and just wait to see what happens at the webinar on Sunday when I mention it publicly.

    I think I will take your suggestion CRGreen of finding another person to coach me within the field I really want to learn. I do hope if needed the next person will be amazing and actually care about my success. My hunt for something better will start ASAP as well.

    Love the muddy coffee example, Newbim. It makes it more realistic. I think if I found another coach, I will happily ask for a refund. I'd just rather have a solution to replace this one before I request a refund. I'm just shy about most confrontations .

    Thank you all again. Let's hope I can come back with good news to share once I use all the great advice you all shared with me. Thank you so very much.
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  • Profile picture of the author Rudz69
    @ sweetcrabhoney18, Stop assuming what the outcome will be if you confront him about this, Just the fact that you are posting here for help on this matter tells me allot about your personality.. Not in a bad way but in a humble way... Don't be afraid to ask questions, even if you think it's stupid (sounds like your assuming that 'they' have classified you in this position).. Don't email they guy, Call him!! This way you will prove to him (based on your assumption) and yourself that you are serious about learning and your future...
    If he IS the Coach he marketed himself to be, He will appreciate your concern and either adjust or meet you where you are at. Heck he may even apreciate the fact that you have the "balls" to confront him thus resulting into an awesome Coach - Student relationship
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    • Profile picture of the author Kay King
      A little more advice. You've added skype - have you skyped HIM to get his attention? Does he know you are sitting waiting for him to show up?

      I email him ( with a long email )
      Don't send big, long emails - condense what you have to say to a few (most important) points and list your questions 1,2,3. Make emails short, to the point and easy for him to read and reply to.

      kay
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      • Profile picture of the author Enfusia
        Have a conversation where you tell them that they have a reputation as being a top coach. Get them to agree with you on that (shouldn't be hard).

        Then tell them you believe they are failing as a coach and why.
        Then say you need to have this corrected or no more moolah from you.

        You now have ego, pride and cash slapping them in the face. That should be enough for any logical person to wake up and give you some focus.

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  • Profile picture of the author sweetcrabhoney18
    Thanks everyone.

    I have yet to skype him. I don't want to interrupt of bug him and I'd rather he be the one that approaches me since I paid the money.

    Being a top coach is super important. I do hope that would work also Patrick.

    I will be on the search out for better courses from more reliable people.

    Thanks again everyone. I think I know what to do now. I hope it works. Wish me luck!
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    • Profile picture of the author Kay King
      I don't want to interrupt of bug him and I'd rather he be the one that approaches me since I paid the money.
      Whoa - back up.

      You paid for coaching - you feel left out - he offered to skype so you added skype...now you plan to sit quietly in the corner until he remembers you exist?

      Come on, girl - skype the coach and set up a time convenient to do a one-on-one. You don't want to be the loudest squeaky wheel - but you want the coach to know you're breathing:p

      Seriously - you are working online. If you don't make some noise, no one knows you're there.
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  • Profile picture of the author squadron
    Do you have contact with other members of the group? If so, find the Smart Alpha Male, flatter him, then direct your questions to him rather than the coach. Makes sure the coach sees this. His ego will force him to jump in and give you the help you deserve.
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  • Profile picture of the author stefanvanray
    You've got some pretty good advice here. I would agree that if you pay for a service and that service is not delivered then the provider should either have to make it right or give your money back. I understand its important to give people the benefit of the doubt, but it is also important to not allow yourself to be a doormat. Every bad situation in life is a chance to learn. Take this opportunity to be assertive and let this "coach" know what your expectations are based off of what he advertised and if he cannot meet them you want you're money back. Let him know that you feel ignored and that you've talked to him about it before and he has not responded. Tell him what he can do to make it right. Give him a time limit. Don't just let the whole thing play out, otherwise he will just keep doing what he's been doing.
    Best of luck and above all else, don't let it get you down on yourself.
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  • Profile picture of the author debra leroy
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    what I would do...
    1. I would try and have a friendly, yet professional talk with the guy, telling him that I feel I do not get as much attention as the others do.
    2.if it does not work, I would insist upon it several times, with specific examples of situations when I felt neglected.
    3. Meanwhile, I would try catching his attention with questions on the topic. I do not know what kind of coaching you are taking, but if it is interactive, I would involve others too. Getting involved into action myself, if he does not, instead of complaining furthermore.
    4.If his attitude stays the same, I would definitely ask for a refund and sign in in another course.
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  • Profile picture of the author MackSell
    Originally Posted by sweetcrabhoney18 View Post

    Hi..

    What would you do if you joined a group coaching and the coach seems to ignore you but you really wanted to learn the skill that's being taught? I feel like this coach is putting me on the back burner because I'm a women and is putting all the other members ( who I assume are man) ahead of me completely.

    What would you do? Just keep going and not let it bother you or would you do something else?

    This is the very first time I've ever even joined a coaching group and I had high hopes that have lead me to feel down because of the way I'm treated. Any advice would be nice... Thanks.
    Talk to the coach in private and tell him that you feel ignored,or you can ask for a refund too because you aren't satisfied.
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  • Profile picture of the author vicwic
    I would contact him again... now.

    Don't wait until the end of the course, after all if you ordered a meal and it wasn't what you wanted you wouldn't finish it and then complain to the restaurant.

    Good service is good service regardless of the product being sold.


    The longer you leave it the easier it is for him to say that you didn't bring it to his attention.

    Personally, I'd send one (blunt) email with a list of direct questions, and ask for a reply within a certain time (eg 5pm on Tuesday). This will give one of three responses:

    1. Full answers and actual support that you paid for.

    2. If he partially responds, send back another email politely thanking him for what he did respond to but say that you still have questions from your first email that he hasn't helped with and you'd like support with them asap as that's what you understood you had paid for.

    3. No response - where I'd go immediately to demanding a refund once your deadline has passed. (Possibly then having to go over his head directly to paypay/visa/etc if you get no satisfaction from him.)


    Good luck!
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  • Profile picture of the author sweetcrabhoney18
    First thank you all for all the advice. I put it to action today.

    First I sent him a skype at 8am.
    Then after two hours of him going back and fourth online I sent another request and mentioned my name and stressed the importance of the discussion I had in mind.

    Finally at nearly 2 pm he replied. I stated my feelings once again and he was once again confused and didn't understand my position at all.

    Yesterday I made a plan to just leave the course after the next webinar. I had hoped he would talk me out of it but instead he just pushed me deeper into it. First I say that I would rather know what is needed in advance instead of having to go week by week so that I can plan ahead ( I am a mom after all ) and this gets a response of again " Take action! " I don't enjoy people yelling at me. I then said that right then I would put a hold on the solo ad business because I fear it didn't fit me. ... Mostly because of him. I fear other people might be as bad.

    I then requested a 50% refund since I would be going to two of the 4 webinars.

    The meaniest response came after that ..." .why would you join a "solo ad coaching program" and not want to sell solos? Very strange..."

    This just pissed me off and made me nearly cry again! HOW DARE HE! From the point that I joined I was so so so excited to start a solo ad business but now that excitement is melting like chocolate on a hot summer day. Let's just hope it doesn't dry up!

    So that's it. He signed off and I did as well. Now I can move forward with something else. I don't know if I want to do the solo ad business right now because of this bad taste in my mouth but maybe later. Only time will tell.

    If anyone knows who is a great solo ad coach please point me to them. Or even a book would be great!

    Thanks again everyone for the AMAZING advice. You each gave me the courage I needed to actually directly tell him what's up and tell him off as well. So thank you from the bottom of my heart.
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  • Profile picture of the author laurencewins
    Well done for speaking your mind! Sadly it did not seem to get through to him.
    Maybe you should go to the next webinar and tell him again in front of the others so they can also see he is not as good as he pretends to be. After all, unless he is re funding you, you have the right to attend and speak your mind.
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