A Belief That Keeps me Poor

49 replies
I just spent some time journaling and was able to identify a believ that keeps me broke. It is that if I really wanted to help somebody I would do it for free.

This might not look like much but it affects my earning ability a lot both in real world and online. I end up doing work for free or very cheap, without making sure that I will get properly compensated.

I suspect that I have this believe from growing up in Soviet union and having very selfless (and poor) parents.

Has anybody dealt with a similar problem before? Do you have any tips for me? What is your mindset when it comes to business?
#belief #poor
  • Profile picture of the author redfc
    It's all in the mind. Either you're thinking you're rich or poor you're right. Try read some books about how to change and improve your thought. Some books I read

    think and growth rich - by Napoleon hill (google for this one, tons of free download).

    rich dad poor dad - Robert Kiyosaki

    hope this helps.
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    • Profile picture of the author feedtherightwolf
      Originally Posted by redfc View Post

      It's all in the mind. Either you're thinking you're rich or poor you're right. Try read some books about how to change and improve your thought. Some books I read

      think and growth rich - by Napoleon hill (google for this one, tons of free download).

      rich dad poor dad - Robert Kiyosaki

      hope this helps.
      I know its in the mind. Do you feel OK with charging others for your services? How do you justify it in your head?
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      • Profile picture of the author jasdon
        Originally Posted by feedtherightwolf View Post

        I know its in the mind. Do you feel OK with charging others for your services? How do you justify it in your head?
        How much would you pay for the service you provide if you were the customer?
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        • Profile picture of the author BetGeek
          Good question. Paul McKenna addresses this is his I Can Make You RichI Can Make You Rich book.
          Not that I like the guy or his work, but this volume has some good info in it.
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      • Profile picture of the author redfc
        Originally Posted by feedtherightwolf View Post

        I know its in the mind. Do you feel OK with charging others for your services? How do you justify it in your head?
        I find it hard to charge my old friend (personal friend) for providing a service but not a problem charging for my service to other people I don't know or just get to know (business friend). So the basic mentality here is separate personal friends and business friends.

        I always have this mentality in me when I pay for a service "I'm willing to pay but you must give me value and provide to my need".

        So I listen carefully to my customer's need, many a times what they ever wanted is something plain simple.
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    • Profile picture of the author Nikhil V Nair
      It all depends on whom you are helping. If you are helping poor people you are absolutely great. If that is not the case, there is no meaning in your current thinking.
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      • Profile picture of the author BetGeek
        What the belief is doesn't matter.

        From my coaching experience, I'd say that any belief like the one you presented can be swapped within 1 hour max in a session.

        I don't make great case of the Napoleon Hill / Kiyosaki / Secret type mindset which only have wishful thinking to offer more often than not. Standard techniques exist to change / update / actualise a belief. The main reference for this would possibly Robert Dilts' Changing Belief SystemsChanging Belief Systems .

        Tony Robbins has some more hardcore tools, effective and quicker, yet more brutal. Look for his Dickens Pattern in Personal Power 2 (CD 10 or 11, can't remember).
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      • Profile picture of the author Richnana
        I think the real issue is lack of self esteem. You may not feel worthy to accept just compensation for your work. You also may have trouble being given compliments or free gifts.
        Repeat to yourself everyday what wonderful person you are. Remember and focus on all your positive qualities.. the best one is unselfishness, the willingness to give to others. But remember you deserve to be happy. You deserve fair compensation for those things that you do for others.
        Make a list of all the things you like about yourself.
        take steps to relieve any feelings of guilt
        apologize to people you may have hurt,
        learn from those mistakes,
        forgive yourself

        We are all magnificiently made. We are precious and worthy. We deserve the best that life has to offer.
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        • Profile picture of the author swilliams09
          I completely understand where you are coming from. When I first started out offering my services in january I felt my prices were too high compared to the other video producers out there. I didn't think anyone would pay for my work and partially felt I didn't deserve it. But I had to make some money to survive and I've tried my best to provide value to my customers.

          I still wasn't confident in myself until I landed a job for not hundreds, but thousands for a major car manufacturer. They sent my work to their home office in Asia and everyone from the president of the US to the president of the entire corporation saw my work and loved it. That sort of affirmation really made me believe in what I'm doing. The same car manufacturer is hiring me again to work on several more projects in the future.

          I know my work is worth more. Because my customers are not just paying for their video. They are paying for my time, my expertise, all the long hours I've spent learning my trade. They are paying for my ability to stay in contact, to educate them and to advise them on what's best for them. If they already knew everything they wouldn't need me. They are paying me to fill in the gaps for them and to save them time. They are buying a professionals knowledge, not just a product.

          That's the mentality you have to have. There are millions of people selling the same type of products or services, and there are millions of customers who need what they are selling, they are paying you for your time, and experience and skill. They are paying you to make things easier for them. It's not just about the final product.
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    • Profile picture of the author DianeBrandt
      Originally Posted by redfc View Post

      It's all in the mind. Either you're thinking you're rich or poor you're right. Try read some books about how to change and improve your thought. Some books I read

      think and growth rich - by Napoleon hill (google for this one, tons of free download).

      rich dad poor dad - Robert Kiyosaki

      hope this helps.
      The mind such a powerful tool, that many fail to utilize properly to bring about the success we really want.
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      • Profile picture of the author unknowncat
        When you earn a fair value for quality work, customers are happy to pay you.

        When you get paid, you are encouraged to provide even more work, and even more quality to existing and future customers.

        Perhaps your father starting his business changed the dynamics of your parents relationship to the point of too much discomfort.. This isn't the fault of the business, but of the rigidity of the dynamics for your parents. If they had better adjusted to the new dynamics, perhaps they would have stayed married.

        This thread also got me thinking about the tithings. If you give a consistent percentage of your income to charity/community, you might feel better about earning big bucks.
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    • Profile picture of the author PeterDunin
      Originally Posted by redfc View Post

      It's all in the mind. Either you're thinking you're rich or poor you're right. Try read some books about how to change and improve your thought. Some books I read

      think and growth rich - by Napoleon hill (google for this one, tons of free download).

      rich dad poor dad - Robert Kiyosaki

      hope this helps.
      I agree,great advice!
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  • Profile picture of the author Smyth Danielson
    I believe Self Image has a lot to do with it. At least in my opinion it does. I've been reading Maxwell Maltz's "Psycho Cybernetics" and it really goes deep into how much of our lives, even our beliefs are controlled by and derived from our self image. You should check out the book if you get a chance. I think you can find it for about $11.00 on Amazon.
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    • Profile picture of the author jaclay20
      it's just all in your thought man. think positive..be happy and have a wonderful life.
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  • Profile picture of the author izapharry
    you working style is good but you have to charge for your services it may minor or major
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  • Profile picture of the author ernestlohan
    It is nice to give but you have to balance everything also. But I am sure you will reap what you sow.
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  • Profile picture of the author mnonline
    I think you should read some success quotes. Get the positive mindset and think positive too. I have a collection of 101 inspiring/success quotes at my blog that i want to share. It did help me a lot.
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  • Profile picture of the author markling
    I don't think that mindset in particular should stop you making great money online. Having a solid amount of free content on your website, whatever the niche, can be extremely helpful to your online income.

    Why not channel that giving nature of yours and build the world's best free website in a particular niche?

    You can always add paid products later OR if you don't feel comfortable adding paid products, then you can always promote affiliate products. Just give away a free report or something to capture their email address, give them free content in your newsletter series and monetize with affiliate offers.

    Many people struggle because they don't put enough free content on their websites. It is not a bad problem you have if that's the way you want to go, you've just got to channel it.

    I think your biggest problem might be that you don't have a solid plan, or that you might be procrastinating and not spending enough time building your online business.
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  • Profile picture of the author tomster
    I can relate to your story in sense that I have a great idea how was growing up in Soviet Union, having poor parents, and all that....

    I bet you have believe somewhere deep inside you that rich/wealthy people are all bad, evil, you got that from your childhood, growing up in that surroundings, where most of the rich people were actually bad, they either stole or coned people, your parents were probably good people and they saw that evil is coming from there. You were raised in that mindset that money is bad, that it will make you bad, so that's why you are actually in fear of making money, because in your subconscious money = bad...and who wants to be bad? nobody, so, you are pushing money away from you....

    But money is not bad..people can be bad...when you have money you can do good or bad things...it's up to you......

    Money is like gun,...depends who has it and what he's doing with it.....If you are robber and try to rob a store with a gun, that would be bad, right? But if you are a policeman trying to stop that robber with his gun, that would be good right?

    So, don't be afraid of making money, you can be good person, honest, fair with money too...

    Don't be afraid, or feel bad for charging for your services...People need stuff done, that's why they hired you...they pay you for some service, then you need some service done yourself, so you pay for the next guy, and so on....money needs to change hands...that's what's all about...

    Cheers man..
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    • Profile picture of the author DrMeg
      This is a very important topic that many new entrepreneurs struggle with:
      Let Dr. Meg (psychologist) chime in here (for free )

      If you have something of value (your knowledge, your skills, something you created)and that thing of value will help someone else and they want what you have, you can trade it to them for something they have of value.

      In our world as we know it, the thing of value most people use to trade for other things of value, is called "money". Simply a tool used for buying some thing that is of value to the buyer. Sometimes people trade for other things of value and that's called "bartering".

      However you do it, selling and buying or bartering, humans have been doing it since there were humans. Some humans are better at it than others, because of many variables and of course the most potent of those variables are what your parents or caretakers "modeled" (fancy psych word for what they were doing every day). What they did and said laid down a neurologically ingrained set of beliefs in your mind.

      So to create new beliefs and behaviors takes a bit of effort but it is very do-able. Everyone who has already commented have made some great suggestions for you. Here's my 2 cents:

      1. Do your inner "re-modeling" work. In other words you have to actively work to create a new set of beliefs around the concept of receiving money from people for what you have to offer. How you go about doing this can take the form of going to therapy individually to get support with the changes you want to achieve, join a support group, do your own reading, journaling, meditating, listening to affirmations, vision boards, going to events etc, etc

      How you do the inner work is up to you but you'll have to do it if you want to change your beliefs around money.

      2. Act "as if". Your daily behavior will also help your beliefs change. If you charged $10 for a product or service, next time charge $20. See if that price works (this is called market testing). Then charge $30 etc until the market tells you what your service or product is worth. Market testing takes the burden off of you having to decide if your services or products have value.

      Go ahead and just act "as if" what you have to offer is of value, whether you fully believe it yet or not. If people buy it or use your service and are satisfied (find out by conducting post service/sales interviews, ask them what they liked and what they would want different) then they are telling you that your service/product is valuable and they were happy to pay for it.

      When you experience this, then you will probably feel proud of yourself and engage in this selling a valuable service/product some more and more and then you'll have the proverbial "snowball effect"!

      Mind and behavior change go hand in hand so I encourage you to keep at it and trust us when we all say, you are valuable, your skills and knowledge are valuable and if you're an affiliate for other people, they're products and services are valuable. When you provide people with value at a good price you have been of service.

      Sorry for being long winded, comes with my programming as a psych!

      Meg
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  • Profile picture of the author talfighel
    What happened to you in the past does not dictate your future.

    What I would recommend you do is to start reading books that will change your thinking.

    A good book to get started with is:

    The Magic Of Thinking Big

    There are so many self help and prosperity thinking books out there on the market. What I would suggest you do is to read 15 minutes each night. This will help you change your thinking a lot.

    Tal
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    • Profile picture of the author feedtherightwolf
      Thanks so much Mind Warriors!

      I really appreciate all of the input.

      I just realized one more thing, my parents got divorced right around the time when my father started his own business and began to make decent money, so I probably connected the two together.

      I was able to alter my believes before, in order to overcome my addiction, but this subject is new to me. Since I couldn't really point my finger on exactly what is causing me to be poor.

      That is why I needed your help. Thank you very much for it!
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  • Profile picture of the author Caritas
    Hello Feedtherightwolf:

    "Psycho-Cybernetics" by Maxwell Maltz is a classic. He was a plastic surgeon who discovered the power of the self image is greater than the power of a scalpel. Be sure to read this one. I believe there is an updated version also.

    To identify and change your money beliefs, I strongly suggest reading T. Harv Eker's book "Secrets of the Millionaire Mind" which you can get from his peakpotentials.com site.

    This is what the book is about:

    "We all have a personal money blueprint engrained in our subconscious minds, and it is this blueprint, more than anything, that will determine our financial lives. You can know everything about marketing, sales, negotiations, stocks, real estate, and the world of finance. But if your money blueprint is not set for a high level of success, you will never have a lot of money - and if somehow you do, you will most likely lose it! The good news is that now you can actually reset your money blueprint to create natural and automatic success."

    Caritas
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  • Profile picture of the author mandylim84
    I really love this book, Go Giver by Bob Burg.

    Gotta love the Five Laws of Stratospheric Success

    “Your true worth is determined by how much more you give in value than you take in payment.”

    “Your income is determined by how many people you serve and how well you serve them.”

    “Your influence is determined by how abundantly you place other people’s interests first.”

    “The most valuable gift you have to offer is yourself.

    "The key to effective giving is to stay open to receiving."

    Hope those helps!

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    • Profile picture of the author JustinDupre
      Originally Posted by mandylim84 View Post

      I really love this book, Go Giver by Bob Burg.

      Gotta love the Five Laws of Stratospheric Success

      "Your true worth is determined by how much more you give in value than you take in payment."

      "Your income is determined by how many people you serve and how well you serve them."

      "Your influence is determined by how abundantly you place other people's interests first."

      "The most valuable gift you have to offer is yourself.

      "The key to effective giving is to stay open to receiving."

      Hope those helps!

      Great stuff! This book is totally going in my list. I think breaking bad habit and changing your mind setting is hard but practice practice practice to be better each day will totally help you become rich.
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  • Profile picture of the author soependi
    believe problem is in your mind
    meditation is very good technique
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  • Profile picture of the author mattlaclear
    You're broke because you view yourself as broke. When I was just starting out and had less than $30k a year profits I never once thought of myself as poor or broke. I instead viewed myself as a future success in the making.

    I also make a living providing services to others. Are you suggesting that anyone who charges others for services rendered start doing so for free?
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    • Profile picture of the author feedtherightwolf
      Originally Posted by mattlaclear View Post

      I also make a living providing services to others. Are you suggesting that anyone who charges others for services rendered start doing so for free?
      Not at all, what I am asking is how can I begging to feel comfortable about charging others, just like you do.
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      • Profile picture of the author mattlaclear
        Originally Posted by feedtherightwolf View Post

        Not at all, what I am asking is how can I begging to feel comfortable about charging others, just like you do.
        Do what I did. Get married and have six kids right away. Then right after that move into a home you cannot afford on your current budget. Do those three things and you will not have any trouble whatsoever with asking others for money. Trust me.
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        • Profile picture of the author feedtherightwolf
          Originally Posted by mattlaclear View Post

          Do what I did. Get married and have six kids right away. Then right after that move into a home you cannot afford on your current budget. Do those three things and you will not have any trouble whatsoever with asking others for money. Trust me.
          You know what, this actually makes perfect sense. I remember I went fishing once, and couldn't catch anything. Than I remember looking back at my girlfriend waiting for me, and I got this feeling that I would kill anything and everything just to provide for her and my (future) family.

          Perhaps I should tap into this emotion, to help me change my outlook on charging for my services. Very helpful. Thank you!
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      • Profile picture of the author tanken
        Originally Posted by feedtherightwolf View Post

        Not at all, what I am asking is how can I begging to feel comfortable about charging others, just like you do.
        Well, I had same belief. And I also link it to growing up in the USSR. I think, it's a common belief there.

        The idea I used to confront the belief was that we all have limited amount of time. One has to eat. Means, one has to earn money. So, you either earn money by doing what you like or doing something you dislike. Choice is simple.

        Another thing... Do you know that the more person pays, the more satisfaction he/she gets? That's a fact and I, personally, believe that everything good has to be expensive. So, If I provide a good service I just have to put a price tag on it. Otherwise it's worthless. So, the higher price I'm putting, the more value I provide for the customer(client).
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        • Profile picture of the author pickthat apple
          feedtherightwolf: I think that it is necessary to assess where exactly you stand with your emotions and exactly what you want to give away for free and to who.The fact of the matter is that: you need to have an income. Do you like that idea? Does your family like it? That is a motivation.
          If you are good at what you are doing, it is fair to be paid the right amount. (Of course the "fair amount" may vary between Countries...)
          Is the problem the fact that you think you are not worth that money, or is it that you cannot get your customers to pay the amount agreed?
          Changing subject: Russia requires highly skilled workers and senior managers for inspiration and modernisation and offers a very relaxed immigration policy...
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          • Profile picture of the author GlennaG
            Yes, it can be very difficult to believe that we deserve to be happy and that we deserve to be rewarded for our efforts. I really liked and agreed with all that Dr. Meg said...and sometimes we need to create the habits, then the belief will follow. It seems out of sync, but it works!

            The hardest part will be keeping yourself on track to commit to the acting "as if" - this is where outside support and reminders can help. Allow a friend or family member to check in on you and help you to stay on track - and create reminders for yourself...even a simple alarm that goes off at a certain time that means you need to take a moment and ask yourself, "Am I acting 'as-if'? Am I on track today with charging what I am worth?"

            Good luck!
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            • Profile picture of the author Jason Field
              When you think about business make sure you earn, but also you need to make an exemption for those whom you can use to help your business grow.
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  • Profile picture of the author Pisaka
    That's not bad to help people especcially those who are really in need. I respect your attitude to such situations, cause these's really few people who can help for free, just becase they understand your problems and needs. I understand you fully, as I'm from Ukraine and I know what problem have you faced. ))) But it's very important to find clear border between your desire to help those who are in need and breach of your kindness.
    Wish your good luck.
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    • Profile picture of the author Kay King
      Do you feel OK with charging others for your services? How do you justify it in your head?
      Are you providing a service that others want or are looking for?
      Are you providing a service that saves others time or money?
      Have you carefully considered what YOUR time is worth per hour?
      Are you charging a fair price for a good service?

      If the answers are "yes" you are providing something that others WANT and are willing to pay for. You are giving them your time in exchange for money they are willing to spend.

      It's a fair trade for both sides - and nothing to feel bad about. It is an honest transaction and is how business is done around the world.

      kay
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  • Profile picture of the author ucajack
    Well circumstances can make you born poor but you can change circumstances so that you do not end up being poor.
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  • Profile picture of the author ivanadee
    I always believe : give more and get more...
    You know, the compensation will come to you
    anyway, im not naive and for several things that need my professional skill, I will charge them ^_^
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    • Profile picture of the author JRCarson
      I like what Deepak Chopra says on this...

      To paraphrase him, terribly..."Switching from 'What's in it for me' to 'How can I help' frees up your thinking and quiets the negative inner dialogue". (or whatever he says)

      But it makes sense and makes things more fulfilling when you think about it.

      I would recommend the audio books by Deepak called "Creating Affluence" and "The 7 Spiritual Laws to Success".
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  • Profile picture of the author warriorbg
    Be clear with yourself:

    - What are you good at (anyone can do marketing, but marketing is not for everyone)
    - Where and how you skills could get in use and be well paid
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  • Profile picture of the author paulie888
    I think you need to change your thought process by rethinking what you're actually doing for others. If you genuinely provide something of value to people and are helping them, you can and should be charging for it. There'd be nothing sold in the world otherwise, this is an honorable enterprise where you're creating or providing something that is worth more than the price you're charging for it. Think about this way, if everything was freely given away what incentive would there be for anyone to create products or provide services?

    Furthermore, getting paid for your products does a very funny (and beneficial) thing for the buyer. People who typically receive things for free don't pay any attention to what they get, and often don't even use them. This is why you get so many freebie e-books that just collect digital dust on people's hard drives. On the other hand, if you paid for something, you're going to at least try to read and peruse the information, and hopefully put it into action. In many cases where you're giving away something free, it is literally of zero value to the person receiving it as they do not make use of it at all. So what's the point then of slaving away and pouring your heart and soul into a product when it is literally worthless when given away?
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  • Profile picture of the author rockstaradi
    That is great for you to help others. It is like feeding hungry people. But is it good to starve yourself and give some buns more to the one already owning a few? Just think over it.

    You may not charge the poor but you surely need to charge rich for your services brother.
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  • Profile picture of the author OTrap
    I can empathize with that feeling. I am ALWAYS wanting to give away my memberships to those who reach out to me letting me know they cannot afford it.

    I finally came to the realization that success in this industry takes a considerable amount of time, effort, risk, luck, ... and yes, a little bit of money.

    And if a person cannot afford my program, they probably can't afford in implement it effectively, either. Moreover, their need for money is going to feel so dire to them that a lack of instant gratification is only going to agitate them, anyway.

    To some degree, you've just got to look at it that way. If the method isn't crap, then it's worth the money. Moreover, it has been proven in test-and-variable studies that people tend to give more gravity and credence to a method if it cost them something to get it. Giving it away, in a way, cheapens it in their eyes, whether they know it or not.
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  • Profile picture of the author Your Lover
    no thing real, you just think about that and you are the one who can change that, go ahead man
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  • Profile picture of the author Gale10
    A friend of mine is a reflexologist. She knows a lot of people, and some of them want her services and cannot afford them. She keeps two appointments that she doesn't charge for, she treats the feet of elderly people or just poor ones. Everyone else pays.

    She can afford to do that. Because she charges everyone else, she can afford to have two none paying clients per week. When one of the freebies has had enough treatments, then she picks another poor person to have a series of free treatments.

    Basically, you have to earn a living; and sometimes because you are able to charge many people, you can also treat people who are less able.

    Ruth
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    Want well-written articles from a native English speaking writer? Want them written quickly with the minimum of fuss? Want one revision free?

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  • Profile picture of the author fayehines
    Everyone at some point in life have a negative belief about money, good or bad, a fear of success can stop you from reaching your goals. I was this way for a while where I just couldn't see myself living my dream of success.
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    Green Blazer the Green Super Hero!
    Cash Into The Green Home Business Industry.

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  • Profile picture of the author rockstaradi
    Just dropped again to find out whether Feedtherightwolf has now overcome the problem? Please let me know.
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  • Profile picture of the author hbanton
    it all depend on the situation actually
    basically the definition of business is helping a need for a profit.. sounds harsh to most but free work don't pay the bills. but then there's also time you should volunteer and help people who can't do it on their own.. but thats just my opinion
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