3 Questions You Should Ask Yourselves About Your Friends

24 replies
This is something that very few people talk about when it comes to making money or running an online business. But, your peer group is critical to your success.

Experiments have shown how peer pressure can influence individuals to change their minds from what they know for sure is acceptable behaviour to unacceptable behaviour just because everybody else in their peer group is doing it.

For example:

- You probably started to smoke because your friends had tried it or smoked themselves.

- You joined activities because everybody in your circle was doing it.

Here are three questions that you should ask yourself about your friends and peer groups:

1. Do They BELIEVE That They CREATE Their Life Or Life Just Happens To Them?

We all have friends who are professional excuse makers. They hate their jobsbut can't leave because... [fill the blank]. They can't find a partner because all the good members of the opposite sex have already been taken. Of course, **** happens and I'm not telling you that I never suffered from bad luck myself. But, my motto always is "how do I create that in the first place?" I learn my lessons and then move on. If your peer group is adept at blaming everything but themselves for their lack of success, wealth, accomplishment or happiness, then it's time to think about another group.

2. Are They Anti-Commercial?

Let's be honest. As entrepreneurs we have to develop a reasonable desire for money, profit and growth. It's hard to keep a positive outlook on business and money when your friends keep trashing about rich people, corporations and give you a 100 reasons why "the rich get richer and the poor get poorer". I used to have a great friend who kept telling me that he was "disgusted" by my headlines and that outsourcing was a sign of "laziness". I'm not even talking about the idea of making hundreds of dollars in a day. I had to progressively let him go. It's just logic 101. You can't run a business with people around you resenting the idea of making money, promotion and leverage.

3. Do They do What They Say They Will Do, When They Say They Will?

We all know people who have track records, keep their word and do what they say they'll do, when they say they'll do it. They're people I respect. You'll certainly expect this behaviour in business or at work. So, why do you accept it with your friends? Lack of integrity is the shortest route to mediocrity and poverty. Don't associate yourself with these kinds of people.


It takes courage to let go of unproductive and/or toxic relationships. We're all hard-wired to be desperately liked and to fit in. Do it progressively by reducing the amount of time spent with them and revealing less and less about your life to these people.

As you move forward, and your business grows, your peer group will change and you will attract people in harmony with your goals and values.
#friends #questions
  • Profile picture of the author Baldpilot
    Thank you for bringing me back to reality about a few people in my life.
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    • Profile picture of the author Sam Mlambo
      Good post!

      Something I learned from Mark Victor Hansen is... Surround yourself with a peer group that will motivate you, excite you, and challenge you to become better.

      If your current peer group isn't doing that then you should find another.

      A great peer group you can surround yourself with is the people you study in your resources. For example I study Dan kennedy, Gary Halbert, Michel Fortin, Stephen Pierce, Frank Kern, and the list goes on and on of many marketers and copywriters.

      I consider this my peer group as their material motivates me, excites me, and best of all they challenge me to go out there and make it happen!

      - Sam
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    • Profile picture of the author SuperRyan
      Originally Posted by Baldpilot View Post

      Thank you for bringing me back to reality about a few people in my life.
      Fantastic!
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  • Profile picture of the author Richgirl
    Hi SuperRyan,

    I know exactly what you mean, I've had to do the same thing many times, and its one of the hardest things to do... I've read that nature 'abhors a vacumn' and sometimes you have to have 'empty seats' for a while, in order for something better to come along. Not better as in I think I'm better, but a better fit for you and your personal growth and wellbeing.

    If you are always reaching for the stars and all your friends want to hang out at the bar, and talk about last nights tv, your mind feels starved after a while. And you can't grow. You find yourself doing the 'false laughter' bit and laughing because its expected... Now no-one is saying there is anything wrong with this, and its entirely your choice, but when you know you want more, and are capable of more, its your duty to go for it.

    As sad as this sounds, the depth of understanding and compassion you gain from this is spookily calming and peaceful. I had always thought completely differently from my friends, and once I started on my journey of reading lots of self development/motivational books etc, it was like I had finally found 'my tribe' as they wrote how I thought. This was both an amazingly liberating blessing, and a very difficult time, as the gap became greater and greater. Eventually something had to give, and I was at the proverbial crossroads.

    Even though I desperately cared about these people, I had to let them go, as their negativity (and outright mocking at times) was killing me. It was them or me.

    And I choose me.

    One day after all this had happened, I realised as I was pottering around that I had crossed the line, and I would never be able to go back.

    What I mean by this is 'the mind once expanded can never go back' (said by Einstein?).
    And that made me very happy.
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  • Profile picture of the author Lady
    Reevaluation no matter its form is healthy, so thank you, I appreciate the thread. I cannot recall where I read it but the suggestion is your core groups are people that challenge and inspire you to become more (not social climbers). It stated further, the negative people that do not have, do not want, and are jealous of your goals and ambition will suck the life right out of you, so limit contact with them.
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    Best Wishes Lee

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  • Profile picture of the author hally0301
    Couldn't agree more.

    You become most like the people that you spend the most time with. Do you want to be like your friends? Do you want what they have? Do they inspire you to create the life of your dreams?

    Or are you just fitting in with the crowd?
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    • Profile picture of the author sandra.IMqueen
      Friends! When you embark on a journey of self discovery you will find that the friends who are on your wavelength will stick around and be willing to learn and grow with you and those who are not will fall away.

      The people around us are always a reflection of where we are in our lives. So when you find yourself surrounded by people who are in a place where you don't want to be, just stop and ask yourself what is it I need to learn about me?

      Hope that helps
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  • Profile picture of the author Jvsnow01
    One statement that comes to mind is that phrase 'no man is an island'.
    I cannot remember who said it, yet it's a truthful statement.

    Surrounding oneself with positive like-minded groups of people can be life-changing, especially when seeking success and a better life.


    Jvsnow01.
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  • Profile picture of the author OzDesign
    They were the stuff that I did when i was younger!! They smoked so I should cause it looked COOL!!

    Originally Posted by SuperRyan View Post


    - You probably started to smoke because your friends had tried it or smoked themselves.

    - You joined activities because everybody in your circle was doing it.
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  • Profile picture of the author nehaluck11
    Originally Posted by SuperRyan View Post

    This is something that very few people talk about when it comes to making money or running an online business. But, your peer group is critical to your success.

    Experiments have shown how peer pressure can influence individuals to change their minds from what they know for sure is acceptable behaviour to unacceptable behaviour just because everybody else in their peer group is doing it.

    For example:

    - You probably started to smoke because your friends had tried it or smoked themselves.

    - You joined activities because everybody in your circle was doing it.

    Here are three questions that you should ask yourself about your friends and peer groups:

    1. Do They BELIEVE That They CREATE Their Life Or Life Just Happens To Them?

    We all have friends who are professional excuse makers. They hate their jobsbut can't leave because... [fill the blank]. They can't find a partner because all the good members of the opposite sex have already been taken. Of course, **** happens and I'm not telling you that I never suffered from bad luck myself. But, my motto always is "how do I create that in the first place?" I learn my lessons and then move on. If your peer group is adept at blaming everything but themselves for their lack of success, wealth, accomplishment or happiness, then it's time to think about another group.

    2. Are They Anti-Commercial?

    Let's be honest. As entrepreneurs we have to develop a reasonable desire for money, profit and growth. It's hard to keep a positive outlook on business and money when your friends keep trashing about rich people, corporations and give you a 100 reasons why "the rich get richer and the poor get poorer". I used to have a great friend who kept telling me that he was "disgusted" by my headlines and that outsourcing was a sign of "laziness". I'm not even talking about the idea of making hundreds of dollars in a day. I had to progressively let him go. It's just logic 101. You can't run a business with people around you resenting the idea of making money, promotion and leverage.

    3. Do They do What They Say They Will Do, When They Say They Will?

    We all know people who have track records, keep their word and do what they say they'll do, when they say they'll do it. They're people I respect. You'll certainly expect this behaviour in business or at work. So, why do you accept it with your friends? Lack of integrity is the shortest route to mediocrity and poverty. Don't associate yourself with these kinds of people.


    It takes courage to let go of unproductive and/or toxic relationships. We're all hard-wired to be desperately liked and to fit in. Do it progressively by reducing the amount of time spent with them and revealing less and less about your life to these people.

    As you move forward, and your business grows, your peer group will change and you will attract people in harmony with your goals and values.
    .Great work .Thanks for sharing it with us.
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  • Profile picture of the author LongTailSally
    Hey SuperRyan - I'm curious - do YOU believe you create your life? If you think there are people out there who are bringing you down, sounds like you may believe life just happens to you - at least sometimes.
    It's a subtle point, but an important one.
    How honest are you?

    Sandra IMQueen - you nailed it - This is the real position of power - to take responsibility for the whole room. Heck - no one twisted my arm to get these folks into my life in the first place. What hidden agenda of mine did they fulfill? And do I still need that? I can't release that idea until I look at it.

    When I change my mind about who I am, my outward circumstances naturally shift to reflect my thinking.
    To react to people "out there" who may be negatively influencing me suggests that I am playing a victim role...then someone else can be blamed for my bad life, bad deal, bad relationship, whatever.
    This is a relinquishment of power, and...it simply isn't so.
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  • Profile picture of the author gjbusinessman
    Show your friends and I will tell about you !, I believe in this proverb. Friends may help in financial crisis sometimes true. Many times at least for me, when it came to money they became very selfish and dishonest. Some one told once "what I am today is because of my friends !". This is true in someone's case.This is fifty fifty it seems
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  • Profile picture of the author Marketstriker
    Personal and friendly relations are of high value for me. But I get used to let people go when they want. That's why for me it wasn't hard to stop meeting with old friends. The thing is that you feel lonely sometimes even if you have some people around you which have the same status and achievements. I mean the old friends may understand your feelings much better and it's easier to talk about feelings and emotions with old friends. So anyway I think everybody needs balance in your friendship relations.
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  • Profile picture of the author f4ll3rs
    This is good. I actually think that you'll grow the way your environment grows, and that's including your friends. Befriend the right people and you'll walk on the right path.
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  • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
    I don't mean to rain on your parade here, Ryan, but there are so many people jumping on your bandwagon I feel it only right to offer another way to look at it. No offense intended, you're a bright guy and I appreciate that. I think I have the advantage of a few years on you though.

    In my opinion, our friends are in our life for a reason. When we discover that reason and adjust our life according to what we discover about ourselves through observing them, we naturally and gracefully move beyond the need for the lesson they represent. At that point we naturally attract a new kind of friend because we've changed and grown. There is also the possibility that our growth will help our friends grow, and they will evolve with us. As strange as it may seem, it is a possibility that our lack of growth is holding them back if we're not getting the lessons they represent.

    If we dismiss our friends too easily, especially if it's for the wrong reasons, we'll miss the importance they represent in our learning experience and we will likely attract the same kind of friends all over again. They will be dressed in different circumstances, but that only disguises the lessons they represent, making it harder to discover the lessons we are being served. We repeat the lessons they represent until we figure it out, because our friends are a reflection of our world view.

    Ryan, you said, "Lack of integrity is the shortest route to mediocrity and poverty." ...but integrity is also part of friendship. If you lack integrity and loyalty in your friendships, where does that leave you? Is that not inviting others to be disloyal to you?

    Many of the problems with friendships can be diminished without forsaking our friends. There are times when it is time to move on, but these times seem to come naturally in my experience. It doesn't take a lot of weighing and measuring the value of the friendship, you just know. It just happens. You drift apart, it doesn't take much thought.

    That said, Ryan does make some very good points. For example, he said, "It's hard to keep a positive outlook on business and money when your friends keep trashing about rich people, corporations and give you a 100 reasons why the rich get richer and the poor get poorer."

    It is hard, but it isn't. You see, that kind of talk is only opinion, and opinions only have the value we give them, they have no value on their own. Once we realize this and stop giving value to those opinions, we stop giving our power away.

    Now, maybe is it time for you to begin gravitating toward new friendships, I'm not saying it's not. Only you would know that. I'm just saying, a lot of others here weren't compelled to write such a well thought out piece, so maybe the time isn't right for them, but then again, only they would know.

    I only offer another perspective - and a warning - those who deliberately "fire their friends" because they perceive they are holding them back, may want to look twice at why you give them that kind of power over you. If you're honest with yourself, you may discover it's not them holding you back after all.

    One last thing...my best friend was killed by a drunk driver almost 35 years ago. He had a lot of emotional problems, but looking back through the eyes of maturity I can see I did too. It's easy to see the splinter in our friends eye, but we miss the log in our own. We did learn from each other though, but he was taken from me too soon. I've never made another friend like him. You may only have one shot at a truly great friendship in your lifetime, don't be too hasty in devaluing the friends you do have.

    Peace and truth, Dennis

    PS - Marriage is the ultimate test of friendship. Don't even think about getting married until you're sure you can handle the friendship.
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  • Profile picture of the author YourProfessional
    I have to admit, all of my friends are students. We were all a bunch of late starters. Most of us started University two years after working and traveling. While I finished my degree last year, a lot of my friends are doing their honours or have failed... SO. I'm the only person working.

    However, I've been the only person who was making their own income for the last three years. I agree that sometimes it is difficult. When I should be working, they tempt me with delicious offers of the social nature. I'm a very, very social person. So I jump at these requests.

    I have become more strict in creating play time and work time now, though. During the day I am unavailable. Unless I have no work and then I get in touch with them. I do agree though that the social circle you keep IS important.

    All of my friends are intellectuals and I can have avid and interesting conversations. I'm very conscious of low-brow attitude (I've seen it even in wealthy people) and avoid those mentalities as much as possible. My most important emphasis is I don't want to socialize with people who are not a positive reflection of what I am.

    Birds of a feather flock together.
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    • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
      Originally Posted by YourProfessional View Post


      Birds of a feather flock together.
      ...and lemmings follow each other over the cliff. :rolleyes:
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      Just when you think you've got it all figured out, someone changes the rules.

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      • Profile picture of the author YourProfessional
        Originally Posted by Dennis Gaskill View Post

        ...and lemmings follow each other over the cliff. :rolleyes:
        I loved that game!
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  • Profile picture of the author stevefall
    Originally Posted by SuperRyan View Post

    This is something that very few people talk about when it comes to making money or running an online business. But, your peer group is critical to your success.

    Experiments have shown how peer pressure can influence individuals to change their minds from what they know for sure is acceptable behaviour to unacceptable behaviour just because everybody else in their peer group is doing it.

    For example:

    - You probably started to smoke because your friends had tried it or smoked themselves.

    - You joined activities because everybody in your circle was doing it.

    Here are three questions that you should ask yourself about your friends and peer groups:

    1. Do They BELIEVE That They CREATE Their Life Or Life Just Happens To Them?

    We all have friends who are professional excuse makers. They hate their jobsbut can't leave because... [fill the blank]. They can't find a partner because all the good members of the opposite sex have already been taken. Of course, **** happens and I'm not telling you that I never suffered from bad luck myself. But, my motto always is "how do I create that in the first place?" I learn my lessons and then move on. If your peer group is adept at blaming everything but themselves for their lack of success, wealth, accomplishment or happiness, then it's time to think about another group.

    2. Are They Anti-Commercial?

    Let's be honest. As entrepreneurs we have to develop a reasonable desire for money, profit and growth. It's hard to keep a positive outlook on business and money when your friends keep trashing about rich people, corporations and give you a 100 reasons why "the rich get richer and the poor get poorer". I used to have a great friend who kept telling me that he was "disgusted" by my headlines and that outsourcing was a sign of "laziness". I'm not even talking about the idea of making hundreds of dollars in a day. I had to progressively let him go. It's just logic 101. You can't run a business with people around you resenting the idea of making money, promotion and leverage.

    3. Do They do What They Say They Will Do, When They Say They Will?

    We all know people who have track records, keep their word and do what they say they'll do, when they say they'll do it. They're people I respect. You'll certainly expect this behaviour in business or at work. So, why do you accept it with your friends? Lack of integrity is the shortest route to mediocrity and poverty. Don't associate yourself with these kinds of people.


    It takes courage to let go of unproductive and/or toxic relationships. We're all hard-wired to be desperately liked and to fit in. Do it progressively by reducing the amount of time spent with them and revealing less and less about your life to these people.

    As you move forward, and your business grows, your peer group will change and you will attract people in harmony with your goals and values.
    The best saying that I have lived my life by:

    "cut all ties with all negative people in your life, you simply can not afford to keep them in your life."

    You need to understand that this should be taken all the way down to family, everybody in your life.
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  • Profile picture of the author DrGUID
    My family are all useless with money and my brother is a sponger - he believes in other people working hard so that he can enjoy a good lifestyle.

    Most of my facebook "friends" are losers who would rather moan about their useless jobs than take control of their own lives.
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  • Profile picture of the author jazbo
    The message of creating a strong, supportive team and avoiding "emotional vampires" cannot be over stated.
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  • Profile picture of the author FortressDewey
    Good posts all in all and good thread. My own personal theory or what I have demonstrated over the years is that I have different friends (or perhaps acquaintances is the better word) for different situations. I tend to be a chameleon. Some are techy, some are jocks etc. They would not co-mingle together very well.

    Actual true friends, I have 2 outside my family, of these 2, they both know/accept me as I know/accept them. It's a give & take and accept. If there is too much negativity, I tend to call them on it and vice versa.

    Interesting topic and I could probably write a thesis on it.
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  • Profile picture of the author yst
    Of course this is a great post and I think you're points are great....I've always wondered how selected should you be with your friends? I mean as in, "I don't want to be your friend because you're so lazy", isn't that a little mean?
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