Been hurting, badly...

learn to say, "Today I'm going to make an absolutely horrible website". Take the pressure off yourself. Don't have a "great" day. Have an average day. You'll get much further.

As this is only your 4th post welcome to the forum.

You are probably too insecure and not at peace with yourself to be starting something as intense as IM or making money on the web.

Think of the positives. You HAVE a job in an economy where millions don't.

You say you are intelligent then think outside the square. Why is your life so unsatisfactory? What can you do to change it? Do you have a partner? Are you devoid of friends? Are you too scared to enagge in social activities?

I am only posing these questions so you can put things together. Often when people are so dissatisfied with their lot there are other things going on. Are you fighting something internally or externally? Do you have ambitions that are not being fulfilled, such as wanting to get a degree in something?

Put all the negatives done on a sheet of paper and examine them for answers. Then put all the positives down and do the same. For instance if you want more education can you get it?

Hope this helps

God bless

Norma

It's the time for you to examine yourself, put it down on pen & paper as it is more effective:

1) List down what you want in life, be realistic.
2) List down what do you think is stopping you from getting those.

Now that you know what you want, and whats stopping you:
- Find ways to overcome those obstacles, talk to people (who you know are willing to help and are able to give good advice, what you need is proper guidance)
- overcoming does not mean totally 100%, remember one thing that every step forward u take is a step of success. TAKING ACTION is succeeding already.

Cast out your negativity and be positive. Tell yourself that you will achieve something everyday and just do it. Aim high (pre-action) but be low on your expectations (post-action), as your current negativity makes you fragile, high expectations are bound to bring you down.

I am going to suggest something that Louise Hay taught me. You will feel weird doing this and it will feel very strange and awkward but believe me, it works!

Each morning look into your eyes in a mirror and just say '(Your name), I love and accept you just the way you are'. Repeat this affirmation 10 times every morning and every night.

When we look directly into our eyes we communicate to our subconscious mind and our fears and limiting beliefs start to fade away. It will take time and you will find it difficult at first but just make a commitment to stick with it. Try it for 30 days and you will start to see some amazing changes in all areas of your life.

I highly recommend Louise Hay's book called 'You can heal your life'

I also recommend trying the Emotional Freedom Technique.

Cheers,

Brad

Well I can relate to being afraid of failure. I guess that comes from always being told off, or made fun of whenever I did things the wrong way. I think it's a fear of being embarrassed. People are quick to point out the mistakes of others; probably in an attempt to direct attention away from their own mistakes for fear of the same humiliation. Even in a "friendly, kidding" style, people just can't resist the opportunity to make fun of another person.

As for being crazy, of course you're not. You absolutely CAN do this. There's no doubt about it. I think we all just need to hear that from another person just to kind of back up that belief in ourselves. For the most part we all have a lot of negative brandings from our past to eliminate and wherever and however we can grab some positivity, we need to take hold of it and hang on tight. It's good that you ask for moral support because we all need it. I think it's easier to hand it out than to believe it for ourselves so maybe we should each one of us here in this forum offer it to another member.

I stumbled on this neat little desktop application that lets me set up my own custom affirmations like, "I am in control of my health" I let it run in my system tray, and every so often it'll pop up displaying one of my motivations.

As Kay stated above, this fear is precisely what's holding you back.

I know a lot of people pulling 6 figures plus who really don't have the "smarts" to justify it. They've simply been doing things that work.

And they're definitely NOT perfect.

Hell, I don't even have business cards because, seriously, all my sites look like crap and I'd be ashamed for my friends to see them :-)

(Not because of their content - just because they're plain-jane, ugly and they were built using a mid-90's version of Dreamweaver. No joke.)

Okay?

So go easy on yourself.

I still do stuff ALL THE TIME that either doesn't work as well as I thought it would, or it falls flat.

But - some of my stuff also takes off.

The cumulative effect is that your ACTION pays off.

Take action.

See results.

-Chris

I have two thoughts. I also have a favorite line when I feel things spinning out of my control and either fear, frustration or anger rising. I simply say:

I can handle it.

repeatedly. The first time or two I say it, it seems laughable because I'm really feeling like things are spinning out of control, but....after a time or two (and sometimes I merely think this -- though, if you can, say it out loud) of saying 'I can handle it' -- well I feel a bit more confident that I can.

My other suggestion is that since you seem to have a lot of doubts, that you might want to look for someone or a suggested program that includes a 30-day plan or daily (or even weekly) action items. That way you will be less likely to question your chosen path and more likely to keep going long enough to see some results.

I feel the need to reply as I can relate and feel that I can provide some insight that might help you out.

I'm 34, college education in engineering. Had a good paying job that I didn't enjoy up until a month ago. Have been into IM for a year and not making enough to quit my job yet. Our company slowed down and let a whole bunch of us go.

I have a wife, a 4 year old and a 5 month old and this experience has taught me VOLUMES that I'll carry for the rest of my life no matter what happens in the coming weeks/months/years.

I feel your pain. I've gone from crushed and depressed to "it's not so bad, we'll figure it out" to "is THAT all you got world, you can slow me down, but you'll never stop me!"....and then back to the pity party and "why me" and all that.

You say you know you have the ability? Do you you REALLY know it?

Get something out there and try it. If it fails (after HONESTLY giving it your all) move on or as a friend of mine says "stick you head out the front door and yell "NEXT".

Re: crappy job and unsatisfactory life. Here's what I realized about my lame job just before I lost it...it pays the bills and lots of people don't even HAVE jobs. Go to it everyday and do it so damn well that that it becomes like breathing to you. Effortless. While you're at work, be cheerful and upbeat. It sounds lame but trust me...it works wonders.

Listen to inspirational audio on your way to/from work if you have to.

Where I'm going with this is if you want to succeed at IM, you need to be able to focus on it and learn what is needed to learn. You'll lose focus if you spend tons of time and negative energy on your crappy job.

Apply these same principals to your unsatisfactory life. What you focus on expands so if you keep saying "mu life is unsatisfactory" guess what it will stay.....

"I'm not living up to my abilities..." You're damn right you're not and nobody is going to fix that for you. YOU are the boss, the CEO of your own life and every step you take toward bettering your life no matter how small is an investment in you.

A few hundred bucks a month extra in your pocket may seem like the answer to all your problems, but I promise you it's not.

It took me a long time to admit that my problem wasn't the fact that I lost my job. What was the problem?

If it hasn't been made REALLY obvious in this super long post, head over to my blog...today's blog post is dedicated specifically to you.

Couple last tips....

1) Change your username on here to your actual name
2) Get a nice, smiling photo of you and make it your avatar
3) Be yourself and respect yourself....or no one else will.

Mike
www.IMMikeMurphy.com: The Marketing Newbie Launchpad Blog

The thing with fear is that when you stop to look it directly in the face (instead of hiding from it) it vanishes like a shadow in the night. Someone once said: "The only thing the fear is fear itself."

Would you rather be a wimp that is too scared to take action? Or would you rather be a Warrior who stares fear blankly in the face and watches it crumble before him? Stop being a baby. And start taking action.

The fact that you're afraid of something should be reason enough to do it.

That's the only way you can become stronger anyway. And guess what? You will fail. That's just a natural part of building a business and succeeding at life. That's nothing to be afraid of my friend. That's something to celebrate. Conquering your personal fears is one of the most important things you can do.

Not only that ... every time you fail, make a mistake, encounter a setback or challenge, you'll learn something of equal or great importance that will help you succeed. Remember Napoleon Hill's quotation: "Every adversity, every failure, and every heartache carries with it the seed of and equivalent or greater benefit."

Roll up your sleeves and get started.

Go for it. Try anything in your business plan and see what happens. Then try something else. See what the 80/20 rule has in store for you, and try to get it right 20% of the time. Give yourself the opportunity to succeed or fail. Good luck!

I'm actually going through the same thing right now, which is what prompted me to join the forums yesterday and throw myself full-force back into my projects.

The one thing that's helping me move forward is my favourite quote:

"whether you think you can, or can't...you're probably right."

For the moment, I prefer to think I can, because the alternative just isn't acceptible to me.

JE,
My kind suggestion: Take some time off (maybe half a day) and create a vision - you alone sit and create a vision. Where you are going and where you want to be.....
Once you have a vision (that you stick on your wall - yes you must write your vision down) all the rest start to fall in place - what do I need to do next - where do I get it from... all inspired by your vision.
Cor

One of my favorite quotes (and something I try to live by) is:

"If you have everything to gain and nothing to lose by trying, by all means try!"
W. Clement Stone (co-author of "Success Through a Positive Mental Attitude with Napoleon Hill)

Don't be intimidated. Just start as small as you need to. Don't overwhelm yourself. You aren't going to lose much more than some TV time if you do it right.

Duane

Admitting issues is the first step in resolvingit.

Once you realize that no one is more judgemental of us than ourselves you will learn that the only person you should worry about making happy is yourself.

Hi JE. First, you are not crazy.

Second you can do this. Here's what you need:

1. faith in yourself
2. focus
3. a mentor
4. action (because without it nothing will ever happen)
5. prayers (to God i mean)

Please dont ignore this last one No. 5. many people ignore
it and think it dont matter. Well take it from one who has
been to hell and made it back only because of God's help.

God works!

Take care, mate and God bless and keep you.

JE 023,

First off - suck it up and be a man! I mean, you are a man, right? You claim to have some potential but are wasting your life? Well why don't you quit complaining and use that potential... get to work! You could be out there taking action and making things happen, but instead you are sitting in a corner with your thumb in your mouth and wasting your life.

Secondly - drop the story. Look at the feeling you are currently having (probably a large part of anger) and look for the source of your defensive response. Sift through the "details" and dive into the source of the emotion.

Drop the story - its just used to activate the feeling.

The source of the defensive response (whether its anger, pain or both) is the seed of your self-worth and the seat of your personal power. Its your emotional/spiritual center of gravity.

Drop the story - it doesn't matter.

This seed is the foundation of your "immovable mind"... its the center of your being that "knows" what to do and not to do. Put your attention in this place and feel how strong it makes you.

Drop the story - its addiction will keep you weak.

Allow the feeling of your worth and the calm assurance of your immovable mind to grow at its own pace... like a flower blossoming in the sun. This bubble of awareness and peace will grow, and you need to nurture it with daily practice

Drop the story - its weighing you down.

When you are ready, cut away the tattered rags of doubt, fear, rejection, worry, anger and all other negative feelings. Feel the sharpness of your will as it literally shreds these rags and they fall away from you.

Drop the story.

Reclaim responsibility for your life, and give thanks for the power and lessons you have acquired from the good and the bad. When you take responsibility for your life, you also take the power to change it.

It is good to seek... it is good to ask for help. Thats a sign that you are ready for greater things.

Make the decision that you are going to search for truth and peace... decide that you will commit yourself to whatever path you need to walk to find your way... give up on any gaining ideas of achieving some idealistic results by some arbitrary timeline.

It may take you years to find your path... and you might not ever find it. I dont think thats the case, but you should be willing to spend your life searching with single-minded effort.

IF you spend your life searching for your true path and IF you do not find it... then your life will be a success. You will have been true to your calling and a shining example to others.

Brother, I say to you truly... you are destined for greatness. It is not my place or anyone else's to tell you what greatness you will find... thats between you and the Divine.

Just know that if you knock, the door will open... but only you can step over the threshold. It is up to you to claim your birthright and your own power.

I, for one, know that you will... it is only a question of time.

I do not send sympathy to you... and I do not send commiseration. You are perfect as you are, and this is a fact.

I do send you the hope that this external validation will help you until you no longer need it. Strive to be the man that you ARE... and to have the courage to let go of those things that weigh you down.

Your pain is the holding on to that which no longer serves you.

kindest regards,

Ron

Hey man I feel you, I remember being there.

I recommend reading the Power of Now by eckhart tolle.

The I am terrified of failure or not being perfect is just your ego talking and getting in the way of what you want in your life.

This goes the same for you being 30 years old and feeling like your life is a mess. Just let go of your ego, perfection and what you think you should have and go for what you want.

I feel ego is one of the biggest factors in people not taking action towards what they want and feeling helpless.

Hi JE

I realise, (UK spelling!) you're going to get a lot of advice after a post like this - some of it conflicting. So you'll have to trust your own inner wisdom as you pick and choose what to take on board - a good exercise in itself!

So, with that caveat, here's what I'd say to you - and I say this partly as a trained expert, (I'm a qualified psychotherapist), and partly as someone who could have written the same message as yours at times.

First - the thing about fearing not being perfect. Against who or what are you making that comparison? Personally, I think the expression "nobody's perfect" should be dismissed from the language like swearing! Think on this, JE: there has never been and never will be another you. You are unique in looks, thoughts, memories, knowledge, experiences, ideas ... everything. This makes you the rarest, most precious gem on the planet. You are the only person who can EVER be perfectly you! So be proud of that and proclaim it from the rooftops!

Secondly, the "not living up to your abilities." Well, that's because you're afraid that if you did you'd be judged as not perfect! Listen, whatever it is you do, (or could do), someone else is always going to do it differently to you, but don't you dare judge that "difference" as "better"! Because that's what happens.

And it's not the succeeding of it that counts - it's your intrepid daring to follow your dream no matter what! That's what will give you the fulfilment in life, the reason for getting out of bed every day no matter what happened yesterday, and that is what makes you grow, my friend. And if you want to know too: it's what makes you perfect in other people's eyes too!

I have risked my security countless times because I refused to take a "steady job" so that I could pursue my passion for writing and teaching self empowerment, and for years I thought my friends, (who all had steady jobs), must think me crazy. Until, one by one, they revealed to me how envious they were - of my commitment, my freedom, my refusal to conform to some aspects of modern life amongst other things!

Follow your dream, JE, whatever it is. It's why you're here and it's what makes you you. Anything else would be selling yourself - and the world - short of a priceless gem.

Hope that helps!

All good things
Trevor.

Hey J 023 please dont beat yourself up! Below are Words of Wisdom from my Mentor that really helped me. Videos accompany these words but I cannot post the links because I have not posted enough on the forum....please p.m. me if you want links to the inspirational videos

Never Give Up:
There are times in life where you may feel like you give it all you got, but you still come up short.

At least for me, I know that is an experience I encounter quite often.

In times like these, i've discovered that in order to succeed in anything you do, you have to give it your very best.

Sure, this may sound a little cliche. At least I used to think so.

However, if you take a minute and put 100% of your focus on what it is you want to accomplish, you will succeed in your accomplishment, guaranteed.

When it comes to business, simply believe in yourself, give the absolute best, and you will be very pleased with the outcome.

GET BACK UP:
Many of the top business icons, professional athletes, billionaires, celebrities, and even people just like you and me all have one thing in common...

There are times when you wake up and think that the world is just too much.

Hours feel like days...

Days feel like weeks...

Weeks feel like months...

You wake up and just want to lay in bed the entire day, to avoid having that feeling of hopelessness that seems just too much to handle for one person.

You feel like no matter what you do, nothing is working out in your favor and all signs feel like they point to nowhere.

I know I have experienced this on several occasions, and I know there are many more coming that I will soon have to face.

Entrepreneurs in particular seem prone to feeling on top of the world one minute, only to feel crushed by it the next.

Trust me, this is a normal feeling to have.

It's an integral part of building anything remarkable, whether a business, a relationship, or a life.

Expanding your sphere of comfort and abilities comes with a cost: repeated self-doubt.

Please watch this video at the beginning of this blog post.

In your moments of self-doubt, I encourage you to watch it and meditate on all of the things you've done that you once considering impossible.

The odds you've overcome, the critics you've proven wrong, and the small defeats that -- through making you stronger and smarter -- made huge victories possible later.

Bigger and better things are waiting for you.

I think we can all relate to the self-doubt.Part of the difficulty is that you want your dream now, but you wake up in what feelslike the same place every day. But, you're not in the same place every day, you're constantly learning. Rather than looking all the way down the road to where you wish you were (and focusing on not yet being there),look at simply the next step. I heard Frank Garon say in an interview "just do the next right thing".

Find an online mentor that is doing extremely well. Surround yourself by successful people even if it means following successful people on Twitter. It will then rub off on you.

Watch the movie "The Secret".

Everyone is afraid of failure to some degree, we are social animals and as such we care how others will few us.

The issue is not to let it keep you from taking action, easier said than done

Trust me I know.

But what ive been doing to overcome this is to motivate myself each and every morning before i start working on my site:

I start my day daydreaming (don't get carried away) about how my life WILL be different WHEN i succeeed. Then i think to myself "95% of people fail at this Because they are afraid to take action, henceforth if I take the necessary action today, I am Better than 95% of people"


Also, try to catch yourself when you start doubting the process. I caught my self just 3 weeks ago, googling "Affiliate marketing doesnt work".This is even before i had put any REAL effort into it.

if you can keep positve youll start seeing all the people who are succeeding.

Split stuff into small daily goals, youll be able to feel your progress everyday.

Of course you can.

You really need to pick up Robert Kiyosaki's book, titled, "Choose to Be Rich." for, most importantly, you need to stop asking if you can do it and start wondering HOW you do it...

... in a nutshell, you need to start developing the habits of someone who IS successful... not the habits of someone who WANTS to be successful -- they're a dime a dozen.

The Dale Carnegie type books are nice, and though the information is timeless, the context is a bit antiquated. Get the book I recommended and then follow-up with how you think and feel about things when you're done.

Best wishes,
Eric

I cherrish my failures now as I understand they helped me become what I now am ( I am not yet successful online ) in the off-line arena.

From time to time I have been online lazy and you simply have to decide that ends now. Last week I joined this forum as a paid member and am studying every night for an hour or so.

That is not alot however, taken from my schedule ( I am self employed and work about 100 hrs. weekly ) that is a good start.

I am building 2 sites a day, not great ones but, they are sites anyway. I also have been working on dowlnloadable products to sell. I have been buying domains for about 8 years and just paying-paying, not that smart.

I guess I am just saying, every failure you have can make you smarter and closer to success. it can also make you better prepared to succeed. I am ceretain befor the end of this year I will earning $ 500. per day online, I have no doubt about it and it is truely just deciding to do it...some way, just to do it !

Trust in yourself and project that onto others and they will trust you as well.

Best of inspiration to you,
Enterpryzman

I would suggest you find a spiritual mentor to help you regain you faith. Nothing you do online is gong to make you money until you release the negative energy you're dealing with. I know this from experience. The easiest way to get release your negative energy is to find a spiritual mentor/ healer to help you.

Then, your next step should be to find a mentor to help you establish a plan and help you move forward.

You can do it. I know you can. Listen to Bradles and as hard-core as he is... Ron. They've got a wealth of information to help you.

Good luck, my friend.

Dont' give up and you will surely succeed