Habits of the Unhappy

15 replies
According to Psychology Today, University of California researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky states: "40 percent of our of our capacity for happiness is within our power to change."


Here are the 7 qualities of chronically unhappy people.

1. Your default belief is that life is hard.

Happy people know life can be hard and tend to bounce through hard times with an attitude of curiosity versus victimhood. They take responsibility for how they got themselves into a mess, and focus on getting themselves out of it as soon as possible.

Perseverance towards problem versus complaining over circumstances is a symptom of a happy person. Unhappy people see themselves as victims of life and stay stuck in the "look what happened to me" attitude versus finding a way through and out the other side.

2. You believe most people can't be trusted.

I won't argue that healthy discernment is important, but most happy people are trusting of their fellow man. They believe in the good in people, versus assuming everyone is out to get them. Generally open and friendly towards people they meet, happy people foster a sense of community around themselves and meet new people with an open heart.

Unhappy people are distrustful of most people they meet and assume that strangers can't be trusted. Unfortunately this behavior slowly starts to close the door on any connection outside of an inner-circle and thwarts all chances of meeting new friends.

3. You concentrate on what's wrong in this world versus what's right.

There's plenty wrong with this world, no arguments here, yet unhappy people turn a blind eye to what's actually right in this world and instead focus on what's wrong. You can spot them a mile away, they'll be the ones complaining and responding to any positive attributes of our world with "yeah but".

Happy people are aware of global issues, but balance their concern with also seeing what's right. I like to call this keeping both eyes open. Unhappy people tend to close one eye towards anything good in this world in fear they might be distracted from what's wrong. Happy people keep it in perspective. They know our world has problems and they also keep an eye on what's right.

4. You compare yourself to others and harbor jealousy.

Unhappy people believe someone else's good fortune steals from their own. They believe there's not enough goodness to go around and constantly compare yours against theirs. This leads to jealousy and resentment.

Happy people know that your good luck and circumstance are merely signs of what they too can aspire to achieve. Happy people believe they carry a unique blueprint that can't be duplicated or stolen from -- by anyone on the planet. They believe in unlimited possibilities and don't get bogged down by thinking one person's good fortune limits their possible outcome in life.

5. You strive to control your life.

There's a difference between control and striving to achieve our goals. Happy people take steps daily to achieve their goals, but realize in the end, there's very little control over what life throws their way.

Unhappy people tend to micromanage in effort to control all outcomes and fall apart in dramatic display when life throws a wrench in their plan. Happy people can be just as focused, yet still have the ability to go with the flow and not melt down when life delivers a curve-ball.

The key here is to be goal-oriented and focused, but allow room for letting sh*t happen without falling apart when the best laid plans go awry- because they will. Going with the flow is what happy people have as plan B.

6 You consider your future with worry and fear.

There's only so much rent space between your ears. Unhappy people fill their thoughts with what could go wrong versus what might go right.

Happy people take on a healthy dose of delusion and allow themselves to daydream about what they'd like to have life unfold for them. Unhappy people fill that head space with constant worry and fear.

Happy people experience fear and worry, but make an important distinction between feeling it and living it. When fear or worry crosses a happy person's mind, they'll ask themselves if there's an action they can be taken to prevent their fear or worry from happening (there's responsibility again) and they take it. If not, they realize they're spinning in fear and they lay it down.

7. You fill your conversations with gossip and complaints.

Unhappy people like to live in the past. What's happened to them and life's hardships are their conversation of choice. When they run out of things to say, they'll turn to other people's lives and gossip.

Happy people live in the now and dream about the future. You can feel their positive vibe from across the room. They're excited about something they're working on, grateful for what they have and dreaming about the possibilities of life.

Obviously none of us are perfect. We're all going to swim in negative waters once in a while, but what matters is how long we stay there and how quickly we work to get ourselves out. Practicing positive habits daily is what sets happy people apart from unhappy people, not doing everything perfectly.

Walk, fall down, get back up again, repeat. It's in the getting back up again where all the difference resides.


Post adapted with permission Daily Transformations

P.S. - new research :

New research is suggesting that happiness is determined not by how much money one earns, but rather, how one spends it. University of British Columbia associate professor
Elizabeth Dunn
#habits #unhappy
  • Profile picture of the author Tomwood
    I would add another "the belief that all life is predestined" This leads to a feeling of helplessness and a why bother attitude.

    Happy people belief "God helps those who help themselves" or some variation of that.
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    • Originally Posted by Tomwood View Post

      I would add another "the belief that all life is predestined" This leads to a feeling of helplessness and a why bother attitude.

      Happy people belief "God helps those who help themselves" or some variation of that.
      wow. a great input!

      if you think it's pre - destined, that would be so limiting

      and it's deviations : it's in my genes, I was born this way, raised this way, etc..,
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  • Profile picture of the author Tomwood
    Yes I have noticed that a couple of people I know who claim that everything is predestined still look when they cross the road
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    • Originally Posted by Tomwood View Post

      Yes I have noticed that a couple of people I know who claim that everything is predestined still look when they cross the road

      that is so funny.

      love it. thanks
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    • Profile picture of the author nyawinojoe
      Haha.... really funny
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    • Profile picture of the author Jason Jacoby
      Originally Posted by Tomwood View Post

      Yes I have noticed that a couple of people I know who claim that everything is predestined still look when they cross the road
      Too funny.
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      • Profile picture of the author Jason Jacoby
        The sad thing is, I fell under several of those qualities for such a long time. It's so liberating when you get out of that mindset. I heard another saying a long time ago similar to what you said that went, "Happiness is 9/10ths perception and only 1/10th reality." I know the percentages are different than yours, but you get the idea.
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        • Originally Posted by Jason Jacoby View Post

          The sad thing is, I fell under several of those qualities for such a long time. It's so liberating when you get out of that mindset. I heard another saying a long time ago similar to what you said that went, "Happiness is 9/10ths perception and only 1/10th reality." I know the percentages are different than yours, but you get the idea.



          read a list awhile ago - " traits of millionaires" and the most important trait was

          Concentration

          perception is concentration, or it's filter??? something like that
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  • Profile picture of the author Odahh
    though i understand the list ..going back to when i was cronicicaly unhappy

    that is more symptoms of cronic unhapiness ..

    the main habits id a very well practiced list on why that person is unhappy .and a near inability to allow themselves to be happy for any length of time

    then they surround themselves with other crabby people with their own lists..who will quickly remind them of their problems ..if they start to feel to good
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  • Profile picture of the author smoor2012
    I read the contrast for happy people and unhappy people in all 7 of the qualities you listed. I can't argue with any of them.

    MIndset is everything....that's the bottom line. We choose our mindset daily. When this really sunk in with me, and I realized that I honestly limit myself more than anybody else limits me, then I went to work.

    I went to work on myself. It's my responsibility to read books that motivate me to dig deeper to be the best that I can be.

    It's my responsibility to contribute to the marketplace and earn the trust of the marketplace if I want to build and sustain a home based business. I have to make myself more valuable, which means investing in myself as far as buying courses and books to improve my skills and learn new ones.

    Our education never really stops. When we graduate it is called a "commencement" ceremony for a reason. Our formal education prepares us to know how to study and keep learning, which doesn't always happen in a traditional classroom.

    Learning is a combined experience of reading, studying, and living.

    Sometimes you get a lifetime of knowledge in a weekend seminar.

    People who are the happiest definitely learn how to approach each day and the people they run into with a positive, open mind. That positive approach takes more work some days than others, we all know that.

    There is positive and negative going on around all of us. We have to deal with both but we don't have to dwell on the negative. We can all learn to do a better job of focusing on where we want to be and work to get there.

    Wishing for a positive change is not enough. We have to work at it and believe in it.

    I don't think I am allowed to mention any particular leaders here. I have a few that I like to read and follow at this point.

    It's probably obvious with this post that I am huge on mindset. Our mindset is truly everything. It dictates how much we push ourselves and how much we accomplish.
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  • Wow thank you for those techniques that you shared. I used to let every little thing get in my way of being happy and I was miserable. After learning some techniques to help control my mindset and focus more on happy thoughts I became truly happy with where I was in life and grateful even though not everything was perfect.
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    • Originally Posted by selfimprovementadvocate View Post

      Wow thank you for those techniques that you shared. I used to let every little thing get in my way of being happy and I was miserable. After learning some techniques to help control my mindset and focus more on happy thoughts I became truly happy with where I was in life and grateful even though not everything was perfect.
      great news.

      now go spread it around!
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  • Profile picture of the author Roy Cohen
    This is great.

    To back up what you are saying here, the biggest difference between happy people and unhappy people is the way that they look at things.

    If you DECIDE to look at the positive things in life, then ultimately you will be happier. Instead of watching the news where they show murder, you can choose to look at something more positive, how someone has made a change or did something positive.

    We choose the lives that we live, whether happy or unhappy, successful or unsuccessful, fulfilled or unfulfilled.

    Just remember that you are a miracle to this world so always feel happy, even when times are tough.

    Fly high with your success,

    Roy Cohen
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