62 {{ upvoteCount | shortNum }}
62 {{ upvoteCount | shortNum }}

For Beginning Marketers With Family Problems

by Steven Wagenheim
53 replies
If you're first starting out and running into a lot of negativity from members
of your family, other than your immediate family like wife, husband and
children, you need to cut these people out of your life.

I know. A little harsh. But trust me, if you allow these people to impose
their negativity on you, it will eat you alive and keep you from being
successful.

You're probably wondering why I am bringing this up now.

Well, I don't want to mention any names in public because I don't know
who will be reading this thread so let's call this a hypothetical story.

John Doe has a good job, but he hates it. He hates it so much that he is
thinking of leaving it and starting his own business online. But certain
family members tell him he's being irresponsible to give up a good paying
job to chase after a pipe dream. So John Doe keeps his job.

As a result, it's years before he gets into a business of his own and only
because that job that he hated he ended up losing anyway.

Had John Doe done what he wanted to do earlier, he would have been
successful a lot sooner. He should have cut these people out of his life
and done what HE wanted to do.

After all, it's HIS life and NOBODY has the right to tell him how to live it.

Now I know, there are going to be people here who are going to say...

1. You can't cut off your extended family.
2. You can't be irresponsible and give up your job.

And the "you can'ts" will certainly stack up to the ceiling.

However, I stand by what I say. It's John Doe's life and NOBODY has the
right to tell him how to live it.

So for those of you starting out, and I know you're running into this kind
of negativity because we've all been there, don't let it keep you from
going after your goal. Only YOU can decide when and if Internet marketing
is NOT for you. And it may not be. But don't let OTHERS make that
decision for you.

Because once they put you in the box and close the lid, that's it.

There are no second chances in this life.
#beginning #family #marketers #problems
  • Profile picture of the author Zach Booker
    Originally Posted by Steven Wagenheim View Post

    I

    There are no second chances in this life.
    Truer words have never been spoken, I agree 100%.
    People are ignorant to things that they don't understand.
    Everyone try asking a family member what they think of internet marketing and they will most likely say "whats that?" or "Isn't that scamming or something?".

    The only way to convince people that Internet marketing is a great way to make money is to show them the money. Literally

    Zach
    Signature
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[119659].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author TheRichJerksNet
      I agree 100% also.. Great post for newbies Steven.

      James
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[119676].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Julio
      That whole post was about me

      I'm new to internet marketing and the critizism i get in unbeliable.
      Signature
      DominioNombres.com Marketplace!
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[120144].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Thomas Wilkinson
    Hmmm, I'm thinking of an internet marketer whose boss
    called him in one day and told him to choose between
    selling cars, (his job), or internet marketing. He chose
    internet marketing and has done fairly well I think. His
    name is Mike Filsaime.

    T.W.
    Signature
    When you hear someone telling you what YOU can't do, they are usually talking about what THEY can't do.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[119685].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Estelle T. Dunomes
    Those just starting out would do well to run in "stealth" while they are building their online business. Of course, join the Warrior Forum and like forums with the same caliber of people who are serious about IM and can help lead the way.

    Negativity will be your lot when you share what you're doing in the wrong arena. When we give people an open door to walk through there is no way of knowing just what we'll get when they come through it. If, on the other hand, we remain the keeper of the door, we maintain control of what and who comes through it.

    All the best to everyone. You're in control; keep it!

    Estellle
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[119690].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author yaji
    Agreed. You control the way you wnated to live. Anyone can suggest anything but they cannot impose anything on you.

    But if it is your immediate family you'd be careful though...
    Signature

    Thanks, Yaji

    Hypnosis Weight Loss Fun Info about Hypnosis Weight Loss | Cheap Car Insurance
    Cat Dandruff All about Cat Dandruff. A Must-Read for Cat Lovers

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[119691].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Rachel Goodchild
    I say do it too
    I had people tell me I'd never make it
    Now theyask me how I did it- and tell me it's not fair it's worked

    I just tell them I'm a failure at having a "normal" life
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[119730].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Estelle T. Dunomes
    With immediate family, give them something to "bite" on but still be careful with sharing everything you're doing or working on.

    The closest people to you sometimes can deflate your drive to move forward. That's why one should shore up and fortify themselves with the likes of those successful frequenters of the WF. That way, you have some fortified food to chew on even while someone in your closest circle is attempting to discourage you.

    Sometimes you must do a great deal to encourage and strengthen your own heart and fortitude. Doing it here is a great way to stay focused. Whatever your strategy, keep your eye on the ultimate prize you're striving to achieve.

    Then, hit them with your success and explanation when your checks start to arrive or your PayPal account rockets into orbit.

    Win-Win!!
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[119742].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Daniel Scott
    Steven,

    I disagree with you. His family do have a right to tell him how to live it (to an extent), particularly if his current income is necessary to sustain a livable lifestyle.

    When we have children, we have a responsibility to them. Period. Nothing's saying you can't work at IM in your free time but you still have to meet the needs of your family - not only financially, but emotionally, physically, spiritually, whatever.

    You can't get married and tell someone you're going to do one things, have kids with them and then just completely throw out anything you've said and any promises you've made out the window.

    I know your post (probably) wasn't intended that way, but I just thought I'd add this in in case anyone had the brilliant idea of quitting their job tomorrow with no plan, no savings, and no PROVEN success to back them up.

    -Dan
    Signature

    Always looking for badass direct-response copywriters. PM me if we don't know each other and you're looking for work.

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[119904].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author jhongren
      Because once they put you in the box and close the lid, that's it.
      Many times we just have to move on and act as if the negativity is not there.

      I know it is hard and that is why it is always helpful to have like-minded people around you to remind you of your purpose and your dreams.

      That is why I like hanging around in Warrior Forum. (It keeps me sane. :p )

      Cheers,
      John
      Signature
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[119925].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Kevin Caldbeck
      Howdy

      What would be even better is to get his family involved some how. I have really been trying to get my wife involved with what I do. At least she doesn't complain about the time I spend on the computer.

      If/when the choice to keep working or give up the JOB comes I am sure she will support it.

      Kevin
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[119931].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author JasonKing
      Originally Posted by Daniel Scott View Post

      Steven,

      I disagree with you. His family do have a right to tell him how to live it (to an extent), particularly if his current income is necessary to sustain a livable lifestyle.

      When we have children, we have a responsibility to them. Period. Nothing's saying you can't work at IM in your free time but you still have to meet the needs of your family - not only financially, but emotionally, physically, spiritually, whatever.

      You can't get married and tell someone you're going to do one things, have kids with them and then just completely throw out anything you've said and any promises you've made out the window.

      I know your post (probably) wasn't intended that way, but I just thought I'd add this in in case anyone had the brilliant idea of quitting their job tomorrow with no plan, no savings, and no PROVEN success to back them up.

      -Dan
      I agree. Steven's advice is dangerous. People have responsibilities. Kids to raise in a loving home etc. You can't just throw that away on a whim.

      Besides, people don't need to cut off their family. If they want to start a business, they should just go ahead and do it. Blaming your spouse or family or whatever is just an excuse for inaction.
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[120079].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Nick Brighton
      I totally agree with this:

      Originally Posted by Daniel Scott View Post

      Steven,

      I disagree with you. His family do have a right to tell him how to live it (to an extent), particularly if his current income is necessary to sustain a livable lifestyle.

      When we have children, we have a responsibility to them. Period. Nothing's saying you can't work at IM in your free time but you still have to meet the needs of your family - not only financially, but emotionally, physically, spiritually, whatever.

      You can't get married and tell someone you're going to do one things, have kids with them and then just completely throw out anything you've said and any promises you've made out the window.

      I know your post (probably) wasn't intended that way, but I just thought I'd add this in in case anyone had the brilliant idea of quitting their job tomorrow with no plan, no savings, and no PROVEN success to back them up.

      -Dan
      At the end of the day Steven, I agree with you in principle. But if you just go out on a whim and start losing bread off the table and shut your family out because you're working round the clock and sacrificing quality time with friends and family, then you've got issues.

      Your family DO have the right to have a say in what you do with your life. Sorry if that hurts some people's idea of responsibility, but that's life.

      If you don't want to be held up for everything you do, then don't get married and don't have tiny mouths to feed, and if you do, make sure they know what you're already planning or doing without dropping the bomb on family life 10 years later.
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[120150].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author discrat
    Originally Posted by Steven Wagenheim View Post

    If you're first starting out and running into a lot of negativity from members
    of your family, other than your immediate family like wife, husband and
    children, you need to cut these people out of your life.

    I know. A little harsh. But trust me, if you allow these people to impose
    their negativity on you, it will eat you alive and keep you from being
    successful.

    You're probably wondering why I am bringing this up now.

    Well, I don't want to mention any names in public because I don't know
    who will be reading this thread so let's call this a hypothetical story.

    John Doe has a good job, but he hates it. He hates it so much that he is
    thinking of leaving it and starting his own business online. But certain
    family members tell him he's being irresponsible to give up a good paying
    job to chase after a pipe dream. So John Doe keeps his job.

    As a result, it's years before he gets into a business of his own and only
    because that job that he hated he ended up losing anyway.

    Had John Doe done what he wanted to do earlier, he would have been
    successful a lot sooner. He should have cut these people out of his life
    and done what HE wanted to do.

    After all, it's HIS life and NOBODY has the right to tell him how to live it.

    Now I know, there are going to be people here who are going to say...

    1. You can't cut off your extended family.
    2. You can't be irresponsible and give up your job.

    And the "you can'ts" will certainly stack up to the ceiling.

    However, I stand by what I say. It's John Doe's life and NOBODY has the
    right to tell him how to live it.

    So for those of you starting out, and I know you're running into this kind
    of negativity because we've all been there, don't let it keep you from
    going after your goal. Only YOU can decide when and if Internet marketing
    is NOT for you. And it may not be. But don't let OTHERS make that
    decision for you.

    Because once they put you in the box and close the lid, that's it.

    There are no second chances in this life.

    Yeah, it can be frustrating and I know exactly what you are saying. But honestly from my own experience you really don't have to take it this far with getting rid of family and friends. The way I deal with it is I personally just don't divulge too much info. of any projects or new business endeavours that I am undertaking to any of my friends and family. If I do, its in a very low keyed manner .
    I found out in the past if you get overly excited and profess the Greatness of a new found business to friends and family thats when negativity and ignorance will creep in.


    My advice: keep your nose to the grindstone and be a 'silent' producer. Do it Slowly, quietly, and without acclaim and eventually you will have a nice treasure chest full of gold coins .


    Remember, its all about using discretion and if used properly you dont have to sever ties with people in the manner you are talking about.


    In the end Success is the sweetest revenge.
    And when you are successful then you can really go all out and show those 'debbie downers' the huge treasure chest you now have
    Signature

    Nothing to see here including a Sig so just move on :)

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[119927].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author derekwong28
    Steven, I have been in both ends of things: as a person who gave up a job and as an extended family member telling others not to. I really think it depends on the individual situation.

    As you rightly pointed out before in a previous thread. There are just people who cannot do well in IM or any other type of business because they are extremely gullible to susceptible to being scammed. For example, I have a relative who has been repeatedly scammed by offline MLM opportunities, who is a heavy gambler, and ends up borrowing from triads and loan sharks from time to time. Guess who has to bail him out each time? It is his extended family of course. Therefore I think his extended family has every right to persuade him against making risky choices

    -Derek
    Signature

    Do not get between a wombat and a chocolate biscuit; you will regret it dearly!

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[120069].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Vince Runza Online
      Here's a quote from a phone interview I did with Anna Johnson a few months ago. She had a list of question, to which I offered some "Smart Aleck" answers at the end of the interview:

      12. If you could give people one piece of advice on how to achieve their goals, what would it be?
      A. Don't tell your friends and family what they are until after you've reached them.
      Signature
      "The will to prepare to win is more important than the will to win." -- misquoting Coach Vince Lombardi
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[120076].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Andyhenry
    Hi Steven,

    You're probably sick of me coming in as Devils Advocate on subjects like this but I want to do it again this time for the purpose of balancing this issue.

    I should say at this point that I have never actually had any negativity from my family members relating to anything I've ever wanted to do with my life - they have always known that I make my own choices and travel my own path, so know better than to say anything negative about any goals I have.

    However - I have had a lot of friends who have been given some severely limiting beliefs by well-meaning family members.

    It's easy to say cutting people out of your life is wise if they are doubters or are questioning your goals - and some situations is actually is logical advice.

    However - There really are people around who make poor choices about their life and getting what they want, and even have screwed-up priorities.

    So if someone is looking at their life from a negative perspective and they're not used to relying on themselves for responsibility and results of their actions, it can be easy for them to decide that these negative family members are to blame for their failure and cutting them out is a good idea.

    Unfortunately, quite often these peoples family are actually caring people who have the benefit of a clear perspective and are probably more aware of the reasons for that persons failure than the person themself.

    I love helping people and I've always been an advocate of going for your goals despite discouraging comments from others - but I know that for ME that is good advice because I am a very independant person and I take responsibility for the results I get - especially when they're not good.

    This ability to maintain perspective when things go wrong is not something everyone has. In fact, it's quite unusual for most people to be able to keep a positive and focused mindset when life throws you a curveball. This is where friends and family come into their own and can support you in ways that are more powerful than any other experiences in life.

    Cutting people out of your life when you're in an emotionally vulnerable time (like stressed with your job and looking for other options) may be the worst thing you can do.

    So while I believe that illiminating negative influences is fundamentally a good strategy - it is YOU that defines positive and negative, so the advice should also be tempered with knowledge that choices made while emotional are usually not as rational as when you're in a more effective mindset - so don't be too hasty to cut people out by deciding that they're in some way responsible for your results (or lack of).

    There are two sides to every coin and this is no exception.

    Andy
    Signature

    nothing to see here.

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[120108].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author mike5941
    Yikes! Steven that's scary - you could be describing my life!!

    I have personally given up trying to convince friends and associates of the merits of IM. When presented with examples and reasoning and logic they readily agree it is possible..... But I never ever seem to walk away from such a discussion without hearing the equivalent of "...but you or I can never do that!"

    My wife tolerates it and never hassles me with negative feedback...but on the other hand stops short of positive involvement.

    I guess the only hope is to recruit the next generation- plant the seed in the kid's minds while they still dare to dream
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[120111].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Rich Muir
    Hey so relate to the whole post, but no matter be it IM or any other chance at following a dream that is not covered by the whole "matrix" of what is the norm will get negative feedback. What is it Fear!

    Most people dont want you to succeed, horrible but true. Obviously family want certain success to come our way but when you make it stand it can make all vulberable. I have 3 kids left and industry where earning solid 6 figure incomes, driving benz, owning houses to selling house gowing into business (traditional) and also IM.

    Copped plenty of grief and at times plenty of pain but my vision is my path and if I go back to comforming to a life I dont want to live what am I really telling my children about their dreams!

    So I say $%^* it take a stand go for it and remember failure is another chance for successs.

    Rich
    Signature
    www.getsuccessdownloads.com For Free downloads from success gurus
    Register A New Company Taking the hassle out of new company start ups
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[120199].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author roguemarketer
    Wow, I can't believe the advice, "cut these [negative] people out of your life?"

    Where are you going to go? Heaven?

    Iron sharpens Iron, and negative people actually help you to grow further. If all you had around you was "yes" people you would not grow. In fact, the negative people, it can be argued, help us more than positive people.

    Life is about balance. Fifty percent of the people around us will be positive, and 50% of the people around us will be negative. Unhealthy and illusionary thinking is siding with one of them.

    As soon as someone says to me, "I'm always positive," they are denying half of themselves (the 50% negative half) and they are actually attracting more negativity into their lives. That which we deny, we attract. Hence, the author of this thread is completely off base.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[120202].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Steven Wagenheim
      I want to thank everybody who has contributed their insights to this post,
      even those who have said I am completely off base. Thank you.

      Before I make my final comments, I want to address Andy's post.

      Andy, you've made me see a side of this that I had not considered. Yes,
      some people are not emotionally capable of making a rational decision and
      do need to listen to others with a clear head. Excellent point and thank
      you for contributing. Your comments are always welcome and you always
      give me something to think about. Believe it or not, I consider you one of
      the wisest people on this forum.

      Now, here are my final comments to everybody else.

      I was expecting more negativity that I got in this thread. I purposely
      worded things in order to invoke strong emotional reactions. I was
      actually expecting some people to call me an idiot and irresponsible for
      giving such reckless advice and calling me a family killer in the process.
      So the tempered responses have been a surprise.

      Point is, I no longer let negativity into my life and no longer allow people
      who call me off base, irresponsible, or an idiot, to bother me any longer.
      Normally, I'd respond to these people with a terribly defensive post and
      then we end up getting into a heated argument.

      But those days and that old Steven Wagenheim are long dead and gone.

      I thank you all for your feedback and for contributing.

      See, we can agree to disagree without beating each other up in the
      process.
      Signature
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[120275].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author waken
    Negativity is not a big concern to determined people but below 2 are:

    1) Time mgmt - A lot of people do not know how to manage their time. While time is the greatest asset, not being able to manage it properly will bring down productivity in all respect.

    2) Existing commitment / responsibility / burden - A first look at the title suggest that you're going to share some tips or insight....

    Not everybody would be fortunate enough to quit their day job whenever they wish and start IM right away. There are a lot of people who are still living paycheck to paycheck. A month without a paycheck can get them into real problem that most are reluctant to risk.

    Coz most people live for another person. Isn't that the main reason why people involve in IM in the first place. To have more time to spend with love one and family and a better living lifestyle.

    And I learnt that most people who started IM do not know how to balance between their time with the PC and family and thus creating a lot of unnecessary negativity as you said..

    So, learn time management and I'm sure no family member would ado..
    Signature

    *** Providing Quality PLR & MRR Since 2006 > Click Here to test Drive for FREE < For a LIMITED Time Only ***

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[120457].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author IMChick
    Steve,

    What a Sunday morning instigator you are! Thanks for starting the thread.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[120466].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Sylvia Meier
    Steven, I agree with you for the most part.

    Although there are parts of our families we cannot cut out, like our spouses and dependent children, we can still cut out the negativity of other family members who already play a lesser role in our daily lives.

    I hardly speak to my extended family anymore because after a long horrible string of events I said I am better than this and I don't want negativity in my life anymore. And you know what? I haven't spoken to most of them in over a year and my life is on track and headed up instead of being brought down all the time by mindless squabble and negativity over where I came from and that I will never make it (mostly because they never did.) I think a lot of the negativity we get from our families is a result of their own shortcomings at something they have tried or failed to try at all, so they don't believe you can do it either.

    One word of caution though, when you do make it, wait for the vultures to appear out of the wood work. They don't want to support you in what you are doing but they sure as heck will spend your money or beg you for it.

    Thank you for another great post.

    Sylvia
    Signature
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[120470].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Kay King
      Why is there such a need for "approval" in the first place? John Doe could start an online business in his spare time and quit his job when the business if earning enough to make it a logical move. If he is moving to a new career in a logical, practical way - negativity would not be a problem.

      If you must ask everyone you know whether you should do something - or if you feel the need to convince them of what you are "going to accomplish", the problem is you, not them.

      Many get caught up in the excitement and potential of IM - and argue the benefits with everyone they know. They will talk about how much money there is in IM and how great it is to work at home - long before they've accomplished anything. Not hard to see why friends might be skeptical. We've all known someone who can talk of nothing but his latest "big idea" or "big plan" for days - only to move on to the next "big idea".

      I would never cut people from my life because they didn't approve of everything I do - but I don't feel the need to tell everyone I know what I'm doing either.

      Andy made a great point:

      Unfortunately, quite often these peoples family are actually caring people who have the benefit of a clear perspective and are probably more aware of the reasons for that persons failure than the person themself.
      When people who know you very well have a problem with what you are doing or planning - it's wise to look closely at what they see in you rather than dismiss them as "negative".

      If you are already successful online and close family members feel you spend too much time, attention and emotion on business - they may be right and you may be missing balance in your life.

      kay
      Signature
      Saving one dog will not change the world - but the world changes forever for that one dog
      ***
      One secret to happiness is to let every situation be
      what it is instead of what you think it should be.
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[120619].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author Vince Runza Online
        Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

        When people who know you very well have a problem with what you are doing or planning - it's wise to look closely at what they see in you rather than dismiss them as "negative".

        If you are already successful online and close family members feel you spend too much time, attention and emotion on business - they may be right and you may be missing balance in your life.
        Two very good points! I was definitely guilty of the first, for decades: jumping into things without a clearly defined plan. As for the second, while I'm working long, hard hours now, it's for the freedom and liberty that will come once my business is fully automated...
        Signature
        "The will to prepare to win is more important than the will to win." -- misquoting Coach Vince Lombardi
        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[120629].message }}
        • Profile picture of the author Sarah Harvey
          If you can heartlessly cut out people you love from your life, then let me tell you what you do NOT have:

          1) Patience. It takes patience to be the best you can be. Success isn't gained overnight and the people that you love, will not understand immediately. Remember, let's say you have kids... if you decided to start a business after having kids and got married, and you change your lifestyle and how you are with your family...can you honestly blame them? You took vows to stand by your partner's side and live through the good and worse. I have seen many marriages break up because the people that loved them from the start just needed understanding, but through lack of communication and various other things it ended badly. Imagine how unfair that would be to your significant other as well. When you married them, they did not imagine for one second that you would want to leave a stable environment and just start a business that is rather unpredictable. In this day and age you cannot blame a person for wanting a stable marriage with a stable income. So before judging people like that, place yourself in that position. If you have a partner that understands from the get-go then congratulations! Because even my own husband doesn't believe in Internet Marketing or starting a business. No matter how much money he needs or wants, he doesn't trust it. He has good reason to as he has known people who failed miserably in starting a business. Someone I know who's father runs his own business has basically run his business for over 15 years and believe me when I tell you that he still does not have common business sense and is absolutely terrible at it. His previous profession as a professor in an university paid him more than his current business does. How much of a failure is that? I am not saying people are all failures, but if you decide to run your business it WILL affect those closest to you.

          2) You will ultimately lose the people you love and therefore you will be unloved. I am sorry to say this...but if you want to be another Rich guy with a young wife that only loves your money, then go ahead. No one is stopping you. But one day you will realise that love cannot be obtained through money or success. That is a false notion and to be honest only men that have no respect or need of love go that way. They can even buy sex. I guess some people love that

          So what can you do? Start proving people wrong. You need to make a success of yourself to prove that it can be done. But before that you need to be patient with the people you love and your friends, because yes, they will not understand. But with communication and action it can be done.

          But a lot will be said for what I just said above... because some people want to start a business and takes years and months... always promising and always not getting anywhere. If you as a person cannot start a business and make it profitable within 6 months then I would advise a person to start looking for a job and working on your business part-time. You cannot expect a wife or husband to stand by your side while a marriage is breaking down or your children isn't getting quality time from you, because of starting a business.

          In my own opinion, start being a success when you are young and worry about having a family later on. That is my own opinion. I know it cannot be the same for others, but you have to realise where people are coming from. Of course if you have friends that are negative, you have to see there is also the fact that they are a) looking out for your best interest, or b) They are jealous because they themselves have never achieved anything in their live and therefore do not want you to be a success. As for partners... be patient and be understanding. As I said, if you can't make it within six months, you are in the wrong line of business
          Signature
          "Find the problem and provide the solution."
          {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[120724].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Suthan M
    Very good thread Steven.

    I used to have the exact problem of this sorts months ago, and i nearly killed my IM career if not for the support of some amazing people who helped me look beyond the situation that i was going on.

    People us wont realize the pressure and negativity that this people evoke unless they have been in the situation before.

    From being in the shoe before, my advice to those who are going thru the predicament is just : Stay strong, , let the "hater"s talk( thats why they are there for), and prove them wrong big time.
    Signature

    Whats the latest movie you watched? Anything good?

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[120682].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author jjpmarketing
    I'm a failure at a "normal" life.
    Exactly what I would say.

    cutting family members out
    I can understand why, but yet don't agree with this. Family is family, and a lot of times it is difficult to mend bridges already burnt to the ground.

    I have been fortunate as the family members that matter most to me, know what I am doing and don't give negative comments about it. I also take a different strategy with people I know whom have negative attitudes. I tell them a little, and leave it at that.

    If they become inquisitive I just change the subject. Based on my history with them I know they will eventually end up spitting out negative comments about it. So I take the mentality, "a battle never fought, is a battle you will never lose".

    All the while in this process I have burned zero bridges with anyone in my family or cirlce of friends. You just have to learn how to communicate effectively with the people in your life. Some you will be able to divulge all the details, while others you will have to filter out comments they make and provide limited information to them.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[120738].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Ricter
      Without writing a long answer, which I don't have time for at the moment, your entire argument (but not necessarily your point) falls apart if the premise "he would have been successful" is not true. That premise expresses total certainty, which no one can have.

      Thought provoking, thank you, Steven.
      Signature

      - For your import/export/customs questions or problems, send PM.

      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[120781].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author nick1123
    Great advice Steven.

    I have family members that tell me not to give up the day job, and stuff like that.

    I end up not sharing my IM doings with them.
    Signature
    How to Rank #1 in Google [Step by Step SEO Instructions] - No email required
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[120767].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Trenz
    The post that Steven wrote is true, at least for me. I am just 18 y.o. and you can just imagine the reaction of my parents when they "caught me by hand" when I was getting my clickbank check out of my mailbox. They still are negative, my friends are negative, it's just, everyone around me has already planned my life. They all have planned that I will get a good job, work 9-5 till I'm 65, and die happy.

    My plans are "180", I have never planned my life like that, when everyone around is telling you "you can't do it dude, just get some good grades at school" it just eats you from the inside.

    But now I have learned how to change this negativism into positive things, and I actually make more money ever since I have learned to do this, and everyone else, well.. they can just shut up and eat my dust. This is my life, and I will have to live it, I will have to deal with the outcome of my actions, and no one else, and nobody has the rights to tell/teach me how to live my own life, or how to plan my own life.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[120854].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Stallion
    Your family ends up giving you the most crap. I've heard this saying a lot, "You don't have a real job" or they'll say it a different way "... I have a real job". And they don't mean it in a cute 'you work for yourself' kind of way. They try to imply you're pissing away your time screwing around on the internet.

    I do agree with both sides though, but I think Steven's point still come through. It isn't about being reckless and quiting your job with nothing in the bank to pursue your dream. It's about not letting other people put you down and spending the rest of your life living your life for the sake of others.

    I think you should always pursue your dream, but that doesn't mean you have to just immediately cut quit your job. I think it's up to you to assess what is going on and make the best decision. Obviously if you're a single person, with no real obligations than it's easy as pie to quit your job. It's obviously harder if you have a family to support.

    If you have a family, save up some money, and work at it on the side. Once you got 6 months of expenses saved up, quit away.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[120888].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author TiffanyLambert
    I think "cut them out of your life" isn't necessary, though Steven. In my opinion, if you don't have the balls (sorry) to do what you want and need to do then you probably wont be very successful in this industry anyway.

    I think many people are just ignorant about IM so when a man has a wife and newborn baby (as an example) and suddenyl pipes up at Thanksgiving that he's going to quit his job and make money online, it makes sense that they'd be concerned.

    I'd recommend educating them about it, allaying their conerns, and then moving forward with your dreams - regardless of what they say. But if you let them beat you down into quitting on your dreams, then that kind of mindset doesn't make a very promising marketer.

    My $0.01 - I didn't have time to put $0.02 in there.
    tiff
    Signature
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[120896].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author cypherslock
    Well, sure you took vows but so did they. My wife is currently a Pampered Chef consultant, and I, in IM. We both support each other and are positive about it. If you're spouse is not supportive of what you do (I know of one guy that has a fulltime job and this is the case) then there needs to be discussion on where you will go and if it will be together or not. Just because you take a vow and marry does not mean you give up on having your own business. And having your own business does not mean you don't look after your spouse and kids. And to imply that this is the case is offensive. It is harder than any job you will have. And there will be times when you won't get to spend the amount of time with your kids you want. But I challenge anyone to find a job where they don't expect that and MORE. At least with your own business you have a say.

    If anyone is negative, then just don't spend much time with them and don't talk about what you do. Most people DO NOT want you to massively succeed, as that proves that you can do what they cannot. Don't listen to them. Instead, be successful on your terms and no one else's. Too much money is not possible. Once you change your thinking about success and what it takes you may also find that the people you used to "hang out" with disappear to be replaced byt the people you wish to become. I'm finding that now, and I'm ok with it. The nice thing is my wife is all for it. I'm very lucky!
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[121667].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author ThomasW
    The best response it to become amazingly successful and let them see how focus, determination, willpower,persistence, and talent will always overcome small mindedness.
    Signature
    http://best.mover.ever.com
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[137455].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Karen Blundell
      Steven,

      I can really relate to your post. I have been self-employed since 1997. It has not always been smooth-sailing and some friends of mine said to me "so, Karen, when are you going to get a real job?" One "friend" brought up the fact that I quit a "stable" job in the Canadian Federal Government to pursue my dream of running my own business. She said I was being irresponsible because I have a son to raise (he's now 16).

      But by working for myself, I was able to work when I wanted to, so that I could be there for all of those school trips, and so many other after school things. So even though finances were a little tight, we were rich. We have an awesome mother-son relationship because of the time I was able to invest in him when he was younger. And I wouldn't have traded that time for anything, certainly not for some awful civil servant job I detested.

      Despite all the negativity I encountered, I didn't give up - I do what I want and I certainly don't pay attention to critical people who have no idea how to run an internet business.

      So yeah, there are definitely people that you may need to say goodbye to in your journey toward success. That's alright though, because you will be naturally drawn to like-minded people, and you will make new friends.
      Signature
      ---------------
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[137575].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author vorales
    Originally Posted by Steven Wagenheim View Post

    If you're first starting out and running into a lot of negativity from members
    of your family, other than your immediate family like wife, husband and
    children, you need to cut these people out of your life.

    I know. A little harsh. But trust me, if you allow these people to impose
    their negativity on you, it will eat you alive and keep you from being
    successful.

    You're probably wondering why I am bringing this up now.

    Well, I don't want to mention any names in public because I don't know
    who will be reading this thread so let's call this a hypothetical story.

    John Doe has a good job, but he hates it. He hates it so much that he is
    thinking of leaving it and starting his own business online. But certain
    family members tell him he's being irresponsible to give up a good paying
    job to chase after a pipe dream. So John Doe keeps his job.

    As a result, it's years before he gets into a business of his own and only
    because that job that he hated he ended up losing anyway.

    Had John Doe done what he wanted to do earlier, he would have been
    successful a lot sooner. He should have cut these people out of his life
    and done what HE wanted to do.

    After all, it's HIS life and NOBODY has the right to tell him how to live it.

    Now I know, there are going to be people here who are going to say...

    1. You can't cut off your extended family.
    2. You can't be irresponsible and give up your job.

    And the "you can'ts" will certainly stack up to the ceiling.

    However, I stand by what I say. It's John Doe's life and NOBODY has the
    right to tell him how to live it.

    So for those of you starting out, and I know you're running into this kind
    of negativity because we've all been there, don't let it keep you from
    going after your goal. Only YOU can decide when and if Internet marketing
    is NOT for you. And it may not be. But don't let OTHERS make that
    decision for you.

    Because once they put you in the box and close the lid, that's it.

    There are no second chances in this life.
    I think the best way not to inform them what we are doing. For me, I don't really explain to my family what I am doing but I didn't hide from them. My sister use to ask why I spend so much time on internet. I just answer that I am doing my business.

    I also don't really exposed to my offline friends. Just few of them who are looking for the opportunity. I will never talk about my online business to my relative.

    I think we don't have to disclose everything to those family members or relative. If they are computer illiterate and know nothing about IM, they will surely give a negative impact on us.
    Signature
    Vorales.com - Build your health and wealth
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[148564].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Delta423
      I'm one of those beginners and I think people may not believe I can do it. But its my decision and they really can't stop me. So heres to success.

      Delta
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[289649].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author wooosta
        i agree with zach booker on this one everybody who doesnt see conclusive evidence of your cash flow immidietly will claim it as spam.

        the best way to turn their minds around on your favour is to show them the cold hard cash!

        -carl
        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[289725].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author jjasmern
    Thank you. I'm just starting out and my family just doesn't understand. They want me to give up on this and get a "normal job". I'm having a great time and am beginning to see things happen. It's nice to get encouragement from people who do understand.
    Signature
    Home Business Ideas And Opportunities
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[290415].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Jason Kanigan
    Even when you DO make good money online, those same negative people will continue to tell you that you need to get a regular job. These people equate a job with safety, even though you can get laid off or fired from a job at any time, and will never understand how strong that making your own money will make you feel. So don't expect them to quiet down for more than a week or two once you "show them the money."

    Lee McIntyre is a pretty well-known UK IMer, and his family STILL tells him to "get a job" back in teaching or accounting or law--one of the previous fields he's worked in--even though he rakes in a million or more a year.

    I don't think "balance" is possible, either. If you've got a product or skill that is in demand, you're still going to spend the first two months glued to your computer! "Somebody" is going to want to know what the heck you are doing there for so darn long. Building a business of any kind takes commitment and a certain kind of obsession, at least in the beginning. The key is to not tie yourself into the fulfillment of whatever your business does for your customers...so that you can free yourself of it later and maybe even sell it.

    For those who realize they are getting defensive, really defensive, when put on the spot by their "well-meaning" friends and family members about making money online: try this. Every time you meet one of them, remind yourself that they are probably going to take a pot shot at you about IM. Expect it. Tell yourself, "I'm not going to get into an argument." Smile to yourself when they bring it up. It's all right--this is exactly what you expect them to do. Then respond with a featherweight "happy trails" reply. Sounds like:

    "So...you're still trying that online thing? You know, I read that 9 out of 10 people who try never make a dollar doing that. Why don't you get a real job?"

    (This would normally sting, and make you lash out in reaction, but this time you're ready. You expect this kind of thing, and smile inwardly. It's actually kind of funny. What the heck do they know about IM, really? They read one article?)

    "Oh, hey, thanks for asking about it. Things are going OK."

    Try moving the conversation to another subject. Should they persist, you could say (not snarkily!)

    "I appreciate your concern. If it turns out I need help getting a job, I'll talk to you right away. All right?"

    Regardless of what you say, anyhow, if you remember that they are very likely going to say something about you being in IM, and affirming to yourself that you're not going to get into an argument, then you're much more likely to have a relaxed encounter.
    Signature
    >> How To Grow Your Online Business [FREE Training Video, No Opt-In, from 10+ Year Vet]

    >> For Agency Founders: The Fast Shortcut To Selling SEO, Leadgen, Webdesign & Other Services
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5177367].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author DanEitreim
    Too many people feel free to give advice...usually negative, particularly when they are secretly afraid someone will be more successful than they are.

    Here is a saying I really like..."Don't take advice from anyone who isn't already where you are trying to go."
    Signature
    Our photos are our most prized possessions! Learn how to do better photography regardless of type of camera and amount of experience!
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5180312].message }}

Trending Topics