I have lost something...how do I regain in? A guy looking for help...

12 replies
Hello everyone.

I write this at 3.48am, I am student and have lectures at 11-1 on Chinese history then from 1-3 Chinese language. I live in the UK and study in London, I am 19 years old and have always been very motivated, focused and have always had aims and ambitions.

However during the past 6 months perhaps, my motivation, my focus, my goals, my ambitions have faded away. I don't know what is happening, I love Internet marketing but find it hard to sit down and focus on one particular task. I have thousands of ideas and find it hard to stick with one or a few ideas.

I am no longer motivated by materialistic goods, well not for a long period of time. For example I bought an 27" iMac the other week and after a day or two I was no longer amused by its gadgets and aesthetic appeal. The only thing I know is that I don't want to worry about money like my Mother has done. I would love to be in a situation where I could give back what I have taken, sometimes for granted.

However this is not enough of a motivation to get me going again, I find it hard to sleep at night as it seems I cannot set my mind at rest until I find myself, but even I don't know what I mean by it.

I am not sure why I am writing this here I guess I am just looking for guidance.

I want to travel the world and to experience different cultures, I want to feel proud that I have done things for others and I want my name to be known for helping others but first I need to help myself.

Thank you.
#guy #lost #regain #somethinghow
  • Profile picture of the author Al-Leyson
    I think yours is one of those "growing up mentality depression". That's a word I coined by myself because I have also experienced what you are going through right now. Try going to a lonely place, something like the coastal area or maybe a rural farm where it is peaceful and quiet. Meditate. Think of goals that are not materialistic. Everyone wants to get that latest gadgets but these are merely out of whim. Take the time to listen deep down and ask, what do you really want?
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  • Profile picture of the author bigdaddy99
    I think it was Oscar Wilde who said, "Youth is too precious a gift to be wasted on the young".

    In the USA, there are programs such as the Peace Corps and I'm sure there is an equivalent in the UK - you may want to look into such a program. Also, there are programs (at least in California) where you can do things like have a semester at sea, or summer in Mexico as a change of pace where you can help people for a while.

    I would encourage you to take a break from IM if you think it might help, but have a friend or mentor keep it going while you find your way in the world. Check back in 6 months or so, and re-evaluate.

    Alexm is probably also on the right track. Find a good (or bad) woman and live life for a while. That might be the distraction you need.

    If your depression continues though, seek medical help - it might not be just a phase.

    bd99
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  • Profile picture of the author willyboy104
    Thanks everyone, as for the girlfriend I had one until last month when we broke up since then it's just got worse.

    I will take some time apart and as Al said take a long look at what I want in life. As for the peace corps sort of idea, that's a really good idea and I was looking at doing something similar in summer.

    Thanks guys.
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  • Profile picture of the author impulsell
    You gotta turn it around otherwise you can get yourself in a nasty rut. I agree with the bigdaddy99, stay off marketing for a while until you've cleared your head. Your degree is probably way more important at this moment in time. If you don't hit coursework & attendance targets, your funding can be withdrawn, etc, etc.

    Don't worry, you'll snap out of it.
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  • Profile picture of the author imageman
    Read positive books and have the will to succeed .
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  • Profile picture of the author Loren Woirhaye
    Get a hobby or something. Take up a musical instrument. Start
    taking yoga or something. Do something physical - get out and
    talk to people. Go out with a voice recorder and interview
    people on the street.

    Start stimulating your nervous system and challenging yourself
    in ways you haven't done before and you'll get some perspective.

    Most important, do something YOU want to do, something
    YOU are intrigued by. Since making money and technology
    toys don't interest you much right now, I suggest doing something
    earthy that gets you out of the ruts working with computers
    puts our minds in.
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    • Profile picture of the author perryny
      "What do you want?"

      Ask yourself this question often enough until you get an answer that makes you motivated.

      It's easy to come up with a laundry list of answers that feel "true", but do you have an emotional connection to the answer?

      One morning several years ago over breakfast this question came into my head, and while I've heard it a million times before, this time it had an entirely different meaning. It was definitely a moment of clarity for me.

      I didn't know the answer at the time, but just knowing the impact that finding the answer would have, left me with a feeling of power and drive for a very long time. If I ever get stuck now, I simply focus on what I know is truly important to me and it's enough to get me going again.

      If you're really stuck in a rut, read some good (motivational) books. It always gets my gears in motion. "Think and Grow Rich" is my personal favorite.

      Best of luck,
      -Robert
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  • Profile picture of the author mrmoonlight
    Try something new. Anything. You mentioned you would like to travel the world and experience different cultures. Maybe take a trip. If you can't do that right now then take a virtual trip. You can find a wealth of images and ideas on the internet or in a good travel guide. It seems like you have put to much time into too narrow a focus. You need to broaden your horizons for a little while. Then you will be able to refocus on what really matters to you. Good luck.
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  • Profile picture of the author willyboy104
    Thank you everyone, I am going to check out some motivational books such as "think and grow rich" as well I am looking in to starting kendo something I have wanted to do for a while now.

    Thanks everyone
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    • Profile picture of the author yst
      Hi there,
      I suggest doing something that you are good at and then succeeding at it. That can often liven up your mood. Also, cut lose from any negative people that you have in your life as much as possible (e.g. if you have any good friends that are always complaining, get away from them for a while). Hope that helps.
      If this is a day or two things, this might not help much (I know you said 6 months, I'm just wondering if you consistently feel this way), but if it's long term, then I would read some biographies or something about someone you want to be like. Then ask the question: "what would they do if they were".
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