Do we really attract what we don't want?

I struggled with the whole "let it go" phase too. I read in this book called "Conversations With God - An Uncommon Dialogue" that real secret is to go into the mindset of appreciation.

If you've read Ask and It Is Given by Esther and Jerry Hicks you already know that when you ask, the answer is always yes.

What keeps you from manifesting it now or later is your level of resistance.

So when you think about the thing you want - ask yourself if you are appreciating already having it or if you are trying to figure out how to get it.

Receiving lies in appreciation.

The way to let go is to distract yourself with things that make you feel good. You can do this with external things, like watching funny movies or just inside your own head. (Think of the friend who makes you laugh the most, for example).

In short, feeling good is the key to letting go. The brilliant by-product of that is that people who feel good are naturally attractive and your soul mate is much more likely to show up when you're in that state anyway!

Abraham Hicks has said many times that nothing is more important than your feeling good - and with good reason.

If you'd like some tips for living this way, I have just published a book, "The Book Of Being" that may help. It's available on Amazon.com. (I hope it's okay to say that here. See sig).

Stay happy!
Trevor.

In order to attract true love and your soulmate, you will need to become a vibrational match to that which you desire.

So, I'm compelled to ask... How much do you love yourself?

Remember, this universe is one of one-ness. Self love is love. If love is what you desire, then love is what you need to be feeling. Love comes from within, not without.

When you resonate with self love, you will be much closer to attracting your soul mate, because you resonate with love.

After a series of failed relationships and a re-location, I gave up dating in all respects for 2 years and went on a personal development bender... Through getting in touch with my authentic self and many guided meditations, I attracted my soulmate. Now, three or four years later we live an incredible life together.

You can do it, too. Trust that everything is working out! Having trouble trusting???? Go meditate... Again.

I think that the only way to get what you want, is to take it.
Take every opportunity. Like you say you want to find your soul mate.
Well what are YOU doing about it.

Are you going out & socializing, are you meeting new people an potential partners.
Nothings handed to you in life, you have to earn it or Take it for yourself.

If we truly realised how much of our lives are out of our control I think we would go crazy. What we do control though is the environment that affects us. I think to give yourself the bed chances of love you've got to go the biggest pool of potential mates - is a big city. Then it's just trying different things, work and play, until you meet someone. The more relationships you have, the better position you are in to decide who your ideal partner is

The last months I have discovered that I am more cool. Even if things don't turn out the way I expect them, it is ok and I am much less disturbed by this. It is insane to cling on to, and expect that things will turn out the way you expect them to. Maybe that is due to my daily meditation routine. Meditation is highly recommended by me (30min to an hour)

But the end result is that I focus less on what I don't want (resistance) and more on what I want, which is awesome

As I read your post, it is clear to me why you're still in search for your soulmate, as your post is one of desperation and not of least resistance.

You go on to provide all the answers but still you finish with doesn't that mean I haven't let go? Again you're asking when you know in your heart that you have not...

I suggest that it is your paradigm that is holding you back, change your belief system and you will find what it is you seek, every single time.

People attract to confident people, time to start acting that way. You have set off your rocket of desire, you don't now have to chase it but act like it's already here. Sing, dance, smile, laugh and it will show. But don't sit and wait around - low vibration.

For what it is worth, I feel that you will move on from here.

I wish you well

I've been shedding light on that very question...I've been diagnosed with a chronic illness and feel a level of desperation, hopelessness, frustration and a plethora of other emotions at times. Those are the times I feel all of these questions rise and ask myself again and again...My confidence drops and I start wondering if I'm as far along in the journey as I thought I was.

I agree with you about my paradigm...I am actively investigating my belief system and starting with paying attention to my words. I have definitely gotten better with my choice of words. I suppose there are moments of...desperation due to my impatience. I never thought of the amount of work that it would entail when I started this journey. I'm learning to give myself a break and be more loving to myself...

In my experience and looking at others around me yes we really attract what we don't want. Its a fine line between thinking about what you want and thinking about what you don't have, this is key and it's actually very hard to stay conscious of all the time, which is why so many people seem to continually experience disaster, setback and general negativity.

I've heard Joe Vitale and big money makers say that you can't want something so desperately to the point where it drives you insane. I use to want money very badly but now I've calmed down and more so focus on helping people solve their problems. There's also a big name marketer I know of who's making tons of money online through her videos and websites and she said herself that the key to making money, is not trying to sell anything.

Well, Jesus said "you can have what you say." Unfortunately we say what we have so it persists. Just about everything is an inside job. Our thoughts and words shape our lives. See it, believe it, speak it and life will align. I believe you already have it. The question is why aren't you receiving it?

awesome thread!

When I read the first sentence I wanted to already reply with "you shouldn't want, it gives negative energy". So it's really funny that you started explaining after that.

I understand your situation and it's good that you are thinking about it.

What do you think you are feeling when you really WANT something. It's fear of not having that. It's not being satisfied with your current situation. It's negative energy. And negative energy in return blocks all positive things that come your way.

You also shouldn't think about letting go of wanting it to get it in the long run, because than you are just fooling yourself.

This is where you go back to the principles of mother nature and realise you can't really PUSH anything. It's the natural flow that drives us. All you need to do is tune in to the positive energy of the universe. We are all one. No need to be worried about the small meaningless things in our life, because that's negative energy again. And you know what that does... You live, things change, and you die. All you can do it deal with it positively.

Interesting discussion here. I love this thread

Interesting thread.

From my personal experiences, many of the things we want on the surface, are not necessarily what we truly desire from within. I often joke that we are all tri-polar, by which, we are composed of mind, body, and spirit, and seldom do the 3 get along!

For years, I remained trim and fit (body), I set goals and actively pursued them (mind), and yet, always seem to attract that which disrupted my innermost desires (spirit)...:confused:

Be it a philosophy of mine, but it often seems the challenge is to get these 3 components to agree, and "get along" or "align" so-to-speak.

In my experience (often lacking the preconceived or desired result), time reveals we get exactly what we asked for, and more often than not ...when we do, we need to come to realization the result was indeed exacting to the need, and truly was engineered previously in our mind, body, and spirit.

How many times do we experience something awful, and fail to see the benefit?

Yet, in time, reveals a more meaningful, and beneficial deeper message.

For many, (like myself) suffering and pain are 'silent' motivators that trigger our empathy, passion, and vision. I personally, had a hard time recognizing the end results were indeed of my own making, and were almost always beneficial to what I needed to gain a mindful understanding of the matter. (Be it money, relation, addiction, etc...)

For as much as I believe we can 'transmit' energy in all that in which we desire, it is in recognizing or accepting the "reception" process that shocks and awes us!

There is a 'perfect' harmony or balance to everything. We often attempt to 'recognize' the rewards, while 'blindly' ignoring the source of our sufferings.

This is a 2-fold process equally beneficial, once we 'uncover' all the pieces we've 'devalued' and tried to hide away... all that which that caused us pain, suffering, and fear (our weaknesses) -it is then, we can expand outside the body and mind, tap into the 'inner-spirit' and reveal the true source of our desire (love), we once thought was absent.

Not my best rendition, but it boils down to being appreciative of our weakness, as it magnifies our passion, increases our desire to rise above and overcome all measure of fear, and moves us into a state of being, as opposed to dreaming. It truly compels us to take action over the challenge.

This compounds our understanding; that our 'needs' take precedence over our 'wants', and the spoils are merely the reward for accepting the developmental stages we encounter. Hence the saying, the less I have, the more I gain. Pain forces (re)action!

For more often then not, in getting what we need, we must to come to realize; it at first appears to hold little or no relevance to that which we 'thought' it was that we wanted.

If your focus is on 'wanting' to find a soul mate (love) for example, and you continue to search 'externally' -chances are you are feeling incomplete 'internally'. We 'blindly' create those 'voids' and manifest the thought we are 'missing' something. It is then, the external influences disrupt us, or blind our focus as to what we need to recognize is already present internally.

The world, society, even the internet searches we conduct, is all relevant to that which we think we need. We are 'spoiled' to put it politely, as we place our dependencies in others, the world, money, sex, drugs, education... all our pain is self-inflicted!

Mankind, seeks love, power, and control...yet fails to have control and power over these blind ambitions, and superficially created nuances. Hell, I'm guilty...bigtime!

But being able to admit, is being able to accept, and with acceptance comes the ability to appreciate the "reception process" which is funneled through the 5 senses. The sixth is the ability to touch another, feel them, and be as one, in sync with the universe.

As stated above, find that 'love' within yourself, and it will attract it on auto-pilot externally.

In short, if you believe or feel you are incomplete... that is the vibration you are transmitting.

The likelihood of finding what you already possess, yet... fail to recognize, appreciate, or give yourself credit (such is as so with love) - the less likely the result you attract will sustain or compliment your 'preconceived' void.

We are 'resolute'...complete, and self-sustained. It is our unwillingness to accept this, which disrupts our being...mind, body, and soul.

Jesus stated; "I come to divide mother from child..."

Think about it, when you put something (anything) before your own needs, you sacrifice a piece of You. A piece (love for example) that often appears missing...yet it is quite the opposite, it is love which perpetuates our sacrifice, and suffering which measures our selflessness, creates empathy for others, and denotes growth in the spirit, and harmonizes the mind, body, and soul, and completes us.

A process to wit, I long to perfect, and seldom employ!

Just as your cane serves it's purpose, so do you. I highly doubt a superficial object (be it a cane or a cage) can contain your inner-love when you come to recognize it! -Such applies to money, education, addiction, as they are all derivatives of our human nature to feel incomplete. We try to fill the ever-present void. A void which we created purely from external sources, as we weigh those superficial 'desires' on scales that do not exist...yet has disrupted mankind for all time!

All the Best,

Art

PS - We are prisoners of our own making! (As am I, when I forget the above)

Interesting thread you have started and also many well thought answers as well as thoughtful input - seriously.
(OMG Art!! Take a breath or crack your knuckles or something!! lol j/k .. just skimmed - too f*@in long for me)

But as devil's advocate I have to add that ---- only in response to your thread title divingfenix ----> That's why divorce exists.

Sorry , but.... someone had to say it. ,, :0)

One can never long-term successfully fill in a hole in one's life or personality with something external, like a partner or money.
The first step has to be to love your life as it is and to love every aspect of yourself.

The reason why you "attract what you don't want" is because you don't care if you are losing those things.
This means you are not afraid of taking the risks that are neccessary to get those things (whatever it may be).

If you are not achieving something you want then most of the time this is due to lack of action and fear. You don't want to lose the thing you want completely (or let's say: the possibility of having it) - but actually you've already lost it if you don't risk losing it.

So try to accept everything as it is. If something you want works out then that's wonderful - but if not then that's okay as well because you are already happy. This mindset gives you the power to risk losing the things you actually want - and will most of the time end up giving them to you.

The key point its to have your attention to the direction you want. If you want to manifest something in your life then Pay Attention to it. By imagining, doing and repeating affirmations and watch motivational or subliminal videos what you really do its paying attention to what you want.

Letting go, means knowing is there but not focus to much on it, or better sayed get that desire or goal spring in your subconcious, but don't tought to much about it with your concious mind. It was a little difficult to me at first but with practice it becomes easier.

Hope this help you.

how many dates per week do you go on ? Finding a soulmate is a numbers game.

I had the man of my dreams very clear in my mind.

I joined match affinity and dated 23 times ( coffee dates )

No 24 proposed to me 6 weeks after we met, we are getting married in May and he is the most perfect man, I love him unconditionally.

Keep the faith,have a clear goal,take action every single day and never doubt for one second that when he shows up he will be the luckiest man alive to have you.

Look at it this way: there was a man praying to God everyday that he wants to win the lottery, after many days God tells him: please buy a lottery ticket!

Amazing responses here, so many answers.

Wayne Dyer helped me with this seeming dichotomy, when he mentioned about "not being attached to the outcome"

If, as others have said, you are cring out in desperation that is from a perceived lack in your life...it ain't a gonna show up...ever!
But, and this is the weirdness of the "tri-polar" part of our lives, it's only when we let go, that it can show up!

That's so blooming unfair we utter, as we rant and cry and plead and pray and...

John Demartini and Wayne Dyer both say about detaching from the outcome...easier said than done, but Jon D said it in a rather interesting way that worked for me.

He said remove the emotional charge around the thing, by going back to where it became charged with those negative emotions and pull.

WOW! Clarity, freedom and peace.

Our outward life is a reflection of our inward mind chatter...allowing everyone who knows how to read this way, to see inside a person very easily!

Not to judge, but rather understanding everyone is on their own journey with their own lessons to gain insight into.
It's a pretty awesome system when you stop to think about it!

All the best to you. Your contribution has certainly made a lot of people open up and has helped many.
Kindest...

The 'letting go' part is just a trick to get to a state of contentment where you're not coming out of neediness. Whatever works for you.

I think it depends on the way of thinking of the person. And also on the actions that we do. about it.

People attract like people. To actually "attract" things, it's impossible to just meditate on them and "attract" them to ourselves--however, we do get what we think about, so we must first think positively about what we want, but then we must ACT. It's about the thoughts, yes--but so much more so about the ACTION.

I'm sure you know this with internet marketing--you can't be successful online unless you work at it.

My advice? Become the right person and you'll get the right person.

"I'm not single...I'm observant." Single rocks!

Look up the work of Max Planck... thoughts create an energy which can give you what you are EXPECTING to get... you are EXPECTING to have to let go of what you want before you get it, so change your thoughts and EXPECT to get what you want WITHOUT having to let go of it... be careful what thoughts you focus on, for that sends out an energy which can create your REALITY... to change ur reality, change ur thoughts...

I HAVE A FRIEND THAT DECIDED TO BE GRATEFUL FOR WHAT SHE DID HAVE INSTEAD OF WHAT SHE DIDN'T BY SAYING "RIGHT NOW IN THIS MOMENT I HAVE EVERYTHING I NEED" AND AFTER THAT WHAT SHE WANTED STARTED COMING TO HER... SHE CREATED THE THOUGHT "I HAVE EVERYTHING I NEED" AND THAT SENT OUT AN ENERGY WHICH CREATED AND SENT BACK TO HER WHAT SHE NEEDED.... CHECK OUT THE WORK OF MAX PLANCK

How the law of attraction works really depends on the mind of a person that really wants or needs it. As it is presented in the book "The Secret", a person's mind sends waves or signals to the universe to the things, or person that they want, and that the universe will echo that waves back to the person. And that waves that the universe echoed back to the person, will eventually attract the person or the materials that the person wants to have.
Although one can also experience that what we really want never shows up, and that to some people, it is very disappointing and usually takes some time to really let it go. It is not that there are opposing waves that prevents it from attracting to the waves that your mind have been sending, but I have read that there are this ideas of "doubt" that usually will hinder the coming of that something or someone that you want. I have read this statement in a book "When in doubt, don't", which really explains that when a person has this doubt that are clouding his/her mind, he/she would not expect immediate outcome since there are still questions in your mind. It should require some acceptance before it will be given, since letting go is impossible if the person doesn't learn how to accept what had happen.

I saw John Assaraff in Brisbane last night (from The Secret fame) and he said that our thoughts can vibrate like a laser light.

If we can focus with clarity, which can only happen if we have congruency.

Then if we have that, the focus becomes so sharp, the strength of the attraction vibration is ramped up, it's like sunlight through a lens, where it ignites a piece of paper.

If we become more clearly focused and congruent in our thoughts, feelings and actions, this vibrational strength can become as sharp and as strong as a laser beam and cut through steel.

WOW!

The law of attraction, think we should read this...

I believe to get what you want in life, no matter what it is you need to;
Take some time to get in touch with your core values.
Get centered and figure out what you truly want.
Focus on how that would feel if you already had it.
Spend time on creating positive energy each and every day.
Walk around and live life with that feeling, that energy you created.
People naturally want to be around those who are enjoying themselves. By giving yourself permission to do more of the things YOU enjoy: you will see the things you want pull to you.
J

"if you dont know what you want, you end up with a lot that you don't"

I believe you should always think in the positive.
You will attract negativity to yourself if you keep thinking in this way.

Well true to the point you have to asses your potential would you be attracted to you if you were in some lady's shoes why and what is it that would be the pull factor in the relationship

well i think so, we do without unknowingly attract the things we don't want or like to have in life...

The more I contemplate and focus on finding a solution, I keep going back to beliefs...What are our beliefs? What are my beliefs?

It seems to me that how we view ourselves, life in general plays right into unconsciously attracting the very things we do not want. Ultimately we don't believe we deserve what we want and even though we keep vision boards or repeating mantras, unconsciously we are sabotaging the very efforts we are putting forward...

It is not that 'wanting' or 'hoping' slows your desires down, it actually only brings more wanting and hoping! You see energy does not hear words, it feels vibrational frequency and it has also been scientifically verified that our cells take their signal from our belief system, transmit this through our bodies (via the nervous/ electrical system) and this determines the frequency at which our body resonates.
What we resonates then attracts back the same frequency in experiences and opportunities, as the universal law states 'what is like unto itself is drawn'.
So when your belief is in hoping or wanting to attract a partner, you are resonating this frequency and energy brings you more experiences and opportunities of wanting and hoping!

What is also a key factor of attracting the right partner to you and I mention this in my book, is you have to be what you seek. That is you have to have defined who you are, love who you are and believe in yourself to attract a partner who loves, believes and respects you.
All too often people seek a partner to fill a void in their lives, they may have a lack of confidence or have low self worth and they seek out someone confident and out going as way of compensating. What energy does is match the frequency being resonated (that of low self worth) and attracts those who will maintain you having low self worth or lack of confidence, which usually means a controlling relationship, in some cases an abusive relationship.

The resistance is more letting go of the 'how' 'how can I find someone to love me?' 'what do i need to do to get someone to fall in love with me?' You see the 'how' is energy's job not ours, our job is to focus on our desires as if they are already here, it is to find out points of appreciation in our day to day experiences, why? because this raises our frequency and the higher your frequency the more you allow, the more energy will attract back high frequency in experiences and opportunities, pure unconditional love is the highest frequency there is, so the more you raise your frequency, the easier attracting love into your life becomes!

I believe you WILL attract what you DON't want if you think about what you don't want...

Whether we're talking about a relationship or fat loss (my expertise because relationships aren't!)...it is essential that your goal is positive because if you have been focusing on what you don't want - i.e. fatness/no partner - you will have been getting more of exactly that! Your mind will hunt for proof of whatever it is you believe. All beliefs are made up - they are possibility filters, so it makes sense to make-up beliefs that work for you. Think of your unconscious mind as a 5 year child or eager little puppy dog that just wants to please you and goes hunting for evidence of whatever thoughts you're choosing to entertain. Well how about this - your unconscious mind LOVES questions; if you ask it a question it will just go hunting for evidence and won't stop till it gets it (loyal little thing!) So what if you were to ask yourself questions like "why can't I stick to a consistent training and eating plan?" "why can't I find the right partner?" Just think of the (nasty) answers that puppies going to come back with. Alternatively if you were to run with something like "how can I be even more focused on living a healthy day every day?"...it's much more exciting to think of what that pups going to work (24/7!) on dragging back!
Here are the facts: 2 million bits of information are hitting your 5 senses every moment. You could not possibly handle this vast amount of information at once and so your mind filters this down to 134 bits and then a further 5-9; so lets say 7 chunks of information. The 7 that you chose (from 2 million that is!) are a reflection of your beliefs and experiences or more so what you choose to make these experiences mean.

If you were to focus on everything amazing about that ideal relationship you will much more likely attract/filter in evidence of exactly that into your life.
All the best.

In my view, the most important part of the law of attraction is the last six letters in the word "attraction" i.e. action.

I'm a firm believer in action, and let me expound to make my point clear.

Although the foundations of positive thinking, mental preparedness and the law of attraction are fundamental in the groundwork for change and success, the real power of the outcome is in the action.

I'll give you an example: When I was young I traveled extensively and worked my way around a lot of countries. My intention was to experience other cultures, and I was definitely looking for a soul mate.

I knew that I needed to travel for this to happen, as I had a definite sense that I needed to be in motion, in action, actively pursuing and making myself available for the right connections.

Without that forward action, I would never have found my soul mate, and she would never have come knocking at my door, or walked passed my house, nor would I have bumped into her in the local store, because she was oceans away in another country.

I'm not saying this is what you need to do, but I am saying that things don't necessarily happen just by waiting in your living room for the doorbell to ring.

It's a little like the saying, "...the rudder has no effect until the boat is in motion..."

I have had the greatest amount of success when I continually put myself in the position to win. When I try to figure everything out and overthink is when I get into trouble.

Have I figured it out? Definitely not, but I feel like I am getting better every single day.