The Fear of Failure and Fear of Rejection

Great point, Chris.

This is the reason why people suffer from analysis paralysis

They think they'll stumble upon the RIGHT piece of DATA that would make all the RISK of failure go away.

So they wait. And Wait. And wait.........

Yes, if you are online, then staring into the abyss is a given, and throwing away security, etc.

You can be worried about the future, and still make progress, eventhough the woods for the trees syndrome may occur.

Very true.

Getting over each hurdle is daunting and I often have to force myself take action otherwise I'll go mad thinking about it.

Someone said to me once that the uncomfortable feeling that you have inside you, is just your mind learning a new skill. As you adapt to what you are doing your confidence will grow.

I always try to remind myself of that and keep moving forward.

Yes, I always have the fear of rejection. Often I can get my hopes up so high to only have it all come crashing down when someone says no. If I could learn to detach myself from the outcome, it won't affect me as much. I spend hours wondering what I did wrong and how I could have presented my products and services in a more convincing manner. When I could have used that time more efficiently to move on to the next person who could say yes.
Take the feeling of rejection and use it to light a fire inside you to succeed. This builds strength, character, and courage to move forward even in the face of severe adversity.

They say fear is a good thing. But I think that's only applicable in situations which are more physical in nature. I agree with you Chris, to let go is the first step towards being successful in whatever we plan to achieve. I am motivated to believe in it, more so after reading your post. Thank you.

Originally Posted by ChrisBa Does anyone have a fear or failure or fear or rejection? I used to, many years ago. I was far less confident and had a huge fear or rejection and another huge fear of failure. It's kind of ironic, the fear of failure was causing me to fail. It wasn't until I realized it's ok to "fail" as long as you don't quit and keep pushing forward. It's ok to be "rejected" as long as you keep going and don't stop. It may sound corny or cheesy, but it's true. It wasn't until I was able to get over these fears that I was really able to start finding success and finding myself in better situations and being able to do things I wasn't able to before. I have a feeling if you have either of these fears, you are not alone. I bet many still have them. But to find success, you will need to let them go!

Yes, Chris, I do.

All the time.

Not just me but most people in my country Singapore.

Fear of failure in

1. Getting good grades in studies,

2. Getting to great schools

3. Getting high paying jobs

4. Dating the ideal girl they and their parents want

5. Pleasing their families, friends and relatives come every Chinese New Year occasion.

6. Keeping their reputation intact as in their careers and family life.

7. Staying on in their jobs and not able to pay their bills etc.

Though there are many other reasons, those are the 6 primary reasons i can come up with having heard conversations from many people from different walks of life.

In the Starbucks cafe I was working on my IM projects.

It is not just a matter of having the right mindset.

But in having a right system in overcoming those fears.

As in knowing EXACTLY what to do, when to do and how to do.

Yes, fear is inevitable. Once you realize that dreaming comes with the whole world to please and a bigger world to compete with, fear would always come in.

There are even times you doubt what you do, just because you encounter people who don't understand what you do, and they judge you for it.

What type of judgments? You will fail, that will never work, only the crazy does that, and all sorts of BS.

But you know what, when you realize that YOU ARE DOING IT FOR YOURSELF, the fear subsides.

I can't say that I'm fully fearless, but I'm getting there. I will get there. Anyone can get there.

We all have a fear of being rejected.. And even most confident people who do not show you that, have that fear too..
The point is that this world does not accept shy people who hesitates much.. We all like to see self-confident, successful people around us.. Cruel world, I know.. But that the way it is..
The good news are: of course you are not alone in this.. moreover, WE ARE ALL LIKE YOU.. Be self-confident and hide your fears behind your smiling face..

"Anticipated regret" is the big brake in your brain.

It is there for a good reason: In nature it is central to keeping you alive in spite of your stupidity and "great ideas" involving climbing, negotiating snakes, and eating foul foods.

In civilized life it holds you back, as it assumes that worries are dangers.

The benefit of low risk aversion is not that you do brave things that others cant do.

It is that you do more because you have less risk avoidance (because you have less risk perception).

Very few people understand the basics of how their brains will help or hinder them. Intelligence is not a major obstacle for the average person. Risk aversion is.

Hi Chrisba!

I am exactly in the same position as you 4 years back. I used to work as an Expatriate for 16 years until I quit my full time job and start discovering the unknown of building my own business from home. I've learned to master the art of failure because every time I made mistakes I've tried to figure out how to correct it. I have no regrets in pursuing the things that I love doing now.

I love this quote from Earl Nightingale. "Success is a progressive realisation of a worthy ideal".

All the best!
jeng cua

well shortly after you figure out how to walk ..the wotld starts to become mercilessly abusive when you fail or make mistakes ..and the education system bases you value or standing on not making mistakes not failing ..

so of course you will be averse to failing or have a fear of failure . it is socially ingrained ..and truthfully most people don't have a fear of failure but an underlying expectation of failure .so the mindset is why try if i will fail anyway

fear of rejection .. much more touchy than others . because most people take it personal ..and on a level it is but for the most part in many cases your competing with 100's of other offers .. so unless you figure out who your customers are who will buy from you ..and you get in front of them.rejection will probably smash you to pieces .

This is so true and thank you for posting this. Fear will keep one away from the things one knows he should be doing. Most of the fears I've had came from fear of the "unknown", the what happens if I really did succeed mentality. That paralyzed me from actually succeeding because deep down I did not believe I could. But yes, once you deal with that issue that causes you to fear then you can move passed to the next level of your success. Success is all about conquering the fears to move to the success level you see for yourself. That's my take.

All the best,
Dbeeiii

we should not fear from our task we have to improve our self and fight against the fear

I also have the 2 minutes rule: If something takes you less than 2 minutes, just do it immediately. Like doing the dishes, making your bed, etc. It helps you build a momentum and be more productive.

ChrisBa I can definitely relate!

Fear of failure and rejection is a MASSIVE obstacle to taking action. And action is were the results come from.

Making "MICRO-failures" OK is a big part of success!

I remember as kid being inspired by the cool skateboarding tricks I saw people doing. I was ambitious to learn but I was afraid of kick-flipping a 6-set of stairs, simply because I didn't even know how to ollie.

Instead of doing that one big trick I started by make hundreds of little attempts learning to pop then kick the board. Then I added an attempt to land one foot on the board then both feet. Then I started kicking the board to see if it would flip, then I tried landing on it with one foot then both feet and on and on day after day filled with micro-failures until I was able to kick-flip a 6-set of stairs. (Really scary *ish by the way!)

I got over my fear when learned to make small failures.

Give your self the permission to participating in "MICRO-FALURE"

Hope the analogy helps.

Any former skaters out there?
Would you agree?

What's the fastest way have you overcome the fear of failure?

Failure/Rejection = Success
(When you learn something from it.)

Jonathan

P.S.
Nice post. Thanks Chris.
: )

hmm the last year the fair of failure or rejection has been minimized by the need to husstle to not be homeless and to have food to eat ..without having a worky job .

it really depend what your pride and ego can handle as the fair of failure and rejection are both linked to pride and ego ..there is a reason many millionaires first generation.. where the outcasts or failures in the school system. or immigrants but even more people have become millionaire work in and for start ups ..that could fail .

I think many people have that fear of failure it's just some let it absolutely cripple them. I found it super useful for me to just turn fear on itself and be afraid of what I'll miss out on if I don't just push through and do it. I learned to redefine failure and just think of it as a net sum game.

The more attempts you throw out there the more chances you have to win, just by sheer numbers you're bound to win if you learn from each time it didn't work and just move on

Wonderful take on failure and rejection.

I guess what people need to remember is that life isn't perfect, and failures as, well as rejections can come a hundred, even a thousand times in a lifetime. Being rejected or failing once doesn't mean that it's the end - we learn from these experiences, get back up, and try once more. Life is funny like that so it really helps to view these in a positive light!

I used to really afraid of failing. But as I got over, I started to mellow down. I realized that failures are temporary. And as long as I'm alive I can always try again or try something new.

Having a kid really help me put things into perspective. I grew up as an overachiever and everytime I failed at something, it crushed me. I didn't want my daughter to experience that. I didn't want her to peak early and burn out like I did. So I decided I had to put my money where my mouth it. Start looking at failures as temporary setbacks. Celebrate successes and learn from my mistakes.

'Cheerfulness in the face of adversity '

A British military saying where an individual will see the bright side of any situation no matter how horrendous it is.

So true. I still hate failing. I'm still working through it

I think it's common to all of us and what me must all overcome. It's good when you can recognise what you need to do, and as you said, learn to let all the negativity go! Thank you.

This has been a problem for me, but with time and effort I'm breaking through!

That is a great point. I think it's normal to have a fear of failure or fear of rejection. The key is how you react to it. What is more, in reasonable doses it's actually good for you or at least for me. I've accomplished some great goals in my life just because I feared that if I failed, there would be severe consequences. So I would bust my ass to make sure that I did whatever it takes to not fail. Sometimes there's no "special impetus" that would make us want to continue our tough journeys. Sometimes the only motivation that pushed people through and let them achieve great things was fear of failure or rejection.

Again, great post.

All the best,
Timothy