My lack of self-confidence is killing my business

35 replies
Growing up, I must admit I had low self-esteem. Maybe it was my peers who made me feel that I don't belong and I was a loser or something. What I did was just focus on my studies which made me look a loser even more, but I got good grades at least.

When I reached high school, I began to socialize and get a group of friends. Somehow, they have increased by confidence by telling me praises and the good qualities that I possess.

However, now that I'm about to create my own web development business I'm just trembling before talking to clients. It will really ruin my entire career and make me broke.

Now I just want to ask you guys if you have confidence-boosting tips so that anyone here who lacks confidence would learn how to change for the better.

Well, what can you advice?
#broke #business #killing #lack #selfconfidence
  • Profile picture of the author ricky8000xg
    The key to any skill is practise and repetition. To improve, you must place yourself in more social situations... business networking events come to mind. You'll get more practise, meet more people like you, and might even land that sweet deal!
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    • Profile picture of the author clearnight2
      Thank you for you reply. I agree with you point, but I'm not sure if I have the confidence to even attend networking events
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  • Profile picture of the author AffiliateBeast
    My advise would be to start a youtube channel. Talk about blog posts you have read. things you have found useful, or movies that you have found good. I was in your place to. But as you start doing YT videos, you learn to cope up with public speanking and self confidence. Plus watching people like grant cardone, tai lopez on YT and snapchat helps a lot.
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    • Profile picture of the author clearnight2
      Thanks for you reply. Perhaps I can try that.
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  • Profile picture of the author Junaid khawaja
    You know what the psychologists do take people out of phobias?

    It's called "Desensitization."

    If a patient is phobic to snakes, he is GRADUALLY exposed to dozens of snakes (first by starting with imagining a snake and then gradually exposing him with real ones). This bursts all kinds of phobias. I am not recommending you a DIY here.

    Instead, I am setting the context.

    What I want you to do is REPEAT whatever you are afraid of. Don't TRY to avoid the fear that accompanies it...just let it come..feel it...this is who you are. With continuous repetition, your unconscious mind will gradually train itself. With time, this will become your instinct and your body will learn how to NOT overreact.

    Thanks
    Junaid
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    • Profile picture of the author clearnight2
      I guess what you're saying is true. I will just have to keep working on it be actually doing it.

      Thank you very much for you reply.
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  • Profile picture of the author Ron Lafuddy
    Originally Posted by clearnight2 View Post

    Growing up, I must admit I had low self-esteem. Maybe it was my peers who made me feel that I don't belong and I was a loser or something. What I did was just focus on my studies which made me look a loser even more, but I got good grades at least.

    When I reached high school, I began to socialize and get a group of friends. Somehow, they have increased by confidence by telling me praises and the good qualities that I possess.

    However, now that I'm about to create my own web development business I'm just trembling before talking to clients. It will really ruin my entire career and make me broke.

    Now I just want to ask you guys if you have confidence-boosting tips so that anyone here who lacks confidence would learn how to change for the better.

    Well, what can you advice?
    Get a job. You aren't ready to create a web development business.

    Get a job where you must interact with people. You need to build your social skills. It's not a "quick fix" process, so be prepared to spend time on it. Afterall, you're working to undo years of negative programming. Things you've told yourself, about yourself. In your mind, those things are true and so you behave, as if they were.

    To change a belief, you must replace it with another. It 's going to take work, energy and sweat. Just like exercising a muscle. You must do it again and again.

    Repetition will move you ahead, faster than anything else. That's why I suggested a job, where you must interact with people. A sales job would be perfect. Especially if you are considering a career as an entrepreneur. A small business owner who can't sell, doesn't have much chance of succeeding

    When you first start, it will feel uncomfortable and you'll need to force yourself to do it. You'll be replacing the fear you feel - with positive action.

    Through consistent, positive action, you will reinforce the belief in yourself that says, "hey, I can do this. It's no big deal."

    Soon you'll realize that you are improving and getting better. It becomes easier. Over time, you'll amaze yourself. You'll even look forward to it.

    Your self confidence is tied directly to how You feel about yourself. Not what someone else thinks or says. It's an inner game that boils down to this

    "How much do I like myself?"

    The better you feel about yourself, the more confidence you will have.

    With enough confidence you can accomplish damn near anything.

    Look at Donald Trump. He's a political nobody, with no political experience.
    What he does have, though, is truckloads of bullet-proof confidence. He built that confidence one step at a time, over many years.

    The millions of negative comments directed at him, just bounce off.

    If anything, all the negative energy fuels his self confidence and determination.

    Funny how that works.

    You now have the Keys to the Kingdom. What you do with them from this point forward, will impact the rest of your life

    It's totally in your hands.

    All the best,

    Ron

    Added: I met my wife while practicing my social skills. She was covering a meeting I was speaking at, for a local newspaper. Oh, man! That alone, made all the awkward times and the struggles that I persisted through, well worth it.

    Everything else that's happened to me, the businesses I've owned, the friends and the income. Those are side benefits.
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    • Profile picture of the author clearnight2
      Originally Posted by Ron Lafuddy View Post

      Get a job. You aren't ready to create a web development business.

      Get a job where you must interact with people. You need to build your social skills. It's not a "quick fix" process, so be prepared to spend time on it. Afterall, you're working to undo years of negative programming. Things you've told yourself, about yourself. In your mind, those things are true and so you behave, as if they were.

      To change a belief, you must replace it with another. It 's going to take work, energy and sweat. Just like exercising a muscle. You must do it again and again.

      Repetition will move you ahead, faster than anything else. That's why I suggested a job, where you must interact with people. A sales job would be perfect. Especially if you are considering a career as an entrepreneur. A small business owner who can't sell, doesn't have much chance of succeeding

      When you first start, it will feel uncomfortable and you'll need to force yourself to do it. You'll be replacing the fear you feel - with positive action.

      Through consistent, positive action, you will reinforce the belief in yourself that says, "hey, I can do this. It's no big deal."

      Soon you'll realize that you are improving and getting better. It becomes easier. Over time, you'll amaze yourself. You'll even look forward to it.

      Your self confidence is tied directly to how You feel about yourself. Not what someone else thinks or says. It's an inner game that boils down to this

      "How much do I like myself?"

      The better you feel about yourself, the more confidence you will have.

      With enough confidence you can accomplish damn near anything.

      Look at Donald Trump. He's a political nobody, with no political experience.
      What he does have, though, is truckloads of bullet-proof confidence. He built that confidence one step at a time, over many years.

      The millions of negative comments directed at him, just bounce off.

      If anything, all the negative energy fuels his self confidence and determination.

      Funny how that works.

      You now have the Keys to the Kingdom. What you do with them from this point forward, will impact the rest of your life

      It's totally in your hands.

      All the best,

      Ron

      Added: I met my wife while practicing my social skills. She was covering a meeting I was speaking at, for a local newspaper. Oh, man! That alone, made all the awkward times and the struggles that I persisted through, well worth it.

      Everything else that's happened to me, the businesses I've owned, the friends and the income. Those are side benefits.
      Thanks very much for your reply. The comparison to Donald Trump was very helpful. I've signed up for a rhetoric class and will give a speech next week. I will also make sure to push myself to practice my social skills whenever I have to opportunity.
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  • Profile picture of the author Kay King
    Something else to think about...

    Are you comfortable/happy with the rest of your life. Is this "confidence" problem your only major impediment?

    This may be lack of confidence but may be social anxiety - where the only people you are comfortable interacting with are people you know well.

    The alternative to "getting over it" is to structure an online business that doesn't require you to be social in a face to face setting.

    A good friend of mine is a research chemist. When I'm with him and a few close friends we constantly laugh and talk and have a great time. With the general public - with people he doesn't know well - he can barely carry on a conversation. He is that shy. Some would call it lack of confidence - or social anxiety - he really doesn't like dealing with people he doesn't know. After trying to cope with his problem through school, through college, through two graduate degrees....he went into research because he can use his knowledge in an isolated (for the most part) setting. He's been doing it for 20 years now and it suits him perfectly.

    The ideal path is to do as Ron suggested and acclimate yourself slowly - but if that doesn't work, consider other options... A job where you do what you are good at without having to deal with a lot of new people - or become part of a team where a partner deals with the public.
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    • Profile picture of the author clearnight2
      Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

      Something else to think about...

      Are you comfortable/happy with the rest of your life. Is this "confidence" problem your only major impediment?

      This may be lack of confidence but may be social anxiety - where the only people you are comfortable interacting with are people you know well.

      The alternative to "getting over it" is to structure an online business that doesn't require you to be social in a face to face setting.

      A good friend of mine is a research chemist. When I'm with him and a few close friends we constantly laugh and talk and have a great time. With the general public - with people he doesn't know well - he can barely carry on a conversation. He is that shy. Some would call it lack of confidence - or social anxiety - he really doesn't like dealing with people he doesn't know. After trying to cope with his problem through school, through college, through two graduate degrees....he went into research because he can use his knowledge in an isolated (for the most part) setting. He's been doing it for 20 years now and it suits him perfectly.

      The ideal path is to do as Ron suggested and acclimate yourself slowly - but if that doesn't work, consider other options... A job where you do what you are good at without having to deal with a lot of new people - or become part of a team where a partner deals with the public.
      Thank you for your response. I really want to overcome my shyness so I will try to push myself to do that.

      Don't you think that social anxiety is tied to confidence?
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  • Profile picture of the author Just Jess
    You are programmed to failure. I recommend that you use hypnosis to get into the right state of mind to cope with inadequacies.
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    • Profile picture of the author clearnight2
      Originally Posted by Just Jess View Post

      You are programmed to failure. I recommend that you use hypnosis to get into the right state of mind to cope with inadequacies.
      What do you mean that I should do exactly?
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  • Profile picture of the author Jawes93
    I had the same problem when i was young, i was very asocial and didnt have any friends and got bullied often,when i got into high school i started applying to every single social group i could : charity,running,gym class.chess,drama club.

    It was torture at first,being in the spotlight,but the more i tried to force myself to do it the easier it has become. Right now Im having an entirely different problem but Im working on fixing it
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    • Profile picture of the author clearnight2
      Originally Posted by Jawes93 View Post

      I had the same problem when i was young, i was very asocial and didnt have any friends and got bullied often,when i got into high school i started applying to every single social group i could : charity,running,gym class.chess,drama club.

      It was torture at first,being in the spotlight,but the more i tried to force myself to do it the easier it has become. Right now Im having an entirely different problem but Im working on fixing it
      Thanks for your reply. Just out of curiosity, what problem are you working on?
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  • Profile picture of the author james flynn
    Originally Posted by clearnight2 View Post

    Growing up, I must admit I had low self-esteem. Maybe it was my peers who made me feel that I don't belong and I was a loser or something. What I did was just focus on my studies which made me look a loser even more, but I got good grades at least.

    When I reached high school, I began to socialize and get a group of friends. Somehow, they have increased by confidence by telling me praises and the good qualities that I possess.

    However, now that I'm about to create my own web development business I'm just trembling before talking to clients. It will really ruin my entire career and make me broke.

    Now I just want to ask you guys if you have confidence-boosting tips so that anyone here who lacks confidence would learn how to change for the better.

    Well, what can you advice?
    Well life is filled with ups and downs and don't get disappointed if you loose something because of your lack of elf-confidence. Human brain has very limited short memory retention and if you are afraid that in some way you will screw up the relationship between you and your client then you are mistaken. People don't care what you did to them 10 or 20 years ago. Just be yourself and talk with confidence the way you talk with your buddies. Just let go of these feelings and think about the future in which you picture yourself as a successful entrepreneur. Good luck
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  • Profile picture of the author tmnsky
    When I was in university, I took a public speaking class. It absolutely worked wonders for me, as I used to be a very shy, introverted person. It was the repetition of practicing speaking to a group of people that helped me develop important soft skills that also happen to assist with self-confidence.
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    • Profile picture of the author clearnight2
      Originally Posted by tmnsky View Post

      When I was in university, I took a public speaking class. It absolutely worked wonders for me, as I used to be a very shy, introverted person. It was the repetition of practicing speaking to a group of people that helped me develop important soft skills that also happen to assist with self-confidence.
      I've just signed up for a class in rhetoric. Time to push some boundaries
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  • Profile picture of the author JamesWhite83
    I had a similar problem. Few years ago I was very shy and could talk casually only with people I knew very well. Talking with strangers was unbelievably hard for me, like a barrier I could not overcome. During my education I've attended courses of public speaking (they were obligatory) and it was a torture. I hated it and even though it was in front of group of people I knew, it was still extremely stressful. It was not until my early twenties that I was able to overcome my fear of interracting with people, and I did this thanks to my first job. I was desperate to become financially independant and got a job as a sales assistant. It was terrifing. I needed more time to overcome my shyness than to learn any technical detail. It took relatively long time for me to get over my resistance, but I made it. I think that hiding behind your computer will only make your fear worse, because as the owner of your business you will have to meet some client face to face eventually. Just get yourself out there and talk to people. It will be difficult for the first, second and many more times, but finally you will be able to overcome your shyness.
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    • Profile picture of the author clearnight2
      Originally Posted by JamesWhite83 View Post

      I had a similar problem. Few years ago I was very shy and could talk casually only with people I knew very well. Talking with strangers was unbelievably hard for me, like a barrier I could not overcome. During my education I've attended courses of public speaking (they were obligatory) and it was a torture. I hated it and even though it was in front of group of people I knew, it was still extremely stressful. It was not until my early twenties that I was able to overcome my fear of interracting with people, and I did this thanks to my first job. I was desperate to become financially independant and got a job as a sales assistant. It was terrifing. I needed more time to overcome my shyness than to learn any technical detail. It took relatively long time for me to get over my resistance, but I made it. I think that hiding behind your computer will only make your fear worse, because as the owner of your business you will have to meet some client face to face eventually. Just get yourself out there and talk to people. It will be difficult for the first, second and many more times, but finally you will be able to overcome your shyness.
      I agree with you completely. I think I must face my fears head-on. There is no point in procrastinating taking on clients and similar situations.
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  • Profile picture of the author michaelandy
    Hey clearnight2, I can understand your situation. Every individual face this type of inconvenience at some point but you have to make your mind properly while you are thinking of starting your own business. When a beginner starts his/her business so that time ups and downs come at some level but good planning is more important to get what you want.
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  • Profile picture of the author many10s
    First of all, fear can stop us in our tracks. In your case it is all in your mind and based upon past experiences. That is not to say that how you're feeling is invalid or uncalled for. I'm just saying the fear is from the inside rather than outside.

    You have a proven track record of having succeeded at many things. Go over to Mind Valley where you will find a whole heap of approaches to choose from.

    You will find ways to tackle your issue of self-confidence and raise your confidence level more quickly and easily than you can imagine. Not hocus pocus but based upon the latest quantum physics development. Check out Marisa Peer and/or many others.

    Have compassion for yourself. It took courage to post your post.
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  • Profile picture of the author Tony Laroche
    In business you confidence and approach will help you a lot to get success. So self-development plays an important role in getting success in business. There are different ways of increase your confidence. You can easily find a lot of resources over internet. You can read few articles. From my personal experience I can say that it helps. I was suffering from stammering, which make my confidence like zero. I practice a lot to overcome my stammering problem and to raise my confidence.
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  • Profile picture of the author Corey Pluto
    Someone with a website sells digital programs and rakes four figure days.

    Yet he's undeniably humble. Confidence is not all you need, you need to get programmed.
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  • Profile picture of the author Thomas Vanhaecht
    Here are a few tips

    1. Find out what is holding you back from being confident? Is it your negative belief?
    2. If you have a negative belief see that it is an illusion.
    3. Practice mindfullness, eveything that you think about yourself is an illusion.
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  • Profile picture of the author hubertkoh
    Clear your mind and believe in yourself! Thats all you can do. Pray and believe.
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  • Profile picture of the author Dawn Grant
    I am working as a hypnotherapist I will suggest you try hypnosis to grow your business. It will help you make your mind sharpen and improve your mental skills also.
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  • Profile picture of the author Corey Pluto
    All you need is flip a switch and voila, the magic is there.

    But you have to get it.

    There are moments of enlightenment coming in conspicuous ways.
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  • Profile picture of the author nichegooroos
    Keep learning new skills, including some basic sales skills such as asking good questions of potential clients. Sales and closing the deal can be challenging but always "ask for their business"... you won't get them all but you'll win a few clients and your confidence will grow. Also, keep learning, take courses and keep up to date with modern ways to promote your business.
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  • Profile picture of the author drewgood
    Clearnight, the secret is in where you put your focus and motivation.

    What if all you cared about was serving your customer and providing value?

    All of a sudden, "networking" isn't as hard because you're not trying to "get" something from strangers, and therefore don't need to struggle with feelings of not being worthy.

    Instead, you focus on "giving" REGARDLESS of whether they can see the value or not. It's none of your business whether they even appreciate what you're offering. Just offer it in whatever way feels like it would be beneficial to them, and let things play out however they are going to play out.

    Best, of luck.
    And even if you don't see it, you're worthy and you matter. It's definitely okay to accept that.
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  • Profile picture of the author brettb
    I'm still pretty shy but I've been building websites for 20 years now. Best thing is to get paid by working for somebody else, then invest your income into other businesses (I got a lot of property stuff going on).

    The biggest confidence boost I've ever had was going off travelling on my own - I've now lived in China, Thailand and Spain. In China pretty much nobody speaks English so you've really got to gain some confidence real quick.
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  • Profile picture of the author Eric Beck
    With the power of trance, the spectacle is clear. All you have to do is walk the extra mile.
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  • Profile picture of the author yukon
    Banned
    Lol at all the hypnotic crackpots.








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  • Profile picture of the author AL Hummel
    Simply be the one that Listens the most in every conversation you have. Be the ear more than the speaker. Ask questions... let them talk. It will give you all the info you need to know and free you from feeling any pressure about solving their problem. You wont shake if your just listening and learning about your clients. Most of what you will need to be doing will be email based responses later anyway. Be strong by being still. Blessings my friend, you will be well.
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  • Profile picture of the author Tahreem Saeed
    Stay away from negativity and bring on the positivity.
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  • Profile picture of the author Tahreem Saeed
    Don't accept failure and get rid of the negative voices in your head.
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