How to Effectively Nuke Your Email List

Note: Slight sarcasm below.

Did you ever wake up feeling the need to torment your email list and make them hate you?

Well, if you are looking for new ways to screw with your email list and force them to desperately search for the unsubscribe button, you came to the right place. In this article I am going to teach you how to successfully make every person on your list hate you and wish hell fire on your soul. These tricks will help you go from having a list of 10,000 subscribers to 0 in just a few days.

Step 1: Offer The Worst “Free Report” Possible.

One of the most common ways to build a email list is to offer a free report to encourage people to sign up to your list. Most people hype up their free reports making them sound like the most amazing chunk of text EVER.

One of the best ways to piss of new subscribers is to offer the worst possible free report known to the internet. There are plenty of terrible free reports out there so the competition will be tough. But I am sure, with some luck, you can secure your position. Bonus points if you let your cat walk all over your keyboard. Add 1 point for every typo. Rack up as many points as possible.

Step 2: Send Out Emails EVERY Hour

There is nothing people like more than finding thousands of promotional offers in their inbox every day. For extra kicks, send out promotional emails linking to virus filled porn sites. Everyone needs at least one virus on their computer. If you still have some left over subscribers after these two steps, the remaining steps will get rid of them for you. Don’t worry! You won’t have to deal with the email list for much longer!

Step 3: Over Hype EVERYTHING

Are you trying to sell a rock you found during one of your hikes? Well, now that rock is not just a rock, it is the most amazing chunk of dirt in the planet. For bonus points write up a story to back up your claims to the rock. Don’t bother with fact checks. That rock broke off a piece of meteorite from a distance planet and contains traces of alien life forms.

It contains a secret energy that kings and conquerors have harvested. Cradle the rock with your hands and you will absorb some of the energy and it will unlock the secrets of the universe. Use with caution. It is a secret that the government does not want you to know about!! (use as many exclamation marks as possible).

Still, there may be people who will be interested in buying this rock. Try promoting something like an electronic product. Bonus points for inventing your own scam and promoting it your list. Don’t forget to make it sound like the most amazing scheme ever and include lots of exclamation marks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111.

Step 4: Add The Same Subscriber to Thousands of Lists.

By now your subscribers are desperately searching for the unsubscribe button. But you wouldn’t want to make it too easy for them to leave. Make sure to make thousands of copies of your list so you can promote the same offers over and over and your subscribers will have to jump through thousands of hoops to get off your list.

Step 5: Sell The List Multiple Times

Congratulations, your list officially hates you. But you can always make them hate you MORE. Sell the list as many times as possible. Try to sell the list to spam websites or create a website and offer your list to anyone who is interested in buying it. Don’t forget to over hyper your list. PLR lists for sell, anyone? The goal is to make sure everyone on your email list receives thousands of spam messages a day.

Got more steps to add? Help Warriors destroy their lists once and for all!