What to do when the biggest negative influences are your direct family?

30 replies
Since what feels like forever, I've being a firm believer in positivity and positive thinking. As part of a sports team we always go on the term "encourage" rather than getting on each other's backs.

For a while I've actively being removing any negative influence on my life to the extent that I don't watch the certain news channels because I feel they scare-monger too often.

But living at home still, (I'm 22), I've found that the most negative person in my life are my parents and mainly my Father. And, I can't help but feel it is holding me back in a lot of ways.

I know there is many thought's on how to respond to nay-sayers but what do you do when it's your own family!? :/

Everyone's advice and input is much appreciated.
#biggest #direct #family #influences #negative
  • Profile picture of the author Stephen Dean
    That's typical, frankly. Family members are usually the first ones to shoot down business ideas - especially if your business would make you ultra-successful.

    Family members typically have the same opportunity to achieve, so if one is ultra-successful it kind of points a finger at the ones who are not. To keep things equal, family members can fall in to the habit of keeping others down so they don't look bad.

    Or it could just be that your Father thinks he knows best - and wants you to do things the way he would.

    How to cope? I've been in this business since I was teenager. I just learned not to talk to my family about it...

    ...until they all started asking to work for me.

    Cheers,
    Stephen
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  • It's not how negative people are around that you should get rid off. It's more how do you see them.

    I have parents too. I do not speak my all of my interests with them at all. It's easier.

    Other people don't have same thoughts, beliefs and ideas that you have, so they never really do not know whats in your head.

    To nay-saying parent you could say:
    "Hay daddy. These projects that I'm doing. It makes me happier every single day. I would rather be loathed for who I am, than loved for who I am not."
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  • Profile picture of the author andreac
    I think this is a common thing among entrepreneurs. I mean, not very many people are entrepreneurial. A lot of people come up with ideas and then shoot them down.

    I used to run into this with a former (love) partner. When I would come up with business ideas, he'd immediately tell me all the reasons they wouldn't work. Even when I explained that I was brainstorming and trying to explore ideas, he would still come up with crushing criticisms.

    Over time, I recognized that he just had not got an entrepreneurial bone in his body. (And that he was not a right fit for me either - but that's another story.) So I joined some entrepreneur groups where I was with people who got very excited about business ideas. It made a world of difference.
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  • Profile picture of the author ronywilliam
    Quote: "you can only connect the dots looking backward and you can never connect the dots looking forward." ... Watch this video if you have not seen it before.

    also

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    • Profile picture of the author steveo
      This is so inspiring. Follow your heart even when it's hard to, I want to have the courage to follow this advice too. This speech by Steve Jobs was ranked highest out of all college speeches!
      Originally Posted by ronywilliam View Post

      Quote: "you can only connect the dots looking backward and you can never connect the dots looking forward." ... Watch this video if you have not seen it before.
      YouTube - Steve Jobs Stanford Commencement Speech 2005

      also

      YouTube - Life=Risk--Motivation
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  • Profile picture of the author pirondi
    If you play a sport you know that Negative emotions and complaining dont change anything.

    If you want to get better you need to understand your mistakes,and train to fix them.

    But not everyone understand this,most of people just pass the life complaining instead of acting.

    I already played 14 baseball tournaments,the most important thing that i learned and that maded diference is that there is no Good or bad person,you just need to train hard and understand your mistakes...so complaining or having negative toughts is just running away.
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    • Profile picture of the author apl
      Besides what has been said, I guess you could just stop to try to understand your father. For sure he wants the best for you, and in his point of view perhaps you are not in the best track. That is happening to me exactly right now. But it is fine, you get negative feed-back but you know you are doing your best in whatever it is that you really want to do. If that is the case, congratulations, you are on the right path

      I like having a good communication with my father, and I don't mind that he disagrees sometimes with me. Generations change, mindsets change. But family ties are important, there are just somethings that won't break.

      So don't fight with your father or anything. Explain yourself so that he doesn't push excessively in the direction he is promoting, and take the lead of your life. With love and gratitude towards him all the time.

      And think of the various ways he suffers and in the various ways he is unsatisfied with his life. It is normal for someone with suffering to be negative sometimes... good luck! :rolleyes:
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      • Profile picture of the author Vector
        I feel for you brother! I feel the same way about some of my family. Still, love them but keep filling your brain with the right stuff. AND definitely start planning a move out into your own place as you are able to. Here you will find the skills you need to make it happen. Best of luck and keep us informed!!

        Jay
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  • Profile picture of the author BlondieWrites
    There will always be negative people when it comes to any part of life, business included. And sometimes that does (sadly) include family members.

    Here's what worked for me, and hopefully it will for you also. If the person is offering advice, the first time or two simply listen and thank them for it. They probably do truly have your best interests at heart, especially family members. At the same time, assure them that you are listening and considering their thoughts but let them know that you know what you're doing. And if you're doing well already, let them know that this is your business, your way of making a living. If you're not doing so hot yet with business, take their thoughts into mind and if need be, act on them.

    It can get old (and fast) when family keeps on about your business (or lack of it). The thing to remember though is that working online and interest marketing simply isn't for everyone. Sometimes we have to go back into the workforce outside of the home. Sometimes we have to work our business around working for someone else.

    And if you're one of the fortunate ones who've managed to make a living working online and working for yourself, then kindly and politely let the family members know that you are doing fine that you appreciate their concern but that you're grown and able to make your own decisions.

    You say are are 22 and that's probably got a lot to do with them thinking you aren't old enough to know what you're doing yet. News flash.. us older folks get that too! So it's not just about age. A lot of folks still tend to think that the only *real* job is working for someone else. That kind of thinking makes me wonder what they think about the business owners out there. Funny thing is, that's what we are! We own and run our own business. We just happen to do it online....

    Good luck!


    Cindy
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  • Profile picture of the author giljimenez
    This is such a great post.

    I'm an avid listener when it comes to personal development.

    They say to leave the people who are negative. However, like you said,
    sometimes they are the people you live with.

    And you can't just up and leave.

    I've realized just locking myself in my room, going out to the nearest bookstore, library
    where I can get quite is the best way to get out of that negative space.

    Do that until you can afford to move on your own.

    I would also hand a book over to them that has to do with positivity and just hope
    to God that they read it and apply it.

    I hope this helps you right away.

    Blessings your way!
    "Success is right around the corner...keep walking...if you want to get there faster...run!" - Gil Jimenez
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  • Profile picture of the author BenoitT
    Do you ever though negative influences isn't bad at all if you begin by understanding what the other want. Parent often judge very fast. Same problem here before and I did some stupids move to show them I own my life and they almost kicked me out of the house.

    The reality is they want the best for you. It is way easier to convince your dad if you do it step by step without hurting his believe too much. Just a little bit every day. You will put doubt inside his head everytime.

    That's what worked for me
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    Benoit Tremblay

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  • Profile picture of the author kurttasche
    I think a big part of the problem with family, is how their generation was raised. I myself am 40 and my mother is very negative about any online business ventures.

    My mother's generation was raised believing you had to - go college, get a job, work till your in your 60's, then retire for a piddly pension, and maybe get social security.

    Running your own business from home, especially on the Internet, goes against everything they've been raised to believe.

    You just need to surround yourself with positive people so their positive energy will drown out the negative energy from your parents.
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  • Profile picture of the author Aimee Vo
    Along with everyone's encouraging comments, here are just my 2 cents.

    Your parents will always be your parents even if they tell you should get "get a real job". They will eventually change their mind when they see that you're getting results.

    You need to find a 'reason' that motivates you if you're parents aren't there to be your rock. So here's a suggestion, get a cork board and stick all your goals, your dream house or whatever motivates you that gets you closer to your goals and start creating your vision board.

    And giljimenez just reminded me what I use to do when I was studying, I would go to the library to get away from my parents and that was when I got some peace and quiet and was able to focus. The other perk is 'free wifi' - yay.
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  • Profile picture of the author Fred1
    It may be time to move out of your parents home.

    When I moved out of my parents home, I was a BROKE college student. I rented a room in a house that was a converted closet! The room was tiny & I shared a bathroom & kitchen with 4 other guys who also rented rooms, but the rent was dirt cheap and it was my own place!

    Another thing you can do is to stop discussing your goals & dreams with your family. It's tough, but it should lessen the negativity.
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  • Profile picture of the author Chevy5
    Like Stephen, I no longer talk to family members about anything I'm trying to do because it is all negative from their end. They don't understand anyway. I just keep trying and keep it to myself. Like most people, negative remarks brings me down, and pi**es me off. It's hard when you don't have a cheering section.
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  • Profile picture of the author mypiapo
    I feel you my friend. My father is the same way, even though i know he means well. i tell him about my online business venture, and he says "Well i hope it works". But inside, i know that he doesnt really believe its possible. Now, when its your family, it can be dis-heartening, because you expect your family to support you.

    But look at it this way, because it will give you strength. Even though your family may not believe you, or even support you, understand that you chose to do something different. And since you chose a different path, you obviously believe its possible. And even though you would like the support of your family, your belief in yourself is all you need. Also look to the future. One day, you will prove everyone wrong, all the one's who did not believe in you. Think about that day, and imagine how strong you will feel on that day, but harness and feel that strength now. Know in you heart that you can and will do it, and then your parents will see one day that you were right. And no matter what you do, be strong in yourself. Never let anyone tell you what to think or believe, and never let their lack of faith affect you, and you can do anything. Trust me my friend, im going through the same thing, and just imagining the day when i prove everyone wrong, its helps me stay positive and re-grasp my own strength. Hope this helps you. STAY STRONG .
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  • Profile picture of the author Daniel Harper
    Some parents show love by troubleshooting all potential problems for you.

    Unfortunately, the don't understand how frustrating that can be for a child who just wants to hear an occasional positive word.

    Maybe you could express, gently, your need to just be supported without all the doomsday advice.
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  • Profile picture of the author DIGITALCHAMELEON
    Well just consider as the great and toughest challenge in your business venture then if your overcome it will consider as a great success.
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  • Profile picture of the author JagSEO
    Hey MalBryc you just need to accept it. I'm seeing myself in you, you have to go through it to achieve your potential. It is on those moments that you will test whats within you and what really makes you a better person. Just don't listen to them. Just do what you have to do.
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  • Profile picture of the author MalBryc
    All you guys are amazing! Thanks so much for your great advice. I really appreciate you all taking time to provide me with your advice.
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  • Profile picture of the author Brianne
    Steve Job's Commencement Speech is a great listen for some encouragement!

    Don't let your father or anyone else get you down. Perhaps not getting into the details with him would help for now. Someday, when you are seriously banking $$$ I'm sure his opinion will change, but for now just stay true to yourself. If anyone in this world is able to be successful doing something that they ENJOY doing, well that's a blessing.

    Hang in there, take the opinions of others with a grain of salt, and just find your success!!!
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    • Profile picture of the author DudleyDog
      I totally understand. I try not to include friends and family in my business activities. For one, they don't really understand. For two, when people get jealous they will say anything to shoot you down.

      When I told them about the new car I was going to get, they said 'What do you want one of those for, blah blah blah?'

      But you sometimes need someone to confide in, right? If parents are the only option, you have my sympathy.
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  • Profile picture of the author LorrieJean
    To add a bit to the wonderful suggestions here~

    It's very painful when the people you love the most fail to understand or see your dreams for what they are. However, the power of opposition is it can really cause you to stand very firm in your commitments. For Instance, I had someone tell me I couldn't do what I wanted to do so I should do abc.. I was completely devastated that they did not see me for who I am. Yet, on further inspection it gave me the opportunity to really stand firm and ask myself some tough questions and that made caused me to be three times more dedicated. It strengthened my resolve and put me firmly on my path. It also made me further understand why I was even doing what I do. Now, I am barely suseptable to being offended if someone doesn't "Get it"

    I've attempted to share my online experiences with my friends and family I have since given up. Think of it this way: it truly is a different language... You have Java, HTML, PHP, WP, Flash, SEO, SMM PCC etc. Each one of these area's require a language. What is regular talk to us is foreign to others. I think it's great that your on the warrior forum so you can talk with others of like mind.

    I also encourage you to get together with others in your area. Check meet up boards, craigs list etc. If you can't find one start one. It's time to surround yourself with people who can support you, understand you and maybe even partner with.

    To your online success!

    Lorrie Jean
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    • Profile picture of the author Gayla
      Long time lurker here but slowly crawling out of my shell.

      I'm a firm believer in Law of Attraction and vision boards. I've practiced using them for years. I've seen them work - I've practiced the "faith" and had amazing experiences because of staying positive and believing that I really deserved good things in my life.

      Every now and again I fall off that wagon - It's been almost as constant in my life as taxes.

      I've encountered many negative people and have managed to remove them from my life, at least on a part-time basis. Most recently I'm finding it difficult to deal with the negative influences that are being projected from my husband.

      It's tough! I know!

      The things I have found to help lift me up when I'm struggling most is subscribing to receive emails from influential greats like Martha Beck, Joel Olsteen, etc. AND my vision board, dream board, whatever you want to call it board

      I hope you'll find your own way to deal with the negatives.

      Gayla
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  • Profile picture of the author JJOrana
    Here's my thoughts...

    God put you in your family for a reason. I believe you're in a mission to help your family to start living in a positive direction.

    It's not about you anymore, it's about them.
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  • Profile picture of the author steveo
    I've struggled with this same thing, sometimes it is influential but usually not. Look at it from their point of view and even try some of their advice, it's not permanent after all. Good luck
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  • Profile picture of the author ptpasta
    Hi there,

    I've been through that, as the lot of us, for sure. This is nothing more than a 'generational' issue. Know-it-all parents.
    I started my own first company 4 years ago, and it was all "well, if you think you can make it..." Thriving, huh?

    Then the company crashed, and I started again, but anything, ANYTHING, I did, he went on his thriving 'encouraging' mood.

    So, don't worry. Just don't tell nothing and keep yourself focused. As many people said, there will be a moment when he, or they, will start asking. Think about answering ONLY when that moment comes. It must be them who ask. If not, you will be making them feel 'pitiful'.

    Keep it up dude!
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  • Profile picture of the author Max Stryker
    I tell you something, if they're giving you a hard time, try explaining them what your doing if your goal is making money online. There must be a reason what they are holding you back, and the ultimate consequence is you holding yourself back.
    There's always a reason behind, so go to the core of the problem and solve it.
    Never stop believing in yourself. The minute that happens is the minute you loose yourself. No one will believe in you if you don't think you can make it.
    And if ultimately don't solve your problems with them, just go for your dreams and prove them wrong.
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