Family members mean well but dang they can be negative!

45 replies
I have always wondered what the psychology was of loved ones and family members who are always negative. They will tell you "to give it up" or "get a real job". I learned this long ago. That is why I have never told my family what I do. I keep it to myself. (Note: I am single and live in a very well to do condo).

During the thanksgiving holidays I was asked what I do for living and I told them I worked for myself (I did not elaborate anything else). And they looked at me as though I had said I was a porn star or something. Geez! My brother, who is a manager at a national retail chain and who makes a heck of a lot less than I do gets more respect than I do from family members. Honestly they think I am just moments away from being on the street.

I make a little under 6,000 per day and have been doing so for just over several months but my mother, bless her heart, even though she knows that I am doing well financially still prefers that I "get a real job". I don't know if this is a generational thing or what but I have always wondered what the psychology of loved ones who seem to not want you to succeed. Is it some weird kind of jealousy? Is it over protectiveness? I know the expression "you always hurt the ones you love" has something to do with it and was wondering if any of the other members have stories to tell. I would love to hear them.
#dang #family #members #negative
  • Profile picture of the author thetruth23
    Lol, funny story!

    I've felt the same many times too! Although, I'm not earning anything close to 6,000/day.

    Honestly, I don't get it either.

    And I have no idea how to properly explain what I do to my family, because they just wouldn't get it.

    I literally lie about what I do just to save the explanation. I just tell them I still work in IT.

    For me, I think it's a generational thing, and perhaps a cultural thing too. My parents come from a very hard working background.

    "get a real job" - That's hilarious!
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    • Profile picture of the author flowbee77
      Originally Posted by thetruth23 View Post

      Lol, funny story!

      I've felt the same many times too! Although, I'm not earning anything close to 6,000/day.

      Honestly, I don't get it either.

      And I have no idea how to properly explain what I do to my family, because they just wouldn't get it.

      I literally lie about what I do just to save the explanation. I just tell them I still work in IT.

      For me, I think it's a generational thing, and perhaps a cultural thing too. My parents come from a very hard working background.

      "get a real job" - That's hilarious!
      Yeah I agree. My mom's eyes just glaze over when I start talking about the internet. Make no mistake about it though...I do love her, I did not want to make it sound as though I was angry at her or anything. Thanks "truth".
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  • Profile picture of the author Topgunb
    Set up a pension & medical aid plan for yourself. Also open a savings account and save something everymonth.

    Pay yourself a monthly salary from your income
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    • Profile picture of the author StephanieMojica
      Originally Posted by Topgunb View Post

      Set up a pension & medical aid plan for yourself. Also open a savings account and save something everymonth.

      Pay yourself a monthly salary from your income
      You should also pay yourself vacation days, personal days, and sick time out of your monthly revenue. Successful business owners like Christian Mickelsen and Janis Pettit also plan their vacation time in advance.

      Good luck!

      Peace, love, happiness, and prosperity,
      Stephanie
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    • Profile picture of the author flowbee77
      Originally Posted by Topgunb View Post

      Set up a pension & medical aid plan for yourself. Also open a savings account and save something everymonth.

      Pay yourself a monthly salary from your income
      Hello TopGun,
      Yes I have. A large portion goes into a savings account and pension plan. I also put aside some play money for myself and investment money as well. I plan on investing $70,000 by next summer which I an afford to lose if it does not go well.

      Flowbee777
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  • Profile picture of the author JustinDupre
    Haha great post! Some people just really don't get what we really do. wow $6000 per day? That's amazing man.. keep up the great work!
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    • Profile picture of the author windwhirl
      Haha. God bless your family. I salute you for being able to stand up on your own and do what your heart desires inspite your family's belief that doing business or working for yourselfis not acceptable. Although I understand your mother's hesitation. It is always easier to brag lines like this "My son is a doctor!", "Hey, I have a son who's an engineer", "My son is a senior VP of a multi national company".. You see, these lines do not need to be elaborated. The moment one hears these lines, one will assume that you're stable and is earning a lot.
      Pray for guidance.
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      • Profile picture of the author airpr23
        Also it's more a frame of mind. My family is exactly the same way, they believe in going to college, getting a high paying job (like a doctor or lawyer). It's because they come more from the employee mindset. So in their reality having a degree and a good paying job, is the only safe and secure way to become successful.

        Whereas we come from the business owner side of things. So they'll never see eye to eye with you because the mindsets are totally different.
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  • Profile picture of the author scortillion
    Family and friends will be “negative” towards what you do or try to do for one of two reasons. 1) They care about you and don’t want to see you fail and get hurt or 2) they don’t want to see you do better than them and make them look bad.

    They may not be doing it on a conscious level but it happens in every family. Sometimes the advice comes as helpful tips and isn’t meant to hurt or downgrade you.

    Just smile and say thanks, but I’m doing good I own my own business that’s making 7 figures every year.
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    • Profile picture of the author paulie888
      Originally Posted by scortillion View Post

      Family and friends will be “negative” towards what you do or try to do for one of two reasons. 1) They care about you and don’t want to see you fail and get hurt or 2) they don’t want to see you do better than them and make them look bad.

      They may not be doing it on a conscious level but it happens in every family. Sometimes the advice comes as helpful tips and isn’t meant to hurt or downgrade you.

      Just smile and say thanks, but I’m doing good I own my own business that’s making 7 figures every year.
      Those are two of the main motivators for the negativity that you'll experience from friends and family. Reason #1, in my opinion, stems from society's overwhelming perception that jobs are more stable and what one should "do" for a living, and anything that falls outside of that automatically becomes suspicious, unpredictable and unproven.
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  • Profile picture of the author windwhirl
    FLOWBEE77, maybe you can look at it in a positive manner. Maybe they just want you to get a regular paying job so that they don't have to worry about you worrying your business. They just love you so much that just want you to enjoy life instead of worrying big time. I guess everyone assumes that when you work for yourself, you get tons of uncontrollable problems. They just want to make sure somebody gives you the 13th month pay, the overtime and other medical benefits. LOL. --Maybe if you think about it this way, you won't feel bad about their being so negative anymore.
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  • Profile picture of the author Mehak
    hey, my family is exactly the same even till this day my dad says I should go get a 'real' job! I am an ex-Accountant so I can understand why he thinks I left a 'great' career to shoot videos on you tube!
    Anyway they do have your best intention to heart and it's about mindset some people get it and others simply dont.
    That's why a small minority of people actually make it online- because they think out the box and have the x factor lol
    and ofcourse there is the reason stereotypically people are seen to be more financially stable and better off in the corporate world. Dont take it personally.
    I used all my negative emotions and turned them into something positive, now no matter what people say at least I know I made it
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  • Profile picture of the author IMoptimizer
    I think your mother finds your job as something that wont last long. She's most likely scared that you don't have a backup plan. That's how I really see it. Family like to help out the best they can, even though they don't understand what it is you do.

    Why not tell them exactly what you do? They may be interested in it.
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  • Profile picture of the author RegalWeb
    Family members are not being "negative" when they tell you to get a 'real job'. They are just worried for your future. They don't quite grasped the idea of IM that's why they are being skeptical. They are worried that someday failure may come in your way. And that would really really HURT so much. Let us all be honest here, IM is not a surefire success business model Failure is very inevitable. We should explain to them the pros and cons of our business and let them understand why you love it in the first place in a polite manner.

    Always remember that whatever 'negative' they tell you. They are still your family. They are the ones who raised you and the ones that you'll run to if problems may arise.

    Cheers to all and happy holidays!

    REGAL WEB
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  • Profile picture of the author Darla
    People dont trust what they do not understand, so since your mom has no clue what you do to earn a living, she may be concerned that its not "stable" enough to provide for you and your family longterm. You earn $6K per day and she wants you to get a "real job"? That is funny!

    If you earned anywhere near that amount in the corporate world, your family would never see you, and when they did see you, you would be frustrated and stressed.
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  • Profile picture of the author joesfortune
    Interesting. But please don't take it out on your family. They are the only ones you have. They are just so used to seeing every member doing a "real" job. But even the time of Adam, there is always somebody in the family who will be different from the rest. Leave them be and just go on with what you are doing. They will see the light in the end.
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    • Profile picture of the author flowbee77
      Originally Posted by joesfortune View Post

      Interesting. But please don't take it out on your family. They are the only ones you have. They are just so used to seeing every member doing a "real" job. But even the time of Adam, there is always somebody in the family who will be different from the rest. Leave them be and just go on with what you are doing. They will see the light in the end.
      Hello Joe,
      Yes, I will not take it out on them. I will always love my family. I have just learned not to be to forthcoming on what I do. I just try to be as general as possible by saying "I work for myself", which at times can probably lead to more speculation.
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      • Profile picture of the author Darla
        Originally Posted by flowbee77 View Post

        Hello Joe,
        Yes, I will not take it out on them. I will always love my family. I have just learned not to be to forthcoming on what I do. I just try to be as general as possible by saying "I work for myself", which at times can probably lead to more speculation.
        I agree with you that the "I work for myself" may lead to more speculation and concern. Maybe you can be a bit more specific. "I sell digital and physical products online. Many people use the internet to get information and look for products they need to solve certain problems, and my job/business/work is to act like a middle man and help them find those products. The only difference between my business and Joe's shop on the corner is that my business is on the internet, so I get customers from all around the globe, and his business is local, so he is limited to local customers only."
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  • Profile picture of the author ninjawarrior
    flowbee77, welcome to the club!

    i have the exact same experience as you. as soon as i mention the word "online" my family starts giving me strange looks. i don't know for sure if that's negative or positive, either way, it's particularly annoying. i mean, hell, can't you just be happy i'm at least doing "something" to earn a living?

    but yes, i agree with the previous posts, they are family after all and may simply be concerned. (i especially like the ones about generational/cultural stuff and the employee/businessman mindset - certainly puts things in perspective.) personally, i wish they'd just show some support.
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    • Profile picture of the author StephanieMojica
      I've learned the hard way not to talk about my business to people who don't understand what I'm doing. Too many "well-meaning" people, in and out of my family, think anything money and Internet-related is a scam.

      Peace, love, happiness, and prosperity,
      Stephanie
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  • Profile picture of the author ThomScott
    LOL ... THAT type of reaction from family and friends is more the rule than the exception.

    Unfortunately, many people have a hard time being happy for others in their success without somehow taking it as an incrimination on their own life choices or level of success.

    So, when they hear of a friend or relative that is doing very well in their own business - yet not in a business that would have the appearance of prestige (like a big office building with your name on the front door), they NEED to downplay it or brush it aside as 'not a real job' in order to justify their chosen path.

    It's really kind of sad that they can't just have security in their own choices as being the best for them. They have to convince themselves that EVERYONE has to do it their way (or the way everyone's always done it).

    I find that asking them about their jobs and giving them ego strokes for what they do helps transform them to a more accepting - live and let live - attitude.

    Even if there is no change, however, just knowing why they have this inner conflict that they feel the need to denigrate your profession helps you to rise above it in your head and instead of being defensive you can smile inside and choose to love them anyway.

    All the best,
    Thom
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  • Profile picture of the author Leather
    Originally Posted by flowbee77 View Post

    I have always wondered what the psychology was of loved ones and family members who are always negative. They will tell you "to give it up" or "get a real job". I learned this long ago. That is why I have never told my family what I do. I keep it to myself. (Note: I am single and live in a very well to do condo).

    During the thanksgiving holidays I was asked what I do for living and I told them I worked for myself (I did not elaborate anything else). And they looked at me as though I had said I was a porn star or something. Geez! My brother, who is a manager at a national retail chain and who makes a heck of a lot less than I do gets more respect than I do from family members. Honestly they think I am just moments away from being on the street.

    I make a little under 6,000 per day and have been doing so for just over several months but my mother, bless her heart, even though she knows that I am doing well financially still prefers that I "get a real job". I don't know if this is a generational thing or what but I have always wondered what the psychology of loved ones who seem to not want you to succeed. Is it some weird kind of jealousy? Is it over protectiveness? I know the expression "you always hurt the ones you love" has something to do with it and was wondering if any of the other members have stories to tell. I would love to hear them.
    I knew I had finally made it when my mom finally stopped telling me to go back to college.

    There is something about a 'real job' that the average person looks at as a 'guarantee.'

    The truth is there is no better guarantee than being in control of your own money instead of being at the mercy of some mid level community college graduate manager.

    People just fear what they don't understand. Show your mom all those people with 'safe jobs' that are in the unemployment line and maybe you'll get the respect you deserve.
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  • Profile picture of the author Juderter
    Lol...I hear you. Alot of my family is pessimistic as well.
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  • Profile picture of the author CrhisD
    Originally Posted by flowbee77 View Post

    I have always wondered what the psychology was of loved ones and family members who are always negative. They will tell you "to give it up" or "get a real job". I learned this long ago. That is why I have never told my family what I do. I keep it to myself. (Note: I am single and live in a very well to do condo).

    During the thanksgiving holidays I was asked what I do for living and I told them I worked for myself (I did not elaborate anything else). And they looked at me as though I had said I was a porn star or something. Geez! My brother, who is a manager at a national retail chain and who makes a heck of a lot less than I do gets more respect than I do from family members. Honestly they think I am just moments away from being on the street.

    I make a little under 6,000 per day and have been doing so for just over several months but my mother, bless her heart, even though she knows that I am doing well financially still prefers that I "get a real job". I don't know if this is a generational thing or what but I have always wondered what the psychology of loved ones who seem to not want you to succeed. Is it some weird kind of jealousy? Is it over protectiveness? I know the expression "you always hurt the ones you love" has something to do with it and was wondering if any of the other members have stories to tell. I would love to hear them.
    It's weird but you're in good company. Porn stars make a lot too, but they can never really tell anyone what they do. Also prostitutes, never mind the fact that prostitution is legal in some countries and one state

    One of my friends is a "working girl" as the euphemism goes. She was just telling me the other day that when someone asks her, and she says "I'm a prostitute!" people tend to laugh and say "no really, what do you really do?"

    It's just weird that people don't accept these things. Maybe you should show her your bank balance or something
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    • Profile picture of the author flowbee77
      Originally Posted by CrhisD View Post

      It's weird but you're in good company. Porn stars make a lot too, but they can never really tell anyone what they do. Also prostitutes, never mind the fact that prostitution is legal in some countries and one state

      One of my friends is a "working girl" as the euphemism goes. She was just telling me the other day that when someone asks her, and she says "I'm a prostitute!" people tend to laugh and say "no really, what do you really do?"

      It's just weird that people don't accept these things. Maybe you should show her your bank balance or something
      Thanks Chris for the story. It was funny.
      My Mom knows I make quite a bit of money. The brand new Porsche gave her a clue but I think she thinks I am not "stable" enough. She knows I make a lot of money but she is afraid that it is not permanent I guess.
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      • Profile picture of the author CrhisD
        Originally Posted by flowbee77 View Post

        Thanks Chris for the story. It was funny.
        My Mom knows I make quite a bit of money. The brand new Porsche gave her a clue but I think she thinks I am not "stable" enough. She knows I make a lot of money but she is afraid that it is not permanent I guess.
        Maybe you should buy her a house. Or two LOL
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  • Profile picture of the author greenowl123
    I think most likely they are not capable of understanding what you do. They have the mindset and ideas of years gone-by. The world is a different place now and most of the older generation do not have a clue about new ways of living and succeeding in the world today.

    They may also be envious, who knows ? I know I have at least one family member who is envious of me.

    Or, they might think that "a real job" is a guarantee of security. In reality "a real job" working for somebody else is very precarious. The only security in life is knowing how to seize opportunities. Relying on somebody else to sign your paycheck does not seem very wise to me.

    Next time you talk to them, ask them what "a real job" is. See if they can explain it to you. Ask them if they would rather work at a "real job" and earn $3,000 a month or at a "fake job" and earn twice that much.

    Maybe if you invested some of your $6,000 a month to buy property/real estate and then rent it out they could understand that. Or start a "real business" like a restaurant or dry cleaning business - that might be something they could understand.
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  • Profile picture of the author maidmarion
    What is wrong with saying you sell products online, if that is what you do! These days ordinary shops also have an online store, it is becoming necessary, and every business has a website!
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  • Profile picture of the author maidmarion
    To say you work for yourself is pretty vague. People can only imagine what that might be! eg. Cocaine trader! they work for themselves and live in a condo too!

    Anyway, congratulations on earning such a good living!
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  • Profile picture of the author BloggerDeen
    Welcome to "Get a Real Job Club"!!!!. Most IM's face that kind of thing.
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  • Profile picture of the author Racquel_McFarlane07
    Banned
    It's not that they have a bad feeling of not wanting you to succeed, its actually just a psychological thing. People in general when presented with something that they do not understand will usually form a negative opinion about it as an instinctive defensive response. In terms of your brother getting more respect, that is because they can mentally put him into a box and that is a safe place for them. Not knowing anything about how you are making your money is worrisome and produces feelings of fear and negativity.

    My best suggestion if it is really bothering you would be to open up to them and tell them about what you are doing, maybe they may want to learn from you to help better their financial situation.

    Hope this helps
    -R
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    • Profile picture of the author johnmatthews
      Hi good for you that you make 6000/day and bad for you your family cannot understand you and does not respect you.
      Your best bet would be to show your brother your earnings and tempt him to leave his job and follow you!
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      • Profile picture of the author smartlazy
        Banned
        A lot of people in the real world can't relate with the world of IM. In my case, my mother sometimes tell me to get a real job, although she's more sympathetic with my situation because I talk to her about what I'm doing on the Internet. So she's pleasantly surprised that I make more money sitting at the computer than what I earned in my previous job.

        Most people think that having a real job equates to financial security. Until the recession hits and people lose their jobs. I'd rather work for myself and flirt with the risks and dangers of business, than work for someone else and risk losing my job due to recession, downsizing, etc.
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        • Profile picture of the author flowbee77
          Originally Posted by smartlazy View Post

          A lot of people in the real world can't relate with the world of IM. In my case, my mother sometimes tell me to get a real job, although she's more sympathetic with my situation because I talk to her about what I'm doing on the Internet. So she's pleasantly surprised that I make more money sitting at the computer than what I earned in my previous job.

          Most people think that having a real job equates to financial security. Until the recession hits and people lose their jobs. I'd rather work for myself and flirt with the risks and dangers of business, than work for someone else and risk losing my job due to recession, downsizing, etc.
          Yes, absolutely, at least you have control over your situation as opposed to working for someone else.
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  • Profile picture of the author PeterDunin
    interesting story,if it was me I would tell people what I did because you're doing very well from it and you should be proud!I think the reason people don't see this as a proper job is simply because they don't understand how it works.
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    • Profile picture of the author Kay King
      I make a little under 6,000 per day
      6000 what? Dollars? I honestly find it hard to believe any family member would be negative if you are earning almost $180k a month so now I'm wondering what currency we're talking about.

      kay
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      • Profile picture of the author Clyde
        Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

        6000 what? Dollars? I honestly find it hard to believe any family member would be negative if you are earning almost $180k a month so now I'm wondering what currency we're talking about.

        kay
        I think he meant GBP.

        OK, that's even worse! :p
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        • Profile picture of the author Radcliff
          Yeah I have the same problem.It is very difficult to overcome the negative thoughts when it is heard all the time.We got to have a steady motivation,unless we lose the game.

          But there is another side too,family members are the only people whom stay with us whatever the situation is.That can be a huge support to someone.
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          • Profile picture of the author flowbee77
            Originally Posted by Radcliff View Post

            Yeah I have the same problem.It is very difficult to overcome the negative thoughts when it is heard all the time.We got to have a steady motivation,unless we lose the game.

            But there is another side too,family members are the only people whom stay with us whatever the situation is.That can be a huge support to someone.
            Radcliff, you are absolutely correct about steady motivation. I find that it is very easily to be negative, because it does not take any effort.

            What I did when I started was become "robotic" with my work ethic. I would literally tune everybody out when I worked online.
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      • Profile picture of the author flowbee77
        Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

        6000 what? Dollars? I honestly find it hard to believe any family member would be negative if you are earning almost $180k a month so now I'm wondering what currency we're talking about.

        kay
        Hello Kay, very good to meet you. Haha, yes it is US Dollars. I work from the US and most of my business is from the USA.

        My mother knows I make a lot of money. Every time I try to explain to her exactly what I do I can tell by the look in her eyes that she doesn't understand; and she drifts away from the conversation. Especially since I do not do one specific thing. I do everything from sell durable goods on the internet, I do consulting, I offline market, etc. etc. I learned a long time ago never to "put my eggs in one basket". Which confuses my mother even more.

        My mother has several times told me to "get a real job". This is usually followed by "when are you going to meet a nice girl and get married."

        The other relatives during Thanksgiving gave me somewhat of a cold shoulder, when I told them I worked for myself. I guess they did not approve.
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  • Profile picture of the author tommycp2
    yeah I tend not to talk about businss to my family members... It just makes my life a life alot easier and I get more success that way... as soon as I start talking to my family memebers about business they say... ohh but you can't do that... just because they have had a job mindset their whole life.
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  • Profile picture of the author Prince Of Persia
    Lol that's a funny story there.
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  • Profile picture of the author Drizlek
    I know I have heard the old "Get out and get a REAL job" line before myself. I mean I can understand the concern to a point... there are things you don't necessarily have access to like insurance, investing in the company, ect.

    That is until I should them what I make... then they are not too critical. LOL But I do think it is very important that you do plan as best as you can for your own future and do thing like saving accounts, CD's, etc.

    As far as things like insurance go, these days you can get it pretty inexpensively. You just need to make sure you shop around and get coverage you will actually use and not just any old policy.
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    • Profile picture of the author flowbee77
      Originally Posted by Drizlek View Post

      But I do think it is very important that you do plan as best as you can for your own future and do thing like saving accounts, CD's, etc.
      Absolutely Drizlek, I agree with you. Always put some money aside for emergencies.
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