Balancing Life, Family, etc.

I've not been in that exact situation, but for the past ten days I've had a brother in law, sister in law, a 2 year old and an 8 month old visiting. The initial visit was supposed to be 4 days. I feel like Chevy Chase in Christmas vacation, except I love my relatives. but wow. distraction and craziness. Oh, yeah, my youngest daughter, age 20, is also temporarily living with us. Did I mention we have a 1200 square foot rancher? I'm lucky that my wife also works online so she's supportive.
my first wife thought everything I was doing was a total waste of time and was only happy when i was at the factory working a repetitive labor job (preferably earning overtime) first wife, partially for that reason.
Kansieo, I feel your pain. Sometimes in life the goal is just getting through the day. Things change and one way or the other they work out. Good luck and hold on to your dreams (and your sanity)
peace to you!

Well said RobBritt

Kansieo, it must have been tough on you all these while. Looking after one kid alone is difficult and you have three and one of them has special needs. Speaking from experiences, special needs kids needs a lot of energy.

I may not have "THE" solution for you, but what seems to be happening to you is you are filled with a lot of tasks and responsibiilties that drains you of your energy and affects your mood. I ma not asking you to give up on your dreams, in factb like RobBritt said, hang on to it, cos it is so much part of you. Nor am i askign you to shove some of your responsbilities away. Perhasps some of the things you can consider is to do some things that makes you feel good or motivated daily? These do not have to be time consuming activites. It could be as simple as drinking your favourite cup of tea to feel slightly good or to look at someone in IM that inspires you etc tp be motivated . Yes, the difficutlies you face are still around, but if you slot in more of these things whe you can, you might be feeling slightly less bad and be more able to cope with the difficult stuff around.

And I guess your wife feels pretty much as frustrated as you are. But admist her frustrations what is it that she really needs from you, perhaps having clarified it then it can better guide you to tackle your difficulites one by one.

Its easy for me to say here, but I give you my moral support.

First of all Caffeneited Content is Awesome!!

Second of all, I think the best thing is to take it one day at a time. What is one thing that you can do tomorrow where you can find happiness for 10 minutes? Then try to increase that a little the day after.

I hve not been in the exact same situation but I have experienced very difficult times and I have found that when I focus on getting a little better each day, before I know I am back on top of the World again.

I hope that helps and thanks for being a father of three. That is a huge responsibility.

I feel for you man. Never been in this situation but I can picture what you are going through. I guess all I can say is that something better is in store for you. You just need to keep the faith, keep your chin up, and keep forging on.

great shares,,,,thanks

Kansieo -

How's it going? Any new news to share? I would love to hear about your progress.

I'm no expert by any means and I would communicate my needs to my wife if I was in your situation.

First set boundaries, work times, a closed door in your studio only to be bothered by an emergency; you could go every single day to a local coffee shop or similar place if that doesn't work out.

[Caution: Mindshift ahead]

When people sit down and evaluate whether they are doing a good job 'balancing' life, family, etc. they often have this idea that they're time is like a seesaw/teeter-totter. They believe that work life is on one side of the teeter-totter and home life is on the other and they feel that they have to run from one to the other as if always in an emergency and asap because they must put out the fire going on over on the other side!

Life isn't like that - seesaws and teeter-totters are balanced in the middle which means they both sides assume equal weight. This isn't how life works, instead of bouncing around from one to the other, knowing full well that you aren't satisfying either you need to adjust the fulcrum instead. (google 'fulcrum' if you don't know what i'm talking about, you'll understand better). the first thing you need to do is to remind yourself what you want. Not the big goals with the fancy materialistic stuff, but the general "who-am-i" stuff. Is it important to you that you leave a legacy of being a husband who was always there for his wife and would never let a divorce happen EVER?! or are you a guy that makes business run without letting outside influences screw you up? I'm not saying one is better than the other but you need to know so that you can remind yourself that you're making the right decisions. Then, once you know your priorities you have to be extremely 'present' in that space. I'm going to err in the direction that your wife means the world to you. When you're around, serve her tremendously. I want you to do so many things for her that you actually feel weird, you need to at somepoint say, "i'm not going to do that -- it's just not me." because she wants the romance back. She's frustrated and she's angry, but i'm telling you... start doing things for her that you haven't been. start serving her in ways that you know she loves to be served and let her see that you're being extremely present when she is around. Don't be judgemental, don't express your displeasure when things go to hell (for a while), just be there for her. This may sound weird, but it's not. You can't fix the problems with the same thinking that got you there in the first place. But this also isn't forever. Do this just for a season until she learns to trust you again and know that you're her man. It may be a few weeks of selfless servant hood on your part but after that have a talk about how you need to put some focus on the business. You need to provide for the family so that she can do her work and feel comfortable being at home. She'll trust you more and you have to communicate your vision for where the family will be within the next 12 months. She may not believe you at first but let her see that you're really putting in the effort. This isn't just theory. It works, but you really have to care. You really have to think where you want to be, communicate this to your family because you're the man of your family. She married you either because of who you were or who she thought you'd be. whichever it is, be better than that guy. Stand for something. I believe you'll do it. Do you?

Sometimes women expect too much in a man and vice versa so you both should sit down and have a chat. It sounds like you need a breather though, between work, household chores and the kids. Why not take a vacation and while you are there.. think of how you can balance everything out? Just a thought!