I've been having much difficulty with money for quite a while. For some reason it's gotten harder and harder to bring in what I need, and complications abound (like paypal freezing my account).
I was debating going out for a cup of coffee to relax when it hit me - I associate stress and pain with getting money! (I associate ease and happiness, and coffee, with SPENDING money)
For some reason the main thing I associate with working and making money, are the problems and the stress involved.
I looked at the few checks I have to deposit and noticed that the first thing I thought of was what a pain in the neck all these transactions were, and all of them should have been for more than they were.
I took the top check, $225. It may bounce. It was a partial payment for a rehearsal pianist job. The thought was that it took forever to pay - this finishes up 2008 - and that the current directors are, well, less than nice. And it takes way too much time to prepare for this - I probably end up with about 20 cents an hour considering all I do for them.
Okay, let go of that. I LOVE playing the piano for this group - the singers are awesome, even if the idiot directors are not my favorites. I'm lucky to find a community theater group that pays anything! Most of my jobs are volunteer - and these are difficult times for things like theater. Just looking at the check reminds me of the triumph of the final performances of 2008, one of the trios in particular was was a once-in-a-lifetime blend of voices and piano.
The joy is much more likely to result in more income than the first response - Right?
I can't completely ignore my feelings of stress regarding income. The check may well bounce - yuck - and there is much stress involved with that particular group. When is the stress too much for the rewards?
Or, why not ignore? What would happen?
At any rate, I know that I've gone way over the edge in the wrong direction.
Time to completely rethink my money making. Remove the stress entirely - maybe attach it to something other than income? Or the heck with it, focus on joy and nothing else (would that backfire? hmmm)
Off I go to take some silver to the coin shop to get some cash. Old thoughts: the guy is going to rip me off, maybe someone will see me, what kind of lowlife am I that I need to sell this to pay bills, etc.
New thoughts: I'm glad I have this to sell, I hate it anyway and now I can turn it into something lovely and positive, I might meet someone interesting, and yay, the owner will be making a good profit which is after all what I try to do in my own business.
A big step for me - thanks for reading and comments are very much welcome - Pat