Opinions on New Self-Help System Sales Page Please!

7 replies

I have just joined as this seems to be the best place to get reliable advice. The Warrior Forum has saved me considerable sums of money as some of you have steered me clear of a few scams which I am really thankful for!

Having been into Self-Help and the Mind for over twenty years now I have tried a whole load of things and learnt what does work and what doesn't.

I've developed my own System and would like some advice as to how to market it in the best way. That's why I am here; to hopefully get some great advice and some constructive criticism.

I'll try to abide by all of the rules but apologies if I overstep the mark; I'm sure I will be politely informed if I do!

Basically, to start things off, I would like an opinion on the effectiveness of my Sales Page. It isn't completed yet and the domain name has to be changed for obvious reasons!

As this is the Mind Warrior Forum I'm guessing that you all have had plenty of experiences with Self-Help products so I was wondering if you could tell me if my Copy would make you want to buy the product and if not why?

Here's the link www.breakfreein2012.com

Anyway, it's great to be here and I look forward to your comments.

Terry Neilson
#opinions #page #sales #selfhelp #system
  • Profile picture of the author JustinP
    Hey Terry,

    I only had a couple of free minutes so I just read the top. Because in my opinion you have to catch my attention above the fold or you're doomed.

    Your sales letter, sorry to say, doesn't cut it for me.

    I'm sure your system is unique and brings elements that are not in other programs... but I feel like EVERY product EVER seems to say that in one way or another.

    In addition, your opening questions are too vague. Everyone is worried about something and fed up with something. You need to be more specific and add some heat to REAL, SPECIFIC problems that people are facing.

    For example, "Are you worried that your bad temper is going to destroy your relationship with your wife and kids?"

    I'm hoping some expert copywriters can step in here and help you as well but those are my initial thoughts very quickly. I commend you for asking for input becuase you are going to get the feedback you need to make it awesome.

    Final thought... I would look to hire a designer to make a nice unique, fresh design for you. This looks way too "traditional" and "internet marketey" and I think that might hurt conversions as well
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  • Profile picture of the author Antonio J.
    I would definitely add some photos or video on that site. It kinda looks too empty so visitors would probably leave the page very soon.
    Looking for high paying and top converting worldwide trial offers in health & beauty niche?
    PM me for more info.
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  • Profile picture of the author ShaunQ
    The first thing I spotted was the domain name, perhaps its worth getting set up for 2013?

    As the above post mentioned, one or two pictures/videos would break the page up. But I'd say its a very decent effort

    Need a break from IM? - http://www.crazyforlists.com

    Please PM me if you want to JV with a committed and passionate writer.

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  • Profile picture of the author gabysanchez225
    It is a good effort, but what stands out is your reluctance to part with any of your content. You won't make sales holding the entire thing back, give away a step for your potential audience! If you product is good your sales and your content (which you just enticed them with by giving them a taste rather than leaving them in the dark) will reflect it. Try it out!
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  • Profile picture of the author jrasset7

    I know one thing for sure ... It is better than my sales page..(I don't have one ... so

    Congratulations for putting it out there.. there are a few key points that caught my eye in
    the beginning .. the check marked questions I felt like answering ,... Yes, I am worried..etc
    although this wasn't expanded much it was a decent start..

    others probably have better constructive criticism but I would like to say that I thought it seemed
    a little long but as we know that is not a bad thing in itself.. it's just that if you are getting somewhere quickly.. you can continue on longer.. I felt a little lost and couldn't focus on reading it.
    With that, I wish you well.. keep at it. you're light years ahead of the masses and I love
    mindset stuff so I'll be rooting for ya!
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  • Profile picture of the author pitidiren
    Congratulation you have done the hard part. If you add some picture or some graphic it should be better.
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  • Profile picture of the author Warock
    Congratulation you have done the hard part.
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