Friend Just Got Engaged Via Arrangement

To be honest, I think it is pot luck with marriages in general.

Very few things on this planet stink worse than emotionally needy male.

Very few things sadder than women that put up with them.


Joe Mobley

I have some reservations about your opinion.I am 22 years old and I was born and bought up in India.So you can also think that I am defending our culture which I AM.But I want to clarify that even until 1930s marriage and virginity were synonymous even in Europe and North America which constitute western world.And at that time people normally used to date a person with whom they had an intention to marry.The basic change started with sexual revolution in 1960s when people started to consider commitment to one partner as an old-fashioned thing.But we must also not forget that the divorce rate of 50% which we see today in many western nations is a direct result of this mentality.I feel pain in my heart whenever i see a couple divorcing because the relation between a husband and wife is the foundation of our society.When people marry and have children it is called a family,when some families start living together it is called a neighborhood ,a collection of these small communities develops into a city and many cities merge into a nation .So if their is a problem in the basic unit of society and nation i.e family then it is going to have far reaching effects and it starts a chain reaction which has the power to destroy the social fabric of our civilization.Technology has given us many things but we have also paid a price for all of these things in the form of decaying moral values.The people who used to live 200 years ago,they didn't had access to computers,cars,planes,mobile phones or other things which technology has given us but they used to have a better family life then we have .And i would like to answer the question that how much time we need to understand a person.In my opinion dating a person and sharing a roof with the same person are two completely different things.Even if you are living with your parents,friends,siblings there are times when you will have serious misunderstanding with them but it doesn't means that we must completely cut-off our relationships with them.Marriage or living with a person is similar to whatever else we do in life it is going to take time to understand a person,to build trust and I think its a slow process like all other things in this world there are no shortcuts to building trust also .Life is another name of adjustments we all have to adapt ourselves to some extent to the needs of our family,friends and all the people with whom we have any kind of relationship.I am not saying that people must tolerate partners who are abusing or who use our emotions as a weapon against us.I know that there are times when we must just put our foot down and finish a relationship,but this decision should be based on the long term vision of our life and not on the short term.In my opinion it is much better to have a partner who will be with us in our 60s or 70s then spending our last days alone.If people will start thinking in this way then this world will look totally different .My recent blog post titled"The most Important Thing In Our Life:Our Mindset" covers some of my thoughts on the topic of marriage which you can read if you want.Please read only if you are interested my purpose in writing this reply was not to promote my blog post .I have written this post just because clara's ideas contradicts my belief in life .Please forgive me if you find this post too long.Waiting for your replies

This guy does have the option of not using his family as he can go to North American style dating and he has but only for a little bit - like an odd date here and a date there. I think it's also his discomfort and inexperience in the dating scene and with women in general in North America. So he's resorted to an 'easier' system to get hooked up.

It's no better or worse than any other sort of marriage arrangement, wether doing it yourself, using a matchmaker or having it arranged, the point is, you really never know anyone %100 and people change. It's all a gamble, so says the 50% american divorce rate. It's possible their way may be better as marriage is a tool for consolidating resources to care for and provide stable homes for the next generation. Everything else after that is icing. Those who forget that err on the side of blindness. Dowries, harems, polygamy, rotating polyandry, they all serve a purpose to certain people at certain times. I don't think any form is any valid than any other as long as the human race continues reproduce.

In every relationship type, you are going to have some happy couples and some unhappy couples...doesn't matter what it is. More than likely though, the norm is unhappy people. Its just the way we are made.

Parents know their children very well more than everybody else and are therefore the best person to judge what makes an ideal marriage partner for their son/daughter.

So I believe that in societies like India, an arranged married can work or an arranged date (for example a dinner) to get them to know each other etc... Also, it can work because their mentality is that way that it is quite constraint already in everyday life.

The role of the woman is very well defined. And this is one important reason to consider.
You know already that you will deinitely get what your mother was doing for you, and all the generations before her. Plus some bonus if your chemistry clicks.
Most likely she will be faithful, dress pretty for you, be able to cook endless curry recipies, share your traditional views, expecting to produce a few children etc...

I think it could work also in more westernised traditional families where you have the family dinner with parents and grandparents every sunday etc...

So the answer to your question, ccora, is a definite yes.