How do you stop self-sabotage?

15 years ago

It's a big question.

Firstly though, do you pay yourself for your work - or do you make paying your bills your main priority?

If it's the bills, you need to change that. Whenever you make some money, pay yourself a percentage before you allocate any to anything else. Until you realise that your needs are (at least) equally important as anyone elses, then you'll always end up second best.

Take that money and save it - either in a seperate account, or somewhere else where you wont be tempted to spend it. Doing this reprograms your mind to 'knowing' that you have money; instead of constantly telling yourself you don't have money, your subconscious will know that you do.

This works - even if you think your bills are too high, you need to do this. I can't remember who said this, but it's true (may have been Adam Smith?);

"Your outgoings rise to meet the level of your incomings" - something like that anyway...

Thanks

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[732207].message }}

adslgeek

15 years ago

I believe in the Secret, and I have been doing heaps of positive visualisation, but there are just regular things that keep coming up that I have more to pay..

Thanks

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[732350].message }}

bbells

15 years ago

there is a great book you should read. This question and a few others will sure to be answered by this book. Check it out.. The Secrets of the Millionaire Mind by T. Harv Eker.

Thanks

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[732856].message }}

KimberleyT

15 years ago

Hi
have a look at the language you use around money and the lessons you were given as a child.
Were they more " money is the root of all evil " or " money is great"??
When you think about money what words are you using? Try using the words how, what , when, where ( not why because why evokes too many negative guilt laden associations) .Our brains only give use the answers we are looking for so.
for example instead of asking yourself why you spend all your money or why you can't make more/ enough ( in which case your brain will come up with all the reasons why and more) use: How can I make more money and your brain will then look for answers to that question. Also using the secret think about what it is you want ( not what you don't want) and imagine it as vividly as you can using all of your senses so what does it look like, what does it feel like, what does it sound like etc then actually step into the picture rather than looking at it as a viewer. Next step is to step back out and wrap the image in a bubble and let it float off, this is so you are putting it out there so to speak, it seems to work for me and loads of others
Hope this helps
Kimberley Tylor
Get well Known Godess
Psychologist, NLP Trainer & Master Hypnotherapist

Thanks
1 reply

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[732904].message }}

msbenchmark

15 years ago

Originally Posted by KimberleyT

Also using the secret think about what it is you want ( not what you don't want) and imagine it as vividly as you can using all of your senses so what does it look like, what does it feel like, what does it sound like etc then actually step into the picture rather than looking at it as a viewer.

This is good advice Kimberley, I always find that visualization is a very powerful tool to use.

I think at the same time though, it is a good idea to look into why you have that fear of success. If you can find the root cause, then you can see it more clearly and decide if you believe the reasons holding it into place.

Thanks
1 reply

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[733865].message }}

creative 15 years ago

I think there has to be a balance between saving and building streams of income.
I have a friend who has a very successful local business, but she spends all she earns. The more she gets, the more she spends. There is nothing wrong with that, but then she complains that she doesn't have enough to get all she wants.
I think getting money is important, but it also important to know what to do with it.
And also, why do some people seem to 'need' so much? Wouldn't this be a form of dissatisfaction or low self esteem? If for example you have a fancy car (like my friend does) that everyone looks at, isn't this because you feel inferior and you need to prove the others you are worthy? The same applies to fancy clothes, mobile phones....
My dad says :'It is not richer the one that earns the most. It is richer the one that needs the least'
I say: 'Find an equilibrium'. Have dreams but also be content with what you have.
What do you think?
- Thanks
{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[734889].message }}

TheGiant

15 years ago

There is a block around money that is keeping you from attracting abundance into your life. Let me ask you a question? Is it ok for you to make a certain amount of money, but when you start making an excess of it, you stop yourself from going further? When you think about creating wealth, what do you associate to the amount that is right for you?

If you can think of a specific amount that is a great start, but go back to the question I asked earlier...do you have a negative association to excess of wealth? If so we can change that for you. I have been studying neuro lingustic programing, and how it coralates to the majors of life. Kimberely makes an excellent point, and that is what do you associate to money? What are some of the positive associations you have to money, and what are some of the negative associations you have to money? If you want to talk to me about it, and finally put this problem to rest I will gladly coach you through it. I have worked with about 80 people so far, and I would love to help you for free. If it works all I ask for is a testimonial. You don't have anything to lose.

PM me if you want clarity towards the reason why you are creating the behavior that you are creating.

Thanks

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[732943].message }}

Woody C

15 years ago

I discovered a basic mindset concept in Rich Dad, Poor Dad that I thought was a bunch of junk when I first read it. Then I started getting into IM and discovered what Kiyosaki meant.

He said that the average person will try to think of ways to save when they see something they want. He, on the other hand, would start thinking of ways to bring in the extra income so he could afford what he wanted.

For example, if he saw a Porsche he wanted then he worked to create an income stream (not extra hours) that would pay for a Porsche. This is so much easier to accomplish today with the internet.

So, what you should be doing is working to create an online income stream to pay each one of your bills AND to be able to enjoy the things you want to do. Many people starting on the internet think they need to have one big product, but many smaller products are just as easy.

Don't continue with the saving mentality because that means you will not be looking for ways to make MORE MONEY but rather for ways to stay where you currently stand.

[ 1 ] Thanks
1 reply

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[733123].message }}

jasdon

15 years ago

Originally Posted by Woody Crenshaw

I discovered a basic mindset concept in Rich Dad, Poor Dad that I thought was a bunch of junk when I first read it. Then I started getting into IM and discovered what Kiyosaki meant.

He said that the average person will try to think of ways to save when they see something they want. He, on the other hand, would start thinking of ways to bring in the extra income so he could afford what he wanted.

For example, if he saw a Porsche he wanted then he worked to create an income stream (not extra hours) that would pay for a Porsche. This is so much easier to accomplish today with the internet.

So, what you should be doing is working to create an online income stream to pay each one of your bills AND to be able to enjoy the things you want to do. Many people starting on the internet think they need to have one big product, but many smaller products are just as easy.

Don't continue with the saving mentality because that means you will not be looking for ways to make MORE MONEY but rather for ways to stay where you currently stand.

I disagree.

If you never save, you will never be rich. You will simply create enough money to pay for your ever-growing expenses. If all you're doing is creating profits to cover costs, then it is impossible to grow rich.

How is it possible to get rich without saving?

Can't remember who said this - think it was Andrew Carnegie but I may be wrong..."The man who has the ability to save, has the seeds of greatness within him...".

Thanks
1 reply

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[733535].message }}

Woody C

15 years ago

Originally Posted by jasdon

I disagree.

If you never save, you will never be rich. You will simply create enough money to pay for your ever-growing expenses. If all you're doing is creating profits to cover costs, then it is impossible to grow rich.

How is it possible to get rich without saving?

Can't remember who said this - think it was Andrew Carnegie but I may be wrong..."The man who has the ability to save, has the seeds of greatness within him...".

I used to think this as well.

Let's brainstorm...

FIRST...I want to go on a cruise and it costs $8,745.98 for my wife and kids (which I don't really have

). I make $17 hour fitting people for shoes in a local running store. Therefore, I have to work 514.46 hours or 64.31 8 hour days. But I have bills to pay and kids to feed so let's say that I acutally save $3 every hour I work just towards this cruise. Now I have to work 2,915.32 hours or 364.4 days. A whole year!

Then I go on the cruise and what do I have left to show for a whole years of saving? A good time with my kids for a week and some pictures and souvenirs. Then back to work.

NOW...Let's go on the same cruise that costs $8,745.98. I start brainstorming ways to create that income. After a little bit of research, I decided to do a month of coaching to an aspiring group of people that want to learn how to run a marathon under 3 hours. I do this because I LOVE to run and I know how to teach people. I am going to charge $297 for a month of total access to me. I decide to let 50 people in to my coaching program which consists of daily e-mails and a weekly telephone call. 50 people x $297 = $14,850. So I answer e-mails and coach for a few hours a day for a month. I have enough to go on a cruise and enough left over to pay bills and put back into savings to gather interest or into other investments.

Rather than a year of 8 hour days, I have created a way to be able to afford the cruise a lot quicker and it didn't take me away from my kids very long so I can not only enjoy their time on the cruise, but also while I was creating the money needed to take it.

Unfortunately the first method is how most people in the world operate on a day-to-day basis. They figure out how much they have to work in order to afford something...after all the bills are paid.

IF a person saves their money, it shouldn't be just sitting, but rather accruing interests and should not be touched for a long time.

There is a big difference b/t saving for wealth and saving for everyday goods.

Thanks

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[733620].message }}

jasdon

15 years ago

I see your side of the coin, and I'm not in any way arguing with what you say....I simply state a fact, that unless you begin to save, you can never become rich.

If you spend all your income, it wouldn't matter if you make $20k a day, you can not get rich. It is impossible.

A simple way of getting the saving habit, is to look at yourself as a creditor who needs paying - after all, you've done the work, you should have something to show for it.

Thanks

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[733660].message }}

kenmorgan

15 years ago

I think neurolinguistic programming has some of the best tools for dealing with self-sabotage. Richard Bandler's latest book "Get the life you want" covers everything in easy to understand language.

Thanks
1 reply

Signature

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[735659].message }}

creative 15 years ago

Yes, and also EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique).
- Thanks
- 1 reply
{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[735777].message }}
- success4all 15 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by creative
  
  Yes, and also EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique).
  
  Yes I agree with you Creative. EFT will definitely help.
  
  Check this post:
  
  http://www.warriorforum.com/mind-war...irthright.html
  
  What ever you do. Don't keep reading and learning. Put what you read and learn to action immediately. ACTION. That should be your mantra.
  
  With EFT you will see results quickly. If that does not happen. You have to look deeper within you.
  
  Good luck.
  
  Thanks
  
  Signature
  Make Your Business Instantly Web3 Ready With $0 Investment, With Hive Blockchain and Cub DeFi
  Get the Best, Cheap Web Hosting Without Monthly Fee &Turn Your One Time Hosting Expense Into an Investment & Lifelong Passive Income
  
  {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[736275].message }}

ZoeClews

15 years ago

Hello,

Self sabotage is interesting, I view it as conflict between the conscious and the unconscious mind. Consciously we want to be successful, move forward, make money, be wealthy, unconsciously there may be hidden negative or limiting beliefs around success and wealth. Our unconscious beliefs are like invisible walls, we often do not know what they are until we keep coming up against them. While I think books such as The Secret and visualisation techniques are extremely useful, I think unless you clear out the old fears or negative beliefs around money (often these are very outdated and sometimes beliefs we had picked up in childhood e.g. I don't see myself as rich, money is the root of all evil, I don't deserve it) then the techniques just 'sit on top'. I believe it's important to look to the source/s of the fears or limitations around money, clear those out and then you can replace with new positive supportive abundant beliefs. Hypnotherapy and EFT can be very powerful for 'updating the script'.

Hope this helps.
Zoe Clews
Senior Qualified Hypnotherapist, NLP & EFT Practitioner

[ 1 ] Thanks
1 reply

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[736811].message }}

jasdon

15 years ago

Originally Posted by ZoeClews

Hello,

Self sabotage is interesting, I view it as conflict between the conscious and the unconscious mind. Consciously we want to be successful, move forward, make money, be wealthy, unconsciously there may be hidden negative or limiting beliefs around success and wealth. Our unconscious beliefs are like invisible walls, we often do not know what they are until we keep coming up against them. While I think books such as The Secret and visualisation techniques are extremely useful, I think unless you clear out the old fears or negative beliefs around money (often these are very outdated and sometimes beliefs we had picked up in childhood e.g. I don't see myself as rich, money is the root of all evil, I don't deserve it) then the techniques just 'sit on top'. I believe it's important to look to the source/s of the fears or limitations around money, clear those out and then you can replace with new positive supportive abundant beliefs. Hypnotherapy and EFT can be very powerful for 'updating the script'.

Hope this helps.
Zoe Clews
Senior Qualified Hypnotherapist, NLP & EFT Practitioner

Quality first post - welcome to the forum!

Thanks

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[738013].message }}

nvs74191

15 years ago

Try this:

Instead of positive thinking and visualization, ask yourself questions that justify the positivity. For example, questions like:

Why am I feeling great today?
Why am I able to use money wisely?
Why am I so knowledgeable?

Your mind seeks answers continuously in the background, so ends up losing its habit of self sabotage.