Delayed gratification

by Odahh
28 replies
hello all


Is delayed gratification as important to a a persons success as it has been made out by the famed marshmallow test ..of 90 children in the 60's .

A newer studdy was done and the results released recently and found that a children from poor social and economic background where more lily to eat the marshmallow than those from better social and economic back grounds ..which is the reason why over a lifetime people who eat the first marshmello did worse than those who where able to wait for the second ..

But the interesting part of the studies the original and the newer one .. was the things the kids who waited did to distract themselves .. for the time the researcher was away and not eat the marshmallow..

so rather than exerting willpower and staring at the marshmallow for 10 15 or 20 minutes .. they found a way to occupy themselves ..sang ,dances or did some activity ..if they truly believed another marshmello would be brought

there is not delayed gratification ..but there is the ability to simulate gratification or what is a better term..

replace one form of gratification with another for a period of time .. so if you have scarcity of gratification.. you will take every chance that comes..but if you have an abundance of opportunities for gratification.. you can shift from one to the next ..
#delayed #gratification
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  • Profile picture of the author Kay King
    For the most part - we aren't children. Learning to plan ahead and control your need for 'instant gratification' is part of growing up.


    For example, as an adult I will not eat that marshmallow right now....I will wait until someone shows up with chocolate and graham crackers, and have a s'more.
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    • Profile picture of the author yukon
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      I would order a pizza while I'm waiting.
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    • Profile picture of the author Odahh
      Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

      For the most part - we aren't children. Learning to plan ahead and control your need for 'instant gratification' is part of growing up.


      For example, as an adult I will not eat that marshmallow right now....I will wait until someone shows up with chocolate and graham crackers, and have a s'more.
      in the Usa ..the richest country on the planet..only 39 percent of the population can take money from saving in the event off a 1,000$ emergency need

      40 percent of the US population has credit card debt averaging about 16,000 per houshold with debt ..

      and 80 percent carry some form of debt .

      there are many things people don't just learn..if they are in environment and conditions where they don't learn or there is no reward for learning.. they can learn ..it is a big thing that people learn in the military .. but once they loose or leave the structure of the military environment and return to where they grew up.. they revert back to the less disciplined lifestyle those environment and the people in them allow or enforce .

      people can move into different environment and learn skills that are good for living a better life .. but if they don't have someone to teach them there is a way .. or some event to show them they can do it.. they get conditioned and stuck in the cycles of their environment .

      if there is no perceived reward or incentive to develop delayed gratification.. a person will not ..and if someone is living in scarity or survival mode where they are barely getting by day to day or week to week and botrrowing money to pay bills on tuesday because they can't wait untill they get paid friday ... or don't have or can't have a checking or bank account ..so they can't safly save any amount of cash ..

      but people can learn if someone teaches them..but there are huge amounts of money being made off people not knowing .. and being stuck in the cycles of poverty ..
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    • Profile picture of the author Jonathan 2.0
      Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

      For the most part - we aren't children. Learning to plan ahead and control your need for 'instant gratification' is part of growing up.
      Thanks Kay: I agree. At the same time many (new) People have the opportunity to do that. (And getting them up to speed is a good thing IMO.)

      2C
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  • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
    I believe that Claude's cat's are the resident experts?

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    • Profile picture of the author yukon
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      Originally Posted by tagiscom View Post

      I believe that Claude's cat's are the resident experts?


      He's selling stray cats on Craigslist?
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  • Profile picture of the author Kay King
    40 percent of the US population has credit card debt averaging about 16,000 per houshold with debt ..

    and 80 percent carry some form of debt .

    Quoting numbers found online - but you fail to mention 44% of that 80% have mortgage debt ...Or that almost 50% of the population is on some form of government assistance. (from the last census report).


    Lot of generalities of what 'people do' and all you list are negatives.
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  • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
    Originally Posted by Odahh View Post

    hello all
    Is delayed gratification as important to a a persons success as it has been made out by the famed marshmallow test ..of 90 children in the 60's .
    The brainpower to delay gratification is one of the few real cornerstones of growing real wealth. If you can put off a night at the bar, and invest that money in education...or just any investment...a few years later, your bar friends will be calling you "Lucky". And ten years later, they won't even talk to you, because your economic positions are too different.

    And it's why wealthier people earn interest...and poor people pay interest.


    Originally Posted by Odahh View Post

    A newer studdy was done and the results released recently and found that a children from poor social and economic background where more lily to eat the marshmallow than those from better social and economic back grounds ..which is the reason why over a lifetime people who eat the first marshmello did worse than those who where able to wait for the second ..

    Yup. And here is a story that illustrates why.

    I was born to a poor family. All my relatives were poor. None went to college. In fact college was considered evil. And so our family and relatives never saved any money. Never planned for years ahead.

    An example of that is that we always ate everything on our plate. Always. Even if we weren't hungry. Why? Because we had it in front of us. And there was always the idea that maybe we wouldn't have as much next week..or tomorrow.

    To this day, I find it difficult to not eat everything on my plate. I know..I know.

    And it simply never occurred to anyone in our family (extended out to cousins and grandparents) that if we didn't spend every penny we made that week....and invested it at all...even in a savings account...that soon we wouldn't have to worry about having enough food next week.

    So..we would eat the marshmallow right then, because we thought it wouldn't be there later.

    We have two cats. One was adopted and one was feral and we took it in. One big difference between the cats is that the one that was feral...will eat everything in the bowl at once. In fact, it will eat all the cat food put out, until it throws up. Why? Because he's conditioned to eat while the food is there, because he had to hunt for his food as a young cat. And that conditioning is strong. The other cat always had plenty to eat, and so eats a few bites...leaves..and eats a few bites later.

    It may be why obesity is more common in poor people. I don't know.
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    • Profile picture of the author yukon
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      Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

      We have two cats. One was adopted and one was feral and we took it in. One big difference between the cats is that the one that was feral...will eat everything in the bowl at once. In fact, it will eat all the cat food put out, until it throws up. Why? Because he's conditioned to eat while the food is there, because he had to hunt for his food as a young cat. And that conditioning is strong. The other cat always had plenty to eat, and so eats a few bites...leaves..and eats a few bites later.

      It may be why obesity is more common in poor people. I don't know.


      Most cats that stay inside the house are more likely to be overweight compared to a stray cat.

      I've never seen a fat stray cat.

      I'd bet my last dollar that the #1 cause of obesity in the US is soda drinks including energy/sports drinks.

      A few years ago I stopped drinking soda and switched to water, I lost around 15 pounds weight in less than a month just from not drinking soda.

      That would actually be a good weight loss info product to sell, have traffic select either yes or no If they drink soda. Everything in the info product tells them to stop drinking soda. Probably sounds stupid but I swear it works and easy to do.
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      • Profile picture of the author Odahh
        Originally Posted by yukon View Post

        Most cats that stay inside the house are more likely to be overweight compared to a stray cat.

        I've never seen a fat stray cat.

        I'd bet my last dollar that the #1 cause of obesity in the US is soda drinks including energy/sports drinks.

        A few years ago I stopped drinking soda and switched to water, I lost around 15 pounds weight in less than a month just from not drinking soda.

        That would actually be a good weight loss info product to sell, have traffic select either yes or no If they drink soda. Everything in the info product tells them to stop drinking soda. Probably sounds stupid but I swear it works and easy to do.
        soda with high fructose corn syrup or any beverage with it ..soda with real sugar in it is better to drink..just not every few hours to keep blood sugar levels spiked ..

        walk into a 7 11 or some convenience store or gas station that serves food and watch people walk out with 60 oz cups of fountain soda ..

        eating junk food or fast food is an economic choice for poor or low income people .. the industrial food system has made it easier than it has ever been in history for someone to get more than enough calories every day at very low cost ..

        and this push to have fast food places list the calorie contents of their food .. just allows people to chose the item with more calories at the same price ..when some is stuck buying their food from a convenience store ..or doesn't have enough money at one time to justify getting on the bus to get groceries .. they get stuck in the cycle of buying essentially more expensive and less healthy alternatives ..a problem only amazon or walmart ..delivering groceries will be able to partially fix ..as the government manages to screw things up more when they try to fix it..especially if you treat people like they are dumb for making these choices ..
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    • Profile picture of the author Odahh
      Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

      The brainpower to delay gratification is one of the few real cornerstones of growing real wealth. If you can put off a night at the bar, and invest that money in education...or just any investment...a few years later, your bar friends will be calling you "Lucky". And ten years later, they won't even talk to you, because your economic positions are too different.

      And it's why wealthier people earn interest...and poor people pay interest.
      .
      i will quote part but respond to all
      ok this is good lets go back to what i was trying to say in the original post ..if the conditions you are in don't allow you to delay gratification.. and get reward for it ..you won't delay gratification .

      if you are barely making a=enough money to live on it is near impossible to save enough to have a savings amount that is any decent size.. but ..for those who can .. and do watching that saving grow becomes a form of gratification.. now you can probably confirm that ..

      so it becomes less delaying gratification and more redirecting gratification ..and i have heard over and over that at some point there is a click where people start to doi thing to grow that pile of money faster ..

      there was the environment you grew up in claude ..you got out of it and over time learned how to save and invest .. and maybe even not get stuck with fixed expenses that didn't burn much of you regular income.. though it is common for people who start poor as they earn more to match the increase in earning with fixed expenses ..though a lot if time immigrants come from culture where they have high savings rates .. so they start with nothing and if they work hard (and tap the immigrant network ) they can build wealth
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  • You raised some interesting points about scarcity, but yet scarcity tactics are used to drive the sale.

    Going for the first marshmallow, is like having shiny object syndrome. You fear that it may be the last one, and you will not get another opportunity to have one again later.

    There are large amounts of psychology used on the masses via marketing messages, to entice the receivers of the marketing message, to take a certain action.

    Copy writing is a form of hypnosis. You are marketing to the unconscious mind of the reader, leading and pacing them to do what you ethically want them to do. So when you tell those who are reading your sales copy, that there are only 7 copies left, of the hottest and brightest shiny object, at that low price due to what ever ethical reason you may give them, they usually pounce at the opportunity to get your offer at that great deal, before it's too late.
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  • Profile picture of the author Kay King
    The brainpower to delay gratification is one of the few real cornerstones of growing real wealth.



    And it's why wealthier people earn interest...and poor people pay interest.

    Not only 'real wealth' but a requirement for those who live 'within their means'.
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  • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
    I would like to reply to this thread, but will wait til later.

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  • Profile picture of the author Odahh
    One of the thing i am finding in my studies is that there are a bunch of learned behaviours that contribute to building wealth ..but we haven't adjusted to actually how long people live now and the technology available as well as the resources .. so the cultural thinking is that if someone doesn't learn by their early 20's they are pretty much screwed ..

    there is lots of real research coming from outside the motivation industry about the effect of social and physical environments and overal behaviour patterns .. that is explaining what actually is going on and finding some of the best ways to learn new behavior .or set up reward systems .. to learn much faster ..

    so instead of just saying "delayed gratification" and many people pointing to the original study as if it is something people are just born with .. ..it's a matter of looking at newer research and discovering the other social and environmental factors as well as the strategies children where already using to pass time and delay eating the marshmallow ..

    rather than some mythical virtue that someone is born with .. being a learned behavior where some people learn much earlier than many other and many people never learn .. starting from the premise that it is a function of finding multiple sources or methods of gratification rather than a a small number of things that barely attain gratification ..
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  • Profile picture of the author UncannyJo
    Hey Odahh

    I read and watched the version of the study with the kids dancing and singing as a distraction. Yes, I do think you can find and do something that is more gratifying that something else.

    If someone could find an interest in a certain niche market that was profitable, then the person could find gratification in it now and build something great...
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  • Profile picture of the author jbthemummy
    Originally Posted by Odahh View Post

    There is not delayed gratification ..but there is the ability to simulate gratification or what is a better term..

    replace one form of gratification with another for a period of time .. so if you have scarcity of gratification.. you will take every chance that comes..but if you have an abundance of opportunities for gratification.. you can shift from one to the next ..
    Thanks for sharing bud - Really appreciated this post. When I use to do PUA (Picking up girls, etc), I remember if I didn't get a call back from someone or something, I would just move on to the next one instead of holding the phone and praying for a reply lol My mind would be shifted to another girl and while I'm having fun there, I would usually get a text or call back something like "Oh I was working or was in the shower, etc).

    Thanks for reminding me of this.

    Do something, desire something and move on. If it's meant to be it will be yours. Thank u sir!
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  • Profile picture of the author Vygintas Varnas
    I didn't read all the answers, but my friends dad told me: You don't need money 20 years later, you need money now to survive...

    He also told me: you need to sell good stuff to successful people so they would be more successful. You don't have to give away free stuff for losers who have no money.

    I've been delaying my gratification for ages, but I don't seem to go anywhere my goal.

    Branding myself as an comedy author, philosopher was so ******* hard and I have an audience of 100-1000 people who don't pay me a cent for my craft.

    If it weren't for the need of money I would be so freaking happy to do what I do today, but I have no clue how I'm going to survive here in Lithuania. People like my stuff when I give it away for free, but people don't understand I need money to do what I do.
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    • Profile picture of the author Odahh
      Originally Posted by Vygintas Varnas View Post

      I didn't read all the answers, but my friends dad told me: You don't need money 20 years later, you need money now to survive...

      He also told me: you need to sell good stuff to successful people so they would be more successful. You don't have to give away free stuff for losers who have no money.

      I've been delaying my gratification for ages, but I don't seem to go anywhere my goal.

      Branding myself as an comedy author, philosopher was so ******* hard and I have an audience of 100-1000 people who don't pay me a cent for my craft.

      If it weren't for the need of money I would be so freaking happy to do what I do today, but I have no clue how I'm going to survive here in Lithuania. People like my stuff when I give it away for free, but people don't understand I need money to do what I do.
      if you have something you are doing that is making you happy but not making you money.. find something you can do to make survival cash ...

      where you have something that makes you happy..you do not have to do what many people do working at a job then trying to buy things that make them happy..

      make twisted motivational posters where you take some seen of a mishap .. that's not tragic..and attach some funny motivational phrase ..or something..

      ok i tend to throw out ideas ..but for personal refining purposes ..expecting most people to completely ignore me ..

      you have a passion that gives you purpose..but it does not financially support you .. so how do you make money to support yourself and also grow the audience for what you do ..making money outside what you do ...until you grow your audience to include people who have money .. even if it is a small fraction.. under 1 percent of your fans who will give you some money ..

      100-1000 people you need a far larger fan base to hope to make money to even eat ..so make money in a job or some way legal..to gratify you living needs and grow the audience for what you do ..hell security ot something that gives you time while you are doing it to write or perfect your craft in the downtime
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  • Profile picture of the author Kay King
    people don't understand I need money to do what I do.
    People don't need to understand your needs - you need to do something people are willing to pay for. You've started several posts with "I didn't read all the answers, but..."....maybe you should take the time to read those answers to see if there is advice that will help you.

    I'm always interested when people talk about only doing what they enjoy and at the same time complain they have no money. There are hobbies and there is work. A few very fortunate people are able to combine the two and earn a living.

    Another reality is that it may be possible to earn a living WITH your 'hobby' if you are willing to work at them hard enough. Most people aren't willing to do that - they will tell you the hobby 'isn't fun any more' ....

    Most standup comics in the US have 'day jobs' and do comedy at night....same with many musicians who play gigs on weekends and work 9-5 during the week.

    Your friend's dad was wrong - you do need money now - but you'll also need it in 20 years. Whether you survive well then....may depend on what you do now.
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    • Profile picture of the author Odahh
      Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

      Another reality is that it may be possible to earn a living WITH your 'hobby' if you are willing to work at them hard enough. Most people aren't willing to do that - they will tell you the hobby 'isn't fun any more' ....

      Most standup comics in the US have 'day jobs' and do comedy at night....same with many musicians who play gigs on weekends and work 9-5 during the week.

      Your friend's dad was wrong - you do need money now - but you'll also need it in 20 years. Whether you survive well then....may depend on what you do now.
      if there is no market for something ore a very small amount of people actually make money doing it.. and you don't have a way to eat ..or have your survival needs taken care of.. it is not a passion you can follow until there is a market and you can support yourself while you build skill doing it ..

      earlier in the post i mentioned .. if you don't have to work a part time job to help feed the family through high school .. then you can build a skill based on passion that requires mastery or at least high level skill to make money ..

      but then if you know early enough and you are poor and can do jobs that help develop those skills ..that lead to mastery or high enough skill to make an income ..

      but if you are developing skills that don't have a market even at a masrety level .. you are basically just passionate about not eating .. and it is the starving artist problem not the markets who just don't get the artist or care if they need to eat ..

      I learned working as a street performer for a tear and a half working on tips in Las Vegas .. now though if i went to try and do it .. it not the lack of market .. it the high potential of ending up in cuffs and a jail cell .. do to rule changes and "terrorism " risks

      if you are no willing..or able to put in the work to put in the work to build skill in a passion up to a point there is a market or that can make the money .. then it is starving artist territory ,, and great artist don't starve ..but i think even Mark twain went bankrut at some point ...

      and if you have to be dead for your work to be valued.. thats not very good delayed gratification
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  • Profile picture of the author Jessica Ambos
    I believe delayed gratification definitely defines how successful a person will be. If an individual is used to not getting what they want right away, then they'll learn the value of patience during difficult times and working towards reaching a goal. Delayed gratification improves self-control. Buying branded, expensive shoes every month when you only have a measly salary won't get you the savings that you want if you're deciding to buy that car or get married.
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    • Profile picture of the author Odahh
      Originally Posted by Jessica Ambos View Post

      I believe delayed gratification definitely defines how successful a person will be. If an individual is used to not getting what they want right away, then they'll learn the value of patience during difficult times and working towards reaching a goal. Delayed gratification improves self-control. Buying branded, expensive shoes every month when you only have a measly salary won't get you the savings that you want if you're deciding to buy that car or get married.
      although you can do the in thing now of hunting down nice stuff from thrift stores for cheap ..

      or buy stuff you can sell on ebay for more .. wear it for a month or two .. then sell it and hunt down newer finds at a thrift shop ..

      lot of people who buy the new branded stuff every month for retail therapy .. end up donating newish high quality stuff to good will .. or having to get rid of it somehow .. to make room to buy new stuff ..
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  • Profile picture of the author ryanbiddulph
    For me, it was not delaying gratification. I learned to turn expectation into appreciation. Or, instead of expecting anything or wanting something, to fill a void, I appreciated what I had, and more sweetness flowed into my experience.

    I felt good with my life however it was. Then I created and connected, and worried little of outcomes because I appreciated helping folks and that was enough.....then over time, success found me. Like a journey from wanting desperately to fill some fear-created void, toward not expecting anything, to feeling good in the moment, loving everything the way it was.

    Ryan
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  • Profile picture of the author newton
    I think there's a lot to be said about the original test. But as mentioned, as adults we don't necessarily behave the same way (for the most part!) and will learn to deal with things differently.


    Using the tree analogy, if you are constantly focusing on the fruit, wanting the fruit, waiting for the fruit to appear, without EVER looking after the roots, then unfortunately you're never going to bite into that fruit.


    Focus on the roots and you'll never have to worry about the fruit. It will always be there when you want it.
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    • Profile picture of the author Odahh
      Originally Posted by newton View Post

      I think there's a lot to be said about the original test. But as mentioned, as adults we don't necessarily behave the same way (for the most part!) and will learn to deal with things differently.


      Using the tree analogy, if you are constantly focusing on the fruit, wanting the fruit, waiting for the fruit to appear, without EVER looking after the roots, then unfortunately you're never going to bite into that fruit.


      Focus on the roots and you'll never have to worry about the fruit. It will always be there when you want it.
      i understand the example you are trying to make .. though.. it is the soil the tree roots are in that you feed and take care of .. if you want good fruit year after year ..but it can take a few years for the tree to grow and produce fruit ..and a tree will produce an abundance of fruit for a few months out of the year .. that can be dried or frozen or canned to have fruit all year ..then pruning the tree from time to time keeps it healthy ..but while you are waiting for the first fruit ..you need to have some other way to fill your belly or you will not wait .

      the other thing is bamboo .. it takes a few month for a timber bamboo to gro from the ground to 100 ft tree..but 3-4 years to mature to the point of being able to harvest it for timber ..and a new bamboo clump take several year before it produces combs that are tall enough and thick enough to harvest for bamboo.. but once you are able to start harvesting.. it produces bamboo every year for 100 years ..
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