When bad things happen to good people

To be honest, my first thought has always been to get angry and want to quit. It's hard to fight through it, but you just have to take a step back, try and see what went wrong, and fix it.

Matt

face it, and deal with it how ever painful.

I most of the time feel angry when bad things happen then I think, plan and consider the opinion of others.

I'm very new to the Warrior Forum but I hope I can contribute to this discussion.

I'd just like to say that when bad things happen, as they so often do to good people, it may be a good thing to face the problem with courage and fortitude. Sometimes being stoic isn't an easy thing to do but it could be a wise option depending on the circumstances.

I remember watching an episode of History Channel where it compared the Great Depression with the current recession in the US and how the lessons learned in the past, to some extent, were applied to the present.

What was most disturbing were the scenes from the Depression of the never ending bread queues, the absolute wretchedness of people flung into the street with their worldly belongings as their homes were foreclosed, of grimy little children staring out of one room tin or canvas shacks, of the haunted look on the faces of men desperate for work and of the women who had no where to go.

Yes, bad things happen to good people. All the time. And many times, people rise to meet the challenge, no matter how heavy the load they bear.

Wishing you peace ~

Renee

I get "numb" initially if bad things happen to me, then acceptance comes after that.. Logic comes after and I try to sort out why these things happen to me.. After getting over the "shock." I formulate solutions to the problem and start over from again.. Bad things happen to us, it's part of the natural law of life..

There are no mistakes. Consider this story. It's been around a while but helps to put things into great perspective.

A wise old Chinese rancher loved two things dearly in this world, his son and a lively stallion. One day the stallion broke loose and ran off and all of his neighbors said, "How awful!" The old rancher just said, "Perhaps."

Two days later the stallion returned with a beautiful young horse. And his neighbors all said, "How wonderful!" The old rancher just said, "Perhaps."

The following day the rancher's son was attempting to train the young horse and fell to the ground breaking a leg. And again, his neighbors all said, "How awful!" And again, the wise rancher just said, "Perhaps."

Several days later soldiers came looking for young men to fight in the war. And because the rancher's son had a broken leg, he was passed over. And his neighbors said... Well, you get the idea.

The story could go on forever. No thing unto itself is good or bad. And there are no mistakes in the universe. How we deal with what happens matters most. Peace.

I used to get angry and fight Scott.

And it's actually been a hard thing for
me to overcome defaulting to that and
to find the motivation, still.

If you heard Michael Jordan's HOF
acceptance speech then you know
that approach might win some games
but ultimately produce a horribly miserable
human being.

I've learned that almost all *bad*
things end well depending how I deal
with it - (it's not just a cliche) when I
have a clarity and determination to
overcome it makes me stronger and takes
me closer to what I really want.

*Bad things* usually involve taking
something away, and usually that's
exactly what's needed to create the
space for what I want.

"It isn't until you've lost everything
that you're free to have anything." - Fight Club ;-)

Short of losing my wife or kids, I've
lost just about everything else at one
time or another - and something
better has always been the result.

For the record, I don't care to see
how losing my wife or any of my kids
would test me, thank you. :-)

X

i just know that it doesnt matter if your a good person or a bad person, bad stuff WILL happen to you period, there isnt a difference in how much it happens or anything, its just life, so deal with it and move on

Problems are the basis of growth and development.

When we have big problems, it just means that we have challenges that will help us when we solve them, to grow.
Problems are the basis of life. There is no need to hide from them.

My first step is to put things in perspective. How bad is this "bad thing," really? When we take a step back, we may see that the bad thing really isn't important. In that case, scrape it off your shoe and move on.

There are big, bad things that happen, though. When those things hit you have to deal with them. Whatever that means.

Even then, keep your perspective. As others have pointed out, troubles are usually temporary. And you often end up in a much better situation than you were in before.

In the words of the Serenity Prayer:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

When bad things happen I used to get angry and depressed, but after reading this email I received from a friend I had a lightbulb moment and I started to think differently. Here is the story.......

A 92 year old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with his hair fashionably combed and shaved perfectly even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today...
His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready. As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window. "I love it," he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year old just having been presented with a new puppy.
Mr. Jones, you haven't seen the room; just wait.
"That doesn't have anything to do with it," he replied. HAPPINESS IS SOMETHING YOU DECIDE AHEAD OF TIME. IT'S HOW I ARRANGE MY MIND Whether I like the room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged.. . I already decided to love it. It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do. EACH DAY IS A GIFT, AND AS LONG AS MY EYES OPEN, I'LL FOCUS ON THE NEW DAY AND ALL THE HAPPY MEMORIES I'VE STORED AWAY JUST FOR THIS TIME IN MY LIFE.
Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you've put in. So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories!
Thank you for your part in filling my Memory Bank. I am still depositing.
Remember the FIVE SIMPLE RULES to be HAPPY.

1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect Less

Can you imagine what the world would be like if we all thought this way. Have a wonderful day, unless you already have other plans.

Here's Scientific Fact on why bad things happen to good people, or anybody for that matter.

When you THINK negative thoughts you ATTRACT negative thoughts. Try it as an experiment for your self. If you say to yourself everyday, "I am a Winner" before you know it after a few weeks, you'll really start feeling like a winner.

You fake it till you make it and when you make it you keep the habit.

When bad things happen to people as they will on occasion the most important thing is how measured our response is. I would always caution against losing it, losing it can make a bad situation terrible!

As Kipling said;

If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two impostors the same

Thinking about may as give you the rest of this fabulous poem! Enjoy.

IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise: If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!


Brilliant!


Best wishes


mbrig

I'll usually wallow for a while. Then I get up and try again. I don't believe that if I fail once, then I'll fail again. I just have to keep trying.

I always try to fight back, what ever the odds are. That's life as we know it!

Here you go

@ Terra - No wonder I like you, you have a beautiful attitude.

Scott - It depends on the "bad thing" that happens. I've been around long enough that I'm pretty much always in control of my emotions, so I'm usually level headed about what "it" is. The last two times I remember reacting instead of responding was when my brother-in-law died, and I reacted in sorrow; and the other was when someone was trying to take advantage of a deaf mute, and I reacted in anger.

I guess what I usually do is try to look at the situation from a detached perspective so I can choose the best course of action. Things have a way of working out that way.

I'm new here so I hope no one minds my jumping in. When bad things happen to me I usually go through the normal "Why is this happening?' down in the dumps phase. Then I try to adjust my thinking to see what I can learn from the situation. Adversity almost always brings with it an opportunity. When things go wrong I have to adjust my thinking to the new position I find my self in. That can lead me to new solutions and open new doors.

Face it head on, then grow from the experience.

"Stuff happens. You deal."

Best stance ever.

I've found facing the
problem straight on
instead of burying it
allows me to relax and
live a happy life.

Hi everyone

I'm new here too but have had quite a few bad things happen in the past. The worst being my second husband who turned out to be a gambler who turned out to be violent as well after I got pregnant with my first baby. During the whole sorry affair I lost the home I'd had before I met him and had to terminate the baby at 18 weeks as he had no kidneys and would have died within an hour of being born and I couldn't face going through the rest of the pregnancy knowing that only to watch him die in my arms.

From being very confident and outgoing happy person I turned into a recluse who was afraid to go out(after I'd got him out and had an injunction against him) in case I bumped into him. DR's wanted to give me antidepressants but I refused and went and bought lots of self help books including some on nlp etc because I felt pills would only hide the problem not find the solution!!

Yes I was very afraid and it had started out as "why is this happening to me?" but then I got to the point of anger and determination that this nasty piece of work wasn't going to win over me! I was determined to come through it and not be a victim!

Within a year I had moved back to my parents, got a new job, started the divorce, and started to buy a new home to get back on the property ladder, and met a whole new set of friends and the man who is now my current and I believe final husband. I was also determined to not transfer my feelings about that one man onto others as if I did I would never meet anyone, fall in love and have my dream of a happy family.

I now have that dream with 2 gorgeous daughters aged 3 and 5 and am moving on to my next - becoming my own boss to work my hours around my girls and giving the family the financial security they deserve.

The upshot of it all is that if I had given up I wouldn't be where I am.

And if that bad stuff hadn't happened to me then I would never have met the man of my dreams and had a lovely family with him.

My attitude now is that if I can get through that I can get through anything!! I still get afraid of failing but always try to push myself through things despite my fear!!

I hope this wasn't too detailed or too long!

p.s. also once I am in the position to financially, I want to do something to help those people in abusive relationships who aren't strong enough to get out as quickly as I did. So hopefully my experience will help others one day.

Controlling your emotions is very important. Whatever happens to you, good or bad you should have the ability to accept it and face it with courage.

Bad things are only bad things if you label them as such. I prefer the term 'challenges'. Every challenge is a chance for me to grow. I just have to go through it.

I read this book when bad things happened to me.

How Did I Get Here by Barbara De Angelis

I'd say the best way is to face it. If you bury it, whatever problem you have is likely to build up in your head into something it isn't and seem ten times worse! Which in turn will only make it harder to face and so on...Eventually you'll be stressed about it all the time and won't be able to concentrate and apply yourself on anything properly until you decide to face the particular problems you had in the first place... So might aswell face it as soon as it comes up and save ourself a lot of hassle.

We have to face what happen to us. Run away from the problem won't solve the bad things. So just face with cool, calm and confident . There always be a sun after a very heavy rain and storm, Isn't It?

I guess its only human nature to get angry when something bad happens...but after the anger passes i think its important to face it and deal with it and then move on.

Do read about this lady About Heart To Heart Theresa Hsu who is now 113 years old. She is running a home for the sick and aged old folks. She is very kind right down to the core but the landowner( the late landowner's brother) is trying means to drive her out of the operations. The reason being she is sitting in a plot of land that worth great values. This is typical example of good people but bad things happen. All I can do is to help her to clear the barriers for donors who come in for a good cause and hopefully the authority will grant her the permission to do loading and unloading at her doorsteps.

I think that is an age old thought... I think the best way is to deal with it and stay as strong as you can without breaking.

Strength and will power are very important I would say.

As you do all that you can to continue to meet goals and exceed them there will be obstacles and problems that arise, but that does not negate your original work and goals.

One needs to see obstacles as an unfortunate but necessary thing to be encountered in the world, in all kinds of ways; for instance, just as on your way to your destination down the street you might be set back with traffic in your way, that does not meet you will not ultimately reach your destination if you really want to get there.

Obviously easier said than done, but I also believe that you just have to keep going. I like the saying "after every dark night, theres a bright day".