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Opinions on my first salesletter

by bookmarkr
10 replies
Hi guys,

I'm nearly done with my ebook (just looking for a professional editor to go through it). In the meantime, I figured I'd setup my minisite.

Can I get your opinions on this? Make Money With Videos
Try to buy and cancel, there's an extra page to be seen. Don't try to order it because the download link isn't up yet

Thanks!
#opinions #salesletter
  • Profile picture of the author bluenetworx
    Hey, I had a look at your page and the limited copy that you do have is quite good, but i read the page and was still wondering what exactly you were selling, which isn't so good.
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  • Profile picture of the author craigraphael
    I agree with Matt. I understand your lack of desire to put a picture of yourself, testimonials, etc. BUT, these things work and that's why you see them all the time. Since I've never heard of you and you don't provide any testimonials of people that have, I wouldn't consider buying from you. That's just my opinion....

    I think long sales letters suck too BUT, there is solid evidence that these things work. I would consider adding more to it. A picture of yourself wouldn't be necessary but some kind of signature at the end is always good.....

    Sincerely,

    Craig Raphael
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  • Profile picture of the author Loren Woirhaye
    You need to get specific in your headline... a generic brag
    about making money is too vague.

    Even at ten bucks you need to try harder in selling your
    product... get John Caples's book "Tested Advertising
    Methods", or Victor Schwab's book on Advertising. Both
    will help you do this with some measure of what is
    effective.
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    • Profile picture of the author Pete223
      Hey, how are you...

      I think your page may work for a squeeze page,
      but lacks way too many "components" to be an
      effective sales page!

      Remember that what YOU like as nothing to do with it...
      long sales letters, headlines, sub-headlines, bullet points,
      testimonials, etc, etc, are all there for a reason...
      They Work!

      People that don't want to be "submitted" to all those
      are probably never going to buy from you anyway!

      Kindest Regards,
      Pete
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  • Profile picture of the author bookmarkr
    Yes, I think I will add testimonials. Perhaps have people leave them in the comments (its a wordpress site)
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  • Profile picture of the author bluenetworx
    To provide some food for thought here is post I did not long ago on copy writing:

    A few things to consider in sales copy is that you need to remember that there are four main personality types that people are, and they are a mixture of all four, these are:

    1.) analytical
    2.) amiable
    3.) direct
    4.) ego

    So most good sales copy will try and connect with all four types.

    Analytical - want all the details
    Amiable - want to see testimonies
    Direct - want bullet points of everything they are getting
    Ego - want to know what you product can do for them/make then look like etc...

    Also when writing it is good to start with a problem, further draw out this problem, relate to people in that problem and then provide a solution to the problem (ie your product)

    Hope this helps,
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  • Profile picture of the author Kim Davis
    Are you teaching people how to be movie makers?
    how to get started and how to get going......repeats itself
    I had to read the first sentence 2x...time is a thing that should not be wasted....my brain wanted to say...time is something that should not be wasted....
    I really like the fact that it is short and to the point....just not sure about what the point is other than making $3000 a month....doing what?
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  • Profile picture of the author bookmarkr
    Everyone keeps telling me that those long sales letter work, but I get the feeling that a lot of people are just echoing what they have been told.

    I'm trying to get the buyer to relate with me, in agreeing that they want something that works fast. No need for unnecessary wrapping and cushioning like a long sales letter.

    Thanks for all the feedback so far, I'll be editing some more later today, taking all the comments into account
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    • Profile picture of the author Jason Fladlien
      First be cautious of the opinions you get on your sales letters - the only opinions that should matter are people who write sales letters for a living and make a decent coin doing it.

      I am one of those people. In the last year and a half I've written over 70 winning sales letters.

      I've tested long form vs. short form. Long video vs. short video. A combination of video and print.

      Here's what I've found to be true IN EVERY SINGLE SPLIT TEST - long outpulls short - provided you know how to write compelling copy. This is true for both print and video. I've shot 20+ minute videos that converted at 13% for a high end ticket product.

      The only time I consider using short copy is for low ticket items, such as yours for $9.97 - however you're making a fatal flaw - not featuring the offer in the deck copy. A much better headline would be a character based headline. Let's assume you're a 37 year old school teacher. It'd go as follows...

      Headline: "37 Year Old School Teacher Discovers A Simple 'two day' Video Technique That Pulls In Over $3,000 A Month On Autopilot..."

      Subhead: "And for a limited time, he's going to give you all his secrets for just $9.97 due to special circumstances..."

      of course replace the character details with your own, and then replace the video technique I made up with one of your own that sounds appealing and implies a benefit but remains mysterious enough to compell the reader... The subhead sets up reason why for a great deal, so it let's them know the offer up front and implies that normally you wouldn't make such an incredible deal by special circumstances force you to...

      If you want to crush it with this letter, here's what you should do instead... Make it a video sales letter... with the only text being the offer summarized, the 100% guarantee and the order button beneath it.

      Then, change the offer from $9.97 to a $1 trial for 7 days and if they don't cancel after seven days they are charged $17.

      Finally let me give you some pearls of wisdom.

      Let me quote different lines of your letter...
      "Time is something that should not be wasted. Yours or mine"

      "I won't bother you with a lengthy and boring sales letter. No distracting screen-shots or hundreds of testimonials. No cheesy photo of me laughing smiling at you. Personally, I can't stand those sites. They all look the same, sound the same and sell the same. I don't want to date you, I just want to share my proven money-making technique with you."

      "Your time is worth money, and because of that I'll cut to the chase."

      You spend almost 30% of the letter talking about how you're going to get to the point. I tell my copywriting students to "show, not tell". You're telling. You don't have to tell them squat. You show them you get right to the point... by... GETTING RIGHT TO THE POINT!

      There's a LOT of work to be done here to turn this into a winner...
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  • Profile picture of the author ken_p
    hey there,
    i took a look at your page, and layout and design wise, it looks really good. Simple and easy to read, but you didnt talk about/ reveal a little what you're product is all about?
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