Is it easy for you to make eye contact with other people?

62 replies
I was just curious about this. I think in any business or building a relationship with another person, eye contact is important and can be a powerful tool.

For me however, I get confused sometimes as to when the appropriate times is it to look somebody directly in the eye.

So out of curiosity, is making eye contact for you easy or hard for you and why?
#contact #easy #eye #make #people
  • Profile picture of the author kennethsmith72
    Of course,you can make an eye contact as long you don't telling a lie......
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    • Profile picture of the author Jacksprat
      If you want to come across sincere in the western world, you really must keep eye contact. It just means that you are honest and sincere. I know different cultures have different ways though and, where i gre up in Africa, the custom is to look away and not stare.
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    • Profile picture of the author TeddyP
      Originally Posted by kennethsmith72 View Post

      Of course,you can make an eye contact as long you don't telling a lie......
      I don't think it is quite this simple. I think some people may have problems making eye contact if they don't feel the belong. For example if you meet with a big time exec you may be intimidated and not make enough eye contact. In that scenario it isn't about honesty.

      I know motivators say stuff like this all the time - but you really need to believe you are worthy of big time meetings like this. I believe there is a lot of value in acting like you not only belong but that the people you meet would be crazy not to want to work with you or accept your products/services.
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    • Profile picture of the author Najat Engineer
      Originally Posted by kennethsmith72 View Post

      Of course,you can make an eye contact as long you don't telling a lie......

      I totally agree
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      • Profile picture of the author Liane Fitzpatrick
        It is easy for me to make eye contact however, where culturally frowned upon I think we should respect the difference and accommodate by not making eye contact.
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  • Profile picture of the author Loren Woirhaye
    Appropriateness of eye contact is a cultural issue. In some
    cultures making a lot of direct eye contact is a little threatening.

    It's important to be friendly with eye contact. Even if your mouth
    isn't grinning, smile with your eyes and people will instantly warm
    to you generally.

    If the other person is open to it I can establish deep rapport quickly
    and my method is predominately based in my habit of looking people
    straight in the eye. I've studied NLP too, and I choose my words
    well - but mostly I'm energetic, an attentive listener, and I give more
    eye contact than most people get from new acquaintances.

    By inclination I am introverted actually - but I've collected an assortment
    of "charisma tricks" and eye contact is one of the best.
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  • Profile picture of the author santhana
    I feel you brother, in my country if you talk to someone and you look straight to their eyes, it means no respectful, but in Europe if you don't look in people's eyes it means you are not respected....
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  • Profile picture of the author StevieHawk
    Definitely cultural! Personally I do not trust anyone who can not look into my eyes. Women try not to look at them because they become hypnotised

    To answer your question eye contact is very easy for me. People believe it is the window to the soul. I also find that even though people may lie I am able to read the truth from their eyes.
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    • Profile picture of the author Tristan Lee
      You guys all have some interesting theories about eye contact! I guess it is a culture difference? I think holding eye contact with somebody too long might make them angry or even feel threatened. But some people think it brings out confidence. I feel that it depends on the situation...

      But most of you guys ignored the main question though! Personally for you, is making eye contact with other people easy or hard? For me, it's easy if I'm in an energetic mood .
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      • Profile picture of the author dsanchez
        I confess... for me is easy now since I'm older. It used to be really hard when I was younger, since I was too shy sometimes.

        Dagmar
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      • Profile picture of the author Bart Loos
        Originally Posted by Tristan Lee View Post

        For me, it's easy if I'm in an energetic mood .
        And when you're not? and with "not" I don't mean a depressed mood or so.. but when you're just in your daily default state... is it still easy?

        Have fun

        Bart
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        • Profile picture of the author Tristan Lee
          Originally Posted by Bart Loos View Post

          And when you're not? and with "not" I don't mean a depressed mood or so.. but when you're just in your daily default state... is it still easy?

          Have fun

          Bart
          Hi Bart. Thanks for your reply. Sometimes it's easy and sometimes it's not. It depends on if I get a positive vibe from the person. For example, if a person is staring at me and not smiling or talking, I find it hard to make eye contact with them. I start to get choked up inside.
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          • Profile picture of the author Bart Loos
            Originally Posted by Tristan Lee View Post

            Hi Bart. Thanks for your reply. Sometimes it's easy and sometimes it's not. It depends on if I get a positive vibe from the person. For example, if a person is staring at me and not smiling or talking, I find it hard to make eye contact with them. I start to get choked up inside.
            Ok .. if they are staring at you .. It might be this funny power game people like to play .. keep looking more cool and longer at them then they are looking at you.. you do not have to play along.

            You do NOT have to make any eye contact.. it's your choice.

            What you can do if you decide to make eye contact... and they are not smiling.. you can pull up a friendly funny face... or they smile.. or they won't. If they don't... move on ...

            Now when you get a positive vibe from them and you still find it hard.. then this becomes a problem.. if that's the case.. take a look at what emotions are getting in your way.. what are you feeling atm that stops you from looking back at them.

            Makes sense?

            Hope this helps

            Have fun

            Bart
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  • Profile picture of the author Chris_Willow
    Making eye contact = higher status.
    Doing it all the time. Not really a problem when I *know* the power of it

    Chris
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  • Profile picture of the author dunno
    Eye contact is easy when you have confidence and high self esteem.
    Eye contact is almost never a bad thing.
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  • Profile picture of the author shoaibonline
    I always look people in the eye when they are speaking. When I'm speaking it's more challenging. Eye contact is difficult because vulnerability is never easy. When you look someone in the eye you're giving up a bit of yourself in the give and take of conversation. We love to keep everything to ourselves.
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  • Profile picture of the author Igor Kheifets
    I used to be shy of eye contact and used to avoid it.
    Now though, I am like an eagle. Mearly never blink

    Eye contact states self confidence, power, attitude.
    I learned to keep the eye contact when doing some self improvement
    in pick up. David De Angelo(Eben Pagan) is the one to thank.

    ~Igor
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  • Profile picture of the author AidanKay
    Eye contact is hard for me not because of shyness, but I just plain don't like my eyes. And i'f I'm making eye contact then they're obviously seeing them. Yeah, yeah shutup .

    I make up for it with my confidence though, minus that.

    -Aidan.
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  • Profile picture of the author thatgirlJ
    My husband always gets on me about this. I get really uncomfortable making eye contact with people -- even family and friends. I have no idea why! It's not that I won't look at them, or care if people look at me, but staring directly into people's eyes is weird to me. Psychoanalyze me One of my pet peeves is when someone is talking to me a car, and they feel they have to turn and look at me every time they speak, or I speak. Look at the road!!!
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    • Profile picture of the author Bart Loos
      Originally Posted by Jenn Dize View Post

      My husband always gets on me about this. I get really uncomfortable making eye contact with people -- even family and friends. I have no idea why! It's not that I won't look at them, or care if people look at me, but staring directly into people's eyes is weird to me. Psychoanalyze me One of my pet peeves is when someone is talking to me a car, and they feel they have to turn and look at me every time they speak, or I speak. Look at the road!!!
      Oh I love this one...:-)

      Besides that it might be uncomfortable or weird....

      What do you avoid feeling by not making eye contact?

      Have fun

      Bart
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  • Profile picture of the author Shana_Adam
    For some reason I just naturally make eye contact. I think it probably puts men off lol

    I naturally have big eyes and then i make eye contact it can be scary??
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  • Profile picture of the author Loren Woirhaye
    Kevin Hogan has some interesting things to say about this
    in his material on developing charisma. I don't remember
    what the exact ratios are but when another person is speaking
    to you, if you want them to be in rapport with you, you should
    be looking at their eyes and mouth maybe 70-90% of the time.

    When you are speaking it's natural and normal to look away from
    time to time because our eyes move to access different parts
    of memory or cognitive functions. This is NLP stuff and useful
    to know. It holds true in my experience. It's covered in many
    books on NLP and also some books on selling and negotiation.
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    • Profile picture of the author Bart Loos
      Originally Posted by Loren Woirhaye View Post

      Kevin Hogan has some interesting things to say about this
      in his material on developing charisma. I don't remember
      what the exact ratios are but when another person is speaking
      to you, if you want them to be in rapport with you, you should
      be looking at their eyes and mouth maybe 70-90% of the time.
      This is not even close to true...

      You do not build rapport with looking at their eyes or their mouth when they are speaking...if they been talking and they ask you a question.. and you keep your mouth shot but still are looking at them... it's not gonna help..

      What do you do with people who feel uncomfortable when people are staring at their face, while they are speaking?

      Ever seen 2 people on walk chatting.. being in rapport... each looking the same direction..

      Ever drove a car .. listening to the other person speak... while being in rapport

      Actually when people start an NLP practitioner course they are taught to communicate with people having them in their peripheral vision instead of looking directly at them, for 2 reasons.. you notice more, and people feel more at easy when you don't look directly at them.

      ... and then every situation is different, every person reacts different,... so be flexible when ya're building rapport..

      Have fun

      Bart
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      • Profile picture of the author Loren Woirhaye
        Originally Posted by Bart Loos View Post

        This is not even close to true...
        Ok Bart. You're the NLP expert I guess....

        ...except you totally flunked building any rapport with me here
        with your blunt elbows-out disagreement, the phrasing of which
        would, for most people I know, be considered a denigration
        or intellectual insult.

        Funny about how stuff like that works out.


        Now, if you wanted to see an improvement in this area you
        might consider phrasing future disagreeing viewpoints of yours
        in areas in which you consider yourself an authority by
        saying (or writing) something like: "Oh, that's an interesting
        perspective. I wonder what the context of that was, because
        as a generalization relating to my own experience with
        the topic it doesn't hold true. In the NLP trainings I've
        been too the emphasis was on not making too much eye
        contact.... so it's intriguing that a respected writer on
        sales and persuasion like Hogan would have such a view."

        You might go on to say:

        "Perhaps you could look this up and let me know where
        you read it, because I'm always looking to expand my
        own awareness and explore different viewpoints."
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        • Profile picture of the author Bart Loos
          Originally Posted by Loren Woirhaye View Post

          Ok Bart. You're the NLP expert I guess....

          ...except you totally flunked building any rapport with me here
          with your blunt elbows-out disagreement, the phrasing of which
          would, for most people I know, be considered a denigration
          or intellectual insult.

          Funny about how stuff like that works out.
          Oh boy... where does the world go if we can't bluntly disagree anymore ...

          It's interesting to see that your reply to me.. is all about my communication style and how you think I should do that different.. and NOT about the topic at hand.. "eye contact"..

          Rapport is a choice..and it was NOT my intention when I wrote that reply
          to build rapport with you... but to exactly communicate what I did...

          That looking at someone 70-90% of the time when they speak.. is NOT a rapport builder

          Some hate it, some love it, some get a kick out of being stared at, some disgust it, some hate it that you don't look at them because they don't feel respected, others love it because it give them space to just be...

          .. be flexible..

          Cheers.. and now we can get back to the topic of this thread...

          Have fun

          Bart
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  • Profile picture of the author aQsa08
    I agree.. because it can make first impression to people..
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  • Profile picture of the author Kazooli
    Having an eye contact is always important
    however some may not feel comfortable
    to be looked at directly.

    In general it helps as people could see you as
    a genuine and trustworthy individual they
    can trust.


    Sincerely
    Kazooli
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  • Profile picture of the author ponting786
    Hi....Tristan!
    Yes,it is always easy for me to make eye contact with other people specially when I am speaking truth...
    But when somebody tells a lie,it is difficult to make eye contact..
    Eye contact is very important in building every type of relationship.
    So everyone should have habit of keeping a good eye contact with other people....

    Thanks....
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  • Profile picture of the author betesh
    i can easy look at a person from head to foot but looking directly to his/her eyes, well thats another story.
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    • Profile picture of the author Bart Loos
      Originally Posted by betesh View Post

      i can easy look at a person from head to foot but looking directly to his/her eyes, well thats another story.
      What gets in your way?

      Bart
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  • Profile picture of the author mayapearl
    Making eye contact is essential in good clear communication, now having said that I have come across people who mistake the soft focus friendly eye contact and try to stare me down. Not very nice and it puts me off every time, so guys take heed!
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  • Profile picture of the author Karate Kid
    People can't hold eye contact because they're uncomfortable.

    This is due to shyness, cultural teachings, intrinsic social hierarchy, or having something to hide.

    Zero in and focus on what the problem is, eliminate that, and you'll see you don't have the problem anymore.

    I have a keen interest in human psychology so I've studied a lot of these subjects.

    PM me if you have further questions. I love to help.
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    • Profile picture of the author Tristan Lee
      Hey Bart. Thanks for tip. That makes sense to me now .
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      • Profile picture of the author Bart Loos
        Originally Posted by Tristan Lee View Post

        Hey Bart. Thanks for tip. That makes sense to me now .
        You're welcome.

        Have fun

        Bart
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  • Profile picture of the author idesignbanner
    Originally Posted by Tristan Lee View Post

    I was just curious about this. I think in any business or building a relationship with another person, eye contact is important and can be a powerful tool.

    For me however, I get confused sometimes as to when the appropriate times is it to look somebody directly in the eye.

    So out of curiosity, is making eye contact for you easy or hard for you and why?
    I think confidence is the main reason.

    If you can view in the eye while talking,giving your views etc.,it shows that you are confident.

    Only a confident person can do like this and i like to talk with full attention
    seeing in the eyes.
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    • Profile picture of the author JamesGEvans
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      • Originally Posted by JamesGEvans View Post


        There are 2 factors missing here:

        Eye Contact + Facial Expression + Internal Thinking + ...

        James
        I think James hit it right at the bullseye here!

        Once your intention is pure, that eye contact will
        radiate your intention and it will definitely help
        bring you closer to what you want to achieve
        with that person.

        One study at UCLA indicated that up to 93 percent of communication effectiveness is determined by nonverbal cues.

        Once you have that intention down, your body
        language and everything else will follow!


        It's true for eye-contact, it's true for life...
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  • Profile picture of the author acedalright
    I think you can say a lot with your eyes - On purpose, for this reason I think it's good to be mindful of the expression around your eyes when you look into someone else's.

    In some cultures it's disrespectful to look them in the eyes, but in other cultures it's disrespectful not to. Catch 22!

    I look everyone in the eyes to show I'm confident and I'm interested in what they are saying (even if I'm neither).

    Good Question.
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  • Profile picture of the author Paulie Ciara
    I've read that a simply way to maintain appropriate amounts of eye contact is to remember the "75 rule." When listening, maintain eye contact 70% of the time. When speaking, maintain eye contact 50% of the time. Too much eye contact can come across as starting and cause your conversational partner to questions your intentions.

    There's also that 2-3 inch radius around the person's eyes that you can explore without looking as is you are uninterested in the topic at hand!
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  • Profile picture of the author David Chung
    When I was younger I had trouble with eye contact when talking with other people. A friend I met during camp told me he had the same problem before, and told me that he just forced himself to look other people straight in the eye when talking to them, and he found that most of the time the other person would just look away.

    So I tried that myself, and I found what he said to be true. So now I don't have that problem with making eye contact anymore. Nowadays I can consciously stare at another person's eyes (which makes some people squirm), but usually I tell myself to look away sometimes so they don't get uncomfortable or think I'm coming on to them .
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  • Profile picture of the author Happy_Balance
    Years ago I was way too shy, so sometimes proper eye contact is still hard for me. I've notice with a small % of people there is "something special" about them and I automatically make very easy, relaxed and natural eye contact.
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    • Profile picture of the author cjjohn
      Making eye contact, for me, is very easy. It's something I picked up in childhood, and it became a part of my pattern, because of the phenomenal response I got from people because of it.

      As a child, I was shy (still am, a little bit, tho I can make the push to overcome that, now, when I want/need to). More to the point, I was nigh invisible. Without getting into too many personal details, I had no siblings in my age group (my only sibling is 13 years older than me) and I was actually an accidental birth for my parents.

      Basically, people "forgot" I was even there, half the time. If I did not make an effort to catch someone's attention, then I could count on being ignored.

      One of the things that seemed to come naturally to me was the ability to look directly into someone's eyes when speaking with them. This was so unusual (I guess!), that people tended to pay attention to me, when otherwise, they would discount me out-of-hand.

      I've been doing it ever since. It hasn't always garnered me the right KIND of attention that I wanted, but then, life teaches you lessons the hard way so that you actually learn them.

      I like looking people in the eyes. When I feel in a one-down position with someone else, holding eye contact helps level the field AND tells the other that I am NOT afraid of them.
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      • Profile picture of the author Tristan Lee
        Originally Posted by kitfanc View Post

        Making eye contact, for me, is very easy. It's something I picked up in childhood, and it became a part of my pattern, because of the phenomenal response I got from people because of it.

        As a child, I was shy (still am, a little bit, tho I can make the push to overcome that, now, when I want/need to). More to the point, I was nigh invisible. Without getting into too many personal details, I had no siblings in my age group (my only sibling is 13 years older than me) and I was actually an accidental birth for my parents.

        Basically, people "forgot" I was even there, half the time. If I did not make an effort to catch someone's attention, then I could count on being ignored.

        One of the things that seemed to come naturally to me was the ability to look directly into someone's eyes when speaking with them. This was so unusual (I guess!), that people tended to pay attention to me, when otherwise, they would discount me out-of-hand.

        I've been doing it ever since. It hasn't always garnered me the right KIND of attention that I wanted, but then, life teaches you lessons the hard way so that you actually learn them.

        I like looking people in the eyes. When I feel in a one-down position with someone else, holding eye contact helps level the field AND tells the other that I am NOT afraid of them.
        Hey there, that's great that you learned eye contact and developed this skill from your childhood. You seemed to have needed it more than other people from your childhood details. As you say, being able to catch other people's attention with eye contact shows them that you are confident in your own shoes!
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  • Profile picture of the author David Mintzer
    I try to make eye contact with a person whenever I can. For me, my eye doctor says it is difficult because of my eyes. I have nystagmus and astigmatisim. I find my eyes just wanting to move away from the person I am talking to. This is my condition, but I do not let it bother me.
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  • Profile picture of the author John M Kane
    I make low % of eye contact in an interaction if compared to an average.

    Rapport can be easy or darn difficult and it depends upon the other person how much I look in their eyes. Their annoyance or acceptance CAN be noticed and adjust when necessary.

    Unlike some I do not have the benefit of a kind face.
    Pain has molded me into a scowl look. A handicap that is a challenge.

    Also, the subject determines eye contact. Like an angry customer, tends to demand more direct contact otherwise they feel they aren't being listened to or understood.
    With flirting, 'bashful' look-a-ways are useful

    In a grocery line I make conscious effort to try and engage the cashier, to try and add some humor to their moment.Normally they are stressed and after all, few seem to be truly enjoying that job.
    So, in that situation, I look more directly, as they are looking at the scanner.I talk with them and see how they respond.

    Watching how they respond is key.

    With more important interactions ,I will make big pictures and run scenes so, I will look away. It is just me pondering the question,trying to understand it before answering quickly.

    I use more direct eye contact when I wish to make a point of emphasis.
    Eyes can comfort AND hurt you know.

    Making the pictures is easier for me if I look away and defocus, like having a screen.
    Also, I find it easier to concentrate on their vocals as well as my internal dialog.

    You can still "see" them with peripheral vision to notice how they react to the dialog.
    People "talk" to you with their entire being so, for me, defocusing and using peripheral allows me to take all of them in.

    Someone wearing cheap sunglasses that are ultra dark is, for me, very disturbing when conversing, especially when they stare

    "you looking at me"
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    • Profile picture of the author Tristan Lee
      Originally Posted by John M Kane View Post

      I make low % of eye contact in an interaction if compared to an average.

      Rapport can be easy or darn difficult and it depends upon the other person how much I look in their eyes. Their annoyance or acceptance CAN be noticed and adjust when necessary.

      Unlike some I do not have the benefit of a kind face.
      Pain has molded me into a scowl look. A handicap that is a challenge.

      Also, the subject determines eye contact. Like an angry customer, tends to demand more direct contact otherwise they feel they aren't being listened to or understood.
      With flirting, 'bashful' look-a-ways are useful

      In a grocery line I make conscious effort to try and engage the cashier, to try and add some humor to their moment.Normally they are stressed and after all, few seem to be truly enjoying that job.
      So, in that situation, I look more directly, as they are looking at the scanner.I talk with them and see how they respond.

      Watching how they respond is key.

      With more important interactions ,I will make big pictures and run scenes so, I will look away. It is just me pondering the question,trying to understand it before answering quickly.

      I use more direct eye contact when I wish to make a point of emphasis.
      Eyes can comfort AND hurt you know.

      Making the pictures is easier for me if I look away and defocus, like having a screen.
      Also, I find it easier to concentrate on their vocals as well as my internal dialog.

      You can still "see" them with peripheral vision to notice how they react to the dialog.
      People "talk" to you with their entire being so, for me, defocusing and using peripheral allows me to take all of them in.

      Someone wearing cheap sunglasses that are ultra dark is, for me, very disturbing when conversing, especially when they stare

      "you looking at me"
      Hey John, thank you for this descriptive post. I like the tip you provided that we should always watch how they respond and relate that too much much eye contact we should be giving a person.
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  • Profile picture of the author DjCrazySexy
    Hello Asian Brother,

    I saw a lot post start by you talking about Fear, Eye contact...

    This can all be easily resolved by changing your view of the world...

    Are you a "Real Man"? or Are you a "Whip"?

    Look deep inside of you.... Find what is the real cause of those... We been sold too many negativity in our life....

    You see, a "Real Man" will have strong eye contact...never look away... a "weak man", will always shy away.......because their insecurity.....

    There is no set of rule when or how to look people in the eyes... If you believe in YourSelf, your product and your service...You will have strong eye contact....

    Get over your FEAR, get over your insecurity... Become a "REAL Man"...

    Things you can start to do TODAY....
    • Take Martial Art Class.
    • Take public speaking class...
    • Workout..pump irons...
    • have a STRONG direction, have a STRONG purpose....

    Rest will take care itself...

    Han

    P.S. You need check out my videos...I am get ready to release in next couple days...


    Originally Posted by Tristan Lee View Post

    I was just curious about this. I think in any business or building a relationship with another person, eye contact is important and can be a powerful tool.

    For me however, I get confused sometimes as to when the appropriate times is it to look somebody directly in the eye.

    So out of curiosity, is making eye contact for you easy or hard for you and why?
    Signature
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  • Profile picture of the author CharlieSage
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    • Profile picture of the author swilliams09
      When I was growing up, eye contact was taken as a challenge to male dominance, you only made eye contact with those on your level or below you...making eye contact with a bigger guy could get you beat up. Since I was a small kid, I just never made eye contact with people. It took me a long time to make eye contact while talking to people.

      I find now that I make eye contact at the beginning of a conversation or meeting someone,and then at critical points in what they are saying. It's my way of saying...'what you are saying is interesting and you have my full attention'.

      Eye contact is great when talking to girls, it seems to create a good rapport.

      Just try not to stare and you'll be fine.
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  • Profile picture of the author anu_smart
    height matters u know!!!
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  • Profile picture of the author drwhogoesthere
    Eye contact is important, whether it is in a business situation or juts a friendly conversation.

    I used to be like you. I wouldn't feel right looking into somebodies eyes. But that was from a lack of confidence.

    However, nowdays I look people right in the eyes. It shows respect. If in business, the person that breaks eye contact first is the one that will fold first in negotiations.

    Through the power of eye contact you can actually make people feel intimidated. Not that that is what you want to do to your friends but it does work well if someone is arguing with you.

    So keep up the eye contact. Show strength, confidence and respect to who ever you are talking to.
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    • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
      Yes, very!
      The eyes are the window to the soul! If a peson cannot keep full eye contact with me, then I know they are hiding something!

      It may be an insignificant something, or an extremely large something, however, without a way of knowing which, I am more careful with those people until I get to know them better.

      There will not be an instant trust!

      Also sometimes when a person looks you in the eye and you in their's, you see a coldness, or anger, or some negativity, then there's no waiting around to know them better! It's I'm out of here!!!

      Being able to look someone in the eye, I believe, is a very important thing, as above examples explain.

      MissTerraK
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      • Profile picture of the author Marko Polo
        Not breaking eye contact is needed in times of conflict or a fight to get your point across, for example, if someone crosses the line and you need to put them back in their place.

        Other than that, staring IS challenging people and an attempt to dominate, whether you are conciously aware of it or not.

        I tend to associate staring with people who are uptight, have something to prove and are insecure about their status. People who are dominant dont have to prove to anyone else that they are dominant, that is called charisma. Charasmatic people dont have to stare other people down.

        Look at people in the eyes no more than 70% of the time and you should right.

        In business looking someone in the eye is cruical when you need to stress something important, but in general conversation by glaring you are risking rubbing people up the wrong way. For example with customers and affiliates, you are there to help them and not dominate them.

        Some people have taken eye contact the wrong way and come across as psychopaths.

        The right amount of eye contact is very important in dealing with people, but too little and too less and you risk comming across as an amateur.
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        • Profile picture of the author xntrik
          To me, eye contact is a natural reaction and an integral part of sincere communication. Ever notice how even animals, dogs, cats, etc. usually look you in the eye - at least part of the time? It's part of sizing someone up, reading their sincerity, feelings, and mood - among other things. Personally, I sure appreciate some good eye contact during conversation. However, if overdone, one might be missing out reading body language, ignoring others that are near, or just not see what else is going on around you. P.S.-I'm peering into your eyes as I write this post!
          xntrik
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  • Profile picture of the author raphaellive1986
    If your eyes are just roaming around, looking for nothing or you don't want to make eye contact, that would insult to others and other may see it as you are not interested, except for some cultures that don't want to be looked in the eye.
    Eye contact is really important because looking in the eyes simply means you are attentive, listening, interested, focused and sincere.
    And that would serve a powerful tool on your business meeting.

    If you always think that eye contact is important, I'm sure you will not fail.
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  • Profile picture of the author thefallsman
    I don't make very much eye contact while in conversation the person you're talking to will probably interpret that behavior as being unconfident. It's probably better to make too much eye contact rather than too little. As long as you're talking with someone, making eye contact, even the whole time, isn't thattt weird.
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  • Profile picture of the author Colin Palfrey
    I disagree that this is a cultural thing. It isn't its a basic animal trait.
    When you look someone square in the eyes it is a threat, but at the same time it leaves you vulnerable because any tell tale signs of lying will be easier to spot.

    To me I've always seen eye contact as any animal's (humans included) way of standing their ground for what they believe.

    I would never buy from someone who couldn't look me in the eye while telling me it's virtues. Maybe thats just me though.

    I always look people in the eye and have found that it doesn't bother successful people at all. In my experience all successful people do the same and would have an inherent distrust of floor starers.

    I am obviously unable to distinguish how much of my opinion is based on cultural surroundings, but do believe my argument about animals behavior to be relevant.

    In my area the bank manager stares you straight in the eyes, and the dude selling watches outside the night club doesn't.

    If nothing else I've given you an insight into the English psyche.

    Goodluck,
    Colin
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    • Profile picture of the author Life Quaker
      Easy for me - particularly with a nice looking woman. With guys it's still very easy, but I tend to be more weary - there is some deep seated aggressive feeling I note in myself when looking in guys eyes too long. (This is more for strangers on the street, without talking to them - when talking there's not so much an issue)

      There does seem to be cultural differences (and perhaps individual differences?). I was dragged around the world when with my parents - and most of my friends remain 'international' students. One of my Chinese friends actually started a conversation about it earlier this year, and mentioned how he liked how I didn't "stare" at him, yet Koreans for example, did. I noticed after that I did seem to look him in the eye less than when talking with some others. I tend to 'feel' how much is correct in the situation - and it changes with people, and distance between us etc.

      I think I find it easy because, even though I am introverted and used to be considered 'shy' - I have always loved the thrill of connection, and one way I feel that is looking in people's eyes.
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  • Profile picture of the author imageman
    Eye contact?Yes i look people directly in the eye until my eye start watering!!Wipe it off, and start looking again.
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  • Profile picture of the author John M Kane
    I like you all here so, not disrespect for these comments OK?

    I caution you all to not mind read.
    You must be careful to not think you 'know' anything about anyone based just upon how they look or act...without confirming it with further investigation.

    Just because one doesn't hold eye contact does NOT guarantee they are 'hiding' anything.
    Likewise holding a constant stare does not 'mean' or guarantee aggression.

    Yes, you can generalize a bit to have a starting point but, generalizing can cause trouble.
    A premise of NLP is we filter the world by Deleting, Distorting and Generalizing what we are aware of.Too much data comes into our brains.

    We must filter in order to make sense of the gazillion bits of info blasting our brains with sights and sounds and feelings.

    All can cause trouble if we base decisions just on initial data that we subconsciously filter.Being conscious that you are filtering is a good awareness to have.

    Maybe we deleted some facial expression as not important,when it was an unconscious sign to you to close the deal or back off or... or their statement was distorted by your filter and you thought you heard something different.
    Speak up and ask to clarify that you understand their words correctly or not.

    Be careful of judging based upon their clothing too.I almost learned a big lesson with that upon meeting a dirty, messy dressed man in a sales situation. He just happened to be a millionaire who enjoyed working in his garden.Fortunately an associate let me know who he was before I screwed up the deal.

    Racism is partly perpetuated just because of these models of the world we have in our heads.
    I suggest as a trial to just listen and watch without placing any meaning at all upon gestures and facial expressions to see if you notice patterns.

    Do they always grimace when you mention something or maybe they just have gas?
    Or did mom or their dog die recently, or got a speeding ticket or...
    Did their smile mean they agree with you or is it really a sneer with them calling you an ass in their head

    No expert here but, I found myself being wrong countless times. So, now having learned a little bit about this stuff, I try to pay more attention and thus avoid errors in the future.

    Happy Festivus Day!One and all.

    yeah I know, it's a freakin' verbosity extravaganza when I post
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  • Profile picture of the author SamanthaHall
    It is good to make eye contact with the people to whom you talk but no body can't make eye contact for a long time though we can look at the eyes of the opposite member for some time or in between the conversation.
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  • Profile picture of the author cg101
    Eye contact typically comes across as being more sure of yourself and confidence. Now I cannot attest to whether this is typical and appropriate in all countries but here in the US to not look someone in the especially in business can be a sign of weakness and imply lack of confidence or self esteem.

    Originally Posted by Tristan Lee View Post

    I was just curious about this. I think in any business or building a relationship with another person, eye contact is important and can be a powerful tool.

    For me however, I get confused sometimes as to when the appropriate times is it to look somebody directly in the eye.

    So out of curiosity, is making eye contact for you easy or hard for you and why?
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