The "Why won't anyone help me?" threads...

12 years ago

Hi Paul,

Instead of consuming of ill-gotten hemoglobin, these vampires suck the very life and energy out of people. By nature they feed on generous individuals who tend towards helping others, and leave their victims exhausted, bitter and dispirited.

Infestation = positive.

Will somebody please open the curtains and let some light in here.

I don't suppose there's a page on that site about shills and sock puppets, ruining everywhere in order to up their post count so that they can use the review section as their launch announcement area? Oh damn, now I've been bitten I'm turning into a help vampire too...I'll go search the site.

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Michael Mayo 12 years ago

Hi Paul,

Man I wished you had made this post 30 minutes ago...lol

Have a Great Day!
Michael
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Scott Ames

12 years ago

HAHAHAHA too funny..

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raymagnetic

12 years ago

That website is hilarious.

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Allen Graves

12 years ago

LOL - classic!

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ThomM 12 years ago

Paul can you help me manage my time better?:rolleyes:
You can get your work done and still have time to find these gems.
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Star Riley

12 years ago

Could someone hep explain the idea behind this post? I really need help....LOL

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Darrel Hawes

12 years ago

I'm waiting for someone to change their WF title to... "Help Vampire".

Great post.

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indexphp

12 years ago

Perfect timing: I'm watching "Underworld"

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HomeComputerGames

12 years ago

LOL......reminds me of my kids!

I wonder how many times the phrase "Google it" has been posted? Or should be posted.. :rolleyes:

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Randy Bheites 12 years ago

Originally Posted by HomeComputerGames

I wonder how many times the phrase "Google it" has been posted?

Let me google that for you

Actually, according to the Google Keyword Tool, the "Global Monthly Search Volume" for that term is: 1,220,000
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- Paul Wilson 12 years ago
  
  I confess,
  
  I was a help vampire, feeding on kind souls everywhere. The pray made it easy for me. I'd come out after dark, bait my trap (post an innocent question) and then pounce. Oh how delicious, the feast, the taste of a fresh response.
  
  One day the pray became hunter and I was caught, forced to go cold turkey. Living on a diet of empty Google search boxes and faqs dipped in a sauce of useful answers. Oh the pain of thinking for myself, working things out, it hurt.
  
  Cold turkey, t'is a painful cure but it works and soon the pain turned to discomfort.Today, it's almost a pleasure to type "how to..." into the mighty god of search.
  
  Some time the urge to go hunting once more grows stronger, and I must take steps to to prevent a return to my past. What do I do? I head over to the War Room and sigh, oh to ask a simple question, just once, it wouldn't hurt, I promise...
  
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  Alminc 12 years ago
  
  Please, please help me to make $10000 this week!
  It's urgent, I need money ASAP!
  
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  No links :)
  
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Zeus66

12 years ago

Google is Garlic.

Now stop whining and help them make $100,000 this month. Or else.

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mywebwork 12 years ago

Originally Posted by Zeus66

Google is Garlic.

Now stop whining and help them make $100,000 this month. Or else.

Don't they make that every 5 minutes?

Help!
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havefunandlive

12 years ago

This may be a joke, but I don't know. It's not really fair to people like me.

I always check very thoroughly on google using "site:warriorforum.com" to make sure I'm not rehashing someone else's question and I try not to be a bother in general, yet a lot of my threads still get 0 replies very low amounts of views in general, which leaves me in a pickle.

In fact, I'm surprised (and grateful) when someone actually takes the time to answer one of my threads or my questions.

I wonder if it's just because I'm new here...?

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1 reply

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Tina Golden

12 years ago

[DELETED]

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havefunandlive

12 years ago

Originally Posted by TMG Enterprises

Did you click through and actually read the post on the other side of the link? It refers to rather specific poster types, not just newbies in general.

Your profile shows you have started 7 threads and all had at least 2 replies with one having 55. You haven't made "a lot" of threads and none have "0 replies".

Tina G

Actually, yeah, nevermind.

I guess I just took it in the wrong context.

I see vampires on PC repair forums all the time, heheh.

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Kevin Riley

12 years ago

Originally Posted by havefunandlive

This may be a joke, but I don't know. It's not really fair to people like me.

I always check very thoroughly on google using "site:warriorforum.com" to make sure I'm not rehashing someone else's question and I try not to be a bother in general, yet a lot of my threads still get 0 replies very low amounts of views in general, which leaves me in a pickle.

In fact, I'm surprised (and grateful) when someone actually takes the time to answer one of my threads or my questions.

I wonder if it's just because I'm new here...?

Re-read the title. Paul's not saying there's anything wrong with asking a question. What's wrong is the entitlement mindset some have which makes them come back whining about "Why nobody answers my question?"

Sometimes questions don't get answered because the OP didn't have the common sense to put a descriptive subject line on it. "Help me" is a complete waste of everyone's time, as you click in to find it's something you can't really help with. However, if the OP has enough sense to put something like "How can I add a xyz widget to my blog?", then there's a much higher probability that the XYZ Widget Expert will pop in and help out.

Back to the entitlement problem (one that truly makes me want to kick some wining butt) if you come in here wimpering and complaining about nobody helping you, you can turn in your Warrior ID at the door and get lost. This is a place for Warriors, not Wimps.

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Paul Myers 12 years ago

This is a place for Warriors, not Wimps.

So true.

We make an exception for Kevin because we feel sorry for him. Plus, he makes a good target.

Paul
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- Kevin Riley 12 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Paul Myers
  
  So true.
  
  We make an exception for Kevin because we feel sorry for him. Plus, he makes a good target.
  
  Paul
  
  It should be noted that Paul doesn't display his picture here. Allen Says had it removed as it was giving us all a bad name for letting such a mousey little twerp hang out with us. I believe Allen especially took issue with Paul's tendency to dress in only a woman's bra and bunny ears.
  
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  Paul Myers 12 years ago
  
  Kevin,
  
  and bunny ears.
  
  Ummm... Those aren't "dress up."
  
  Paul
  
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  .
  Stop by Paul's Pub - my little hangout on Facebook.
  
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  Loren Woirhaye 12 years ago
  
  could someone please explain what is "help vampire"?
  
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  Tom B Banned 12 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Kevin Riley
  
  I believe Allen especially took issue with Paul's tendency to dress in only a woman's bra and bunny ears.
  
  I hope Paul wasn't putting a bra, or bunny ears, on his head pretending it is a black-hat.
  
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  Eric Lorence 12 years ago
  
  It has little to do with "help", just replace all instances of the word "help" with "just do the work for".
  
  Then their queries will make more sense...
  
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rtrotter

12 years ago

Exactly why I quit earlier this month as a moderator in another IM forum where faculty answered the interesting questions and we were left with the help vampire trash.

Rodney

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Mark McClure 12 years ago

Emit Seripmav Elggurts Htiw desrever Txet .... Bwahahaha!
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John Taylor

12 years ago

The "Help Vampires" have always been around
but now we have a label for them and a very
good definition to help more people to identify
them.

We also have a set of strategies and tactics
that show how our responses might encourage
them to change their behaviour.

look at the "Cease Enabling Behaviour" in
the article that Paul linked to. Good solid advice
that we should all apply.

John

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VegasVince 12 years ago

Dracula gettin' splashed in the eyeballs with holy water....would react with more class then a lot of these victim/sheep/peeps......who don't really want help at all. They want some Warrior Guru....to do it for them.

Truth is.....I almost fell for the bait one night.

Some hot attorney/warrior.... named Allison.....called Vinnie one night long ago... in her time of need. I was weak. I needed to feel needed.

She told me she'd cook me pasta dishes forever....have my kids....rub my feet...and a lot more.....if I just hooked her up with a cool RSS FEED. ( I don't know what that is...but I lied and told her I did...cuz I thought I might get laid.)

I was just about to do it....when----WHAM BAM!

Bev Clement shows up.....and splashes this Warrior scammer chick with water....and melts her like the Wicked Witch in OZ! And then Bev proceeds to chew my ass for being such a sucker!

Ever since....I aint got no love for victims posing as newbies in distress.

xxx Vegas Vince
Legend.

p.s. John Taylor is my great great great great Grandpa...He's very rich. And if he'd ever die....I wouldn't ever have to post here again.
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ExRat

12 years ago

Hi John,

look at the "Cease Enabling Behaviour" in
the article that Paul linked to. Good solid advice
that we should all apply.

Great point. But also, in fairness to self-confessed newbie, 'havefunandlive' -

This may be a joke, but I don't know. It's not really fair to people like me.

I always check very thoroughly on google using "site:warriorforum.com" to make sure I'm not rehashing someone else's question and I try not to be a bother in general, yet a lot of my threads still get 0 replies very low amounts of views in general, which leaves me in a pickle.

In fact, I'm surprised (and grateful) when someone actually takes the time to answer one of my threads or my questions.

I wonder if it's just because I'm new here...?

...it's worth pointing out that you have the right attitude by doing a search first and by being grateful for any replies - therefore, the 'help vampire' does NOT apply to you. We just want more people like you here havefunandlive, who have get-up-and-go and consider the rest of the forum before making a post.

Credit where it's due.

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Roger Davis

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Richard Tunnah

12 years ago

Brilliant!

Rich

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John Taylor

12 years ago

Roger,

As I said in another thread, I'm much
more likely to respond with help when
the OP has demonstrated a willingness
to help themselves.

havefunandlive,

Stating that you've already searched
the forum or Google, and asking questions
with precision, is a good indicator of
someone with genuine motivation to learn.

John

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John Durham

12 years ago

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David_Thompson

12 years ago

That blog post was so funny as hell, anyway can some "help me" but give me
a sec to figure out what I need help with, OK...lol

--David

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VegasVince

12 years ago

Originally Posted by David_Thompson

That blog post was so funny as hell, anyway can some "help me" but give me
a sec to figure out what I need help with, OK...lol

--David

I need help David...re: putting together a Swedish Bikini Team for Pay-Per-View.....and you'se are from that country..and I aint got time to Google....so hook a brother up. Help me help you.

xxx Vegas Vince
Legend.

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David_Thompson

12 years ago

Vince, what you looking for blond, blues, heavy chest types...lol

--David

Originally Posted by VegasVince

I need help David...re: putting together a Swedish Bikini Team for Pay-Per-View.....and you'se are from that country..and I aint got time to Google....so hook a brother up. Help me help you.

xxx Vegas Vince
Legend.

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Kevin Riley 12 years ago

Originally Posted by David_Thompson

a sec to figure out what I need help with

Mate, I can give you a list of what you need help with. Most of the treatments involve rubber hoses and electro-shock therapy
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- dorothydot 12 years ago
  
  "The Help Vampire: A Spotter's Guide
  
  Help Vampires are found in every public online community, from those nearest to our hearts to those furthest from our principles.
  
  Instead of consuming of ill-gotten hemoglobin, these vampires suck the very life and energy out of people. By nature they feed on generous individuals who tend towards helping others, and leave their victims exhausted, bitter and dispirited. "
  
  I love it! SOOO true. I've stopped helping with critiques, pretty much, because of this: One member contacted me to ask how much I'd charge to rewrite his sales site. It was pretty pitiful - but since he was a fellow warrior, I quoted him the lowest possible price. He said it was too much and wanted the rewrite in less than 2 weeks - which I told him was not possible.
  
  So instead he posted here asking for critiques of the site he rewrote himself! And - the bozo got them, in spades. He never said thank you... just reposted asking for more and more FREE help. And got it!
  
  I think this person is disgusting. I am here to truly help those needing honest help. But I am also in the business of making money as a copywriter! When I give away a critique, it's time and skillful analysis that I'd otherwise be getting a fee for.
  
  Hey, let's take a vote. Ban all blood-sucking, free-by using, disrespectful and greedy (and-and-and!) Vampires!
  
  Okay, guess I'm half-kidding. But hey, this sort of thing is totally not-cool and should not be allowed.
  
  Thanks for letting me rant,
  Dot
  
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  Kay King 12 years ago
  
  Some hot attorney/warrior.... named Allison.....called Vinnie one night long ago... in her time of need. I was weak. I needed to feel needed.
  
  Yeah Vince - a lot of the guys were jumping on this...ummm....bandwagon. Think it had something to do with the hot chick photo? Once the real photo got around lots of bailing going on here from her staunch defenders.
  
  You guys are so easy:p
  
  kay
  
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- David_Thompson 12 years ago
  
  Who the hell let the hamster man out it's cage...LOL
  
  Kevin, some of these treatment aren't all that
  bad as they say pleasure and pain always work
  together...lol
  
  --David
  
  Originally Posted by Kevin Riley
  
  Mate, I can give you a list of what you need help with. Most of the treatments involve rubber hoses and electro-shock therapy
  
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Andy Fletcher

12 years ago

You owe me a keyboard Paul, I just spat tea all over mine!

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Mike Merz

12 years ago

Well ... I'm a complete 'Newbie', have no comprehension of the fact that making money Online for the long haul involves creating a business that necessitates a little more than an answer to a generic question to grow and prosper, and am oblivious to the fact that my question ... and others like it, have been asked a billion times in this very community over the years.

That being said ... how do you make money Online?

... followed right away by ...

'How do I use Joint Ventures to get other people to promote the product ... I haven't quite figured out how to create yet?'

Mike "depending on the level of intelligence of the question, this may be an automated response' Merz

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Tyrus Antas

12 years ago

Does he get offensive, as if you need to prove to him why he should use Ruby on Rails?

I'll eat my hat before I start using Ruby on Rails

Tyrus

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gyar29

12 years ago

Dot,

I feel your pain.

You are probably aware that there are times when educating a potential client is necessary. Their expectations are created without benefit of any experience or knowledge. They have no idea how long it takes to do anything. They don't understand that decent copy requires research, thought, re-writes, more research, more thought, more re-writes, etc. That is why I and so many others suck at it. Just too damn much work. Not to mention a lack of the other talents required to write good copy.

Additionally, all they are focusing on is their need. They don't think about the fact that you have other clients, -Not suggesting that you tell them that though, it doesn't seem to go over very well

-, other responsibilities, a life. And in most cases they don't care.

In regard to your specific parasite -and blood suckers are parasites- perhaps you can console yourself with the fact that the chances are pretty slim that your parasite ended up with decent copy in the two week period. Regardless of the amount of blood they sucked. And if they have any brains whatsoever, they may now understand the value of what you gave them for free. Okay, that's doubtful, but maybe.

Take Care,
Gene

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Paul Buckley

12 years ago

I confess to having been a Help Vampire enabler and vow to endeavor never to do it again

From now on my response will be: "You, sir, are a Help Vampire. Google it."

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JohnMcCabe 12 years ago

The ones that get to me sometimes are the ones that ask...

Can anyone give me a list of hot niches they're making money with? Along with a list of keywords, supply/demand numbers, profitable affiliate programs, theme or template and someplace to get content? For free?

If you don't do this, I'll know you all hate newbies and just want to keep us down so we'll buy your crap, which we can't afford...

There are others, but the common thread is that somehow, the world owes them something.
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- Martin Luxton 12 years ago
  
  The problem with vampires is that when you hold up the mirror they can't see themselves and continue on their merry way.
  
  The good news is, vampires can't enter your house without an invitation.
  
  Martin
  
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  ExRat 12 years ago
  
  Hi Luxo,
  
  The good news is, vampires can't enter your house without an invitation.
  
  They seep in down the broadband cable and suck your will to live away via the monitor...
  
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  Roger Davis
  
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writergirlk

12 years ago

Great article!

The answer is, learn to help yourself - we all did! Sure, some things need clarification, some things I try to figure it out on my own and don't understand so I ask... but still... help vampires really do suck your soul!

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