Here's my offer... tell me what's wrong with it

by dustinlemos 4 replies
Wow. The IM niche is tough as hell! I recently dove in with my first short report info product, and I'm fighting to get a single conversion.

Here's my landing page:

I know the copy sucks, but I'm a terrible copywriter and have no idea how I can improve it. Any criticism is greatly appreciated.
#main internet marketing discussion forum #offer #wrong
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  • Profile picture of the author Kyle Tully
    The IM niche isn't tough.

    You've just made some basic mistakes.

    Forget about how "good" or "bad" you are as a copywriter... that really doesn't matter as much as many people would have you believe.

    Let's look at the content of your page. And I'm not talking about the copy, per se. I mean what you've actually given me, as a reader, to go on.

    I don't know who you are.

    I don't know why I should listen to you.

    I'm not really sure what I'll get from reading your report. (You gave me a few weak bullets, but without any proof, or even a mechanism, it's just words.)

    Fix those 3 things and you'll convert.


    p.s. Don't mention beer when you talk about the price. Beer wins too easily in that comparison
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    • Profile picture of the author dustinlemos
      Thanks for the advice Kyle. This helps me a lot.
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      • Profile picture of the author Jay Deiboldt
        Why don't you run it as a WSO?

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      • Profile picture of the author Neil Morgan
        I read it through and it started off stating that I shouldn't be fooled by the empty promises of others.

        But I have no clue who those other are or what they are promising.

        Bad start.

        So now I'm reading about the solution to a problem that I don't understand and I don't know if it's a problem I have or not.

        And I agree with Kyle - when I got to the end I didn't know what I was buying. A report that will help me build my list? Mm, I need to know much more than that. There are zillions of reports that promise the same thing. So what's different about this one?

        Look at every phrase and ask yourself if someone who knows nothing about the business would understand what it means. Don't assume that people will understand what you're trying to say. Subtelty doesn't work. You need to spell out every last detail in simple terms, no matter how long it makes the salesletter. That doesn't mean long-winded - every word needs to be there for a reason.

        What is the problem your prospect faces? Spell it out in emotional terms. What are they losing?

        What gives YOU the credentials to be able to offer a solution? Your experience?

        What is the solution - blow-by-blow? Tell them everything about the information in the report without giving them the information in the report.

        How much is it and why is it super-great value? (blow-by-blow)

        What do you want them to do now? (Simple call-to-action followed by simple ordering process)

        Hope this helps.



        Easy email marketing automation without moving your lists.

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