Anyone need help on thier landing page?

25 replies
Hey everyone, I'm new to the forum, but not new to landing page design. I thought the best way to introduce myself is help some people who feel stuck in a rut.

If anyone wants me to take a look at thier landing page and give a few tips go ahead and post it below. If you're scared about posting it for all to see, send it to me in a Private Message. I'll help get you on the right track.
#landing #page #thier
  • Profile picture of the author BizzyUK
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    • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
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      Originally Posted by BizzyUK View Post

      Your feedback is welcome.

      Take a look.

      Bizzy.
      That page of yours is WAY too busy. And hard to read. You have some nice graphics but the BIGGEST pulling images in your niche are BEFORE & AFTER shots. B & A shots are almost hypnotic. Have a look at the shots of the twins on This Site and you'll see what I mean.
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  • Profile picture of the author Droopy Dawg
    Maybe its just me... but my eyes started hurting when I looked at your site in your sig Bizzy... also I may have missed the optin form (my eyes still hurt because the font is too big), but you should stick an optin form on there and offer some sort of guide for free to build a list.

    You can always advertise the affiliate product... and as I've learned... building a list should be priority #1 for ANY business. From here on out I will not build ANYTHING unless there's some sort of list-building on the page whether its RSS sign-up or autoresponder.

    Just trying to help.
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  • Profile picture of the author landing-page-dude
    Here's what's going on Bizzy. Your site is trying promote "Easy Weight Loss". The very first thing a customer sees when they visit your page are a big image of search lights and "Re-Imagine Solutions Digital Products". If i am a consumer looking for a site about weight loss, this initial response is not good.....they won't think they are at a site about weight loss and they will leave.

    The first thing a person should see when they hit the site is something telling them they are at the right place. Maybe a "before and after" weight loss picture, or some compelling wording such as..."If you want to lose weight, we have a system that will help produce the same results as gastric band but without the surgery".

    You need to talk about the benefits first so a person can imaging in their head what the end result is like, then you have a stronger message that more people will take you up on.

    After you rework the page, hit me up and I'll give you some more suggestions.
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    • Profile picture of the author IM Magazine
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      • Profile picture of the author landing-page-dude
        Jerome,

        The amazing thing is that what you say is more important than having the best looking website.

        A few easy changes you can make to your site:

        1. Get rid of all content about the image of the Magazine, move the blog and marketing videos links to the bottom of the page, instead put a simpler headline that says something like "Step by step instructions on how to start, run and profit from owning your online business."

        2. Bold a few of the "in this issue" items...ones like "one month to 1000 list members" and "7 day profit system"

        3. Put the opt in just below the magazine image instead of farther down on the page, and change "Yes, here's my subscription to IM Magazine" to something like "Yes, I want a free subscription to IM Magazine"
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  • Profile picture of the author ProEFI
    Nice objective advice without being critical landing-page-dude. Perhaps you could review mine... Small Business Help - Lean Training For Small Business Success
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    • Profile picture of the author landing-page-dude
      Originally Posted by ProEFI View Post

      Nice objective advice without being critical landing-page-dude. Perhaps you could review mine... Small Business Help - Lean Training For Small Business Success
      ProEFI,

      The page looks good, however I think if you just tweak your headline a little bit, you will get better responses. It's too general. It needs to be more personalized to the customer. Example "If your getting too overwhelmed with your business..." or "Discover how you can increase your profits while decreasing your time" Be more specific on what a customer will get from using your system.

      Also this line is great: "A Step-By-Step, 12-Week Training Program To Transform your Small Business into a Lean and Profitable Company!" Put that just under your headline. People like step by step processes. We are lazy by nature .

      Let me know if you have any questions.
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  • Profile picture of the author BizzyUK
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    • Profile picture of the author Troy_Phillips
      Originally Posted by BizzyUK View Post

      Maybe its just me... but my eyes started hurting when I looked at your site in your sig Bizzy... also I may have missed the optin form (my eyes still hurt because the font is too big), but you should stick an optin form on there and offer some sort of guide for free to build a list.

      Here's what's going on Bizzy. Your site is trying promote "Easy Weight Loss". The very first thing a customer sees when they visit your page are a big image of search lights and "Re-Imagine Solutions Digital Products". If i am a consumer looking for a site about weight loss, this initial response is not good.....they won't think they are at a site about weight loss and they will leave.

      Thanks chaps for having a look.

      Yes, I went for big and brash because big and brash tends to work. Attention has to be grabbed quickly in the fast clicking world of Internet surfing and the primary colour scheme was explicitly designed to do this.

      I decided not to do the before and after thing because I did not want to go down that clichéd route; I wanted to emphasise my brand identity because this is genuinely a large part of what I am selling and what I am about. It's not meant to be just another weight loss book. It's a solution in the form of an ebook (that is the big idea).

      That all said and being true, I am not getting the sales that I should be bearing in mind the quality of the product, so I will consider an overhaul, but I would like more feedback, if at all possible, before I do this.

      I am genuinely interested in what you have to say.

      Should I stick to my guns and let the copy do the selling or go for an altogether more slick look?

      In respect of list building sign up forms, I don't think they are particularly useful on sales pages; I believe they distract people from hitting that all important Buy Now button (look at my site, you can't miss it ). Again, I could be wrong; it wouldn't be the first time, nor I suspect the last.

      Cheers,
      Bizzy.
      The sign up form could distract from the buy now button.

      The deal is if they don't buy now they will probably never buy from you .If you have their information you can present a lot of different buy now buttons to them.

      I could be wrong . I was one time before ( I thought I was wrong once )

      Laying all jokes aside , everyone has a different business model but I see more long term success from any model that collects visitor information .

      Then what else would you expect from a list builder ?
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    • Profile picture of the author landing-page-dude

      Bizzy,

      A second option would be sending your traffic directly to a landing page that gives a few teasers and says "to get all the info, enter your email address here". then have the page redirect them to the sales page. That way you can keep sending them some good content via email so they see the value in the product. This has worked very well for me.
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  • Profile picture of the author Evita
    OK, here's my site:
    Cat Allergy? How To End Your Cat Allergies Symptoms with Tapas Acupressure Technique

    Would really appreciate if you care to give a look.

    Evita
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    • Profile picture of the author SteveJohnson
      Evita -

      My first reaction was "How do you do accupressure on a CAT?" I mean, I know people do insane things for their pets, but accupressure?

      Wasn't till I clicked to your page that I realized you were talking about people being allergic to cats - not that the cats had allergies...

      I know, stupid maybe, but if I thought it, maybe some of your target market might too.

      I might be way off base here, but I'm of the opinion that your sales page should be just that. You have a LOT going on there, and I'm wondering how distracting it could be to potential buyers.

      I think people should have one choice on a sales page - to buy or not to buy. If they choose not to buy, you can pop up a optin form to try to capture them as a lead.

      Basically what I'm saying is that you might test swapping copy between your home and actual sales page; using the home page copy to presell what's on the sales page. Then start tweaking your sales page and testing.
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      The 2nd Amendment, 1789 - The Original Homeland Security.

      Gun control means never having to say, "I missed you."

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    • Profile picture of the author SteveJohnson
      Bizzy -

      Your sales page is annoying. Everything is WAY too big. I had to shrink the page 3 times just to make it readable. You're wasting very valuable sales real estate 'above the fold' with essentially meaningless headline and copy.

      You don't have a commanding headline. You don't promise me that wading through all your annoying sales page will be worth my while. 'Easy Weight Loss'? Everybody promises that. What's your USP? Why should I read any further?

      So I scroll down and I see this enormous graphic touting 'Brain Change Re-imagining Software'. WTF? I thought this was about WEIGHT LOSS. And software to change my brain? I don't think so!

      So I get past that, and I see an extremely eye-wrenching section about the Psychological Gastric Band. "...safest and easiest weight loss solution out there". Out where? You mean there's other weight loss programs I should think about?

      THEN, there's a whole Q&A section full of incredibly annoying quote marks and inane questions - questions that a buyer would probably never ask, along with answers that don't help sell your product.

      I'm just going to list this stuff off, going down the page...
      • "Brilliant ebook" - huh? who says?
      • absolutely meaningless gigantic checkmarks - 4 of them
      • with your questions, you bring your buyers attention to negative things they may not have been thinking - but now they are (scam, hard to stick with?, badly written ebook, etc.)
      • you're arguing with me - telling me I'm wrong ("the price is too high" - "is NOT")
      • you're using too many big words - "constituent parts of the solution in the offline world", "qualitative or quantitative measure" huh ???
      • and I have to bend over backwards just to get something I can PRINT?
      • I only get FIVE DAYS to test?
      • what's with the AOL email address? aren't you a reputable company with your OWN web site?
      • a 'smiley' bobblehead?
      • an ENORMOUS download button that doesn't even work?
      • two articles at the bottom of a sales page? what's the reason for that?

      Bizzy, IMHO the best thing you could do is start over. Model your sales page after those that have proven effective. Read up on how to write an effective sales page.

      You're selling what might be a very effective program. But you sure haven't convinced me of that. You haven't told me why this program is better, or how, by a few simple daily exercises, I can empower my brain to help me instead of holding me back and keeping me fat. I don't give half a crap about "gastric bands". In fact, they scare me. Cut me open and wrap something around my stomach? Bullshit! Are you sure you're wanting to compare your product to something that is frightening to many people?

      None of the above is intended to be insulting. You asked for an opinion, I'm giving you an honest one. In my opinion, any sales you're making from that sales page are in spite of it rather than because of it.
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      The 2nd Amendment, 1789 - The Original Homeland Security.

      Gun control means never having to say, "I missed you."

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  • Profile picture of the author shakti2u
    Here is my list building site:

    www.step-by-step-internet-marketing.com

    Thanks for looking at it.

    Sylvia
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  • Profile picture of the author BizzyUK
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    • Profile picture of the author SteveJohnson
      Originally Posted by BizzyUK View Post

      Thanks Steve for your typically American response.

      You just don't get it, but that's fine. I can live with that.

      I will not even begin to try and explain the gastric band analogy (oh, you can look analogy up under a for ass).

      I have taken a titbit of your advice though and downsized the font formatting, which seems to be rubbing people's backs up the wrong way for some strange reason that I cannot quite fathom, and I have simplified the sales pitch still further too.

      I would be more interested to hear from a person of the fairer and more intelligent sex (my target market). Is the product too confusing for you?

      And Steve, mate, I am trying to create a sense of trust with my customers, not impress them with my ginormous and ever so manly email address.

      If I may comment on your comments, I think your analysis, for the most part, is overly simple and condescending. Potential buyers aren't idiots, and they shouldn't be treated as such. They will invariably have questions, and these questions should be answered head-on. What are you afraid of?

      I think you bullsh** for a living, personally, which is something I cannot abide. I choose substance every time.

      Cheers,
      MrBizzyUK.
      I apologize profusely for bruising your evidently fragile ego. If you wanted a sugar-coated, pat-you-on-the-back-your-sales-page-is-lovely-dear analysis, you should have said so.

      You want better conversions, your sales page needs work. Lots of work.
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      The 2nd Amendment, 1789 - The Original Homeland Security.

      Gun control means never having to say, "I missed you."

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    • Profile picture of the author Evita
      Originally Posted by BizzyUK View Post


      I would be more interested to hear from a person of the fairer and more intelligent sex (my target market). Is the product too confusing for you?

      Cheers,
      MrBizzyUK.
      Confusing?

      The entire page is confusing, and with that size font I had a feeling of being yelled at.

      It is hard to get a grasp on what you are selling.

      Evita
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  • Profile picture of the author Evita
    Thanks Steve.

    You have given me some things to think about and to try. I appreciate it.


    Evita
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  • Profile picture of the author limoge
    I didn't see the site before the latest changes were made but I agree that the site creates confusion.

    Maybe this has to do with the audience you are aiming for but I think the language on the page needs to be simplified and things made clearer. I understood qualitative vs quantative but the average person (at least in the US in my opinion) is not going to know what that is. I didn't encounter those concepts until I took a research methods course in grad school (and it was an optional course). Also telling people to 'test the integrity of your argument' is terminology that I don't think most people are using in common conversation.

    I may be wrong but I think even some of the terminology would be problematic for a UK audience. I've looked at quite a few programs on BBCA for several years and the word 'hindrance' I recall in programs that were supposed to be about historical times not modern. I don't recall hearing it when I visited England or even reading it when I visit the BBC, Telegraph or Daily Mail websites.
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  • Profile picture of the author Sagar Mehta
    Bizzy,

    It's strange that on one hand you mention you ain't getting any sales with your copy and on the other hand you want to talk down any advice given to you.

    If constructive criticism is what you're looking for, this forum is a great place for that. But if you're going to "shoot the messenger" when we try to help, you'll make enemies, not friends.

    Hope you would take the following in its stride:
    1. "Brain Change" "Re-imagining Software" "Intelligent Change". Why is that image on your salespage at all? It doesn't even mention weight-loss. If it is your product, you need to explain what the image is all about.
    2. Brilliantly Straightforward - what does that mean anyway?
    3. "You will lose between 8-10 llbs. of pure fat." Is that a guarantee? If I don't lose that much weight, do I get a refund? If not, can't I sue you for it?
    4. "any responsible individual" - You mean to say if I don't buy, I am not a responsible person or something? Sounds like you are attacking me personally (just my thought)
    5. "Why is the sales price high"? "It's NOT" - that's it? I am supposed to believe you just like that. Isn't there any good reason why you are selling it at 19.95.
    6. Right above the testimonials, why is that "smiley image" there? What purpose is it exactly serving?
    7. Your testimonials are extremely general. I could make them up within seconds if I wanted to. And they're just the same as I've seen on numerous other weight loss sites. What makes your product special then?
    8. "It all sounds brilliant, I must confess, but it sounds just too good to be true. I am still a little unsure." - To be frank, I didn't think it is brilliant. assuming I did, the reasons that you give me right after that line don't convince me AT ALL. 'Standalone investment, exclusive package to RS, hardcore solution' - those things don't mean anything to me, really. How does all that matter as far as building trust is concerned?
    9. A FIVE DAY money back guarantee? You gotta be kidding me. No weight loss product can help me lose weight in the first five days!!!! So how do you expect me to be satisfied without using it? Do you think I would happy to see that the ebook is "well-written"? I want to see results and if I don't see the results you're promising, I will be unsatisfied with your product, no matter how well it's written.
    That's all what I can think of right now. There's nothing personal here, Bizzy. You've asked for feedback, that's what I gave you. Hope you will put it to good use.

    Landing-Page-Dude, sorry for having jacked your thread like this.

    Sagar
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  • Profile picture of the author joelraitt
    Howdy, what do yah think of www.fastcashunlocked.com? I am testing 4 differnet ones right now...so let me know which one you get.

    Later,

    Joel
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  • Profile picture of the author Jon Steel
    FYI - for a lot of the websites on this forum that I have reviewed. Tests have shown that webpages 600 pixels wide are BEST in converting prospects. Primarily because when your pages are "lean" - they are easier to scan.

    "Bizzy" - sorry but your webpage is WAY TOO WIDE. It forces your prospects to read and unfortunately - no one reads anymore. That alone may get potential payouts to bolt for the door.

    hope this helps us all -

    js
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  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    Originally Posted by landing-page-dude View Post

    Hey everyone, I'm new to the forum, but not new to landing page design. I thought the best way to introduce myself is help some people who feel stuck in a rut.

    If anyone wants me to take a look at thier landing page and give a few tips go ahead and post it below. If you're scared about posting it for all to see, send it to me in a Private Message. I'll help get you on the right track.
    Dude, it's "T H E I R".
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  • Profile picture of the author BizzyUK
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    • Profile picture of the author Jon Steel
      Originally Posted by BizzyUK View Post

      PS Just because I go against traditional internet marketing spiel, you shouldn't assume I have not had success with my, admittedly, clumsy approach - I have sold over a 1000 of these packages in one shape or form, which isn't terrible .
      Congrats - but we want to get you to 2,000; 5,000; and even 10,000!



      js
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  • Profile picture of the author Kash
    This looks like a great thread to get some ppl to give me some feedback on my first product landing page. Anabolic Shotgun, link is in the signature.

    Thanks
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  • Profile picture of the author DavidO
    Hi and thanks for your offer!

    I've sent you a PM.
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