What do you do when your wife dumps on your parade?

That's a tricky situation because you feel as if "it should have happened by now." The truth is, no one promised you it would take a certain time period. Your wife at one time believed. Your job is to re inspire that hope of a better life within her. If developing an internet business is your dream, (and it's a good dream by the way), don't allow anyone including your wife to discourage you.

Scott, keep your dream alive. You may have to do somethings that you never thought you would, or could do. You must be willing to stretch yourself far outside your comfort zone and never accept a temporary failure as permanent. This is my favorite quote on persevering:

Most people stop digging just three feet from the goldmine. R. Ross Perot

Hope this helps.

Scott,

Does she really understand what you are doing? Perhaps if you tried to get her involved, it may give her a better understanding. Somehow to people that aren't familiar with online marketing, it all seems unreal.

It definitely creates a dilemma. I would say don't give up, but how will that affect your marriage? It's a tough choice.

Try to get creative in your approach where your wife is concerned. I am sure you are not just doing this for yourself, but for her also. I agree that you could do a lot of other time wasters that will never do anything, but you also have to make sure it's not all consuming.

Do you spend time with her in contrast to your time online?

Tough place to be in.

Thanks,

John

Scott you have obviously been around the forum for some time and probably know everything there is to know about IM. So why isn't it working for you? Are you engaged in the wrong type of projects?

Of course a wife should be included if possible but I know many who would never go near a computer. They treat it like an enemy, a mysterious bug to be squashed. I am not saying your wife is like that but she may not understand how it works and you may never convince her of your prospects until they produce.

If you are like me you probably spend hours and hours at the computer. How often do you take time off for family matters? This may be the problem. Also if there is nothing coming in is she worried about money etc.

God bless

Norma

If you're working a real world job, then just tell her your online efforts are your hobby for now. Who can lose faith in someone else's hobby?

On the other hand, if after two years you're not making any money online, and you're also not out working somewhere to help with the money, then it's a little easier to understand where she's coming from. Go grab a job, then do your marketing part-time until you're making enough to quit that job.

Either way, hang in there. You'll rekindle her faith.

this is NOT an issue "about your wife"!

Sorry....this is an issue about you doing marketing wrong. Sorry to rain on your parade.

You make an excellent point about it being a noble pursuit. Many guys spend their time:

Playing video games online
Watching football
Playing Golf
Sitting on a barstool slugging brew after brew
Watching porn
Having tawdry affairs
Fixing up an old car that will never run...

You spend your free time learning, growing, building a business, becoming a better provider. It hasn't happened yet but it will. Explain this to your wife. Let her know that she is the reason you are working so hard on become an IM. It's your passion. As she is your wife she should understand and accept this.

Also, keep in mind that there is nobody out there that truly understands everything you do and think and fell. Your wife is not you. There are some things that we must do alone because nobody else will ever understand. Do you understand everything she does?

That's why this forum is here. When she poops on your dream, we'll be here to keep it alive.

Good luck and hang in there!

If the bodies of those throughout history whose dreams were crushed by the 'well-intentioned, intimate sabotage' of those who 'love them so' were piled atop one another it would form a mountain so vast that it would block out the sun and tilt the earth off its axis.

I am not telling you what you should do.

I am telling you what I would do.

I would tell the wife of the scenario as it would be applying to me to never, ever speak those words to me again, and let her know that there is nothing, come hell or high water, that will stop me. NOTHING, and NOBODY.

I would never, never, never, EVER surrender.

I would move forward with infinite determination until the mountaintop is surmounted.

I would let any who would fall behind do what is in their nature to do.

I would utterly ignore the words of the faithless.

I would persist, I would learn, I would master, and I would WIN, no matter how long it takes.

Inevitably, there would be a crowd waiting at the victory line claiming they knew I could do it all along.

I wouldn't entertain a single regret if 'faithless friends' are not there at the victory feast to raise a glass in cheer.

I can tell you with total integrity that this is what I would do, because I have been in the exact same position, and it is what I did.

I found that life leans to greet such a focused mind with favor, and opens doors that grant entry only to TRUE BELIEVERS.

May fortune find you on your journey, which ever road you take.

I have to second John Rowe's point. If you're paying at least 50% of the bills around the house, not leaving your crap laying around in the way, and your kids see you at least often enough to know whether or not you have a beard -- all stuff a husband should do -- then she needs to go find someone else to harass, and you should tell her so. If you aren't pulling your weight as a husband then it isn't your Internet marketing that she's losing faith in. It's you as a husband, and you might want to do something about that.


Frank

Here's a couple tips that may help:

1. Explain to her what you are doing and why it takes time to learn and master. IM is a legit business and like any other worthwhile business it takes time to develop skill and then be able to apply that skill to produce results.

2. Show her how what you're doing will eventually lead to results. In other words, use the backward planning approach and show her how your daily steps in the right direction will eventually pay off.

3. Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, make sure she gets quality time with you away from the computer. The computer can really put a damper on the quality of the relationship. My wife and I have to pull ourselves away all of the time just to maintain a positive connection. She needs to know she is first. And make sure you do all your "honey do's". Seriously, getting all of my around the house chores done before I get on the computer pays off big time.

Stay focused on the goal bro. When she rains on your parade, it is sometimes a test of your commitment. One day at a time...

This could be a tough one, and there is no correct single answer. When your spouse has lost faith in your IM ambitions, it certainly turns up the pressure.

If you've spent "a few years" learning and doing Internet Marketing and still not produced a livable income, you might want to take a closer look at some things:

Your Niche: Is it big enough to support a comfortable living?
Your Product/Service: Is there a sufficient demand for it? Is it the right one for you? Are you still passionate about it?
Your Marketing/Promotional Strategies: Are you using the optimum tools/resources to expose your product/service to the right prospects?
Your Time Management: The number of hours you spend on your business is not as important as the productivity you get out of those hours.

Tweaking all or some of these things may give you the breakthrough you need.

In the meanwhile, the hurt that you are experiencing from a spouse who has lost faith and has given up, can be debilitating. You can't allow that to sidetrack you. Use it as a force to spur you onward. Apply some of the useful suggestions in the above posts and try to rekindle her support.

The road to success has its share of potholes, roadblocks and detours. The challenge is to find the best path to get around them and continue to your goals. The journey is actually more exciting and memorable than the attainment of the goal.

Stay the course!

Hermas

You tell her that you love her with every fiber of your being and that each and every day you wake up determined to give her financial security and a more comfortable lifestyle... You want this for your family, for HER.

Then, tell her that it absolutely BREAKS YOUR HEART when she belittles you or your efforts. Tell her exactly how much it hurts and how.

Or, you can do like most people, sulk, stomp off and/or ignore each other in the same room...

Hope this helps,

Brian

Get a new wife?



Just kidding - my wife thinks I should watch TV and not the computer. Who knows why? maybe some of you wives can answer that question.

Maybe she thinks it's something we are "doing together" but, for me, watching TV or a movie is an individual sport - the same as working on the computer.

Send me a PM and I can help you start earning some money Scott.

Well, in my case, it is my fiance that dumps on my parade, and I have learned to just tune him out. If you are happy and know what you want than nothing that they say should matter.

Hmmmmmm...Many choices!

Watching someone you love try to do something for so long without any success can be painful. Maybe she's justing trying to save everyone a lot of heartache. Maybe its her way of trying to give you a way out, of letting you know its ok with her if you pursue something else.

Get her on ebay or craigslist... you'll never hear from her again.

And you may potentially have another income source.

You have to change your beliefs if you want to change your results.

Reassure her, then work harder and more smartly. Invest your energy harder into ventures that can succeed. Too many wannabe IM's swallow BS as worthwhile businesses. Find something that is proven a hundred times to be a winning moneymaker. And don't take the sellers word for it.

When you have found the business and it pays off, you wife will have a new tune.

A lot of good answers here.. Just do what your heart tells you and normally it works out for the best.

Good luck.........Ricky

Scott,

Instead of 3000 forum posts, you could have written 3000 articles on a profitable subject.

Just a thought....

I have heard a few stories of people's partners not being interested in IM to the point they are quite negative about it. Then I hear once people start making money their patner's start encouraging them and suddenly want to know what they are doing... Keep persisting..

I got divorced for just that reason. You know what? My business life was never a sucess while I was with that woman . Too negative.
I was rich before I married and very sucessful after I dumped her. While we were together it was constant misery.

I stayed as long as I could take it because I was raising our daughter.After the negativity started affecting our daughter I filed for divorce. It took a 2 1/2 year war but I got custody and now me and the kid are happier than ever.

As a wife, although not one currently raining on my husband's parade, I have learned that when we're both of one mind, things go faster. We own a restaurant and I work from home, writing & web design. His restaurant business has gone further with my marketing/web design/ love& attention. My business has gone further with his support.

Is there a way you can - bring her talents & skills into your business

use your business to help her reach her goals?

Your marriage can be the greatest mastermind club you've got.
She might have no idea that her support affects you so deeply. She might be surprised to know that she hurt you by saying that, maybe she was just asking?

Do you rain on her parade? Try not to.

Bring your efforts together and as many people above have said include her in the process, it will bring synergy to your game. You'll be suprised how you can be helped by her not just motivationally but she might pick up on somethings that you aren't aware of. Make it fun!

Some great advice here.

My advice would be to stop trying to convince your wife! Although this may sound harsh, you need to remember that you cannot control how anyone else apart from yourself thinks and feels.

As well as ensuring that you are actually spending time with the wife and family, I would suggest asking her to understand that this is something that you have a passion for and that whether you make lots of money or not is not the point she should be concentrating on. The point is that this is an interest of yours with the potential of making money. Try not to force her to understand or get frustrated if she does not, just put it down to personal differences. Just like some men do not understand what women enjoy about say, window shopping, or some women don't understand what men get out of sport or train sets, just because you are together does not mean that you have to be involved and enjoy every single thing that each other does.

If she cannot enjoy and be a positive part of what you are doing, see if she can just stop being negative about it and just be supportive instead.

Marriage is not about having the exact same interests and beliefs as we are all individuals, but a good successful marriage will often have a whole lot of tolerance, support and understanding of each others wants, wishes and desires. Giving up a dream or goal to suit another person will only leave you resentful in the long run, which can end up ruining a relationship anyway. Good luck

I've been there!

It's horrid, because she just might be right - that's the first thought - and you haven't wanted to go there even in your own mind.

It is a dilemma - and you must welcome it.

Step 1: Thank her for her concern. Reframe it in your mind as an act of love - she's not intending to hurt you, she sees you hurting because you're getting nowhere, (or not where you wanted to be), and she's hurting too because she feels she's lost part of the man she loves.

Step 2: Now you have to search your heart about both issues - your "parade" and your marriage. Her words are a wake up call. If your dream of establishing an online business is just about the money, (and you don't care what you sell), then ask yourself what the outcome would look like.

What I mean by that is this: Imagine a miracle occurred and tomorrow morning you woke up and it was all working. The money's flooding into your Paypal (or whatever) account. What then?

What is it all for? What changes in your lifestyle would you then make? Retire to the Seychelles? Go directly to the Ferrari showroom? Take your wife on a world cruise?

More important still, how would you feel? I mean, okay, the first day or two, there'd be a lot of bubbly consumed, but then ... how? Secure? Free? What's the feeling(s) you're after?

You see, if it's just about the money, you could end up feeling pretty hollow anyway. Once you know what feelings you're after, ask yourself how else could you generate those right now? Security and freedom (et. al), are emotional states of mind - you can get there right now.

Beware too, of declaring what you don't want. "I'd be free of this lousy job" isn't a reason for compromising your marriage! There's lots of ways you could make money even without a computer!

Then you need to do the same round of honesty for your marriage. What's the feelings you want/need in that? Are they there? If not, how can you restore or generate them?

And that question that even your wife may not yet have dared ask, (so let me be so bold): If you had to give up one or the other, which would you choose? Which would hurt more?

I'll tell you my answer, because as I told you, I've been there - but before I do, please be aware this is not a "one size fits all" response. This just happened to be true for me, and I share it with you, (and anyone else who reads this), in case the process of how I dealt with it is useful, NOT because I'm advising you to do the same, okay?

My answer - which took a couple of years to fully work through - was that my "dream" was - and still is - to write and teach self empowerment and personal development. The internet just happened along and I saw it at the time as a way to bypass publishers and reach my audience directly.

As you have also found, that's not so simple, so I started to study marketing, website building and SEO, PPC, ... the works. Along the way, I lost sight of the dream and tried every which way to stay glued to the computer as long as I could make money so that I could go back to my writing - without being interrupted by a "job"!

My (then) wife's question re-awakened me to the fact that writing and teaching self empowerment, (which has plenty of other names such as psychotherapy, life coaching, self help, personal development and so on), is what I was born to do. Trying to stop me - or even trying to stop myself - and you might as well try to suffocate me. I'll fight back just as hard for what is to me my very life. It is who I am.

Gradually, it dawned on both me and my wife, once she stopped supporting me, that we were in the wrong marriage. It wasn't the only reason we divorced in 2003, but it was a big nail in the coffin of that relationship.

Her question, however, put me back on track. I stopped trying to establish an eBay business, or to market to the IM crowd because that's not what I'm about. So she was a great teacher.

In case you're wondering, I'm now very happily re-married to a wonderful woman who believes in what I'm doing, because to her, it is the diligence and the commitment to the dream that matters - not whether or not we end up with a large bank balance.

And that's what matters to me too. I'll never give up, (and I started more than 25 years ago - long before the net), and I still haven't made my fortune either, but I do what I love and I love what I do. I love my wife too.

It's a long answer, but you may have a long journey ahead.

Good luck, my friend.

Trevor.

Lie on the couch and watch TV for a month. Then see if she encourages you to get up and do something. She'll probably be more supportive if she thinks it was her idea :-)

i just pray!!!!!!! god can make any and everything right even if you may not like the outcome its tha right one!

Great post! tell her how u feel..communicate that is important

What do you do when she dumps on your parade?

Step back and take an objective look at what you're doing. If you've been pounding away on 'an internet career' for say 5-6 years, and you've never made a dime...maybe she's right. Sometimes you have to know when to say enough is enough, and maybe you personally can't see the forest for the trees.

If you've only been at this a couple months, then you need to make a choice. Do you want to put forth the effort to get her onboard with you, or do you want to educate her on how to use the emergency exits of the house.

Husbands and wives should be teams. If she's not on your team because she's right, and your efforts are for naught..thats one thing. If she's not on your team because she doesnt understand, or she's impatient, then she needs to either get on board, or get to steppin.

I think you have to keep a balance between your work and family life. One important thing to keep in mind, though, is that you cannot listen to people that try to squelch your dreams. If you keep working hard every day, you will find success - I am a firm believer of that.

Thank godess thats my main affiliate is the online shop of my wife.

Be practical. There is a problem and you need some help. If you haven't been making money for years you're doing something wrong. Hopefully she can be part of the solution. Explain to her that you want to make a lot of money and run your own business, but you recognize that what you're doing isn't working. Work with her to figure out a good strategy for you to try running a business that might make an immediate profit, and hopefully it will make money and she'll be behind you 100%. She loves you and wants you to make money for the family, or spend time with the family, but spending all your time for years on a business that isn't working doesn't seem too helpful.