54 replies
Hey everyone(who reads this), I haven't been on here in a long time. I decided to come back before I made a decision that could ruin my life.

I am 28 year old female living with my grandmother in the ghetto and I have nothing that I accomplished worth mentioning other than staying alive.

I stop working a few months back and I am at the point where starting over is no longer an option.

I've been starting over all my years now and I am tired of my way of living, I have been a loser(or felt like one) for most of my life.

Depression has become my significant other so to speak, over a decade of misery and disappointment.

At the same time I wonder if it all matters sometimes, it seems as if its so obvious that life is of importance, but...

Why should I care?

Why do I care that I live in a dangerous enviornment filled with death, drugs and povetry?

As humans we adapt to our enviornments, however I don't want to die here!

I always wanted the best for my life and loved ones, but as I am getting older I see so many people are messed up mentally, physically, and spiritually I want to run away from it all!

Could never see myself committing immediate suicide, but a slow way out is what I put myself through.

Drinking, smoking, not taking care of myself while wasting time and money is still suicide in my eyes.

What does it matter though, im just another person right?

Those are my thoughts when I am depressed, then I realize how weak minded that is and I get frustrated and get a beer or two, or three.

I understand everyone has problems and things they go through, I am only venting before I make another bad decision.

Yes in the minds of some I'm just another spoiled intitled millenial, and to some extent that is true.

However I don't embrace that and I am ready to grow up and take responsibility!

I have jumped into so many opportunities and never stuck with anything in my life so you can imagine the mentality.

While being around people who are mentally poor!

If you didn't know, depression stinks and if/when I make it out of this I will dedicate my time to those who face depression!

For now, I am looking for a job while also keeping myself out of trouble within my enviornment, practicing martial arts and such.

I really had to vent for a moment before I gave up and walked the streets, and knowing I would end up on some weird drugs or dead!

Sometimes I really hate who I am and my life then sometimes I love it, very sad excuse for a person

All feedback is welcomed, I am numb to pain and being disrespected. I only wanted to let it out!

I do understand the contradictions in my life, heck I am a walking contradiction!

How do I fix it? Maybe I was born to die?

Time will reveal the truth, hopefully I come back here with better more positive news!

Have a great memorial weekend with your families!
#care
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  • Profile picture of the author Kay King
    It was a tossup whether to allow this thread or delete it.

    Sounds like a pity party. Sorry - but if you aren't working but can 'do' martial arts ...if you are not willing to 'start over' at age 28....not sure what anyone here can say to motivate you.


    I am ready to grow up and take responsibility
    Sounds like it's time to do that - statistics say you probalby have another 50 years or so to live....is this the way you want to proceed? Have you considered a REAL change? Get a job - join the military - sign up with a non-profit to help others....

    Stop being a 'loser' by doing something with your time and your life. Don't be living on a relative's 'dime' - dig into your life and make it something you are proud of.
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    • Profile picture of the author funnelmentals
      Of course it's pitful, I would usually keep it bottled up and say f*** my life and everyone in it.

      Of course I'm easily offend, been depressed half of my life that's just one of the sypmtoms I just found out my fathers real name the other day after 28 years and that he died not knowing I existed.

      I live with my grandmother, but no one "raised" me!

      It's easy for people to say pity party, but its hard for people to read between the lines!

      Thanks for accepting, but trust me I dont want you or anyone else's sympathy.

      I also mentioned I am looking for a job, I just ran out of my savings which was $1,500 and that lasted me 2 1/2 months.

      Martial arts is to keep me busy instead of hanging around a bunch of killers and drug addicts which is easy in my environment!!
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      • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
        Originally Posted by funnelmentals View Post

        Of course it's pitful, I would usually keep it bottled up and say f*** my life and everyone in it.

        Of course I'm easily offend, been depressed half of my life that's just one of the sypmtoms I just found out my fathers real name the other day after 28 years and that he died not knowing I existed.
        That's what depressed you?

        My entire immediate family is dead. My brother was murdered. I was raped when I was 12 years old by my cousin.
        So? Most people have gone through something similar.

        When you were a kid, were you afraid to sleep at night because your mother convinced you that demons were going to kill you? I can't remember ever going to sleep without having a nightmare. Ever.

        I'm going to let you in on a secret. Half of the people in the country have suffered worse than you or me, and 90% of the people in other countries. Do you wake up cold? Do you wonder if you are going to eat that day? Those are real problems. And I've never had that. Have you?

        You're 28 years old and think your life is depressing?

        Do you have a job? Are you looking every day?
        You've been an adult less than a decade. I have shirts older than you. In ten years, all these problems can be a memory to joke about with friends. Or you can be 60, complaining about how you never got the breaks. And both results have the same starting point...where you are now.

        Get up. Move to a better area. Change your life. Or don't. Don't tell me it's hard. It's always hard, for all of us.
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  • Profile picture of the author sgalla414
    I think you can learn a lot from your struggles. You have all these negative experiences in your life but there are a lot of ways you can grow from them and expand your life to more positive experiences. I am not trying to down play your situation at all but use the bad things in your life to fuel your fire to get some where better. Even if the situation you personally are in is not enough of a reason you feel to make a change find another good enough reason "why". You mentioned your grandmother lives in the ghetto as well in terrible conditions. If you care about her why not use her as "motivation" to get yourself and her out of the situation you are in. Work, earn and learn so that you can give her a better life. Focusing on that might take your mind of how you feel about yourself and your situation. We are all trying to move forward in life. Best of luck to you..
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    • Profile picture of the author funnelmentals
      I can agree and really appreciate your feedback, selfishness crept in and nothing matter outside myself so this is something to consider
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      • Profile picture of the author Odahh
        Originally Posted by funnelmentals View Post

        I can agree and really appreciate your feedback, selfishness crept in and nothing matter outside myself so this is something to consider
        nothing worng with being selfish and careing about yourself in an environment ..that feels like almost no one cares about you .. looking at the way you are saying this.. you are not selfish in way you are going to hurt or make things worse for other people .

        so again good person in a crappy situation .. looking for a way to make yourself better .. no reason to phrase that as a negative ..

        but as you get better you will need to protect yourself from those who are around you now .. who are quite happy with your being in the crappy place you are . who will attempt to pull you back ..
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        • Profile picture of the author funnelmentals
          You made me think of some times where I couldve been really messed up but I protected myself by accepting being alone for that period.

          I do see a balance in good and bad decisions I make. Posting this is definitely a good one.

          Thank you!
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          • Profile picture of the author Odahh
            Originally Posted by funnelmentals View Post

            You made me think of some times where I couldve been really messed up but I protected myself by accepting being alone for that period.

            I do see a balance in good and bad decisions I make. Posting this is definitely a good one.

            Thank you!
            if this post does you any real good.. but if you make no changes that start making things better for yourself ..

            and running is not a good choice ..you just might end up in another ghetto or a worse ghetto .. and i don't think you want to end up on the street ..actually if you run at this point .. you probably will end up on the street with no family to help..

            look at you tube videos on thrifting.. or finding stuff at thrift store and dollar tree .. and yard sales or cragis list .. and flipping it ..

            again i am reading into you a bit librally so another part of your frustration and discouragement stems from the kind of job you can get and the feeling .. they won't get you out

            learn to make a profit ..not just a wage and you only have to make enough to support your basic needs at this point ..so you have a wide verity of option today.. that you didn't have 5 or 10 years ago ..

            so please a request ..stop viewing your scorecard as the score card of a loser.. your under 30.. and it is a lot better than it could be for the environment you are from and in
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            "I just wanted a good job ,but i could not find a good job, So i do it myself"-Jack Ma

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            • Profile picture of the author funnelmentals
              I did some traveling 2014-2016 and I kept coming back and starting over so I understand running isn't as good as it sounds.

              I tried to justify it thinking that I could run into an opportunity, but not really seeing the ones in front of me.

              Someone else mentioned reselling from craigslist, I have an ebay account from when I met a guy on craigslist who wanted me resell his goods a couple years back it didn't work out but I will start looking for myself
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              • Profile picture of the author Odahh
                Originally Posted by funnelmentals View Post

                I did some traveling 2014-2016 and I kept coming back and starting over so I understand running isn't as good as it sounds.

                I tried to justify it thinking that I could run into an opportunity, but not really seeing the ones in front of me.

                Someone else mentioned reselling from craigslist, I have an ebay account from when I met a guy on craigslist who wanted me resell his goods a couple years back it didn't work out but I will start looking for myself
                creating your opportunity ..and starting from where you are .. opportunity is really spelled hard work .. most of that hard work will be on making yourself better ..retraining your ego to support you and not beat you up.. educating yourself to constantly improve your skill sets ..and picking people to be around you who will support the changes you are making or believe in you more than you believe in you

                hard work that may not pay hourly and may not pay of for week months or years.. but has obvious signs of improvement as you go along .. a farmer doesn't plant corn and harvest the next day.. but over the course of time there is alway a way to tell things are improving .

                P.S I ignore the stuff you want to site as bad choice.. or i mean i don't personalty recognize them as bad choices ..you learned from them and once you put that learning to work.. to better your life .. means they where not that bad
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                "I just wanted a good job ,but i could not find a good job, So i do it myself"-Jack Ma

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  • Profile picture of the author Odahh
    well there is a difference between depression that comes and goes and full scale discouragement .. where you are not talking about bi polar disorder or a diagnoses of such . the state of losing has stuck around so long you have become discouraged .. i have been there was there close to 20 years .. and only cam out a few years ago..

    you havn't mention any kids of your own.. which you should actually declare a person win.. as you are not passing this own or raising a child in the situation you are in ..so you have made good choice there ..and a choice that make you getting out of poverty much less difficult ..

    and nothing wrong with drinking .. if your not constantly drunk .. and how can you affor to smoke tobacco or weed .. or drink without a job ? if your mooching off people stop.. find away to make money that is not currently illegal and support your own bad habits ..if anything roll your own cigrattes it is cheeper .

    you can find way to improve your life from where you are .i am reading into it to much but there are things you didn't say( like mentioning children) that say you may have been cautious about doing thing that would actually trap you where you are ..children, hard drug, felonies that get you jail time and long term probation..

    you might be a good person in a bad environment ..suffering from frustration and discouragement .. not a medical or mental illness of chronic depression ..

    Brazilian jujitsu might actually help ..and get you improving in some area of your life

    but as it is people drop these things on the board and never return so ill wait to say anymore ..get some confirmation from the person who posted..

    but if you are in a shitty or seeming shitty situation for a long period of time .. there is nothing wrong with feeling shitty about it .. and it will just get worse until you actually work on it
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    • Profile picture of the author funnelmentals
      The children aspect is frustrating for me, I had two abortions.

      As far as affording to drink I've been spending my savings that lasted 2 1/2 months and I drink everyday at least 1-2 beers if not 3

      When I was 21 I went to get help they diagosed me with major depression so I ran with that since a "professional" told me
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      • Profile picture of the author Odahh
        Originally Posted by funnelmentals View Post

        The children aspect is frustrating for me, I had two abortions.

        As far as affording to drink I've been spending my savings that lasted 2 1/2 months and I drink everyday at least 1-2 beers if not 3

        When I was 21 I went to get help they diagosed me with major depression so I ran with that since a "professional" told me
        well you certainly are writing from a place of discouragement and frustration.. write now .. i would guess and maybe be very wrong with the guess.. that not so deep inside you know there is something you can do to make your life a lot better.. but you right now .. do not now what that #$%## thing is ..

        and don't feel bad about a few beers a day.. if that is your only self medication ..you are in a much better place than you give yourself credit for .. hey you where able to save 1,500 .. which i think meant you also have no debt .. which is great .

        just because you have a lot of zero's in your ledger doesn't mean you are a loser.. could just mean your under 30 ..

        you have you and just you .. you raised yourself to this point for the most part ..now figure out how to be a tough parent and focus on making your life better .. you have been successful in noot ending up in the bad places many around end up and never get out of ..
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        "I just wanted a good job ,but i could not find a good job, So i do it myself"-Jack Ma

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  • Gotta remember always how your point of view is a movin' target.

    What plays (or don't play) today won't stay the same tamara.

    Evidence?

    Stop by your 14yo self an' see what has changed.

    Tellya, I would not be seen dead now in my 14yo undergarments.

    Plus, I cared way too much 'bout my stoopid hair.

    Thing is tho, sumtimes stuff gets kinda stuck, an' while your life story seems this way it can feel like it gonna last forevah.

    But nuthin' nevah lasts forevah.

    That is why we got Big Bang Theory now 'steada Friends.

    So I would wanna flip your question, see if we can stir sumthin' up gonna helpya out.

    "Why should I care?" is a valid question always to ask -- speshly when things ain't workin' out.

    So why not ask "Why should I NOT care?"

    Gotta hope this gonna clarify WHAT MATTERS -- a whole buncha stuff you can mebbe get positive about.

    I betcha there be plenty stuff which ... on reflection ... you cannot bring yourself to NOT CARE about.

    Whatevah your plan for June, start here.

    With that ONE PERSON you can't not care about, that ONE TV SHOW you can't miss, that one goofy frickin' candy bar you kinda like, that street you keep walkin' down which is way better than all the streets you don't like, the joggers you keep wearin' 'steada the hula skirt makes your ass look stoopid ... the stuff you discovah actshwlly matters.

    Also mebbe you might see stuff that hey yeah ain't no use in your life & that is cool.

    Deliberate stops are some of life's bestest evah starts -- speshly when it comes to LAME BOYFRIENDS.

    Thing is, you ain't nevah stuck nor doomed nor whatevah PERMANENTLY bcs the planet is in constant flux ... an' trooly sumthin' gonna show up.

    An' like Kay says, your 28yo body clock promises plenty years ahead.

    You can't see 'em now, you can't figure it, but that don't mean the fyooture is impossible.

    Jus' means walkin' around, keepin' tabs on your heart & braino, watchin' stuff unfold without you mebbe got immediate control.

    But if you get real stuck figurin' Why Should I Not Care, your next days & weeks gonna pitch you food for thought.

    Can you 100% say I DON'T CARE 'BOUT XXX? Or YYY? Or ZEEEEEEEEE?

    You got 5% doubt here, you got real positive catalyst stuffs you can work with.

    Kinda ... Why MAY I care?

    Or ... Why MIGHT I care?

    Here be motion, next steps you mebbe wanna walk.
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    • Profile picture of the author funnelmentals
      Wow, you hit home on so many levels.

      I got offended by Kay's post but I also understand that it looks like I'm avoiding responsibility which I didn't recognize I was until recently.

      I know people who got issues but they dont let it get to them as some that's all I am fighting for because I know shit happens
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      • Profile picture of the author tryinhere
        Originally Posted by funnelmentals View Post

        Wow, you hit home on so many levels.

        I got offended by Kay's post but I also understand that it looks like I'm avoiding responsibility which I didn't recognize I was until recently.

        I know people who got issues but they dont let it get to them as some that's all I am fighting for because I know shit happens
        Mm, the way you write, seems very distant to the struggles you mentiion, as you on one hand play the voilin of tough times, but the way you come across is one of a well educated and grounded person with you feet and mind well balanced.

        But to take it on face value I ask why are you looking for a job? you should have enough fire and passion in your belly and heart to start a business and work for yourself.

        Given your past and present you would have the staying power that most would not have and you would work through almost any problem and set back.

        Then if what you write is on a level playing field, I would use that energy and passion combined with your skills to help what are probably hundreds if not many thousands of people, who are living and feeling the same way as you.

        I would think more than anyone you may have the abilty to shine a light and guide, help and support those around you, so stop worrying about a nickel n dime job that covers the rent, set your sights way higher and help solve the problems of those around you and in the process generate huge changes to the help the many many people who are stuck just like you. Surround yourself with movers and shakers.
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        > Posting Fake News? the Reaper Will Find You.
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        • Profile picture of the author funnelmentals
          Looking for a job is actually what everyone tells e I should do and then work on something on the side that way I have income and not spending my side income.

          For the times I tried to start a business I got too excited and I sabotage myself before I started to see any success.

          The distance from my struggles and the way I mention is actually the inner battle I'm facing to break out of this shell of fear.

          Speaking of that, fear has been a big reason why I start and dont finish.

          You know how some people can live in a state of denial and when something hits them on the head they look for a shoulder to cry on?

          My problem is this became a pattern and somehow sort of my mental "high"

          So I'm writing this post with the intent to break my silence and get those tough love comments that my peers wont say

          I told someone earlier, sometimes I get addicted to the suffering.

          That change in mindset got so scary as odd as it sounds and is. That's the truth

          Fear of success since failing was the norm

          I do not do anything in the mornings, I actually wake up most mornings in a negative mindset.

          I started working out this week but you can guess I missed a couple of days, I agree I hardly focus on the present.

          I barely drink water, my body craves garbage foods so you can imagine my mood swings

          For some reason I thought having money makes me feel better but it seems as if it's like drinking beer it only last but so long and I wake up with a hangover.

          I have mostly lived my life in my head, I sweat compulsively and even when I'm outside I find myself using my inside voice

          So use to talking to myself
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          • Profile picture of the author tryinhere
            Originally Posted by funnelmentals View Post

            The distance from my struggles and the way I mention is actually the inner battle I'm facing to break out of this shell of fear.
            As you think you become, start changing the way you think, that is your first and only challenge holding you back.

            Go onto facebook and find up to 10 people / silent mentors who are movers and shakers, people who make a big difference in the world and follow them on facebook in your feed. Remove all of the people from your feed who are negative nancys.

            Wake up each day by people and thier messages of how they DO, and be inspired by those people who were once where you are now.

            You will not change yesterday, but you do have the ability to change tomorrow, and I do not know of one successful person who has not not fallen over many times in the struggle, you are no different, it just depends if your ready to quit or if your ready to stand again, but there is one golden rule for you to understand and that is

            Nobody here or anywhere in the world is going to make that change for you, the only person who can help you overcome any challenges and help you become great is the man in the mirror, you.

            Change your thinking, surround yourself with positive people who move and shake, and be prepared to get get knocked down again and again until you succeed.

            here is one you might like to follow ? https://www.facebook.com/tombilyeu
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            > Posting Fake News? the Reaper Will Find You.
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          • Profile picture of the author hardraysnight
            Originally Posted by funnelmentals View Post

            Looking for a job is actually what everyone tells e I should do and then work on something on the side that way I have income and not spending my side income.

            For the times I tried to start a business I got too excited and I sabotage myself before I started to see any success.

            The distance from my struggles and the way I mention is actually the inner battle I'm facing to break out of this shell of fear.

            Speaking of that, fear has been a big reason why I start and dont finish.

            You know how some people can live in a state of denial and when something hits them on the head they look for a shoulder to cry on?

            My problem is this became a pattern and somehow sort of my mental "high"

            So I'm writing this post with the intent to break my silence and get those tough love comments that my peers wont say

            I told someone earlier, sometimes I get addicted to the suffering.

            That change in mindset got so scary as odd as it sounds and is. That's the truth

            Fear of success since failing was the norm

            I do not do anything in the mornings, I actually wake up most mornings in a negative mindset.

            I started working out this week but you can guess I missed a couple of days, I agree I hardly focus on the present.

            I barely drink water, my body craves garbage foods so you can imagine my mood swings

            For some reason I thought having money makes me feel better but it seems as if it's like drinking beer it only last but so long and I wake up with a hangover.

            I have mostly lived my life in my head, I sweat compulsively and even when I'm outside I find myself using my inside voice

            So use to talking to myself
            get a job
            get settled
            then think about doing what you want to do

            google 'maslow's hierarachy of needs' sometime. the only theorist i agree with
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  • Profile picture of the author talfighel
    The best advice I can give you is this:

    If you don't like the life that you have now, CHANGE IT. Crying or complaining about it will not make the situation better for you.

    You also need to change your mindset because even if you lived in the best neighborhood in the world and had lots of money, you could still have a miserable life and not be happy.

    You can't do that overnight and the best way to work on your new and positive mindset so to speak, is to read motivational books and listen to audios.
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    • Profile picture of the author Daniel Evans
      Originally Posted by funnelmentals View Post

      I told someone earlier, sometimes I get addicted to the suffering.

      That change in mindset got so scary as odd as it sounds and is. That's the truth

      Fear of success since failing was the norm

      That's the figurative 'Devils Shackles'.

      People nurse their own suffering and embrace it as a primary interest and unpin their suffering as their purpose.

      People who observe your feelings and state of being and react will further confirm to you exactly that, so it's an endless cycle unless you take stance to break it.

      It's not until we break out from the negative way of thinking that we see it for what it is from the outside.

      If your culture is indoctrinating you into a destructive program, rise above it and make your motivation goal to shift away from it.

      A common theological (not religious!) image, though unique painting, associated with this challenge inbred in us all. The figure on the right, not 'Jesus', but the higher self and the 'Devil' on the right, the lower.

      We're ebbing and flowing, or moving from 'left' to 'right' in influx, from wrong mindedness to right mindedness. Some linger 'right' more than others, but potential to leverage it in the other direction is always possible.

      'Manic' personalities dwell in a constant swing between each.



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      • Profile picture of the author funnelmentals
        That battle is so subtle though, it amazes me how much I go back and forth in my head, getting out of this destructive culture will be the second hardest thing I'll do and that's after I rewire my brain from this current state.

        Is it wrong to seek some sort of support system?
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  • Profile picture of the author GordonJ
    Originally Posted by funnelmentals View Post

    Hey everyone(who reads this), I haven't been on here in a long time. I decided to come back before I made a decision that could ruin my life.

    I am 28 year old female living with my grandmother in the ghetto and I have nothing that I accomplished worth mentioning other than staying alive.

    How do I fix it? Maybe I was born to die?

    Time will reveal the truth, hopefully I come back here with better more positive news!

    Have a great memorial weekend with your families!
    Everyone is born to die. It is the destination of everyone. Coping with depression requires two things: Awareness and Pattern Interrupts.

    The cycle is, see your environment, it sucks, adds to your depression, creates a low energy, why bother, wake up and repeat. Don't know if anything will work, but some things to try are...

    Change the morning. By half an hour, get up earlier, if you get out of bed at all. If not, set an alarm. Spend first waking moments pretending it is going to be a better day.

    Take time, a piece of paper, write out your routine. Do you stretch and practice your martial art first thing? Pretend your opponent is your current life, beat the shit out of that MFer, throw punches, kicks, and a flurry of controlled activity. Exhaust yourself quickly.

    OK, write a note about your diet, what for breakfast, if anything. What chores do you do around the house? Spend 20 minutes a day talking to your Grandmother about her life as a young women. LISTEN. There might be some insight there. Maybe not, but be interested in how she got to NOW.

    If you have a phone, set the timer for 59 minutes, when it goes off, spend ONE minute thinking and noting the last hour. Rate it; sucked, sucked big time, sucked giant ass. How you feel. Consider the next hour, it is coming at you.

    Your martial arts COULD BE your lifeline, because if you can get your body to be active in a given direction, then you have a chance of controlling your mind, which is what you don't have, or people with depression struggle with. They FOCUS on past/future.

    Your default thoughts are negative because your past is negative and the future looks the same. During that ONE minute an hour, be present, in the NOW.

    Become aware of your surroundings. ONE MINUTE only.

    I agree with Kay that becoming a volunteer, somewhere, for a few hours a week, and do so with the idea you will be totally present then...or at least THINK you can...maybe you can volunteer at the martial arts center to help kids. Or the animal control in your area to look after dogs and cats.

    Or SENIORS, LIKE your Grandmother, give a little time to be a surrogate Granddaughter to those who may be all alone, in your neighborhood, just as scared as everyone else.

    It takes time, one hour at a time, to be able to SEE and FEEL your thoughts and try to interrupt them. Awareness requires four things:

    Desired Involvement. You must want to be aware.
    Conscious focus, (observation). The one minute an hour, then maybe one minute half an hour.
    Correct conclusions.
    Meaningful action.

    See, you can begin with the action via your martial arts. Is it true that if you practice correctly daily, you will improve? If you think so, then that is a correct conclusion, and tells you to improve you need to focus, if you have the desire.

    So, once you are AWARE of you in your current environment, by way of your daily movement and routines, then you are able to INTERRUPT THE PATTERNS, of thought and replace them with more empowering ones, just as you practice your martial arts movements, over and over and over so they become RESPONSES instinctively, so you must do the same with your mind, which is why I say

    Ohio is PARADISE.

    It has to be. I've traveled the world, and I live here. By choice even. Once I quit hating the place and got outside of myself, I found there are some pretty decent folk who live here, but they seldom knock on your door to ask if you need any help, eh?

    Good luck, it is tough. You can be and ARE tougher.

    GordonJ
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  • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
    Originally Posted by funnelmentals View Post

    I did some traveling 2014-2016 and I kept coming back and starting over so I understand running isn't as good as it sounds.

    I tried to justify it thinking that I could run into an opportunity, but not really seeing the ones in front of me.

    Someone else mentioned reselling from craigslist, I have an ebay account from when I met a guy on craigslist who wanted me resell his goods a couple years back it didn't work out but I will start looking for myself
    I have heard that selling clothing on Ebay works quite well, (others here has mentioned it, l havn't tried that myself).

    Originally Posted by funnelmentals View Post

    Looking for a job is actually what everyone tells e I should do and then work on something on the side that way I have income and not spending my side income.

    For the times I tried to start a business I got too excited and I sabotage myself before I started to see any success.

    The distance from my struggles and the way I mention is actually the inner battle I'm facing to break out of this shell of fear.

    Speaking of that, fear has been a big reason why I start and dont finish.

    You know how some people can live in a state of denial and when something hits them on the head they look for a shoulder to cry on?

    My problem is this became a pattern and somehow sort of my mental "high"

    So I'm writing this post with the intent to break my silence and get those tough love comments that my peers wont say

    I told someone earlier, sometimes I get addicted to the suffering.

    That change in mindset got so scary as odd as it sounds and is. That's the truth

    Fear of success since failing was the norm

    I do not do anything in the mornings, I actually wake up most mornings in a negative mindset.

    I started working out this week but you can guess I missed a couple of days, I agree I hardly focus on the present.

    I barely drink water, my body craves garbage foods so you can imagine my mood swings

    For some reason I thought having money makes me feel better but it seems as if it's like drinking beer it only last but so long and I wake up with a hangover.

    I have mostly lived my life in my head, I sweat compulsively and even when I'm outside I find myself using my inside voice

    So use to talking to myself
    Yes, l tend to have that problem all of the time with online stock trading, or when l lose money l feel good, and when l make it l feel discontent, as crazy as that sounds.

    So because of this l have let opportunities slip through my fingers, or the fear of past failures have made me too rapped up in cotton wool or l tend to get in too late and get out too early.

    I have recently got seriously fed up with this pattern and have changed tracks, which should show a definite improvement from now on.

    Fear is a weird one, or it is like your subconscious is comfortable with present circumstances, so sabotages or clings into that, while you consciously want to improve your situation, but the fear of a better life and sitting on the balcony of your 5 star hotel overlooking the beach is just too much to bear.

    Most online traders, (as an example) tend to lose all of their money after a few months or a year of trading, and give up, since they want to fail or that is their goal, to fail and go back to working hard for long periods with hopefully a reward at the end.

    That is what l am currently concentrating on, staying with dominant markers and cutting my losses when it is fairly obvious to do so.

    Instead of less tangible concepts that are prone to distortion by my subconscious that wants me to fail completely and go back to something, fun, painfully slow and equally slow to profit from.

    Good luck...
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    • Profile picture of the author funnelmentals
      I wanted to trade forex, but I wanted to do many things I feel I have another purpose that's my own, and the byproduct is I'll be financially confident/secure the fear will be there I just have to fight through it
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      • Profile picture of the author Daniel Evans
        Originally Posted by funnelmentals View Post

        I wanted to trade forex, but I wanted to do many things I feel I have another purpose that's my own, and the byproduct is I'll be financially confident/secure the fear will be there I just have to fight through it
        Echoing the above for emphasis; do keep away from Forex.

        You're likely to find more satisfaction in finding something to do which will help others and pay your pockets as a dividend.

        That's the double bonus of an honest days work - and that doesn't mean you have to be working for next to nothing.
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        • Profile picture of the author funnelmentals
          At the end of the day I'm not a fragile thinking individual. My emotions deserve work other than that I now know what opportunities are worth it
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  • Profile picture of the author Kay King
    I got offended by Kay's post but I also understand that it looks like I'm avoiding responsibility which I didn't recognize I was until recently.

    Understandable...but abortions don't fall under 'shit happens'. Decisions have consequences - which is how we learn to make better decisions in the future. If you had a bad childhood - you aren't alone. At 28, time to learn to be an adult instead of staying focused on the past.



    here's a potential first step - tomorrow is Memorial Day. Get up and dressed and attend a Memorial Day ceremony in your local cemetery or wherever there is a ceremony near your home.



    Good day to think of others who gave their lives so you can be free to live your life. An hour of your time - thinking about others instead of yourself - could be a good first step.
    Signature

    Saving one dog will not change the world - but forever changes the world for one dog.
    ***
    Sometimes people come into your life and they need to stop doing that...
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    • Profile picture of the author GordonJ
      Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

      Understandable...but abortions don't fall under 'shit happens'. Decisions have consequences - which is how we learn to make better decisions in the future. If you had a bad childhood - you aren't alone. At 28, time to learn to be an adult instead of staying focused on the past.



      here's a potential first step - tomorrow is Memorial Day. Get up and dressed and attend a Memorial Day ceremony in your local cemetery or wherever there is a ceremony near your home.



      Good day to think of others who gave their lives so you can be free to live your life. An hour of your time - thinking about others instead of yourself - could be a good first step.
      We like to answer in good faith, to the best of our understanding of what the OP writes. And this thread is evidence of that.

      What we don't really know, is the INTENT. There have been times over the years we get duped, or suckered into something that isn't what we thought it was.

      To me, it doesn't matter. Give all OP's the benefit of the doubt, and give our best advice, be that a pat on the back or a kick in the butt...some need both.

      But I do appreciate all the wisdom and solid, sound advice given by you all in this thread. I mean that.

      I hope the OP takes it for what it is, a RESPONSE to a post on a public forum. We get what we asked for, like it or not.

      Thanks for taking the TIME to care, no matter the intent of the post.

      You guys are great, and every time someone says the WF isn't what it used to be, I have to think, NO, it isn't, but in some ways it is even BETTER.

      GordonJ
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      • Profile picture of the author funnelmentals
        You're correct you don't know the intent, however instead of "worrying" so much about someones intentions wouldn't it be better to be the best you?

        I came back to the post to update everyone on where I am.

        Doesn't make a difference what you're talking about doesn't apply to me
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  • Profile picture of the author Just Jess
    You should care because there's beautiful world out there.


    And remember: you're awesome.
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  • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
    Originally Posted by funnelmentals View Post

    I wanted to trade forex, but I wanted to do many things I feel I have another purpose that's my own, and the byproduct is I'll be financially confident/secure the fear will be there I just have to fight through it
    Ok, but l wouldn't suggest Forex initially because of the big losses you can occur, and the ridiculous initial costs incurred by some traders.

    Trading is like any online business, hard and slow initially but you get better at it over time.

    And most newbies, eventhough some clearly have beginners luck on their side, also make a ton of mistakes and ultimately lose the lot.

    It is like they say, "l became an overnight success, but it took me a few years to do so"....
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    • Profile picture of the author funnelmentals
      I said I wanted... which is passed tense, that's not what I'm pursuing thanks for the advice
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  • Profile picture of the author Kay King
    I wanted to trade forex
    I have to ask....why? Because it looks like an easy way to get rich? Because you hang out on HYIP forums where people sell 'how to do Forex'?

    I honestly don't understand why anyone without significant funds and in depth understanding of economics would go anywhere NEAR Forex.

    I know some folks like to talk about it and think it sounds 'important' - but it's a quick trip to the poorhouse for dreamers and most who talk to you about it have something to sell you. If you are serious about living a better life - skip the get rich quick stuff.
    Signature

    Saving one dog will not change the world - but forever changes the world for one dog.
    ***
    Sometimes people come into your life and they need to stop doing that...
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    • Profile picture of the author funnelmentals
      Nobody promised me I would get rich quick. I dont even want to be rich lol
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  • Gotta figure Forex is when you bummed out after bein' dumped bcs you still chompin' on pizza flavors you hated till you met the loser.
    Signature

    Lightin' fuses is for blowin' stuff together.

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    • Profile picture of the author GordonJ
      Originally Posted by Princess Balestra View Post

      Gotta figure Forex is when you bummed out after bein' dumped bcs you still chompin' on pizza flavors you hated till you met the loser.
      Most don't want to chomp on anchovies on their pizza. I don't think you can have a decent slice without them.

      Forex, Crypto and much of IM is part of the CONtrepreneur crowd (good video at YT about this). All the right appeals to the right people who mostly NEVER get the results promised.

      The very few who do make it, become part of the contrepreneur crowd, in my opinion.

      GordonJ

      PS Self awareness might be the best tool to use to make any money making decisions.
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      • Profile picture of the author Odahh
        Originally Posted by GordonJ View Post

        Most don't want to chomp on anchovies on their pizza. I don't think you can have a decent slice without them.

        Forex, Crypto and much of IM is part of the CONtrepreneur crowd (good video at YT about this). All the right appeals to the right people who mostly NEVER get the results promised.

        The very few who do make it, become part of the contrepreneur crowd, in my opinion.

        GordonJ

        PS Self awareness might be the best tool to use to make any money making decisions.
        and the marketing of this stuff.. is based of selling a type of entrepreneurship that doesn't actually exist .. and ignoring the timescale ..that 99.9 percent of those who build wealth and keep it actually end up on.. the 10-30 years for there first million if they start from nothing .

        I love the contrapreneur term man .. haha

        hey you can go from flipping burgers .. to living in mansions and buying Farraris.. next year .gotta feed the dream ..

        poor people are poor because they are paid to do work ..that for the most part ..people would not want to do unless they where getting paid .. so poor people thinking .. is about how to get enough money .. not to have to work any more .

        rich people don't want to work the crappy jobs poor people have to work either.. so many create businesses to do work they actually like doing ..

        i guess there isn't much money in teaching people to like the work they do ..or work they will enjoy doing 60 hours or more a eek .. for the next 10, 20 or 30 years
        Signature

        "I just wanted a good job ,but i could not find a good job, So i do it myself"-Jack Ma

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      • Profile picture of the author OptedIn
        Originally Posted by GordonJ View Post

        Most don't want to chomp on anchovies on their pizza. I don't think you can have a decent slice without them.
        Can I get an, "Amen?"
        Signature

        "He not busy being born, is busy dying." - Bob Dylan • "I vibe with the light-dark point. Heavy." - Words that Bob Dylan wishes he had written.

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  • Profile picture of the author Kay King
    To the OP -

    I live in Ohio, too. After a beautiful day spent outdoors with family at a state park we were on the patio and my son (the weatherman) pointed to a dark, flat cloud in the sky. He said "that table cloud doesn't look good - I'm glad it's not headed this way".

    It was the storm that spawned tornadoes in 4 counties in and around Dayton, OH last night... An hour away from my home people were losing their homes last night.

    So - if you live in Ohio - and you didn't get 'tornado'd on' last night....you should be having a great day!
    Signature

    Saving one dog will not change the world - but forever changes the world for one dog.
    ***
    Sometimes people come into your life and they need to stop doing that...
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  • Profile picture of the author StevenKenneth
    "Everyone is born to die. But what we do is what matters.

    You may think you are the only one who's going through this, but I want, you to know that every single person on this Earth has asked themselves this question. What is the use of us being here?

    Take a year off and go travel. This is the best medicine you can get. Meet different souls and learn to appreciate the little things. They're not all that bad. We all take our meal for granted but only when we come to a point where we are hungry, but unable to eat do we realize the value of food. I never enjoyed sunrises or sunsets until I came across this blind person on the road one day. Now I make sure to be blessed for every sunrise and every sunset I see.

    Travel, meet more people. Since you're learning martial arts, safety should be promised. I've made it a point that if I ever feel suicidal in my life, then I would run. run away to see where the universe takes me rather than kill myself coz life is precious. And you'll only realize that when your loved ones die and you hear yourself crying as you've never seen yourself before.

    One can always start over. It is just a matter of heart to accept this. You don't need to prove it to anyone else but you.

    Don't give up."
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by StevenKenneth View Post

      "Everyone is born to die. But what we do is what matters.

      You may think you are the only one who's going through this, but I want, you to know that every single person on this Earth has asked themselves this question. What is the use of us being here?

      Humans are funny. "Why are we here?" "What is our purpose?"

      I've never thought about those questions.

      I'm hear because my parents had sex. And they were here because their parents had sex...and so on.Our genes (for whatever reason) want to reproduce. That sums it up for me.

      What's my "Purpose"? Whatever I decide it is, or no purpose at all. Most people are perfectly happy living lives without meaning, beyond the weekend, and an occasional vacation.

      What am I destined for? Whatever I decide I'm destined for. We make it all up to make us feel more important.

      We want to be accepted by others..and we want to feel special.

      Most of us never grow out of that stage.
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      • Profile picture of the author OptedIn
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        We want to be accepted by others..and we want to feel special.
        0 for 2. Keep up the good work.
        Signature

        "He not busy being born, is busy dying." - Bob Dylan • "I vibe with the light-dark point. Heavy." - Words that Bob Dylan wishes he had written.

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    • Profile picture of the author iceman78
      Great Advice!
      Signature

      Get A Rounder, Firmer, Stronger BUTT
      www.nice-glutes.com/

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    • Profile picture of the author funnelmentals
      Does running away help you?
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  • Gotta figure how WF's immaculately self-flourishin' underbelly is kinda crackin' off into action here as we strive beyond the personal to sum kinda EVRYWAN FIGURES stuffs.

    Ask an answerable question, prolly you gonna fill up on ansas better'n if you conjecture way stoopid stuffs, I dunno.

    Then you gotta choose, I guess.

    It is beyond doubt that we all so unique we got universal discourse possibilities with nowan specific-- less'n we servant or mastah out on the respective (an' frankly overpriced imho) costooms & accessories either proffered from on high or hand-crocheted from way down low (like mebbe you slay a cherished pet for its fur).

    That is why we step out from day to day in a confluxswarm fulla undeniable obviousness (kinda the Earth), undeniable Moistuffs (way I am, kinda hair so lank nowan gonna weave no rope from outta my ass after I'm slain, plus also I could way handle bein' less scrawny less'n it be Halloween bcs I ain't no one-day-in-the-year deathmonger cravin' actschwl unactional CARBS), plus ... an' I got aheada myself with that last parenthetical whatevah ... undeniable interaction between selfstuffs & non-selfstuffs, howevah conscious we are 'bout what is gowin' on in that Personal Synapse cum Hey These Jus' Random Atoms Swoilin' Round In The Cosmos, You Frickin' Ditz kinda Nowhole we all agree we inhabit -- least'n till mebbe next week.

    Meantime, forums is meet points, Aye or STFU.

    Can't say which way shit gonna swing, evah, but all myootualy agreed discourse -- even shoutin' yer tits off -- dialogs evrywan along, nextest steps.

    Interaction is pulse, I guess -- even if we trawlin' meditation gooroos gonna set us free on our idiosyncratically exotic pathway to solitood.

    That is why we all stoppin' by on change's exotica ... 'steada ossifyin' out into rock ... switchin' out IRL moments & moods & strategies ... even if they mainline super frequently around no kinda end-of-comment headline says

    Princess Balestra's Evry Post Confirms ...

    HEY, I'M NOT SO DUMB AFTER ALL!

    Tellya, ima addin' value to your very existence you ain't gettin' noplace else -- an' I would wanna figure this self-servin' hoobris is myootyool.

    If'n it ain't, quit bendin' ovah jus' cos I a Princess -- less'n you a prize-winnin' gymnast, or trashed to the floor by cyborg rhino hordes brandishin' max frickin' firepowah got your name on it ...
    Signature

    Lightin' fuses is for blowin' stuff together.

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    • Profile picture of the author GordonJ
      Originally Posted by Princess Balestra View Post

      Gotta figure how WF's immaculately self-flourishin' underbelly is kinda crackin' off into action here as we strive beyond the personal to sum kinda EVRYWAN FIGURES stuffs.

      Ask an answerable question, prolly you gonna fill up on ansas better'n if you conjecture way stoopid stuffs, I dunno.

      Then you gotta choose, I guess.
      WF underbelly = Safest port in the typhoon. Or as the Eagles may lament:
      "I guess every form of refuge has its price."


      GordonJ
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  • Profile picture of the author Just Curious 66
    You should care because The Master is there/
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  • Profile picture of the author spartan14
    Well let me tell you something ,nobody can hit you as hard as life but important its how much time you get hit and you keep going ,the words of silvester stalone . Now we get back to your problem ,the thing its that you used to teach your brain to accept this life of pain ,suference etc and its hard for you to make a change .The thing its how bad do tou want to make a change ? Be advise that this its not easy as your brain will try to bring you back in your comfort zone of pain suference etc .
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    • Profile picture of the author funnelmentals
      Exactly I gotten so use to misery, my mind sends a warning signal when I change patterns.
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    • Profile picture of the author funnelmentals
      Like you said though it's how bad I want to change. I didn't want it that bad before
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  • Profile picture of the author Kay King
    Who is missing? The person who asked the question that started this thread.
    Signature

    Saving one dog will not change the world - but forever changes the world for one dog.
    ***
    Sometimes people come into your life and they need to stop doing that...
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    • Profile picture of the author Mr Blip
      Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

      Who is missing? The person who asked the question that started this thread.

      His thread title was "Why should I care?".


      I hope this makes sense.
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    • Profile picture of the author funnelmentals
      I'm not missing
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  • Profile picture of the author Rob Hunsons
    Find your talent and do your best to leave that living condition.
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  • Profile picture of the author Immortal Fascist
    I lead a carefree life thanks to hypnotherapy.


    There is no problem that can't be solved.
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    • Profile picture of the author hardraysnight
      Originally Posted by Immortal Fascist View Post

      I lead a carefree life thanks to hypnotherapy.


      There is no problem that can't be solved.
      i lead a carefree life thanks to immoral fascism

      there is no problem that can be solved
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  • Profile picture of the author Medon
    At 28, you are still young my dear. You can become anything you want. Have you ever thought about Internet marketing? It can offer a permanent solution to your problem. All you need to do is get yourself started and you will be surprised. It is good that you are here. Read stories of people who have taken IM as a career. They make more than $2 K per month. Give it a shot.
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    • Profile picture of the author funnelmentals
      I use to see the cup half empty. Always saw the problem and not the solution. I am very familiar wi IM been learning f ok r some time haven't made anything happen yet though
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  • Profile picture of the author JUnderwood
    Your story is amazing. You are still very young and should not be disappointed in life. Start doing what you want. Above is a great tip about internet marketing.
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  • Profile picture of the author MaxFeerden
    You are still so young. You can find a business to your liking and start unscrewing it. There is a lot of work in the world, and especially in our time you can work on freelancing.
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    • Profile picture of the author funnelmentals
      Thanks, I want to learn advertising. Paid and organic

      I use to see the cup half empty. Always saw the problem and not the solution. I am very familiar wi IM been learning f ok r some time haven't made anything happen yet though

      I'm not missing

      Exactly I gotten so use to misery, my mind sends a warning signal when I change patterns.

      Like you said though it's how bad I want to change. I didn't want it that bad before

      Does running away help you?

      Nobody promised me I would get rich quick. I dont even want to be rich lol

      I said I wanted... which is passed tense, that's not what I'm pursuing thanks for the advice

      You're correct you don't know the intent, however instead of "worrying" so much about someones intentions wouldn't it be better to be the best you?

      I came back to the post to update everyone on where I am.

      Doesn't make a difference what you're talking about doesn't apply to me

      At the end of the day I'm not a fragile thinking individual. My emotions deserve work other than that I now know what opportunities are worth it


      [10 separate posts merged by moderator. Use quote function in Classic view for multiple responses]
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  • Profile picture of the author funnelmentals
    Came back to update everyone, some of you wondered the point if this post and all of you are correct( in a sense).

    I did post this out of pity, however I also posted because...

    1. I deserved a reality check

    2. I wanted to hear what I already knew but have not fully accepted yet

    3. I seriously was going to live on the streets

    4. I started becoming bitter and wanting people to die

    5. Getting a strangers opinion who doesn't know me or my intentions would tell me a lot about the energy I give off

    6. Actually venting to someone because I always at least put an effort in helping myself even if I'm out of it mentally

    7. I did want some advice I could take action on that same day I posted this

    That's all I can remember as to why I wrote this, but as far as where i am mentally is a lot better, this post was not in vain I'll say that.

    So far I have been unproductive the last month, for some reason my pattern is hitting plateaus after I am on a winning streak.

    I'll figure that out...

    I'm still figuring out my process, my only focus now is what I'm thinking about everyday.

    That was and is what has held me back this whole time.

    As far as my living situation I deal with it.

    I am slowing down on alcohol, especially since I can't afford it and my health is declining.

    To all who were legitimately giving me advice from their souls I love you guys.

    BTW someone thought I was a dude, nope I'm a female
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