The "secret" has backfired on me

by Quilst
52 replies
I have always had a positive view on life but the last few circumstances that ocured have really get me down. I have been thinking positive and positive thing did happen but I have lost my inner happines. I feel sad all the time and have a strange feeling that something terrible will happen. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and my girfriend is thinking of leaving me after 4 years of relationship. I have a huge debt and the whole thing is very depressive. I had a blackout three days ago and my head is hurting me really bad. I know that right now I am attracting only negative things in my life and it is getting harder to have a positive view on things. I don't know what the next day will bring me and I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I feel empty inside and I spoke to a professional and he stuffed me with pills. I don't want to drink that! It will make me emotionaly numb (been there).

I really could use some advice right now.
I don't care about the money and it is the last thing I want to do right now. Maybe at least you will feel better when you read this and see that you don't have problems like this.

Boy! Am I down
#backfired #depression #numb #secret
  • Profile picture of the author bobmcalister
    take a breathe...really ...deeeeep breath.
    I have found that all this about anticipating good thing s work IF I do something about the visualizations. If you believe God is guiding your llife and thoughts, then follow the directions...the demon of depression can work on anyone and the more you allow it to happen the more it continues.

    YOU have a mission in life..and NO ONE but YOU can complete that mission. Remind yourself through meditation of the GOOD times...and replace that good time 'feeling' with your present state...it takes work. but it will change you in a flash ..just maintain the thought and feeling ...remember when you were young ? the world was yours, the air was clean and fresh , the birds sang for you , you were astounded at all that life had to offer ? it is the same today as it was then ...just feel it ...and the go do something

    'go do something' , for me, involved helping someone...and the world is full of those people...maybe helping an older lady with her groceries, stop and help the guy on the side of the road, smile to evryone, call up any church or place of worship and offer to help do anything they may need, see if they know of anyone who needs something, help paint a house , ....with your new attitude, you will see opportunities all day long.

    relationships are something, huh? we each anticipate the other person being evry thing that we need...and no one PERSON can do that . It takes allowing the other person to be who they are ..and loving them anyway ...being a help to themwhen you can ...enjoying their individual personality.

    this is some of what I have learned from my life ...not something some one taught me .
    maybe it will help you also . I hope it does.

    smile..and laugh ....
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  • Profile picture of the author thatgirlJ
    Hey there, it sounds like you're having an incredibly tough time. The best thing you can do is force yourself to do something, anything positive. Even if you can't seem to drag yourself out of bed, just do something you know you'll enjoy. Every little bit will add up, and you can start feeling better again.

    Good luck! And I'm sorry all of this has happened to you.
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    • Profile picture of the author Quilst
      Thanks Bob and Jenn
      I will do such things as you mentioned. It is a bit hard to concentrate on happy thoughts when a whole horror of events happens around you.
      Life slapped me in the face - maybe the almighty is putting me on a test of endurance...

      Your words helped, thanks....
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      • Profile picture of the author Kay King
        This will sound too simple - but it has worked for me for years.

        Go back to nature - go alone to a stream, a forest, a nature trail - anywhere away from people, traffic noise, etc.

        Listen to birds, watch insects scurrying around on their business, lay down and watch clouds move across the sky. There is constant movement and constant change - and yet little really changes.

        Somehow this always gets me back into perspective - lives have a beginning and an end, people come and go, change happens - but we go on.

        Focusing on "happy thoughts" when your life is not going well doesn't work. Accepting the ebb and flow of nature, of life - can be calming. Sometimes we can't find happiness on a given day - but acceptance is good, too.

        kay
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        • Profile picture of the author ThomM
          Kay that may seem simple but it is very powerful.
          I've done the same for years and though it won't take the problems away it has always given me the strength to deal with them in a positive way.
          I can't think of anything better to get your head back into a positive mind set.
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          • Profile picture of the author aikay77
            Banned
            Hi,

            I understand. I've been there too. Here's what you can do.

            1. Go get yourself a 'Chicken Soup For The Soul' book by Mark
            V. Hansen and Jack Canfield. Preferably get Chicken Soup for
            the Soul: Life Lessons for Mastering the Law of Attraction

            Those guys really know how to touch the soul.

            2. Pray to God.

            No no, dont even think this one wont work or say "Well he's up
            there and doing nothing for me." Just trust that God will help you
            and pour out your heart as you pray telling him about your troubles,
            asking that he deliver you.

            Believe me it works. You'll feel such a release as you've never felt
            before.

            Even if you dont believe in God just ask him to forgive you and pledge
            to seek his face at all times, and brother stick to it.

            You'll see miracles happen in your life.

            Ronald
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            • Profile picture of the author Mad Dawg
              I would highly recommend checking out Eckhart Tolle's "A New Earth". That book is incredible and will help you find happiness in the now.

              I know you've heard it before, but sometimes you just have to realize that happiness is a decision, and you can start being happy right now if you so choose.

              It sounds like you are having a problem with the emotion of resistence. You realize you are being negative, and you are analayziing it saying "why am I stuck being so negative!" which only makes it worse. It's a self perpetuating cycle.

              Instead, try recognizing you are being negative, but not putting any emotion into it. "Oh man I'm being negative...oh well" Then simply take right action. Go meditate on positive thoughts. Go outside somewhere and breath deep and recognize your place on this earth as a part of the collective life force.

              Feel great inside because you deserve it. It is our job here on this earth to do so.

              Hope that helps

              Mad Dawg
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              • Profile picture of the author summer07
                Sounds like you've got a lot of losses going on in your life right now. In nature, there is expansion and contraction. Sounds like maybe you're in a time of contraction. It won't last forever.

                Kay's suggestion to go spend some time with nature is good advice. Watch the clouds come and go. Feel the wind come and go. Feel your breath come and go. It will help you understand that life changes in ways that are beyond words.

                Peace and blessings,
                Audre
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                • Profile picture of the author vicone
                  The earlier posts have offered some good advice.

                  As you've discovered, the principle of attracting what you constantly pay attention to also applies to those things you don't want. It's naturally easier to pay more attention to those events in our lives that are happening now and these can be compelling, frightening and even overwhelming.

                  if we lived in paradise or utopia it would be much easier to get more of the same as we would only have to look around us and by admiring and appreciating what we are already getting we could be ssured of more of the same.

                  However it's much more difficult to feel admiration and appreciation when in our real lives what we are experiencing is one disaster after another.

                  That's why we often find relief from everyday reality and everyday pain by physically distancing ourselves from that situation - perhaps by a wilderness retreat where we are surrounded by nature's beauty and can again experience feelings of appreciation.

                  Others distance themselves by taking a vacation and recharging their inner batteries by moving away from unpleasant conditions and visiting locations they are able to enjoy and admire.

                  There are health pas and other retreats that serve a similar purpose of removing us from an unpleasant situation to give our inner senses some breathing space so that we are not overwhelmed by unpleasant feelings and a sense of wellbeing can be restored.

                  These may all help but are not always available and are certainly not available to everyone. Some short-term respite can be gained by looking for thoughts that offer some relief relative to where you are now. For instance, for someone feeling depressed it is too much to expect they will suddenly find thoughts that are joyful.

                  However, it is possible to shift towards sadness or even anger. This is an improvement in the right direction - away from depression. So consciously look for thoughts that help you to feel better than before. When you are feeling sad rather than depressed look for thoughts that help you to feel better than sad. If you feel blame, this may give relief from anger. Irritation may give relief from blame. Pessimism gives relief from irritation. Hopefulness gives relief from pessimism. Progressive relief will help you move in the direction of happiness.

                  It's generally too much to expect a huge leap from our present experience to an ideal one but we can do it in steps.

                  It does require a little conscious effort to shift our thoughts from what we are currently experiencing to a different one but with practice it gets easier. Our attention may be fixed on a tv program but when we change channels we usually don't have trouble paying attention to the new program. We don't remain fixated on the previous one.

                  Changing our lives is just like changing a tv channel, it just takes a little longer and instead of a remote control we have to exercise some conscious control. Both require deliberate choice.

                  Improving gradually on where you presently are will eventually get you to where you want to be.

                  Ivan
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              • Profile picture of the author Scott Muzzey
                Wow. I can relate to what you are going through. Six years ago my mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer (she is now gone). Three years ago my wife of 10 years (and 2 kids) said she wanted a divorce clear out of the blue. I never even saw it coming - she met someone. My finances were a wreck. I spiraled down into a depression.

                It didn't last. I have always found the positive in everything. How can I find the positive in my mother's passing? Well at least she isn't in pain. She got really bad near the end but now she is in peace, joining my father. She also is watching over my kids. Don't ask me how I know this, I just do.

                How did I find the positive with the kids? We are amicable because of the kids because we both realize what is important. My pride took a back seat. We split time with the kids, I get 1/2 week and she gets the other 1/2. Actually I see them everyday as I watch them daily. The kids know that both their parents are there for them and they are really OK with things. More so than I though they would be.

                How did I find the positive with the divorce? First, I realized that my ex-wife was not the one for me like I had thought previously. Do friends (and that is what spouses should be) just find someone else? I deserve better. I am not blaming anyone for anything - it is what it is.

                Now here is the best part and the most positive: I got to start over! I was given a blank slate, a new beginning. And I am having fun reinventing myself. I'm not done yet. I'm in my mid 40's and I am having a blast. The world is wide open to the possibilities for my life. And I am taking advantage of every one of them.

                The finances are much better. I have a saying. It's only money. They'll (I'll) make more.

                I am telling you this to show you that there is hope. But really, it is up to you how you want to handle things. I like this quote:

                "A man is not hurt so much by what happens, as by his opinion of what happens." - Montaigne
                Kay King's advice is priceless. What she says also works for me.

                But to immediately get you out of your funk, one way is to become so busy with yourself (business, work, education, etc.) that you won't have time to think about what is happening.

                Spend time with your mother. She will appreciate it and so will you. Family is what is important.

                Good luck with your future.

                Scott
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        • Profile picture of the author Kenneth Maddux
          I agree it will give you a piece of mind, Maybe take a trip, Costa Rica is very nice and has a lot of natural beauty. Also fresh air !! Hope this helps Ken
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  • Profile picture of the author thenoob
    What about take a break and start writing a book to tell people how sad is your life and how you feel about life. With true emotions, it could be a successfull novel. I'm not kidding at all. Best wishes to you !
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  • Profile picture of the author Beau
    Hey Dood...
    Try these audio files - they are what I call 'Guided Sound Journeys' - you just follow along with my voice and respond to the affirmations in the first person:

    http://www.beaumiles.com/Soul/soul.mp3

    http://www.beaumiles.com/soundhealing_samples/Male.mp3

    http://www.beaumiles.com/soundhealin.../ChakraBal.mp3

    The last one is just sounds. Let me know how you go.

    And give this one to your mother:
    http://www.beaumiles.com/soundhealin...les/Female.mp3

    Ask her to think of her cancer when she does it with the intention of raising the cellular lifeforce energy within her cells.

    Best Regards,
    Beaumont.
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    • Profile picture of the author Quilst
      Thanks to you all. I will have to go through a process here.
      It is nice to know there are good people on this earth.
      I'we been in nature for few hours and it is really inspiring and uplifting.

      I think I will go on a vacation with my mom
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      • Profile picture of the author Beau
        Spending time in nature is excellent - the negative ions help to calm your energy and emotions and ground you. Grounding is the key.

        :-) Beaumont
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  • Profile picture of the author seodeveloping
    I can definitely relate to your situation... My mother was diagnosed with Stage 4 Lymphoma. If you know anything about cancer, it's one of the most deadly, and fastest to spread. I also had other issues in my life happening too... fiance talking to her ex boyfriend, which really pisses me off (call me whatever you want, but it would get to you too). So we fought every other day because of the same old thing...

    Then I pretty much just gave up. I kind of shut down. I went from making over 50k a month to making 5k a month over the course of 6 months. Everything lost value to me, and I really didn't care. Till one day I finally decided to confront everything going on. Now you can call me a religious freak or something, but i'm not. I started going to church. Not over-attending, but once every saturday or sunday for a few months. I confronted my fiance about her actions, etc.

    Everything finally worked out. My mother has been through 12 treatments of Chemo and she is, thank god, 100% cancer free. Me and my fiance are still together, and stronger than ever.

    You really just need to believe, in yourself, in your life, and in your own power to control things.
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    • Profile picture of the author Kay King
      I think I will go on a vacation with my mom
      What an excellent idea! We never know how much time we have left with those we love - but that's even more reason to spend quality time NOW with those you love.

      kay
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  • Profile picture of the author Tom E
    The one thing about the law of attraction we don't anticipate is what I like to call "negative momentum". When you start thinking positive, after a lifetime of thinking not-so-positive, it often feels wonderful at first, but then, all of a sudden, we crash and burn.

    This is because of your subconscious mind freaking out on you - it has protected you your whole life from the "danger" of reaching your goals and being truly happy, so now it's sending you a firestorm of negativity to try to "get you back".

    In my experience, the ONLY thing that works in this scenario, is consistently using the LOA to your advantage. This is easier said than done though, especially when you're really down.

    I did find a resource for this that has worked miracles in my own life, but I don't want to be a spammer, so if you're interested PM me and I will gladly send you a link.
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    • Profile picture of the author Heather Vale
      Here's the real secret...

      "The Secret" (i.e. the Law of Attraction) is NOT about positive thinking.

      See, you were thinking positive thoughts, but feeling depressive emotions... and the emotions win out. Always.

      You can't, unfortunately, out-think your emotions.

      I have a TEAR Formula for success: T+E+A=R (Thoughts + Emotions + Actions = Results)

      All the first three need to be in alignment to get what you want, and each in line is stronger than the next -- Emotions beat out Thoughts, and Actions beat out both (if you think positive and have positive juiced-up emotions but do something to counter that, the results will follow your Actions... even though they may be moderated a bit by the positivity).

      So don't "think about" positive things... focus in on those incredible manifesting emotions.

      What do you have to be grateful for? Don't say nothing, dig really deep... your health? Your family? Your friends? Your talents?

      Pick something you're confident in knowing that you are honestly blessed to have.

      Now FEEEELL the emotions of gratitude. Carry a picture to remind you about it, and juice up your emotions around it as often as possible... hold that great feeling for about 20 seconds at least every time you do it.

      Soon you'll find the gratitude (another good emotion is love) overpowering the negative thoughts, and the depressive emotions, if you do it consciously and often enough.

      And THAT will kick "The Secret" into gear for you.

      Good luck!
      Heather
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  • Profile picture of the author Aging
    I was diagnosed with breast cancer 2 years ago - went through the chemo, hair loss, etc. I'm fine now. Your mother needs you to be there for her. Her seeing you depressed will not help her one bit. Don't feel sorry for yourself - it only makes you feel worse. Exercise, read motivational things and above all find something that makes you laugh. A good laugh brings me out of a slump.
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  • Profile picture of the author domodomo
    Focus on positive feelings, gratitude. It sounds like you are focusing on negative right now.

    "The Secret" is the law of attraction. You attract to what you are feeling. Also, there are process to manifest your wishes. Maybe it's a good time to do gratitude list. Write down all the things you are greatful now...

    I use "the law of attrction" daily and belive it's is very powerful. If you like to learn more "The Secret" from the official teachers for FREE, check the link below. This FREE e-mail lessons are pretty good.

    Good luck!
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  • Profile picture of the author najmiyusoff
    I'm sorry to hear about your problems. If I were in your shoes, I'll spend some time alone, and do things I like the most. One thing I always keep in mind, don't be upset about something you have no control over, just accept the fact that it may be a blessing in disguise. That always makes me feel better. Hope you will, too.

    Take care man.
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  • Profile picture of the author drkellogs
    watch the Secret.

    do affirmations.

    Don't take life too seriously...

    Whatever you can, get some Hope into your system. It will make you feel more alive.
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    • Profile picture of the author SusanPreston
      You have already been given some wonderful advise. I feel for you, as my 26 year old son has been recently been diagnosed with Lymphoma. He has a wife and 2 small children. Since I have already been practicing "The Law of Attraction", I visualize about his healing. I do journaling, and in it I write, "I am so happy and grateful now that my son is healed." Then I write other things and then at the end I write,"Pleae make this or something better happen. Thank you!" I know he will be healed, do I cry at times, absolutely, but I also am very grateful for so many things in my life. When I feel frustrated and overwhelm I say, "I am so happy and grateful now that the universe is conspiring in my favor. Thank you." I say different affirmations at different times. Another excerise I learned from reading Joe Vitale's book, Attractor Factor" is to take 2 pieces of paper and the 1st one write exactly how your life is right now. On the 2nd one write, how you want your life to be. Then shred the 1st one up and take out the 2nd one when you need to be reminded of what you really want.

      Lastly, feel grateful (really feel it) for the thngs in your life even if they aren't quite what you want. Feel happness, I know it's hard, but even thru my tears I will smile.
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      • Profile picture of the author fjgunner
        For others life problems, not same as yours, I have been in your same situation since 3 years ago. Doctors said me I have "Anxiety" and gave me tons of medical products which made me.....NOTHING.

        Life is a travel, and in a travel there are good and bad moments, I am sure you will get well soon. I try feel good everyday, for my anxiety problems I have lost jobs, is a difficult situation.

        You must encourage yourself, yes, I know, is very easy say this but is the truth.
        Also try to do something, and dont take the life very serious.

        Hope all your problems will finished and you get well soon.

        "A travel of one million of miles begins with a simple Step"

        Give the first Step!!!!


        fjgunner
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  • Profile picture of the author MsDebra
    I'm sorry to hear about your troubles. Sometimes it seems that everything is hitting you all at once. Bu if you really knew how "The Secret" works, you would hold onto your good thoughts by any means necessary. That means not looking at your problems, but looking to the answers. Say only what you want to happen. You are a creative being, and your words are power carriers. God never promised any of us a problem-free life. He only promised us a way out, and that's faith that no matter what you're going through, you trust Him to work it out to your advantage. But even God must work through you. Of course, this only works for believers in Christ Jesus, and I am thrilled to see so many believers on the WF.
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  • Profile picture of the author Devin T
    Quilst, I have not read the others comments but what I can tell you now is, do not worry about factors in life such as work, pleasing others, etc. Right now you need to center your thoughts on getting yourself in a better light. The secret beind "the secret" is the idea that the positive energy that you radiate will have a positive effect on your life. So it isn't necessarily that "the secret" has failed you, just that right now your life is in a very trying point, and you need to overcome this. We won't talk in terms of proving how strong you are, bla bla bla. This is simply a series of obstacles in life that must be overcome. I went through a similar period a few weeks back, and I simply took actions into solving the problem. You need to get your happiness back. Period. Without this, things will get worse.

    You're nodding your head to this and saying yeah ok, but how in the hell do I achieve this.. Well, go back to what makes you feel like you, what makes you comfortable and happy. Talk with the people around you who make you happy, express your feelings in some way (my method is through sonnets). Exercise to help get out that huge ball of negative energy that's sitting in your chest and gut just wanting to burst out. Things will get better for you. You don;t necessarily have to try and feel postive or hopeful, but you need to be determined; determined to get yourself out of this depression so that you can deal with the things @ hand. I hope this has helped ya some!
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    • Profile picture of the author WebVanity
      I think "the secret" is something within everyone that makes their individual businesses work. I've reached that point before - once I had people stealing money from my paypal. Things get tough, but I believe it is a sign that things are about to get better.
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  • Profile picture of the author GeorgR.
    it is NOT about "pretending" to have a positive view.

    It is very obvious from your post that there are many issues in your life, you need to solve them first!! If you can, take a break from IM?!

    There is no point in running around with a happy face "imaging" a mountain of money...when its clear that there are other issues or if you really don't believe into your own positive thinking. (Which is hardly the case and totally understandable with those serious things going on in your family!)

    Your subconsciousness certainly knows that, no matter how you "imagine" your success...it has to be true and without any doubt. Including joy in what you're doing and whatever else goes with it.

    I hope you get those family matters resolved!
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    • Profile picture of the author Simon0804
      We will always have to deal with certain issues in life. One very helpful technique is to learn EFT. It stands for Emotional Freedom Techniques and is simple to learn and apply. You can get more information at EFT Provides Impressive Health and Emotional Freedom--New Discovery Often Works Where Nothing Else . I think that the basic manual is still a free download.

      The technique involves tapping on certain energy meridians while repeating a phrase dealing with one thing that is a problem. It is simple and it works. There are also professionals who offer help with it if you don't want to do it on your own. Some problems can be solved immediately and others take more time.

      I hope you feel much better soon.

      Beth Freeman
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  • Profile picture of the author Orion777
    First, take a deep breath. Literally. Also, get some sunlight and fresh air by taking a walk; there are vitamins in sunlight. Then take a shower. Running water washes away negative vibes and will make you feel better. Look at some pictures of people without hands or feet or burned up still alive kids in Baghdad and count your blessings today. Stretch your arms up to the sky and vow to never be depressed again. Then do something different that you usually don't do - go to the library, go for a drive, etc.

    Next look at the positive side of things happening in your life. Maybe this lady is not THE ONE for you, so the universe is getting her out of your life. There are three billion other women on this planet. Move on.

    Examine how you got into a huge financial mess and get organized, vow to clean it up and never let this situation happen to you again. Learn from your mistakes! We all have made mistakes in our life.

    I am sorry to hear about your mother, but we know that these things are a fact of life. Just accept it and be there for her and take this time to renew and strengthen your relationship with her.

    When the going gets tough, the tough get going!
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  • Profile picture of the author janet444
    Quilst,

    My heart goes out to you.

    I prefer Abraham-Hicks take on the Law of Attraction to The Secret.

    They advise that you let yourself feel your emotions. To pretend to feel positive when you feel sad is to simply be in denial.

    I love their books and they have many wonderful videos on YouTube, which you can watch for free.

    Here is one that I really like:


    You can find more on their YouTube channel at:

    YouTube - AbrahamHicks's Channel

    Please let us know how you are doing.

    I think it's so sweet that so many of you Warriors have answered this thread. What a lot of big hearts on this forum!

    Janet

    P.S. To find their books, look for books written by Jerry and Esther Hicks - that is how they are listed as authors.
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    • Profile picture of the author vicone
      Loved it. Thanks, Janet.

      Perhaps what wasn't clear in the video, as Esther was expanding on the analogy of 'the stream", is HOW to go with the flow.

      The starting point is always the present - where we are right now. We can have all sorts of negative feelings about present conditions - fear, doubt, anger, resentment, depression, etc. These are natural reactions to the way we see our present conditions - poor, unloved, rejected, badly treated by others, exploited, and so on.

      We start to turn our lives around when we look at our present situation and decide to Make The Most Of Where I Am Right Now.

      At that point we start to relax and stop resisting present conditions. We begin to make peace with the present. We start to feel better and, when that happens, new possibilities start to appear. New options become available to us.

      As new opportunities appear, THEN is the time for action as we TEST these new possibilities to see how well they suit our purpose.

      If, as we test our options, we find them to be unsatisfactory, no matter - we continue to Make The Most Of Where We Presently Are and remain unconcerned, knowing that new possibilities will soon appear. Fresh opportunities are always just around the corner as long as -

      1. We don't become fixated with present conditions and beat ourselves up over them. As we don't have any choice over what we are presently getting, we accept what is already happening and turn it around by Making The Most Of Where We Are, no matter how dreadful that situation happens to be.

      2. We don't concern ourselves with HOW we will get out of this awful situation (or HOW we got ourselves into this mess). It's very tempting to get caught up with the PROCESS of solving our problems. We then remain stuck on the treadmill of taking lots of fruitless action because that is our focus. For instance, someone who is ambitious spends a lot of time considering office politics and how to move up the corporate ladder. Someone who is looking for a loving partner pays a great deal of attention to fitness and body building, exercise and dieting, new clothes, new hair styles, perfumes, etc.

      The danger is that the process supplants our real goals as that is what we spend much of our time attending to. What we then ahieve is lots of fruitless activity - always in pursuit and never quite getting there. The process doesn't require much attention as long as we Make The Most Of Where We Are and test new options that present themselves.

      3. We clearly know WHAT we really want and TRUST that it will come to pass without fretting ("What am I to do?") over what has to be done to get there.

      So, next time your house burns down, after the inevitable tears, throw a house warming party (you may need to borrow some chairs!). When the power company cuts off the electric power, remind yourself that this would be a good time for a (cold) candlelit dinner. When your lover walks out on you, get dressed up and go out - you've been offered an opportunity and someone more appreciative is just around the corner!

      When you are emotionally prepared in the present, trust in future outcomes is all you need to get around obstacles and find new opportunities. THEN take the steps required to move forward.


      Ivan
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      • Profile picture of the author DavesVenture
        Quilst, there's a great group of people on this forum offering excellent advice and suggestions in this challenging time in your life.

        I'd like to contribute to this already wonderful thread by adding that I was also going through a very difficult period in my life where just about everything was turned upside down.

        And I guess everyone goes through their trying moments as a test to see how much one can stand and how much intestinal fortitude we can muster.

        It's very challenging to even think right sometimes, when the issues are related to insufficient money and deteriorating health.

        But as was suggested here, it is best to stay active in many positive ways by walking in nature, doing what made you feel most happy and brought you fulfillment in the past, and even offering to assist others as a volunteer in places or institutions where adults, children, and animals may be going through their own difficult challenges.

        It may be a therapeutic way to slowly get back into harmony with your life.

        I believe that when life gets tough we need to become tougher and pray for the strength and the wisdom to carry on despite the circumstances we face, especially those we don't have any control over.

        I'm wishing you strength and clarity to forge ahead as you recover.

        Good luck and Godspeed

        Dave
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  • Profile picture of the author countdevio
    You might try some playing some self hypnosis cds
    on autoreverse really low on a boombox as you sleep
    at night ... reprogramming those thoughts ..

    I work as a hypnotist ... dealing with alcoholism, depression
    suicide ... as well as smoking, fears and phobias.

    People ask me at the end of a session .. after dredging
    up, and hopefully resolving some of their issues .. what
    do I do to detox ....

    This is it ... Also .. The holosync program works for many.

    The problem with positive thoughts as well as self
    hypnosis, is that we're programming ourself from the
    standpoint of our own limitations ... as to what we
    believe is possible ...

    Just my opinion ... don't shoot me ...
    My keyboard is possessed !
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  • Profile picture of the author John Derrick
    I am sorry to hear that life has not been pleasant for you lately.

    What I have found both for myself and working with others is that anxiety and depression often go hand in hand, even though you may not realize it.

    When you said " I feel sad all the time and have a strange feeling that something terrible will happen" it shows both depression (feeling sad) and anxiety (something terrible is going to happen).

    It is nearly impossible to be anxious or depressed when you are in the moment. When you are paying attention to the exact moment that you are in right now.....

    It is when our minds are not trained, and we allow them to wander or dwell on things that "might happen" or "could happen" or even "probably will happen" that anxiety and depression over take us.

    A lot of times depression is really a physical and mental exhaustion brought on by constant anxiety and worry.

    When you are smelling a rose, or watching a good movie or listening to children play, or to magnificent music.... you can not be depressed or anxious... UNLESS you leave the moment and go off in your mind and think about things that make you depressed or anxious.

    Of course, when you have more than one thing going on in your life, such as you suggest, it is easier to become overwhelmed.

    Sounds like there are a lot of helpful and kind people here that truly care. Might be a good support network.

    Take a moment and try living in the NOW though... the more often you practice living in the moment, the more moments you will spend that way and the better you will feel.

    Hopefully yours, with the best of intentions,

    - John
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    • Profile picture of the author Vincelog
      I truly agree with going to the nature and be at peace out there. There is a special thing about nature that allows us to get into a state that is energizing. After you are energize, think of the positive and always believe things are going to turn out fine.

      Cheers
      Vincent
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  • Profile picture of the author Sid Kaplan
    Quilst, I really hear your pain and empathize with you.

    You have been given some amazing suggestions by caring people on this forum. Now is the time to make lemonade from the lemons.

    I first learned of gratitude from my father who told a story of a man who hated his shoes until he met a man with no feet! The wonderful news in any crisis is that we have a choice in how we respond and our personal repsonse is best when we choose to feel a better feeling that what we are feeling presently.

    It does not mean you can go from sorrow to laughter in one moment but you can look for little things to be grateful for (like you don't have to worry that there will be no more air, or you don't have to remember to breathe.

    It is about stopping for a moment, enjoying (I mean that) a deep breathe. It is about trying to feel feelings of gratitude in advance of any experience.

    I love that Esther (Abraham) continually reminds us that nothing we really want is upstream!

    If you can practice some form of silent meditation a least 20 -30 minutes a day where you quiet the chatter of your mind - whether it is TM, Holosync, Jappa, etc. Don't judge an experience just let your self be quiet without thought (if they come - let them go saying "well that's a thought") and I think you will find some inner peace that you are looking for.

    Folks here have expressed a number of ways to ease your feelings, experiment with them. You can change your life by changing your thoughts. You may also want to look into the Sedona Method.

    I have much respect for your pain - I hope you will release it soon.

    Sid
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    • Profile picture of the author John Derrick
      Originally Posted by Sid Kaplan View Post

      If you can practice some form of silent meditation a least 20 -30 minutes a day where you quiet the chatter of your mind - whether it is TM, Holosync, Jappa, etc. Don't judge an experience just let your self be quiet without thought (if they come - let them go saying "well that's a thought") and I think you will find some inner peace that you are looking for.

      Sid

      I couldn't agree more. That is the best way to be in the moment and that is what I would do if I were down or stressed out.

      Although if Quilst is not already practiced with meditation, it may be challenging to master at this point in time.
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  • Profile picture of the author Vector
    Whoa, what a caring group this is. My advice is to take some time (a few hours) get a pad of paper and draw out all possible solution scenarios (plan A,B,C, ... and then concentrate on action (you already have done the thinking) on at least two of the best in a very intense manner. It always works for me. There are some things that take time to change but it doesn't matter. One thing is that contrary of what people have been teaching thoughts DO NOT actually attract bad stuff into your life only Actions based on erroneous, illogical and naive thinking WILL. Correct course and go through the above mentioned process. YOUR behavior change will change your life situations, is inevitable. My heart goes out to you, though. Act in a decisively and logical way without cease. You have the Power brother!!!

    Jay
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  • Profile picture of the author GeorgR.
    Hello, posted this in another thread already, but this is an 1A example and this might help you:

    Think about the solution, not the problem.
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  • Profile picture of the author diannee
    Hey check out some of the stuff from Tom Stone of Great Life. I know this goes against what most people recommend, but try it any way. Instead of trying to force yourself to be positive when you aren't, just let your self go into the feeling of being sad and anxious. Fully experience those emotions and just be with them. Put on some sad, depressing music and really get into the feelings that you are having rather than trying to avoid them. Avoidance tends to perpetuate those feelings. Rather than letting your other than conscious mind and your body communicate with you and get its learning you keep running from the pain, distracting your self with new sights and different activities; this is the emotional equivalent of putting on long sleves rather than seeing the doctor about that huge lump on your arm. Trust yourself enough to be with your emotions and see what happens.
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    • Profile picture of the author vicone
      Instead of trying to force yourself to be positive when you aren't, just let your self go into the feeling of being sad and anxious. Fully experience those emotions and just be with them. Put on some sad, depressing music and really get into the feelings that you are having rather than trying to avoid them. Avoidance tends to perpetuate those feelings.
      That's an interesting notion I'd like to comment on.

      What we are feeling ABOUT situations is the result of our body's response to what we perceive. If we see a large, menacing tiger approach, our body reacts and we feel alarmed. If we see a cute little kitten approach, we feel warm and fuzzy, as we do when we see a mother with a newborn child.

      I wouldn't suggest that you avoid feelings - what you are getting - but accept and experience the present. However, TAKING CONTROL of our lives means knowing what to do next. There are countless numbers of people who feel miserable and dwell on their misery - and remain miserable. Simply responding to perceived conditions, as most do, leaves us at the mercy of those conditions and we pray, hope, curse and rail against the conditions that are causing us to feel so poorly!

      To have creative control over our lives involves using our ability to CHOOSE. This is something we usually do not do well as we are creatures of habit and conscious choice is not something we are very practised at doing - unlike simply responding to perceived conditions, which we do well.

      The conscious choice I'm referring to here is the ability to shift our attention and choose the thoughts we wish to pay attention to. This is much like watching TV. Our lives generally are tuned into just the one channel and, if there is a comedy playing, we feel happy; if the screen displays a tragedy, we feel sad; if a musical is showing, we feel like singing; when a horror movie appears, we experience fear, and so on. What I'm suggesting is that we learn to change the channel.

      Choosing our thoughts - or shifting our perceptions - is very much like seeing a glass containing water. Decide whether it is half full or half empty. It is not a question of denying the other possibility but choosing to focus on the interpretation (or thought) which serves us best. Being creatures of habit, many will habitually see their glasses as half empty - to them, the world is full of half-empty glasses! They are focusing on imminent loss, unlike those whose glasses are half full!

      When we consciously choose to shift our attention to thoughts which serve us better, we start to take creative control of our lives. As we have thousands of thoughts throughout the day, it would soon drive us crazy and be overwhelming to monitor every thought. However, we can more easily learn to be alert to the feelings prompted by our thoughts and take that as an indication of our progress. If we are feeling happy, we are on the right path. If we are worried (sad, angry, etc), that is a sign we are wandering and the thoughts prompting those feelings may not be serving us well. Hence, we look at them and check whether other VALID thoughts (interpretations) are available and simply shift the focus of our attention to those. This prompts better feelings.

      When we are feeling at peace, or even happy about our present conditions, it is easier to see new ways to improve our lives than when we are feeling anxious, sad, lonely, depressed, angry, etc. The thoughts prompting those negative feelings are strong DISTRACTIONS which limit our ability to see fruitful options which are apparent to those at peace with where they are.

      The negative feelings may also be a sign that we are out of alignment with what we really want - our major goals. For instance, if we are worrying about lack of progress at finding a long-term, loving partner, that feeling of worry acts as a signal. It could be that instead of feeling TRUST in a successful outcome, we are fretting over HOW and WHAT steps to take in order to gain that success - we have become pre-occupied with the process instead of relaxing, trusting that we will succeed, and going with the flow.

      Feelings are not to be denied. It is also important that we learn how to consciously CHOOSE the sort of life that we want.

      Ivan
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  • Profile picture of the author Gerry Humphrey
    Quilst,

    Been awhile... Lots of good advice in this thread... but more important.. how are you?

    My bit of advice is no Secret.

    *hugs*

    Yup.. that's it is. Goes well with just about all other advice. =)

    Hope you are having a great day!
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    Business Consultant, Technical Support Rep, Developer, Trainer
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  • Profile picture of the author jonny6529
    Wow!!!!! Everyone ere is so full of uplifting and useful ideas... I'm going through a similar rough spot in my life as Quilst right now so I can definitely relate. And I plan on trying some of these suggestions to get your mind in a more positive state. I especially like the idea of going out to do positive things and help people because doing this in the past has put me in a more positive state of mind.
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  • Profile picture of the author rlnorthcutt
    FIRST - sorry to hear about your mom... cancer is a rough lesson. I suggest you do some research on Macrobiotics and the science behind cancer. "The China Study" by Dr. T. Colin Campbell is a solid start in the science area. The macro stuff is out there. Short answer - avoid sugar, dairy and excess meat/protein... she should eat mostly veggies and whole grains. Find a macro counselor.

    SECOND - The "dark night of the soul" is often a sign of spiritual detoxification. As you seek to raise your vibration, you will begin to shake loose old negative patterns and you will have to experience them as they pass.

    If you have hit the manifesting stuff really hard, then the detox could be hard as well. Stay focused on your track and know that as you go through these things, they will fade and leave you much stronger.

    If you need assistance, Divine Openings can speed up the process and help you transition much faster. It has been an incredible tool for me, and continues to advance my evolution.

    Feel free to pm me for details or with any questions.
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  • Profile picture of the author Li Weng
    Sorry to hear what you're going through man. It must be really tough.

    I think it's almost impossible to stay positive in your situation. It's probably best for you to find some way to release all your pain and frustration inside, and use time as the healer.

    If you try hard thinking positively when so many negative things are happening, it's not going to work. You mind will know that you're lying to yourself. Vacations may help, but that's kinda like running away from the problem.

    All I can suggest is try observe your emotions and thoughts objectively, like a bystander. It will help but it won't make your problems go away over night. Good luck with everything. I'm sure it will be all good for you soon.
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    • Profile picture of the author dsanchez
      I understand what you're going through because sometimes is hard to perceive something positive in our lives when our circumstances are negative.

      What has really helped me is talk about the problem. I have a really good friend, I consider her a sister more than a friend. It's good to talk about your problems with someone you can trust. The problem won't go away but you'll feel relieved.

      I also read the Bible a lot. In my case that helps. Also, being realistic and taking things one step at a time. For example, with your mother, try to keep her company, be there for her for her doctors' appts. etc, and reassuring her that everything will be ok. Cancer patients need a positive environment.

      Regarding your girlfriend, it's hard when our circumstances in life change, but try to talk out your problems. Show her you still love her and try to work things out. If it doesn't work, then we have to learn to live with that. At the beginning is hard but time heals everything and eventually you will find the right person for you.

      Dagmar
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  • Hi, making money and getting rich can't ease those problems, I think only the Lord can give us strength to walk through hard times. I don't know if you believe in God, but faith and trust in Him comes before anything in my life. I hope you find life easier on you and don't give up. God walks with us even when we arn't looking for Him.
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  • Profile picture of the author Quilst
    It makes me feel much better when I see all of your posts. You don't even know it but you warriors are my heroes. I look up to those of you who have success in online ventures and I asked myself: "Do this people have problems?". Yes they do.

    Every single time when I am feeling down I go to WF to read this post and makes me feel much stronger than before.

    I don't think God has anything to do with my current status in life. Some of the things are my own fault and some of the things are just out of my control.

    Taking care of my mother is a new experience for me since she has been for me all my life and I think it is time to return the love she has been giving me all my life.

    For the "secret" I have put my thoughts into the future. Thinking and feeling positive about the tomorrow. This hasn't killed me so I guess it will only make me stronger.

    Seeing so many people giving donations to those in need makes me love this place even more. You warriors are the best kind of people on the internet.

    God bless
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  • Profile picture of the author Warren Tattersall
    Pick one or two small things that you can do today. At the depth that could be as small as making yourself a cup of tea or coffee. Then do it. Just little things that are within your grasp. Take those tiny successess, focus on what you can control and start to build out from there.
    It sounds silly but it is a start and it will work.
    Do what you can do and let the rest go for now as much as you can.
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  • Profile picture of the author David Hooper
    I wrote a book on Law of Attraction and give it away, if you're interested.

    http://www.receivethebook.com/
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