What about these kind of people ?

19 replies
"If you're absent during my struggle, don't expect to be present during my success."

Ever encountered these people ? The ones that show up only at parties and don't have a little bit of decency for coming earlier and help organize the party when you are asking them to.

How do you deal with them ? I alwasy feel the need to punch them in the face...
#kind #people
  • Profile picture of the author Jason Kanigan
    Glide past.

    Don't show them any sign of irritation. Don't let them see it getting to you.

    Don't spend any time and energy on them.

    Glide by. "Oh hi. Thanks for coming." Move on to someone who matters.

    You could create a barrier for entry...they have to bring something or someone...

    When you're ready, hire a doorman who can bounce crashers. All will be right in the world.
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    • Profile picture of the author TCwarrior
      punching them won't help (well, you thinking stress relief but you will get more stress afterwards when you get sued for assault )
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      • Profile picture of the author Shack0812
        Well it's not only about the party I was talking about, but more in life. When you encounter these situations, when they come to take part in your success, I feel frustrated...
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  • Profile picture of the author thetrusted1
    LOL! Very insightful and though-provoking post, Shack0812!.....Something that happens more frequently in our lives than we probably realize!

    My amazing wife, was telling me about this lady she saw on the news or one of her pinterest sites,.......

    This lady had apparently created a website or blog centered around "People Who I Wanna Punch In the Throat!".... lol......

    The history behind it stems from having a next door neighbor that totally outdoes her on every occasion...for example, come Christmas time,....this neighbor goes ALL OUT!,...as in mega-lights galore,..characters w/ motion and vivid colorful details on the rooftop, out the windows, on the lawn, driveway,....full-powered train with train tracks around the front yard.....The WORKS!....(and apparently similar for the other holidays as well).

    Well, so what this lady did,...besides gettin PO'ed at her neighbor, was to just create a simple, basic sign in the shape of an arrow (pointing at her "over-the-top" next door neighbor's house of course), simply with the word:

    "DITTO!"

    lmao!!.......Shack0812,........I think what you described,...most definitely belongs on her site!

    To deal?,....I like kaniganj's suggestion. You maintain your cool, calm, collectedness,...in an assertive yet confident way.

    Let the natural karma, LOA (law of attraction), LOR (law of reciprocity), etc.... take care of the rest.

    ...You Get What You Give, baby!!

    Respect.

    -therusted1
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  • Profile picture of the author thetrusted1
    True, TCWarrior!,.....actually "punching them won't help"......

    Heck! But you can always use your mind and do it internally!

    LOL!

    Thanks TCWarrior!

    (hmmmm.....is there a viable market for "mental punching bags" ????? I gotta check that!)

    Cheers!

    Respect.
    -thetrusted1
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  • Profile picture of the author paul_1
    Things like these happens a lot. Do not dwell much into it. It is just a waste of time thinking about that person. Punching them or having a feeling of hatred upon them is all negative. Either you start thinking about positive things or just completely forget them. Surround yourself with people whom you trust, believe and idolize and spend more time on them.
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  • Profile picture of the author Shack0812
    I see, that would be the best thing to do, but in that split second moment you just want to punch the *******s.. heh. Anyone else had encounters like these ?
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  • Profile picture of the author GT
    Whether at parties or in other areas of life, it takes a variety of personalities to make it work. Everybody has a place and a purpose (even if it's to demonstrate a poor example of something! lol)

    The people being spoken about here: examine them to see if they have potential, if they are worth the effort to work with. Maybe they just need a little coaching or mentoring?

    Maybe, when we notice someone like that, we could target them in advance of the next party or event and invite them to help with part of the planning. If they do help, they might feel more ownership for the event and might come early and stay late to help.

    If we show good leadership and we coach and encourage people along who show potential, they will win, we will win and everybody at the party will win!

    GT
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  • Profile picture of the author buckeyes09
    I've read that quote quite a few times the past few days.

    It's a little spiteful, perhaps reserved for those who said "you can't", not those who simply are absent (for various reasons).
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    Christian

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  • Profile picture of the author Mountainw
    Banned
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    • Profile picture of the author buckeyes09
      Originally Posted by Mountainw View Post

      It is your decision to keep the relationship or not. Some people do not help but they may be good people to talk and enjoy.
      Nah, I'll keep the relationships. They just won't sit in my Ferraris.
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      Christian

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  • Profile picture of the author sunray
    Do you know where the word 'client' comes from? In Ancient Rome patrons who had high standing, had clients--people who had less wealth and power. The patron would patronize his clients in legal matters, lend them money and so on, the client in return offered his services and each day paid his respects by visiting the patron. When the patron lost his power, his clients usually fled to another patron.

    So, those people that are only present at a party, are your clients. Your real friends are the people that show up especially at the time of need.
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    • Profile picture of the author 1luckyman
      It is said "Success has many fathers - while failure is always an orphan" People are attracted to and like to be associated with success, Even if they can't really tell you why.

      One of the privileges of success is being able to positively influence others, close by and further afield, if you choose - adding nobility to your motivation.

      Some think the more you give the more you get back.

      Sure it can be galling and maybe your instincts are right here but worth thinking about whether there is scope to take the broader perspective
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  • Originally Posted by Shack0812 View Post

    "If you're absent during my struggle, don't expect to be present during my success."

    Ever encountered these people ? The ones that show up only at parties and don't have a little bit of decency for coming earlier and help organize the party when you are asking them to.

    How do you deal with them ? I alwasy feel the need to punch them in the face...
    There are probably as many possible responses to your post as there are readers of it.

    What I have found has taken a life time to figure out and I am a slow learner.

    I feel that a person that may make a statement like that has not really found true lasting success. That quote has a lot of obvious bitterness in it.

    You need others to be successful. When you know that you are having a negative emotional response you may want to consider taking the opposite course of what that little voice is saying.

    If you want to make a friend the best way is to be friendly. Teach them, put a smile on your face and see what comes back. I don't think we will solve this in a post so.....

    Instead of a punch how about a kiss? (HUH!)

    Now the whole mess is the other persons problem and you are refusing to let it be yours anymore. THEY WILL NOTICE! At some point they will be there working right beside you.

    ld Dog IMVHO....
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  • Profile picture of the author Fatality
    Yeah everyone has faced those kind of people. I usually just don't mind them because that's just how some people are and I doubt anything I say will change them.
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  • Profile picture of the author Ltespd
    Originally Posted by Shack0812 View Post

    Ever encountered these people ? The ones that show up only at parties and don't have a little bit of decency for coming earlier and help organize the party when you are asking them to.
    What I appreciate are the people who stay and help clean up after the party. It's something I always try to do.
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  • Profile picture of the author thetrusted1
    Amen, Ltespd!

    ...Those friends, however,...come few and far between!...
    ..
    .....And even then,...you sometimes ask yourself,.....hmmmm,...is this a genuine act of kindness, assistance, gratitude, appreciation???.....Or......

    ....is there that "hidden agenda"????

    We are all naturally built to be "selfish". So that question does peek it's lil' head out every so often.

    But then again,...if this is a person that you "know",.....(i.e. character, virtues, past behaviors, motives, etc.),......well then,.....just go with you trusty, intuitive gut feel!



    Human behavior...and....psychology...... Always intriguing and though-provoking!

    Thanks for the great thread!

    Respect.
    -thetrusted1
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    • Profile picture of the author LindseyRainwater
      I've felt like this many times. I'm a little "overly-passionate" when it comes to dealing with people (meaning I get worked up easily) but I try to be as kind as possible when I can.

      There are some people in my life who won't make time for my plans and dreams. Not-so-close friends, extended family, people like that. With them, it's a little irritating because they don't believe in me - that much I can tell. They're more interested in talking about their "real" jobs and "real" plans (like taking expensive vacations when their house was just foreclosed on.)

      But while this stings because they don't believe, or are just too self-absorbed to really care, I will be kind when I'm successful. No, they won't get the same treatment when I'm successful as those who have actively supported and assisted me. But it isn't their "job" to support me, and they have lives too, so they won't get VIP treatment, but it isn't like I'll shut the door in their face when they come around.

      The people I'm concerned about are those few family members who have actually told me "You CAN'T, you SHOULDN'T, and you WON'T. Ha." (I kid you not.) They don't want me to be successful because they will never find any level of success. They have actually tried to pull me down because they are afraid or refuse to strive for success, and they don't want anyone else to either.

      But these people are also the type that come around saying "Oh, you have money. When are you taking me shopping? You should buy dinner. Buy us all a round." (I also kid you not.)

      When this happens, I smile, shake my head, and bluntly tell them "You know, I worked my butt off for this money. I don't feel obligated to pay for your part." Once they tried to give me the "Well, you're just LUCKY that this happened. Share the wealth!"

      This time I didn't smile,and told them again that I worked my butt off, did everything that they weren't willing to do, and that they were some of the most selfish people I knew for trying to "guilt" me into paying their way.

      Now, I'm not making this a pity-post or anything like that - please don't think that. And I am NOT against taking people out to dinner (even ones who "expect" it) occasionally. I'm also NOT against gifting money to people who are having a really rough time (as long as they promise to gift someone else someday.)

      But when you feel like punching someone for taking advantage of your "party," ask yourself first if it is worth it. More often than not, it isn't - it is better to smile, make nice, and preserve the relationship. Because most of the time people just can't see past their own little sphere of issues to celebrate your success before it happens.

      On the other hand, if the person in question is really a problem - someone who tried to tear you down, don't be afraid to say "No. This party is invitation only." Sometimes that's what they need to hear.

      So you certainly aren't the only one who feels this way. Not even close. But let the "punching" feeling pass, and be the strong one. You'll feel better for it later. Don't get down on their level, because they might feel like they proved something. :rolleyes:
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    • Profile picture of the author Ltespd
      Originally Posted by thetrusted1 View Post

      .....And even then,...you sometimes ask yourself,.....hmmmm,...is this a genuine act of kindness, assistance, gratitude, appreciation???.....Or......

      ....is there that "hidden agenda"????
      I believe in being cautious...but I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. Until they prove otherwise.
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  • Profile picture of the author stranger11
    How do you deal with them? DON'T. Seriously, your time, effort, and mental capacity is better spent on people who are a positive influence. Don't bother reprimanding or anything to people who are like that.
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