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A vow I made which impoverishes me: "Keep Away"

by fhorns2000
8 replies
This is my first post in this section. I need help, and telling my story helps. I'm here thinking I want to earn money.....but.....but......but... I keep everyone away. No relationships demands....well...no success

I grew up in an emotionally unsafe house with a single alcoholic mom who communicated we were "bad". I learned to be invisible (saying nothing, doing little), and it worked in my childhood. It's crippling me financially now. My best personal relationships today are with others who are working on their own issues (in 12 step programs) and who accept me and encourage me where I'm at. My own family I keep away from. The family message and rules of us being "bad" still exist.

I am aware of this vow of keeping people away since I found an article online last night. This guy shared what had made him the MOST money: keeping his word. This spreads like wildfire in the business world. From my experience, it's like a magnet, truly.

And Ouch. It hit me. I have about 30 different programs I own and could market (CPA, $25-$10,000 programs)...... and I don't. Hiding has been my norm.....and it's hurting ME. In numerous ways.

There's even a voicemail I received this morning from a guy in a 12 step group I go to. He wants to promote his real estate brokerage business, I have software....and I've not called him yet.

And that is my life right now. Lots of opportunities on the table. And a fear of being known. If anyone would be willing to point me towards some hope in this, it'd scare me first (being honest), but I'd check it out. What I'm doing isn't working. I need hope.
#impoverishes #keep away #made #vow
  • Profile picture of the author RichBeck
    Originally Posted by fhorns2000 View Post

    This is my first post in this section. I need help, and telling my story helps. I'm here thinking I want to earn money.....but.....but......but... I keep everyone away. No relationships demands....well...no success

    I grew up in an emotionally unsafe house with a single alcoholic mom who communicated we were "bad". I learned to be invisible (saying nothing, doing little), and it worked in my childhood. It's crippling me financially now. My best personal relationships today are with others who are working on their own issues (in 12 step programs) and who accept me and encourage me where I'm at. My own family I keep away from. The family message and rules of us being "bad" still exist.

    I am aware of this vow of keeping people away since I found an article online last night. This guy shared what had made him the MOST money: keeping his word. This spreads like wildfire in the business world. From my experience, it's like a magnet, truly.

    And Ouch. It hit me. I have about 30 different programs I own and could market (CPA, $25-$10,000 programs)...... and I don't. Hiding has been my norm.....and it's hurting ME. In numerous ways.

    There's even a voicemail I received this morning from a guy in a 12 step group I go to. He wants to promote his real estate brokerage business, I have software....and I've not called him yet.

    And that is my life right now. Lots of opportunities on the table. And a fear of being known. If anyone would be willing to point me towards some hope in this, it'd scare me first (being honest), but I'd check it out. What I'm doing isn't working. I need hope.
    I'm sorry to hear you are feeling this way...

    Here's what I recommend...

    First, please seek out an Al-Anon family group in your area right now.... Try a few different groups... You'll find one that you feel is "home."

    The benefits are beyond words for anyone who has been touched by alcoholism. It is a life changing experience if you put in the time and effort.

    Second, watch the video below several times... Jim Carrey talks about the fear of being seen....


    I pray you find hope and peace....
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  • Profile picture of the author Jonathan 2.0
    Banned
    Thanks for being honest fhorns2000. It's my belief that everything that happens to you is for a purpose.

    As one of my Mentors said:

    "You can learn something from everything."

    Many times in Life there's an opportunity to be "courageous." Something that if you take action on will put you out of your "comfort zone." However it's those experiences that will make the most impact on your life. When you find out what's important to you as a person, you will choose the opportunities that mean the most to you.


    Sorry I couldn't be more helpful.
    Signature
    "Each problem has hidden in it an opportunity so powerful that it literally dwarfs the problem. The greatest success stories were created by people who recognized a problem and turned it into an opportunity."―Joseph Sugarman
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    • Profile picture of the author fhorns2000
      Originally Posted by Jonathan 2.0 View Post

      Thanks for being honest fhorns2000. It's my belief that everything that happens to you is for a purpose.

      As one of my Mentors said:

      "You can learn something from everything."

      Many times in Life there's an opportunity to be "courageous." Something that if you take action on will put you out of your "comfort zone." However it's those experiences that will make the most impact on your life. When you find out what's important to you as a person, you will choose the opportunities that mean the most to you.


      Sorry I couldn't be more helpful.
      Jonathan,

      In response to your writing, am I the only one who's seen my "life", my circumstances, and have wondered "how could I profit from this?"

      I'd love to correspond about this. There is hope in this.
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      • Profile picture of the author Jonathan 2.0
        Banned
        Originally Posted by fhorns2000 View Post

        Jonathan,

        In response to your writing, am I the only one who's seen my "life", my circumstances, and have wondered "how could I profit from this?"

        Maybe there were other people. (That would be nice.) However the fact that you thought it says something. (IMO.)

        I'd love to correspond about this. There is hope in this.
        Sure. : ) If you have any questions, or just want to "vent" PM me and I'll do what I can.
        Signature
        "Each problem has hidden in it an opportunity so powerful that it literally dwarfs the problem. The greatest success stories were created by people who recognized a problem and turned it into an opportunity."―Joseph Sugarman
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  • Profile picture of the author fhorns2000
    Rich,

    Thank you for offering your hope. I spent about 8 years in AlAnon. The problem: I didn't do the steps. I don't go to AlAnon now only since, out of fear, I change my anger to "nice" in front of the mostly female attendees in AlAnon.

    I go to Celebrate Recovery now, and it separates men and woman, and my anger/sadness/fear/happiness comes out. I have also done a number of 12 step studies, and am in line to co-lead a step study starting mid-February. Why? When I teach something, I HAVE to do my homework. I'm presently planning this, as I know I need to dig in this time. (lots of wasting time I've done)

    And.........I recently got into Adult Children of Alcoholics, and I spent time there 24 years ago (I wasn't ready then). It's pointed at real stuff (aka my stuffed feelings) and I'm writing here in response to this. Feelings are coming up, new ones. Some scary, some new....so I'm reaching out.

    And thank you for the video. Lots of truth there.
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    • Profile picture of the author RichBeck
      Originally Posted by fhorns2000 View Post

      Rich,

      Thank you for offering your hope. I spent about 8 years in AlAnon. The problem: I didn't do the steps. I don't go to AlAnon now only since, out of fear, I change my anger to "nice" in front of the mostly female attendees in AlAnon.

      I go to Celebrate Recovery now, and it separates men and woman, and my anger/sadness/fear/happiness comes out. I have also done a number of 12 step studies, and am in line to co-lead a step study starting mid-February. Why? When I teach something, I HAVE to do my homework. I'm presently planning this, as I know I need to dig in this time. (lots of wasting time I've done)

      And.........I recently got into Adult Children of Alcoholics, and I spent time there 24 years ago (I wasn't ready then). It's pointed at real stuff (aka my stuffed feelings) and I'm writing here in response to this. Feelings are coming up, new ones. Some scary, some new....so I'm reaching out.

      And thank you for the video. Lots of truth there.

      fhorns2000,

      In general..... If someone doesn't feel "safe" speaking freely, he or she needs to find another group... I am glad you eventually found somewhere "safe" that is "home."

      I'm glad you found leading the group helps you... You need to do whatever it takes to make your program work for you...

      Working the steps is huge... Sometimes, you get to a place in your journey where all you can do is focus on the first three...

      1. I can't
      2. God can
      3. I'll let Him

      Keep working through your feelings.... Don't resist them.... Flow with them... Look at them... See them for what they are... Then, release them and focus on something positive... I know this is easier said than done...

      In my journey, the biggest hurdle was resisting the feelings.... I'm a firm believer what you resist persists... until you are able to have a "bad" feeling and release it.... It persists.

      I pray you find peace and joy today.

      "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened." - Matthew 7:7-8
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  • Profile picture of the author Odahh
    your story is similar to my own.. my parent and family has been emotionally abusive my entire life and i had just got my father to back off before he passed on last year ..my mother was going through dementia and just as bad up to when she passed a few months later ..

    in any case .. the rest of my brothers and sister have the same tendencies ..but over the last few years i have learned to at least stop doing it to myself ..and push back when anyone else tried to down talk me .

    as it goes .. you can't build relationships ..that are positive and mutually beneficial if you do not feel like you are not of value ..or have nothing of value to bring to the relationship .

    then there is the part of not seeing a point if you feel like those who you get in relationships with just hurt you and drain away what ever you do have to offer .

    a lot get said about fear of failure ..or fear of success ..but for many people their pasts have programmed them to expect failure and not see a point ..

    now ..you might be in a better position than me right now as you have people to talk to..
    for me i have spent the time sense my mother passed on refiguring my life.. i spent the last three too four years of their lives taking care of them as their healths declined..so i was right in the fire ..and it forced me to see what had gone on .

    at some point in time we have to stop being the kids in those emotionally or physically abusive homes..and start being adults .. programming ourselves ..

    another question.. in my case being broke was a very good excuse for me never to do drugs or drink or do a lot of thing ..that people do to drown out the pain of the past .. and numb the feeling of being worthless ..

    blah blah blah..

    you are hiding ..something inside you does not want to hide any more ..
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  • Profile picture of the author Odahh
    forget hope .

    in the Usa ..normal people are medicated ..being that more than 60 percent of the population is on meds for some mental dis order

    in nature a big pile of crap gets turned into very fertile soil .. and as i have been working on it the last few years ..my biggest issues as i have addressed them and solve problem after problem..is the fertile soil for the life i want to build .. starting with nothing .
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