My Friend.....................

by 51 replies
59
Do you use the term "My Friend" in articles, sales copy, web content or anywhere where you write the content?

What does the term "My Friend" mean?

Often we read from people saying, MY FRIEND when it is nothing more than name dropping. How many emails do we received which says, My Friend [fill in the name] is selling a product, and you know the person isn't their friend, they are just an affiliate.

We can have business partners, but what is a friend?

A friend to me is someone I have a relationship with, someone who I would have no problems calling them on the phone, and meeting them for coffee or dinner. They wouldn't be someone I vaguely know, or have a business relationship with.

I know Allen Says, but to call him a friend would be going beyond any relationship we have. Sorry, Allen but had to use you as an example, and think you would understand what I mean.

I have a number of people I know online but wouldn't call them friends, because that isn't the relationship we have.

Yet people use the term which is why people don't believe what they read.

It's a lie to say my friend, and then to write what they had said without any permission or right.

A friend would ask, and tell you what they are doing.

Getting press on the coat tails of someone you know vaguely is one thing, calling them a friend when you don't treat them as a friend is, well I let you fill in the blank.

Thank goodness for Google Alerts they are more of a friend because they tell you will is happening.
#main internet marketing discussion forum #friend
  • Hi Bev,

    That's interesting.

    What about spinning it around, and
    referring to the prospect as your
    friend?

    I've been known to do that in a
    salesletter or two.

    EG-

    "If you're looking for a business that
    can make you filthy rich in no more
    than 2.69 seconds and costs less
    than a tank of gas to get started,
    my friend, you've found it."

    I agree with your point about
    people misusing these things
    though.

    -David Raybould
    • [1] reply
    • David, I think, semantically, that usage is very different from what Bev is talking about.

      Does the fault always lie with the affiliate or do the promotional email resources from the product seller actually have this already written in the email?

      Can we promote successfully with misrepresenting ourselves and/or our relationships?

      As my friend * Obama says, "Yes, we can!"

      Martin


      * I wrote on his blog once so now we are bosom buddies
      • [1] reply
  • Bev,

    I agree wholeheartedly, I hate to see people
    misrepresent a relationship.

    One of the problems that it creates is that
    when people who are really friends mention
    their relationship it become devalued because
    of all the mis-use.

    The worst offenders are the people who use
    the term "my friend" in an article to create
    the impression that the content is somehow
    endorsed by someone with authority and/or
    expert standing within a niche market.

    While it isn't illegal to use someone's name in
    an article, blog post or email without permission,
    it is illegal to misrepresent a relationship.

    John
  • Bev, I think, at least in the legitimate cases, everybody has a different
    definition of what a friend is.

    For example, there are a few people online who I have come to know very
    well and for a very long time. Have spoken to them either on Skype or even
    on the phone. I consider them friends. Now, are they in the same class as
    the guys I grew up with and hung out with? No, of course not. But I still
    consider these people friends.

    Am I wrong in doing so?

    I think we venture into very dangerous territory when we make value
    judgments on who we should and shouldn't call friends.

    Of course that's just my opinion. But the bottom line is this. All the people
    who I consider friends online, I'd have no problem contacting them and
    asking them point blank, "Do you consider me a friend?" Now, most likely,
    nobody is going to say no because that then turns into a very awkward
    situation. So therefore, the asking of the question itself is meaningless.

    But the point is, if I feel that comfortable asking the question in the first
    place, doesn't that mean, at least in my own mind, that I do consider
    this person a friend?

    Again, what's a friend?

    It's going to be different to each person and I think trying to define a
    friend on anybody's terms is dangerous.

    Again, it's just my opinion.
    • [1] reply
    • I never use "friend" in a sales letter, as I think it sounds trite. I'll use "Dear fellow Warrior" in a WSO sales letter, "Dear fellow entrepreneur" or such in others.

      As for, the old "my good friend John Reese" (who I wouldn't recognize if I bumped into him), I only use that term for actual friends. I call marketers like Dr Mani friend, but I only started that after we had met and hit it off as friends.
      • [ 1 ] Thanks
      • [1] reply
  • Unless it's in writing (copyright) quoting what someone said doesn't require permission and it's an old, old method of getting press to latch on to someone else's coattails.

    We all know people, in marketing as in life, who will associate themselves with you if it suits their purpose at the time. If it doesn't, they won't even know you. Friends like that we can do without.

    Now that I know how you feel I'll be sure to refer to you (if I refer to you, that is) as "my acquaintance, Bev, whom I know sort of...but not well...said..."


    kay
    • [1] reply
    • Ah, my good friend Kay, who buys me drinks and lends me her Ferrari (not exactly in that order).
  • Steven, if someone asked me if I was their friend, when I hardly knew them, or didn't see them as a friend, I would have no problem in answering them honestly.

    Here is the problem, let me use John or Kevin both of whom I have talked with on a regular basis and would consider them to be friends. Now they might have a different perspective on the relationship. But what type of friendship would it be if I wrote my friends John and Kevin and then went on to talk about them, even in a positive way, and not go and tell them what I did. I wouldn't, if I wanted to use their name I would always ask them in advance.

    Finding my name used as a friend via Google Alert well what can I say
    • [2] replies
    • Yes, my perspective is more like, "the crazy old Welshwoman who lives in Hong Kong and prattles on about .... "

    • I'm glad you brought up Kevin Riley specifically because he is a perfect
      example of what I am talking about.

      I consider Kevin a friend. Whether or not he feels the same is irrelevant
      to my next point.

      I have written several articles on video creation where I specifically say,
      "My friend Kevin Riley is an expert in this area" and go on to recommend
      one of his video creation products.

      No, I didn't ask his permission if I could do this, though I do remember
      sending him my first article on the subject. He didn't seem to have a
      problem with it, especially since I've even popped a few sales for him.

      However, if he had a problem and told me, I would have edited the
      article to remove the reference to calling him a friend and would have
      apologized for making the assumption.

      To me, and again, this is just my opinion, there is a big difference between
      calling somebody a friend (like if I were to call John Reese a friend) who
      I've had absolutely no relationship with at all, and calling somebody a
      friend who I do have some relationship with, no matter how small it may
      appear to another person.

      I certainly respect how you feel about this matter, but defining what a
      friend is, to me, is something that's almost impossible to do.

      And as far as the "asking for permission" thing, good heavens, can you
      imagine what a logistical nightmare that could turn into if you're suddenly
      thrust into a situation where you have a chance to hook up a "friend" with
      another person, don't have the time to "ask permission" and have to
      pass on the possible partnership because of that rule?

      If it were the other way around, and somebody would have to not say to
      another person, "My friend Steven Wagenheim would be great for this
      <whatever>" I sure as hell would hope that he'd forget the asking
      permission part and just go drop my name like a bolder off a cliff.

      But that's just me...and like I said, this is only my opinion.
      • [1] reply
  • Well, that's true you forget the fact that she drinks white wine and not red
    • [1] reply
    • Of course, my friendship can be bought with a box of Lindt dark chocolates.
  • There are even worse messages, here's my favourite:

    ----------------------
    Dear {!firstname_fix},

    I'll make this one short and sweet.

    Go, go, go! Act, act, act! Now!!!

    MyAffiliateLink.com | My Affiliate Link | Pay Per Click Affiliate | Click Affiliate | Affiliate Per Click

    P.S. Buy it NOW!
    --------------------
  • Bev, I like your style.

    And yes, Google is my friend. =D
  • Bev,

    The "my friend so and so...." thing is so tired. Friend has become like a curse word with me because of its usage.

    TomG.
    • [1] reply
    • 10-4, I completely agree. Anytime I get a sales letter anymore that has the sentence similar to "hurry-hurry-hurry....my friend so and so has launched a new product that he/she had agreed to offer for a limited time a discount price for my readers only for the next 72 hours....."

      blah, blah, blah...."

      DELETE.

      Unsubscribe.

      And that's about 80% of the email bs I used to get before I started deleting and unsubscribing.

      It's amazing how many "friends" some of these marketers really have in the same business. What a coincidence!

      BS

      Now I click DELETE

      Then I click unsubscribe


      Glenn
  • For some folks, the word "friend" has always had a fairly broad definition. For example, you're either "friend or foe."

    However, I think social media has really loosened the definition. Now everyone who is in your network -- even if you've never really talked to them -- is a friend. Heck, even right here on this forum you can build lists of "friends."

    Cheers,
    Becky

    p.s. My personal definition of friend is someone with whom I have a real relationship (talk to 'em and such).
    • [2] replies
    • I guess there could be a lot worse than My Friend in sales copy.

      How about Hey Fatty! for that diet niche book...
      Or Hey B.O. Boy! for that personal hygeine book...
      Or Hey Tiny! for that male enhancement book...

      You get the idea!
      • [1] reply
    • [quote=R Hagel;797550]For some folks, the word "friend" has always had a fairly broad definition. quote]

      Ask 20 different people & you will get 20 different responses. And for each response you will have varying levels of the term....
      Even Websters dictionary has a broad range of meanings...

      [ 1 a: one attached to another by affection or esteem
      b:
      2 a: one that is not hostile b: one that is of the same nation, party, or group
      3: one that favors or promotes something (as a charity)
      4: a favored companion
      5capitalized : a member of a Christian sect that stresses Inner Light, rejects sacraments and an ordained ministry, and opposes war --called also Quaker
      -- friend·less \ˈfren(d)-ləs\ adjective
      -- friend·less·ness noun
      -- be friends with : to have a friendship or friendly relationship with ]

      If you take #3....by definition...that makes every marketer a "friend"

      Can you act friendly to those who are not actual friends? lol

      I believe you can be friends with those who you have never "personally" met.
      I was once a pen pal to a vietnamese student, met through a class project in the late 60's, during the vietnam war...we were both 10 years old.....I have never met him in person, but through our years of communications we have grown close, so close that we still to this day keep in touch.....do I consider him a friend? I most surely do!!

      Friends come in different levels...the guys on my bowling team I consider friends, but is there the same level of friendship there.... that I share with my girlfriend or my dog for that matter?

      There are some warriors here who I would consider friends...on some level...even though we have never talked personally. Their kindness, generocity, humor offers a sense of friendship & having read postings here, their blogs, etc for a long time, I kind of get a sense that I know them...from their words alone...

      To each their own...

      Your Friend,
      Ken
  • Bev,

    Its OK with me. I am open to a friendship with anyone. Its always good to have more friends to hang out with...

    -Lakshay
  • Banned
    [DELETED]
  • Affiliate marketers use the "my friend so-and-so" in their emails all the time.
    And because of all the "my friend so-and-so" floating around, I'm reluctant to use it when talking about my REAL friends. Which is a shame, because I do have friends, really I do... and they're smart internet marketers and I'd love to mention that they are my friends.

    Peggy
  • I think that receiving an e-mail from a marketer with "my friend" is very offputting. I got one from a list I opted into and it was extremely "sales-ey."
  • I find it humorous when I get unsolicited mail and the letter starts with

    "Dear friend, you may not know who I am and we may have never met... but I think I can help you."

    Huh? I thought a friend was someone you knew. Not only that, but you're asking me for money at the end of the letter?

    Come to think of it, friends do ask friends for money sometimes.

    I guess mail merge (using the recipient's personal name in the letters) costs more at the printers.

    Nice try, though.
  • WHY would you tell ANYONE Kevin Riley was your friend? Do you REALLY want people to know that. I've been friends with Big Kev for a long time but I try to keep it a secret. I'm sorry but that is just not something you want people to find out about!

    Now that I have just lost my one and only friend, I am friendless! Would someone please be my friend? No, Bev, I want someone who speaks English!
    • [1] reply
    • Chris,As long as it doesn't put me in a category with MacRiley, I'll be your friend, Chris. Anyone who hangs with Thaddaeus T. Hogg is okay in my book! (Hey... Could you introduce me to him? I want his autograph.)

      I even speak English, after a fashion.

      I will have to agree with MacRiley on one thing... I tend not to refer to most people as "my friend" in my emails, even if they really are very close friends. It's overdone, and people think it's just a name-drop. I make an exception for JT, but that's to take the sting out of the word "old," which usually precedes it...


      Paul
  • (Myers, Myers, Myers, Myers, Myers, Myers, Myers, Myers, Myers, Myers, Myers, Myers, Myers, Myers, Myers, Myers, Myers, Myers, Myers, Myers... oh crap, I want to make sure I spell HIS name right THIS time. I just can't afford to lose any more friends)

    Mr. MYERS,

    Thad told me to tell you that he would be happy to get you an autograph as long as it doesn't show up on eBay. There have been some people reaping some hefty profits from some of his signatures!

    I HATE emails that refer to me as "friend", i.e., "Dear Friend" or refer to themselves as a good friend of so and so. I just don't like name droppers; although I would like to drop Kevin Riley's name from my memory! (Just kidding Kevin, you know you're the wind beneath my wings)

    ...and Paul... thanks for being my friend; although I feel like i'm just being used as a bridge to get you to Thad! Oh well, I'll take them any way I can get them!

    Take care!
    • [1] reply
    • I was thinking of starting my sales letter with "Hi Lads and Lasses". Not sure if it'll work though. I know it'll convert well in the UK (Newcastle).

      As for people mentioning me as a friend in their email when I'm not, that is uncool.

      Exception: I don't think I'll be complaining if Frank Kern, John Reese, Paul Myers said that in their emails :-)
      • [1] reply
  • Steven, back to a comment you made. I have had many times when I have been in that situation and lack of time. Would I say my friend [fill in the blank] just so it looks like name dropping? No. I have many times told people you need to get Kevin's book on, or talk to Kevin about. There has been no need to add in the word friend.

    If you read carefully what I say, I was specific about what they wrote as content, not a recommendation to another person. That is a big difference.

    As Paul said, even when a person is a close friend, it looks like name dropping, and people are tired of it, and when it is real it is ignored because of people using it for the wrong purpose.

    There are times when I have spoken to people, and said my friend, and then I would normally get onto skype and tell them. I spoke to xxxx and told them to contact you.

    Would I be wrong to write something and say my friend John Reese, and yes I have spoken via email to John more times than I have spoken to other people here on the warrior forum?

    Rob & I had lunch with Alan Cheng yesterday, we have met Alan many times in HK, and we talk a lot on skype. I helped Alan with his product which he did a soft launch recently.

    I wrote to my list and said, my friend Alan Cheng is, and then went on to explain that I really meant friend. I saw the start of the project when Alan had an idea, we talked it through, we brainstormed, and I saw the coming together of the project as well. Much of that was done when we were at the pub having a drink or over a meal. When I use the term friend for Alan I meant it, but I had to then explain it because people would have assumed it was like most emails which say my friend.

    To me it isn't about whether a person is a friend or not. I can honestly say that within IM I would class less then 20 people as friends. Many of them are not here on the Warrior Forum.

    What difference is it to say "MY friend, [insert name] or just using the person's name? Does it make a different to the other person? Maybe, if the term friend is used, and that isn't the relationship. But the reality is the only person who benefits is the person making the claim. They have added it in for what purpose? The words "My friend" is fluff, it doesn't add to anything, and it isn't for any purpose. Could the same effect be had from not using the term, most likely, but the person using it might not get to name drop in the way they wanted.

    Chris, you're not my friend anymore, how could you? Never mind, JT, Kevin and Paul are now all my friends, and they understand my English

    I agree with some who say that they view people as their friends because they have been helped by them.

    But, I think the biggest thing that has come out here is that those who use it when it isn't needed are doing so because they want to namedrop.
    • [2] replies
    • Wait a minute! I never said I understood your English. You're Welsh. I may be around the bend, but I'm not that far around the bend.
    • This certainly was not my intention. It's just the way I write Bev. When I
      talk about people I know, I use the word friend. Been doing it since long
      before I ever got on the Internet.

      I promise that in the future I will refrain from doing so with any marketers
      online now that I understand how it is perceived.

      That way I avoid a lot of negativity.

      Thank you for putting me in my place.
      • [1] reply
  • Whoa Bev is a welshie? Who knew?

    As for the dialogue, no, i have never referred to a prospect in the context of "my friend". Not only does it sound contrite to me, but, I think it looks like i'm trying to hard to convey a relationship whereas it should be one that is earned, and not just assumed.
    • [1] reply
    • How did you miss that one, I always say don't call me English, British is OK but English never. We Welsh even supported South Africa in the rugger when they played England
  • My English is spelt LINDT so you do understand it :p

    Wait for the grammar cops to say spelt isn't a word.

    I put the "U" in words as well
    • [1] reply
    • It is a word, but it's a type of grain.
  • He or she is not your friend, since you never had anything to do this person.
    • [1] reply
    • Rather than hijack this discussion further - I had to go back and see if my mankini memory was correct. The original "mankini-Kevin" was thinner but I did find the rather recent images. Love the tags on that thread! (images are near bottom of first page in the thread below)

      http://www.warriorforum.com/main-int...ng-weirdo.html
  • I agree with some who say that they view people as their friends because they have been helped by them...
  • I think using "My Friend" in a letter is not that formal, because you don't have a close relation of that person you're addressing to.
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