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Oh Warrior Gurus - Please Critique My Squeeze Page

by Ron Douglas
29 replies
I'm trying to get this product launch thing right for a Non IM Niche and I'd appreciate some feedback on my squeeze page:

Lose Weight Fast - Biggest Loser Champs Share Their Secrets

This is a partnership with the Winner's of Season 4 of The Biggest Loser. I'm also using fellow Warrior Sean McAlister as the Affiliate Manager / Broker.

Any help would be awesome.

Thanks!
#critique #gurus #page #squeeze #warrior
  • Profile picture of the author ExRat
    Hi Ron,

    (I chose to reply even though I'm not in the demographic of responders you require) ;-)

    Even though they are probably not, every time I look at the four people on the header it screams at me 'these heads have been photoshopped onto the bodies' - particularly the 'before' photos.
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    Roger Davis
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    • Profile picture of the author Minisite Nerd
      Originally Posted by ExRat View Post

      Hi Ron,

      (I chose to reply even though I'm not in the demographic of responders you require) ;-)

      Even though they are probably not, every time I look at the four people on the header it screams at me 'these heads have been photoshopped onto the bodies' - particularly the 'before' photos.

      Roger,

      FYI - "The Biggest Loser" is a popular TV show here in the US, and the weight loss these guys went thru was documented on national TV.

      Maybe I'm wrong but I think before and after shots are powerful for most people, especially when that weight loss has been documented on national TV.

      I think before and after shots can be uncredible and unbelievable sometimes, but the "Biggest Loser" factor here builds a lot of credibility.
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      • Profile picture of the author Paul Hooper-Kelly
        Hi Ron,

        Opting in is an impulse thing. So - unlike a sales page - you should aim to have the entire squeeze page "above the fold", so the whole thing's visible at a glance, without scrolling. If they log off without scrolling, they'll never see the most compelling part - the video.

        I agree with Roger, the header isn't doing you many favors and it's certainly taking up too much of that valuable real estate above the fold. If you must keep it, try making it smaller, so you can get the video above the fold.

        Here's one of my video squeeze pages to show how you can incorporate all three elements of header, video and web form (and even a testimonial) above the fold.

        Warmest regards,

        Paul
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        • Profile picture of the author ExRat
          Hi Ron,

          I think the video on the page will clear up any of those doubts. Please have a look and tell me if you still think that:
          You're absolutely right, the video conclusively proves it.

          The strange thing is, even on the video they look the same. These are two blokes who in real life, look as if they have had their heads photoshopped onto their bodies.

          I do think you could lose the space with the URL at the top, push the header image up and it might give a slightly better first impression. There's something about the top part with the rounded edges that I wouldn't expect to see on a site with TV celebs endorsing it - but that's just me. Try scrolling down so it's hidden to see what I mean. I feel the same about the green part at the bottom.
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          Roger Davis
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          • Profile picture of the author Intrepreneur
            Originally Posted by ExRat View Post


            The strange thing is, even on the video they look the same. These are two blokes who in real life, look as if they have had their heads photoshopped onto their bodies.

            Whatever will the TV think of next...eh?
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    • Profile picture of the author Ron Douglas
      Originally Posted by ExRat View Post

      Hi Ron,

      (I chose to reply even though I'm not in the demographic of responders you require) ;-)

      Even though they are probably not, every time I look at the four people on the header it screams at me 'these heads have been photoshopped onto the bodies' - particularly the 'before' photos.
      I think the video on the page will clear up any of those doubts. Please have a look and tell me if you still think that:

      Lose Weight Fast - Biggest Loser Champs Share Their Secrets
      Signature
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    • Profile picture of the author Paul Myers
      Roger,
      Even though they are probably not, every time I look at the four people on the header it screams at me 'these heads have been photoshopped onto the bodies' - particularly the 'before' photos.
      It's the necklaces. They're what's creating that effect.


      Paul
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      Stop by Paul's Pub - my little hangout on Facebook.

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  • Profile picture of the author Minisite Nerd
    Ron,

    I like it....have a few thoughts that may help or may not. It's good stuff already....

    You know how you have that "As Seen On:" banner at the bottom...? I would leave that there but then make a smaller version of the same banner and put it diagonally at the top right of your page where there is some white space. This would put it "above the fold" and eliminate some white space.

    Or you could simply put it horizontally where you have that white space on the right side of your header.

    I always like having video and opt in box above the fold too, but the pictures in your header are so dramatic and compelling, I like it how it is.

    Like the headline, but not sure about the word "insider" the way it is used...
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  • Profile picture of the author scrapper
    I agree, put the as seen on top right..

    it looks good to me man..

    there will be some skeptics out there that that is real... BUT most people looking to lose weight know of hte show the biggest loser.. so they just know that really did happen... so i think its credible... plus the video of them on tv..

    a two week sample meal plan isnt' enough pop for me..

    Also i would change the headline... more of a Find out what they wouldn't show you on tv angle instead of just saying insider... make people think like holy smokes what didn't they show me!!! i need to know!
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    • Profile picture of the author Ron Douglas
      Originally Posted by scrapper View Post

      .

      Also i would change the headline... more of a Find out what they wouldn't show you on tv angle instead of just saying insider... make people think like holy smokes what didn't they show me!!! i need to know!
      This is a big help guys, thanks. I've began making some of the changes already.

      I thought that the "Insider Secrets" thing would imply it's going to be stuff they didn't show you on TV.
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      • Profile picture of the author Minisite Nerd
        Originally Posted by Ron Douglas View Post

        This is a big help guys, thanks. I've began making some of the changes already.

        I thought that the "Insider Secrets" thing would imply it's going to be stuff they didn't show you on TV.
        I think the angle is right, but the wording strikes me odd.

        What about "behind-the-scenes"....or "what you didn't see on TV"...."off camera secrets"...?? Just some ideas.

        Unlike some others I think the before and afters are a must. They build a relationship with the visitor and say, "see....I used to be just like you".

        What I think would have even LESS credibility in this niche would be just the AFTER shots. Then people think to themselves - "Well, this guy has always been skinny. He doesn't know what it's like to be fat.".

        In the "IM" niche it's similar to those salesletters that start out by telling people jus how far in debt the author was previously or what kind of crappy 9-to-5 job they used to have. It makes the reader feel as though they are just like you.
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  • Profile picture of the author JayXtreme
    Here goes:

    I think the headline lacks pulling power..

    The words "VIP Notification" makes me cringe in this niche.. not something I would go with.

    Put the as seen as banner near the top, diagonally in the top left hand corner...

    The words.. "Get Our Free Sample 2 Week Meal Plan".. should that be "Get Your Free Sample 2 Week Meal Plan"?... I think it should say Get Your...

    Also, this bit:

    This information is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice from your doctor and nutritionist.
    Needs moving right down to the bottom of the page..

    Just some thoughts for ya, Dude.

    Peace

    Jay
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    Bare Murkage.........

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  • Profile picture of the author David Raybould
    Hi Ron,

    Not sure if I'd call myself a guru,
    but I can certainly help you tweak
    this page...

    It's a good looking squeeze, but I
    think it's a little long.

    You'll get a better rate of response
    if the reader doesn't have to work
    to do it... and by work, I mean
    scroll the page down.

    If you have an optin above the fold
    you'll probably get more subscribers.

    Obviously it doesn't work the way
    the page is laid out now, but I'm
    sure you get what I mean.

    Hope that's useful buddy.

    -David Raybould
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  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    Yep...the page is way too busy. If you must have all that copy there at least make some of it smaller. Likewise the logos. The "before" and "after" shots should always be the hero in this niche. Always. I'm not convinced you even need the video. And I think I'd use the head "Bill Lost 164lbs...Jim lost 186lbs - in 8 months!" You don't need to even mention "The Biggest Loser" - just use the logo - but not as big. On the opt-in say Enter Your Name and Email and We'll Send You a Free Sample 2 Week Meal Plan.
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  • Profile picture of the author JayXtreme
    p.s. Overall, Ron.... it's an ace looking site and what looks to be a fantastic proposition for ya.. Kudos

    Peace

    Jay
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    Bare Murkage.........

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  • Profile picture of the author Daniel E Taylor
    Add Your Name To The Notification List Below
    And Get A Free Sample 2 Week Meal Plan...

    Everything looks good to me. I'd change those 2 lines to an actual benefit.

    No one cares about a 2 week meal plan. They care about what the 2 week meal plan will DO for them.

    If it will help them lose weight, then tell them to OPT in to get a meal plan that will help them lose 10 pounds or whatever.

    Daniel
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    Self Actualization is one's true purpose. Everything
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  • Profile picture of the author Best Affiliate
    I guess im missing something. What insider secrets are there when it was documented on tv? Is this going to be selling strictly a diet plan? Those people go thru months of strenuous workouts everyday so Im not sure what people are going to expect on getting more insider secrets for this. Its obviously hard work to me for their success losing weight... just my two cents
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  • Profile picture of the author Terry Hatfield
    I agree get rid of the big pictures and get your optin boxes above the fold.

    Just the free press you could get from this project could be amazing.
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    • Profile picture of the author ingameking
      Banned
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      • Profile picture of the author Martin Luxton
        Is it me or do they both look about 20 years younger when they were fatter?

        And Bill's NOW face looks like he's suffered a lot.

        The headline is clumsy. How about

        Biggest Losers Share Their Fat Loss Secrets!

        Now YOU can . . .

        I can't relate to the combined loss idea. I can relate to one person losing x number of pounds but a combined total of 350 pounds does nothing for me.

        Martin
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  • Profile picture of the author webpromotions
    Nice looking site, but it reminded me too much of the 'flogs' that you see all over AdSonar and other ad sites like that. (marybobjoe'sweightlossblog.com or 'bobbysuesacaisuccesstories.com).

    First thing I thought when I saw the site was that it was a joke about yet another flog that got popular w/ some huge media buy.
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    • Profile picture of the author ExRat
      Hi Paul,

      It's the necklaces. They're what's creating that effect.
      I wondered that at the time, but it's also -

      a) the drop shadow on the one on the right

      b) plus his face is a little blurry (which compounds the blurry drop shadow), but his body is not

      c) his neck is yellowy/pinky in contrast to a very white body (not unusual I know, for someone who wears a t-shirt in the sun, but regardless, it adds to the others)

      d) left has shaved his hairline below the necklace line, right has shaved it on the line...they both add to the effect

      e) combined with all this, both their heads look slightly out of proportion - left too small, right too big

      As well as their weight loss, the program they have been on has done remarkable things to their shape, colouring and head size. I recommend it to anyone who looks like the before photos.
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      Roger Davis
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  • Profile picture of the author Asher
    Hi Ron,

    I think it looks great! If there's anything graphical that you
    can change - you could try having the fatter pictures of
    themselves in those... um, what do you call those pictures
    that you take a picture and it comes out straight away?

    Edit: Oh yeah, Polaroids

    But have it in black-and-white and you can probably make
    it smaller (to cover up any image blurrness) then stick
    arrows pointing from the picture to them with a caption
    of how much weight they lost. But this one needs to be
    tested =)

    With Sean as your partner, I'm sure this will do well for
    you =D

    Asher
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    Asher Aw
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  • Profile picture of the author Jesus Perez
    I would split test the top banner in the following way.

    -Try the existing one.

    -Try another one with the "as seens on tv" stamped on the right empty side.

    -Try moving the As seen on tv" directly below the submit button.

    I have a suspicion moving that above the fold will help.
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    • Profile picture of the author MikeHumphreys
      Ron,

      You've gotten some good advice but you should post this in the copywriting forum. That's where most of the copywriters hang out.

      If I hadn't been researching something else, I would have never seen your request here.

      Mike

      P.S. Lose the URL in the header. It's taking up some really important real estate. Much better to have a headline or even a pre-head there.

      P.P.S. Your opt-in box needs a benefit-driven headline. No offense but 'Bill & Jim Want to Help You!' is not it.
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      • Profile picture of the author JP Wilson
        I really like this site Ron! It's sleek yet very comfortable. The video, of course, is the thing that sells the opt-in. It's so inspiring to see the journeys of these two courageous men.

        That being said, the one principal thing I would add if I were you, is a stronger call to action to the end of this video. At its conclusion, I kinda had a "wow, that's great but how does that apply to me" feeling. Instead of closing the video with "Discover our rapid weight loss system" and the name of the site, I would have a few extra seconds of text (not voice-over) saying something to the effect of:

        (note: not sure of the actual weight or dates but I'm sure you are)

        In February of 2007 Jim Germanakos Weighed 317lbs...
        (fade transition)
        His brother Bill weighed 325...
        (fade transition)
        In October of 2007 they had collectively shed a total of 298lbs between the two of them...
        (fade transition)
        Now they're finally giving away their secrets.
        (fade transition)
        Get their exclusive "Loose 10lbs in two weeks" fat-shedding meal plan and discover their Rapid Weight Loss System...
        (fade transition)
        And the real truth about diets.
        (fade transition)
        Enter your name and email address for instant unrestricted access.

        This is by no means perfect, but I think you get the idea.

        Note: End the video with the "Enter your name and email..." call to action so that it stays frozen on the screen unless the video is replayed.

        Just a few additional things to consider:
        1) Bring the video above the "fold" of the page to prevent scrolling (as was already suggested)
        2) Program the video to autostart if possible.
        3) Consider ditching the name field (has been proven to boost conversions)
        4) Consider ditching the submit button and use an orange "Click Here To Continue" button with blue font. (outperformed everything else in Deis's 43 split tests)

        Hope this helps bro. Best of luck to ya. Even though we all know you'll do great... especially with Sean doing his thang!

        JP
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  • Profile picture of the author Robert24
    I don't have much to add to what's already been said here, however I would strongly recommend taking Mike's advice above and removing the TruthAboutDiets.com url at the top. It serves no purpose and is taking up valuable space which is driving the real, "important" content below the fold of the page and out of vision.

    Also, be sure to add a page peel type of graphic at the top of the page for the as seen on tv box - this type of stuff drives home the authority of the page (especialy seeing your target audience probably watches more then their fair share of tv).
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  • Profile picture of the author Diane S
    I am not a Guru but I have a design background....and the empty white space is screaming out...fill me up with something good, honey!
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    • Profile picture of the author Floyd Fisher
      That page is fabulous....I wouldn't change a thing.

      One caveat though....using the logo from NBC's television show could run you into some serious problems....trademark, copyright, and god knows what else. Get permission, or drop it and use something else.

      The 'as seen on' graphic could also run you into the same problems. Either get permission to use those, or simply list them using an unordered listing.
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