What if your spouse is negative...

I got rid of them.

No need in keeping around someone who won't support you in everything you do.

Prove her that you can and that you only need time to make it successful. Let say give you at least 6 months to prove it and let her support you for that months to come. For sure you love her for some reason and don't let her out of your way in just one reason. She may not believe you for an instance but if you can prove her that whatever things you will do will always be successful then all things will go to happy ending. Sometimes it's only in fairy tale but let it happen and believe in yourself always.

Ross

Depending on your relationship with your spouse, it should not matter if they are negative.

Simply let them know that this is something you believe in, and that you are going to do, with or without there help. And let them know that you would prefer to do it with them, but that if they are going to be negative, energy and emotional draining, then you would like them to keep that to themselves.

If you cannot get positive help from your spouse, then get her to be less negative.

Also, you can get more suport from those people who will be positive. When you have started to make money, then you can work on getting her to come around to your side. Some people simply need more proof or are more skeptical then others.

Think of the old "can't see it, so I don't beleive it" issue. When you show her a check for a few grand then she will see it, and believe.

It is not impossible to do it without her, just harder.

There are times that you cannot get rid of some negative people, whether they be a spouse, parent, sibling etc. In cases like this, I think that you will need to concentrate on yourself rather than the other person.

Instead of looking to the other person for support and approval, work on yourself and ensure that you are strong enough to deal with their negativity, even if it means learning to ignore it. You need to remember that when we take full responsibility of our lives, we CHOOSE how to react to the comments of others and choose what to let bother us or not. It may be best to find ways to let comments from the spouse in question run off you like water off a ducks back.

I also believe that it is a matter of respect, and when it comes to others, especially a spouse, they should have enough respect for each other not to be down on something that the other person does, just because it does not fall in line with their beliefs. I don't believe in pushing beliefs onto another who is not interested and that goes both ways. Those who believe should not push it on non-believers, whilst non-believers should not try to change the mind of believers, however, saying that, I do find that not always to be the case and have experienced myself, the belittling attempts of non-believers, trying to make fun of beliefs they do not understand.

If there is enough respect, this should not a problem. If the respect is not so great, then it is up to the individual (if they don't want to leave of course) to find a way to change themselves (as they cannot change another person) and deal with it.

Concentrate on getting nice, big checks in the mail. That's probably the best answer to a spouse's doubt and negativity.

Also, there's a difference between concern ("Are you sure this is the best course?" "Is it legal?" etc.) and being hurtful ("You'll never succeed, you're wasting your time"). A good spouse should at least hear you out and let you try.

If a negative spouse keeps trying to belittle your efforts, then a little discussion is in order. "Honey, you can think whatever you like, as long as you just stow it!" Only find a nicer way to say it.

Hey Scott,

Boy, that's tough... but it can be overcome.

Buidingfuture's solution is effective, but is that what YOU really want? BTW, judging by Buildingfuture's Avatar, I believe him when he says "I got rid of them" ; )

Shay's solution is great and a reminder to remain humble and determined. But sometimes we do need our partner's support and it's difficult when it's not given.

Ross' solution works, but not always. Sometimes you'll find yourself "spinning your wheels" for someone who's too negative to see that their negativity is affecting you.

Knight's solution is on track, but be careful not to alienate your spouse. If and when you do succeed, you'll remember that your spouse didn't help - and you just may want to exact revenge in the way of a seperation or divorce.

So, what to do?

Do a little bit of all the above. Let your spouse know that you are serious about what you're doing and that you will succeed. In addition let him or her know that what he or she thinks is important to you. So, if they cannot or will not be positive, then OK... just ask them to keep their comments to themselves. But also let them know that YOU still love them.

If you do love your spouse, let them know it. Let them know that in spite of their negativity, that you are more than willing to take them along for ride when you do succeed.

You see... your job is NOT to convince others that you will succeed. That's a distraction. Your job is to convince YOU that you'll succeed. Your job is also to continue to do the daily, mundane things that will bring you success in the end.

Sometimes the very nature of being an entrepreneur is to be ALONE... Misunderstood... Disagreeable... Stubborn... even Unemployable.

Yet you are NOT alone... or misunderstood... or disagreeable... or stubborn... or even unemployable.

You just happen to belong to this great community of like-minded folks.

W-A-R-R-I-O-R-S... and that's what we're here for... to help and support you when other's don't.

Blessings!

- Jay

i also have a very supportive wife too, although since i sometimes make daily what she can earn sometimes in a month she doesnt mind too much

i can imagine it must be difficult if you dont have a supportive partner, but find a method you like and think you can implement and then do it... if you can show $$$ even a little it makes people understand a little better

it is a tough one - however i personally cant imagine being with someone who couldnt give me that support and where i would have to compromise my goals and dreams, i would never ask that of my partner, however in the case of money being an issue i would go out and get temporary work if i really had too...

That's a really uncomfortable place to be in. On one hand, you love this person and need them to be supportive. On the other hand, their lack of support, complaints and criticism is sucking the life and energy out of you. There is only one thing you can do.

Win and win BIG.

An unsupportive spouse is not a good reason to get a divorce. Your wife discourages you the way she does to instill mental toughness within you. With every negative comment, your resolve for success should increase. As she criticizes you for wasting time, money energy and hope, you should be thinking of new ideas to implement.

Scott, don't let anyone steal your dream. Allow me to conclude with this quote. Both Bishop TD Jakes and Brian Tracy says the same thing almost verbatim: "The very fact that you even have a dream is evidence that you have what it takes to achieve it."

Achieve your dream and prove your wife wrong.
Good luck!

Demond

Wow!! Scott you are one very lucky person to have all these Warriors behind you all the way.Here you have more than enough support to go by.
All the best.

You have to know yourself and your spouse to choose the best solution. There are some good ideas above, such as asking for support or asking for less-negativity, at least for some period of time and countering that negative voice in your life with positive ones -- here at Warrior Forum or elsewhere.

For me, I know I can be derailed, or slowed-way down by the wrong statement from my husband. So, I largely keep my plans to myself. There is little external difference to him or my sons to when I am doing my day job (on the computer) or online marketing or writing children's stories. I'll get up really early when no one is there to look over my shoulder.

I have one friend, who is not in internet marketing, but to whom I tell all my ideas to. I don't necessarily get positive feedback, other than comments about admiring my ambition and drive, but it's nice to at least get that and share your ideas.

Good luck. As said above, an unsupportive spouse makes it harder, but not impossible.

You can do this!

Obviously a touchy subject. Many times, we get into
marriages thinking that the other is one person only to
find out that they are NOT quite what we signed up for.

I have a colleague who once shared is view point with me
after telling him that I had gotten a divorce. He said...

"The second marriage is always better because you go into
it knowing exactly what you DON'T want."

Simple statement with profound implications. Chances are,
quite a few of us in here who are either on our second go around
or at least done with our first are folks who have realized this
one important fact.

From experience, those feelings never really go away, no matter
how hard both of you try and no matter how much he/she says
so. It truly takes a constant effort from the beginning BEFORE
things go sour to avoid such problems coming up. This at least
better prepares you for when they do.

I, like many others before me, took that initial advice you gave,
Scott. If I don't want to associate with negative people professionally,
why would I want to put up with it when I came home every night?

It's a tough call, man. I hope you can work it out with the best outcome
for everyone.

Take an interest in your partner's hobbies, interests and spend 'quality time' together.
Make your partner understand your drive and passion for your chosen field. Try to get them involved in your work.

That has to got to be a big test of any relationship (understatement here I know) but try and understand where they are coming from.It may be that they simply don't have the vision and ambition that you have.

Look on the upside. If you can convince them that you are going to succeed then think how much easier it is going to be with potential customers.

Only if you listen to them and allow their thoughts define WHO you are. My ex tried and tried and tried (and still tries lol) to impose his thoughts on me but I chose not to accept them because I AM the one who defines & creates WHO I AM. Although I wasn't "aware" of it at the time I have since realized that the negativity that others project & unload on us are more reflections of their own inner turmoil & how they see themself.

I choose to only have people in my life who add value to it and support my growth, goals, & dreams

btw..if you are interested, pm me and I will share a technique I've learned to help deal with people's negativity

Hey Scott,

After reading the posts on this page, you'd probably realize that there's 2 main approaches one can take:

1. Do one's best and prove her wrong
2. Leave her

But whatever it is, trust your dreams and never falter. Take at least 15 minutes to listen to motivational talks so that you can maintain your sanity and enthusiasm.

just my 2 cents,
Dominic

Don't worry about changing your spouse. The only person you can change is yourself. Your spouse is but a mirror of yourself.

Change yourself and everyone one else will change.

Tha's great advice Mandy, I'd like to add that simply 'getting rid' is just a temporary solution. This is definately a challenge for you but in many ways an opportunity to develop your 'inner' self and really build your personality and mental strength

Most of this advice is really good, and all has the same basic concept -keep working on yourself.

As you focus on changing YOUR mindset and being positive, one of two things will happen:
1) The negative person (spouse, relative, friend) will begin to change too... your vibration will rise and will cause theirs too as well
2) The negative person will leave

I have had many friends and relatives that were not as quick to evolve as we have been, and they have all caused their own distance. Its been really interesting to watch how some people just can't STAND to be in our home because the energy is so powerful and peaceful... they can't sit still, can't relax and come up with an excuse to leave quickly.

Some of these people just WON'T change, so they just have faded out of our lives. Others have started getting more positive and are beginning to enjoy being around us... they are calmer, more peaceful, shinier, etc... Its an interesting progression to watch.

My wife is my best friend, my business partner and my chief counsel... but she is #2 after Divine source. Everything is. Having the right priorities makes things better.

You will attract the people that you need and repel the ones you don't... or actually change them if they need to stick around.

One more story:
I met a friend of a friend a few years ago... he was known for being really sarcastic and kind of an a$$. The moment I met him, he made a remark that was caustic and negative... I just kind of laughed it off, looked into his eyes and told him it was nice to meet him.

He changed immediately and we had a really great conversation. Now, this guy is still an a$$ and rubs most people the wrong way.... but the few times I have seen him since, he always is very kind and sincere with me and my family... it amazes the people around us.

The point is that I set my intention when I met him... I was not going to attack him or return any venom (which is a self-defense mechanism), so he felt safe. He read my energy and RESPONDED with the same thing.

Now starting that pattern with a new person is easier than with someone you know really well and have really established patterns with... but it is all possible

BOTTOM LINE: Focus on your own growth and work to drop any judgements or hostilities you may have about the negative person. If they care for you and are meant to be with you, then they will change. Otherwise, they will float away.

regards,
Ron

Do not hang around negative people. Like Brian Tracy always says, "You cant fly with the eagles, if you scratch with the turkeys." Or something like that.

Hey Scott,

Man it can be hard. My ex missus was like that and I had to end it. It's a bit harder when it's your wife, not saying that you want to end it. It was just not good for my mindset.
What I would advise is to sit down and have a good heart to heart with her. Advise her that you need her support, that you are taking a risk, and that life is about taking risks. In order for you to succeed you need her to support you even if she doesn't believe what you are doing is right. Let her know that it is something that you really desire.
Also like it was posted earlier give her a time limit and set a goal to do something really great and/or romantic when you achieve your goals. Don't put too much pressure on yourself though.
Have a good chat though and let her know how it is effecting your mindset. Even possibly get her a book. I've got 24 free ebooks on my blog you can download, titles like think and grow rich, the science of getting rich, as a man thinketh, you were born rich and many others. So maybe download some of those and give them to her, it wouldnt be bad for yourself either.
Hope that helps mate,
Sean

It's only a "big drag on your success" if you allow it to be, and let it come between you and your dream.

This sounds like a situation I was in about 7 years ago between my fiance (now my ex), and her mom (who was the epitome of negative energy suckers world-wide). Anyway..

You have three options, not just two:

1. Share your dream with her. She can choose to be with you (support you), or against you. But there is NOTHING that, she, or anyone else can do that will stop you from achieving your dream.

If she chooses the latter, you'll have to decide for yourself to..

2. Leave and cut the negative binds that are preventing the success and happiness you want. End it now, not later, so you can move forward in more positive directions.

3. If she agrees to support you, tell her what's expected of her, and how important it is to you, to have a loving partner that encourages your dreams. If at any time she does not support you, see step 2.

This video will help you put your goals back in alignment. The title is of little importance because the power of this message can be applied to ANY dream you have. Depending how bad you want success & abundance in your life, you'll see the parallel of thought for your situation.

Key points to pay particular attention to:

1:27- 1:38
2:53- Ending (again, replace the current subject of the video, to the situation between you and your spouse, so you can draw the parallel)


Grant

Kymmy,

You mean.."You pay more attention to that damn computer than you do with me"?

(ooops! Take out the word "with" and suddenly that phrase has a whole new meaning) Or is that exactly the point of this thread..

Being supportive of each others dreams, and accepting people for who they wish to become?

Grant

Hi

You need to ask yourself if both of you are coming from a place of fear or love. Your spouse fears for her/your future and maybe your individual or joint security and is risking the state of your relationship by broaching the subject.

Maybe it's not negative, but an act of caring.

That doesn't mean you should agree - (that's still in your hands - or maybe your heart), but it might help you to see things a little differently.

She has a lot more to lose than any other friend would if your dreams don't work out - and it's hard to sell your spouse your faith in yourself!

Which is the other, (dare I say it), question ... Is there a tiny part of you somewhere that's afraid her negativity might be justified? If so, you need to do some inner work on your level of self confidence. When you get there, she'll stop being "negative" because she'll feel the sea change!

Good luck - it's a hard balancing act. (I've done it too!)

All good things
Trev.

To be honest all negativity made me stronger. Geez its tough when it's coming from someone that is supposed to SUPPORT you for wanting a better life.

If I were in your situation my biggest obstacle would be to prove them wrong.

My wife writes content for me and is 100% supportive.

Being negative can be a good thing for you! It builds character, makes you think...and it tests you to the core.Especially if it's your wife! We all have dreams, some more ambitious than others, and the bigger the dreams the harder they are to accomplish. If your wife loves you, she will follow,Don't however bury her in your pursuit of happiness..You have to keep living, and do the things that keeps you alive. Making a living online is very difficult, and requires much effort in the beginning, like all businesses do. If you love your wife, you will both work it out...but never stop the pursuing dream, if that's what is going to make you happy!

Try doing something that requires less effort...less money...and bigger rewards..Watch the video below, it may be of interest to you.There are people making money every week, and the best part...I's free to join!
Cheers

Just start making lots of money & your spouse will no longer be negative. Getting to the point of making that money is the hard part. I know a negative environment can suck the life from you. Whether it's negative parents, family members, friends, etc. Been there, done that. Overcoming it makes you even stronger.

I am fortunate to have a supportive wife. All comes down to communications.

Cheers .. Pwety

Keep your dreams to yourself and also avoid telling them your dreams in exxageration

I think you need to clarify what you are doing with IM. Most people think internet as some sort of dating playground. So if you use too much internet your spouse might think you are cheating on him or her. So you need to make it clear that you are honest and you are doing useful stuffs on the computer and not trying to do anything fishy! lol ., hope this helps. !!

Well, what I do is educate them about business... Give them the latest book about business and wealth.. Almost all motivational and business book tells us that it is not easy to become financially rich.. you have to be patient and willingness to achieve your goal...

If your spouse realize that, you will have the most important backbone and supporters to achieve your goal... Believe me, it worked...

man I feel the pain with this one - i got to the point where i banned 'we can't afford it' from being mentioned at home - this issue is a constant thorn in my side.... and seems to be a common issue with most people I know.

For me.... i made an effort to now bite back.... sit and say - I can see why you might believe that.... BUT and then go through and knock the stuffing out of the ridiculous statement - i think it's also important to try and encourage the partner to look within themselves for further greatness and for you both to set the goals together - put a time frame on it and become accountable - it would also be worth getting some kind of audio and going for a long drive where they talk about never giving up and dealing with failure. This has helped me a lot - as it opens up the chance for conversation without it being a direct 'attack'.

Obviously you know more about what you are trying to do and the tools to accomplish it than your wife does. Until she can say"That will never work. Here is why - and this is what to do to make it work", then you are getting feedback from someone less informed than you. Obviously IM is working for SOME people, so you just have to figure out what those people did and not listen to anyone else.
Jim

Try to find a way to use this attitude of the spouse as amotivating tool. What a joy it would be if you become a success dispite the negativity. Me, I like when people tell me I can't. That just makes me work harder. As a suggestion though. If you find, for example that your work as an online marketer is met with great challenges as a result of your spouse, then try to work under the radar. That is, try to work when he/she is not around or is occupied. Most online ventures allow for this type of flexibility. Work when the spouse is asleep or out shopping, or playing golf. This would do two things: Remove the distractions, giving you a chance to succeed and save a relationship. Other than that sit down and explain to the spouse, calmly, the importance of your work to you and him/her and how important the support is. you may be surprised.

In situations like this you must mind your vibrational energy and guard yourself from naysayers. Your spouse's negative attitude may come from a lack of understanding in what you are trying to accomplish and this triggers fear in them. Work on communicating what you are trying to do and maybe get them involved somehow; and in time they will come around.

Is your spouse a negative person? Does he or she consistently zero in on what's wrong with you and the marriage while overlooking the many positives?
Eight Steps to Overcome Negativity
1. Deliberately cultivate friendships with other individuals and couples who have positive attitudes and who are fun to be around. Try to expand you and your spouse's circle of friends to include couples who would be good role models for your mate and spend time with those couples.
Cut back on spending time with friends who encourage your spouse's negative comments and attitude and slowly over time try to add individuals and couples who are strong positive influences.
2. Be sure that you have friends, activities, hobbies, and interests in your life that "feed your soul" and help you stay on a positive track. If things in your marriage aren't what you wish they were, then you need to find satisfaction and joy in other areas to keep you centered and balanced emotionally.
Listen to inspiring songs and read inspirational books. "Feed" yourself a diet of positive messages that encourage and motivate you.
3. Monitor your moods to be sure that you're not getting tangled up in what are commonly called "co-dependency" issues. That's when you let your mood be determined and set by someone else.
An example would be if you were depressed all day because your spouse was in a bad mood at breakfast. Just because he's in a funk doesn't mean that you can't have an enjoyable day. You don't have to let your mate's mood determine your mood or spoil your day.
Don't give away your personal power. Take responsibility for creating your own happiness instead of being so influenced by your spouse's negative attitude.
4. Keep a gratitude journal where you list what you're thankful for each day. Form the habit of sharing with your spouse things that you're thankful for. At dinner, for example, you might talk about how helpful the clerk at the grocery store was or tell about the favor a co-worker did for you that you appreciate.
If you're thankful for seeing a beautiful bird or a lovely flowering tree, share your feelings. If you feel blessed by the kindness of a friend, share that. Even if what you say doesn't impact your mate, you need to hear yourself expressing gratitude and appreciation for the gifts that you've been given. This helps you to keep focused on what's right with your life instead of what's wrong with it.
5. Try not to judge your spouse or make him or her "wrong" for being so negative. There are many factors that can influence a person's attitudes: the attitudes they learned from their parents, their experiences growing up, low self-esteem, intense stress, clinical depression, a habit of negative self-talk, life disappointments and discouragement, and lack of hope.
Sometimes individuals who are negative think they are being "realistic" or helpful by "calling a spade a spade." Others may think they are witty for delivering clever "zingers" and criticisms.
6. Schedule a time to talk to your partner about your concerns. Without sounding judgmental or "preachy," give some specific examples of how her (or his) negativity has impacted you significantly. Perhaps your spouse is not even aware of just how negative she has become, or perhaps she is feeling depressed and needs to talk to her doctor or a counselor.
If your spouse reacts in anger, stay calm and non-defensive. State that you'd rather share your feelings now than have them fester underground and cause even more problems later.
7. If nothing changes after your talk with your spouse, write him (or her) a letter outlining your feelings and concerns about your reactions to his negative attitude. State that you want to look forward to your interactions and time with him, but you're afraid the constant negativity will eventually affect your feelings.
In the letter, tell your spouse how much you value him and your marriage and that you love him deeply. Ask your mate to go to marriage counseling with you so that your marriage will stay strong and satisfying for both of you.
8. If your spouse is not willing to address the problem by talking with you or going to counseling, then make an appointment to see a counselor by yourself. You'll need support and help in determining just what the next step needs to be--trying again to communicate verbally or in writing, or trying to adjust and live with things as they are, or in an extreme case, considering a temporary marital separation.
Wish you all the best!

Hi, fortunately my spouse totally supports me in my dreams and intentions.

But if she was talking to me like that - "You'll never succeed, that stuff doesn't work, Don't plan on going to {insert travel destination here} because we don't have the money" - wow... she was going to become un-spoused very soon.

I must admit...

even though my wife's negative attitude and nagging aggravated
me to no end, they actually helped to work harder to prove to
her that I could succeed in this tough business.

And 2 years later, I started turning a nice profit on a few
of my websites (that certainly quieted her down and even
brought her over to my side!)

Hang in there and never give up.

-David

My husband is supportive even though I'm still trying to stumble my way through learning everything I need to. He has high hopes of me making us rich lol. I cant imagine anyone would be able to succeed if they didn't have the support of their spouse.

I would think that before you get rid of them however that you tried to explain things better. Maybe the criticism is coming from fear, especially if you are making any hefty investments.

If your spouse is negative, put her out.

my old business partner had the super negitive spouse thing going on...

The way we react to comments is a funny thing, sometimes we can take tons of negative comments and they just slip by, but other times, just a slight mention on a certain topic might set us into fury!

Yet, they are all opportunities, what makes us angry helps us understand what we are afraid of (sometimes this is not as clear as someone would think), take advantage of knowing what you are sensitive about and deal with those feelings, this is how you become a better person.

...and only a spouse is able to push those sensitive buttons in seconds!

In SHORT, GET A NEW SPOUSE! ... I'm joking!!!

My spouse was similar, once upon a time. Negative about business, thinking outside the box, anything that might threaten our financial and emotional stability.

UNTIL on day I decided to stop arguing and harshly defending my point of view and started to change my perspective (empathy). She was reacting like that because of reasons ... past situations, experiences, fear, lack of understanding, lack of confidence ... I had to understand that a lady thinks slightly different than a man, in that they fundamentally like security, safety etc etc etc.

So I decided to start talking to her and more importantly listening to her ... listening to the fear and where it came from. Finding out where she saw us in 2 , 4, 10 years from now and helping her to face the worst case situation - if we fail or if I fail.

I helped her also to understand that I was born to live out my full potential and she was too ... and that a person can become very frustrated if they just hold in such aspirations. Many marriages fail because of this (i didnt say that bit though).


Anyway, 7-9 years on she is the one pushing me to greater heights, telly me to push the boat out ... extend our portfolio or whatever and believe me I am no coach potato.

My point ... she started to change - once I did.

Hi

It is a pity that sometimes, spouses have a disturbing and pessimistic attitude regarding the ablity of the other. The best thing during such time is to act and not be bogged down by the negative comments.

Eva

Ok - this is the hard part: she isn't going to change! No matter what!

The only thing you can change is how you are about it.

And, it's a big jump from "here" (getting stick") to "there" (being at ease in the face of negativity).

But it isn't you job to change her - just yourself. Work on the small steps - visualisation, much of the stuff that others have said.

And, remember, she loves you.

When that stops - you may have to take the tough decision.

I did.

be positive it will eventually rub off and if all else fails ignore

Mine doesn't care about what I say, just what I do.

He doesn't fully understand what I do on here but he knows it has some great potential. He can be quite the negative Nancy, but at the end of the day all he really wants is to see me succeed and do something great with the knowledge I've gained.

This of course has required changing a few ugly habits of my own, which I'm till working through but won't stop till I get there.

Even though things aren't at their peak right now, if I keep at this it really can only get better from here.