How Do I Help My Useless Brother?

55 replies
I have a 17 year old brother. He is the dumbest, laziest, most useless, pathetic person I've ever known.

Now I'm into all this self-help stuff, have been for over 12 years now. I know I shouldn't be negative with him. Heck, I've tried for so long to be positive, but it's gotten to the point where it's impossible to be positive.

It's like he doesn't give a shit about anything, doesn't care about anyone or anything, doesn't even care about himself. Can't study for shit, doesn't even want to get a job, doesn't appreciate anything anyone in the family does for him.

It's gotten to the point where we as a family are actively looking for a job for him, because all he does is sit around at home watching TV series on his laptop and browsing the internet. He doesn't have any friends.

I've given him the talk about how you can achieve anything you want; just because you're no good at your studies, doesn't mean you're dumb, you have talents elsewhere, you just have to find them. I even sat down with him once and went through a list of his strengths and interests.

Shit, the two of us sat down together and racked our brains over trying to find a single strength, and we couldn't find anything he was good at! In the end I brushed it off like it was no big deal, and just told him to focus on his interests, so he could work on developing some strengths.

But how do you help someone who doesn't give a shit about anything? Someone who's so lazy that he doesn't even want to TRY? He won't attempt anything, he won't DO anything.

I'm at the point where I can't help him anymore. I can no longer hide the fact that I think he's the most pathetic shit I've ever known. He can read it on my face. I can't talk positive with him anymore. All I want to do is tell him how pathetic he is. It's better that I avoid him and don't speak to him at all, and that's exactly what I'm doing now. But that doesn't fix the problem.

How the hell do I help him?

He lives with our parents. If I were his parent, I would throw him out of my house and tell him to go fend for himself or die. But there's no way my parents would do that.
#brother #useless
  • Profile picture of the author JulieB
    Wow, I'm sorry to hear about your brother! From everything I'm reading, it sounds like he may be in a deep state of depression. I don't know your relationship, but maybe he would benefit from talking to a professional about it? They may be able to prescribe something that will help to bring him out of the funk it sounds like he's in. Just my $.02 - but I hope it helped a little.
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  • Profile picture of the author Jonathan 2.0
    Banned
    Love and accept him anyway. He's your Brother, after all. There's nothing my Brother could do that would stop me loving him.
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    "Each problem has hidden in it an opportunity so powerful that it literally dwarfs the problem. The greatest success stories were created by people who recognized a problem and turned it into an opportunity."―Joseph Sugarman
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    • Profile picture of the author Jennn
      It sounds like your brother is in his "comfort zone"

      Unfortunately there is nothing you can do to help him. He has to help himself.

      If you are negative towards him it will hurt your relationship. You may regret it later on.

      Hopefully this is just a phase that he will grow out of.
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  • Profile picture of the author Jack Gordon
    I agree, he sounds depressed. Proper diagnosis and medication can work wonders for people. I would strongly encourage a professional evaluation.
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  • Profile picture of the author Odahh
    he is seventeen .. he is your brother not your kid.. when members of your family have this attitude about you ..weather or not they say it or not .

    is he doing hard drugs. running with gangs ..commiting petty crimes ?

    or is he just lazy because he is good at nothing so anything he try people are critical of so there is no reason to try .

    if you really care about him and don't want to deal with a sibling who is either suicidal..or has commited suicide ..

    does he have signs of learning disabilities or even high functioning autism ?

    beside watching stuff on the laptop .. does he play games or is there something he pours a huge amount of attention into that he can interact with
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    • Profile picture of the author Snow_Predator
      Originally Posted by Odahh View Post

      is he doing hard drugs. running with gangs ..commiting petty crimes ?
      For a teenager, he's relatively well behaved and somewhat obedient. No gangs, crime or drugs.

      Originally Posted by Odahh View Post

      or is he just lazy because he is good at nothing so anything he try people are critical of so there is no reason to try.
      What came first? The chicken or the egg? Like I say, I've tried being non-critical, there was a time when I was really positive and really showed faith in him... didn't work for shit.

      Originally Posted by Odahh View Post

      does he have signs of learning disabilities or even high functioning autism ?
      I don't think he's autistic. He's just dumb, slow to pick things up, has trouble paying attention when you try to teach him stuff, very much like Homer Simpson. As soon as he realises you're trying to teach him something, he switches off. He doesn't otherwise have trouble communicating or interacting with people.

      Originally Posted by Odahh View Post

      beside watching stuff on the laptop .. does he play games or is there something he pours a huge amount of attention into that he can interact with
      Yeh, he plays games, plays football once a week, still has a good time when relatives around his age come to visit.
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      • Profile picture of the author Snow_Predator
        Originally Posted by Jennn View Post

        I wouldn't waste your time and money. I don't think he is currently in a place where he would appreciate your efforts.
        I dunno Jenn, going abroad can really change your perspective on life. It did for me on multiple occasions. It helps you realise there's more to the world than you previously believed, and can spur you onto wanting to discover what else there is in the world that you don't yet know about.

        Originally Posted by Odahh View Post

        having a family that had no qualms with telling me i was a useless piece of shit lazy and all that crap.. and then being negative about anything i tried my life that didn't fit their idea of things ..

        was a major factor in me becoming sucidal 4 years ago at 31 years old..and now that i am on my feet mentally and they don't agree with the way i am trying to physically heal from old work injuries .. i have to get far away from them and i doubt i will ever really care to talk to them for as long as i live .

        at 17 having your older brother think you are useless lazy piece of shit ..is a rather traumatic thing .. that may turn out with him hating you for the rest of his life . if you go on treating him like that .. he may just accomodate your view and stay useless .
        Hey Odahh.

        You say you "tried" stuff in your life, and your family were negative about it. Dude, at least you were trying! I wish my brother would try something, I don't care how pathetic it seems to me, if he'd at least try, I'd help, support and encourage him! But he doesn't "try" anything!

        I know it's a vicious cycle. The more I think he's pathetic, the more he will accommodate my view and stay pathetic. But I've tried so hard to break the cycle by being positive and encouraging him, telling him that he can achieve anything he wants, giving him the reasons why he can be successful, showing him how he can discover his talents. But all that effort I put in did nothing!
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  • Profile picture of the author Snow_Predator
    Depression is possible, though he does look after his health by avoiding unhealthy food, and still enjoys playing football and watching his TV shows, doesn't have blunted facial expressions. It's hard to tell because he's a bloody teenager. Still, I'll be keeping a close eye on him.

    I do hope that Jenn is right and it's just a phase that he'll grow out of. Something has to spark his interest. He needs direction.

    Maybe I should take him abroad?
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    • Profile picture of the author Jennn
      Originally Posted by Snow_Predator View Post


      Maybe I should take him abroad?
      I wouldn't waste your time and money. I don't think he is currently in a place where he would appreciate your efforts.
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    • Profile picture of the author Odahh
      Originally Posted by Snow_Predator View Post

      Depression is possible, though he does look after his health by avoiding unhealthy food, and still enjoys playing football and watching his TV shows, doesn't have blunted facial expressions. It's hard to tell because he's a bloody teenager. Still, I'll be keeping a close eye on him.

      I do hope that Jenn is right and it's just a phase that he'll grow out of. Something has to spark his interest. He needs direction.

      Maybe I should take him abroad?
      people started writing me off as lazy and useless at like 9 .. because i had high intellect but school was the worst way to bring it out and i had many issues that made me the one everyone picked on .

      can you help your brother ..the only way really is to convince him somhow there are ways he can improve himself ..he has to learn that he can improve in ways and he has to learn his best pace of improvement
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  • Profile picture of the author ShutupAndEarn
    He is 17.... If he was 27 then maybe start freaking out. He can't even drive yet in most places.
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  • Profile picture of the author Odahh
    having a family that had no qualms with telling me i was a useless piece of shit lazy and all that crap.. and then being negative about anything i tried my life that didn't fit their idea of things ..

    was a major factor in me becoming sucidal 4 years ago at 31 years old..and now that i am on my feet mentally and they don't agree with the way i am trying to physically heal from old work injuries .. i have to get far away from them and i doubt i will ever really care to talk to them for as long as i live .

    at 17 having your older brother think you are useless lazy piece of shit ..is a rather traumatic thing .. that may turn out with him hating you for the rest of his life . if you go on treating him like that .. he may just accomodate your view and stay useless .
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  • Profile picture of the author Odahh
    has he dropped out of school or is he just doing good enough to graduate ?

    it may be bast to not try to get him to attemt college ..this may be a key part of his current act if he intentionally shuts off ..

    though i understand your frustration.. e not fully ..but it is rather common ..now unfortunatly at 18 there may be no shortage of stupid girls to match your brother when he does take interest in them ..after highschool..
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    • Profile picture of the author Snow_Predator
      Originally Posted by Odahh View Post

      has he dropped out of school or is he just doing good enough to graduate ?

      it may be bast to not try to get him to attemt college ..this may be a key part of his current act if he intentionally shuts off ..

      though i understand your frustration.. e not fully ..but it is rather common ..now unfortunatly at 18 there may be no shortage of stupid girls to match your brother when he does take interest in them ..after highschool..
      We live in the UK, he's in sixth form, which is kinda like college. He failed his first year. Now he's re-taking his first year, but with different subjects, none of which he has any interest in. He doesn't even know what they're about.

      I just had a conversation with my mum regarding getting him to stop bothering with education. The education system is so shit in this country, that it can keep him shut off and apathetic like this for the next 5 or more years.

      Most people go into higher education in this country so they can extend their childhood and avoid the hardship and responsibility of facing the real world.
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  • Profile picture of the author Odahh
    haha ,

    i am planning to go live abroad for a while ..as much stuff as we are surrounded with here in the states ..when looking forward here and trained for a long time that you are worthless ..it really becomes hard or near impossible to get motivated ..at least if ya get him abroad and get him somewhere where he can live for not all that much ..

    it may put wind in sails to find something he can do
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    • Profile picture of the author Snow_Predator
      Originally Posted by Odahh View Post

      haha ,

      i am planning to go live abroad for a while ..as much stuff as we are surrounded with here in the states ..when looking forward here and trained for a long time that you are worthless ..it really becomes hard or near impossible to get motivated ..at least if ya get him abroad and get him somewhere where he can live for not all that much ..

      it may put wind in sails to find something he can do
      Yeh, too right
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      • Profile picture of the author Snow_Predator
        It was helpful to hear about your experience Odahh. I'm going to rekindle my efforts and find a way to be positive with my brother no matter what. If I keep being positive, I'm sure he'll respond some time in the future.
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  • Profile picture of the author svetod
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  • Profile picture of the author Odahh
    well you don't have to go "positive" we humans had it all nice and easy and cozy where we where supposed to have it easy ..but a few bite of an apple and we learned there was a hard way to do things ..and we embraced it .

    around the world about 30 percent of males under 30 or 35 are without employment or direction right now .. with that number higher in many places ..

    historicly times like thi would lead to a major war ..but us yutes around the world are no to fat unhealthy or not smart enough for modern warfare . so

    if anything it would be good to tell him to learn how to cook ..learn a skill to make thing he can trade or sell from time to time or grow some of his own food .

    if he is going to be broke ..or poor .. developing skills to live pretty well on little money is better than having none .. i would probably have killed myself in the last few years if i did not learn how to cook tasty food that wa mostly goof for me ..

    if you want positivity ..and say mot of his entertainment can be gotten from a low cost lap top with a good high speed wifi connection ..then he can learn skills to get ingredients and cook decent tasting food ..on the cheap.. he then only has to do the minimum to eventual get his own shelter or buy his own cloths .

    from there it is up to him to stay poor ..or put effort in to get more .
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    • Profile picture of the author Snow_Predator
      Originally Posted by Odahh View Post


      if you want positivity ..and say mot of his entertainment can be gotten from a low cost lap top with a good high speed wifi connection ..then he can learn skills to get ingredients and cook decent tasting food ..on the cheap.. he then only has to do the minimum to eventual get his own shelter or buy his own cloths .

      from there it is up to him to stay poor ..or put effort in to get more .
      Trouble is he has parents that will provide him shelter and food for as long as they live. He has no real pressure to do anything for himself.

      With the way things are going, the only future I see for him is either he commits suicide, or he lives with his parents while on benefits. And I know for a fact that even when it comes time for applying for benefits, he will have to be pushed and reminded time and time again to go and make the application.
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  • Profile picture of the author Odahh
    i personally refuse to go on benifits .. but i did work for much of my adult life this long bit i have gone through was complete mental collapse after i was workng with a hurt back and bi polar disorder for years ..and i have been taking care of my elderly parents while i sorted things out .

    unfortunately your brothers situation is very common today.

    he either has to find a way to make himself useful which dumb people are many times better at figuring out than smart people..or he stay useless and at home. or yeah eventually offs himself..but the best way to avoid that is to not let him go on meds ....there is no way to feel good for any length of time when you feel of no value to the world
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  • Profile picture of the author mediamarket
    The thing about that is you cant help someone who doesn't want to help them self. 17 is still young, give it time.
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  • Profile picture of the author hardraysnight
    when i was 17, all i was interested in was girls, guitars, girls, rugby and girls, not necessarily in that order

    school was a battle zone

    my parents have always supported me

    they said stop school, do what you want, we will support you for a year, then you are on your own

    in three months i was making more than my parents, in a year, i was making obscene amounts of money, not related to im, some of which i managed to retain

    i have a lot to thank my parents for

    my brothers tried to help, but it never worked i saw them as trying to live my life, their way,

    time heals all wounds, or is it time wounds all heels
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    • Profile picture of the author Snow_Predator
      Originally Posted by Art of Marketing View Post

      Sometimes the way to expand peoples minds is to expose them to more.
      I've been thinking of this for a while. Take him places, let him see new things and have new experiences. Let him process it by himself, and hope that something sticks.

      Poor sod's never really been anywhere.

      Some folks, like hardraysnight and LastingLifeSuccess are suggesting I just leave him be and let him get on with it on his own. I understand your logic, there's so much that can go wrong with the whole family trying to intervene. But what if, left to his own devices, he spirals into depression, kills himself, or has a shit life, then blames it on his family for not spending time trying to help him when he was young?

      I've seen similar (albeit not as bad) situations in other families. I've only ever seen two outcomes:

      1. The family goes through hell trying to help the problem child, or they do jack all. Either way, they fail. The problem child grows up with a shit life and blames the family for not helping him enough.

      2. The family gores through hell trying to help the problem child, and they succeed. The problem child grows up a success, and believes he did everything by himself. Gives no credit to his family for the sacrifices they made.

      Situation #2 happened with my other younger brother (who is now 23 and getting somewhere). It sucks that you don't get any credit, but I'd still much rather be in situation #2. You just have to do it, and from the outset, not ever expect any gratitude in return.
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  • Profile picture of the author MarcMawhinney
    Although it may seem like he has no interests, he must enjoy *something*. You mentioned that he likes watching TV series online .... Why not nudge him to do a podcast or blog for TV reviews? Or a gaming site? I know it's not a money maker (short term) but that could stir the fires inside him. I wouldn't write him off yet, he's only 17!
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  • Profile picture of the author Nameless
    Honestly I believe you have to show him what life is about. Instill fear in him that there is more to life. Be authoritative with him. Take away the tv, computer, phone. Last but not least get him some adderall.
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  • Profile picture of the author Odahh
    ok snow ,

    sense you had a second now older brother with the same problems ..this seems more a result of your parents rareing methods ..

    did you yourself have a bit of trouble finding direction or getting grounded about his age..
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  • Profile picture of the author JakeRhodes
    He's 17. I don't think most 17 year olds are particularly motivated people, they've still got a confusing brew of hormones being pumped around their body that they're getting used to. Depression is also common at that age.

    You might actually do him a better service by backing off and letting him find himself.
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    • Profile picture of the author Snow_Predator
      Originally Posted by Odahh View Post

      ok snow ,

      sense you had a second now older brother with the same problems ..this seems more a result of your parents rareing methods ..

      did you yourself have a bit of trouble finding direction or getting grounded about his age..
      No, the other brother was completely the opposite. He was always out, messing about and getting into trouble. He's very intelligent, but never got good grades because he wasn't focused. We went through hell for him, and he managed to pull through without ending up dead or in prison.

      I won't discuss the parents. I don't think I had any problems, I was always very much into my studies and did very well in formal education. Then found out that my education was useless if I really wanted to be happy and experience true freedom in life.

      Originally Posted by JakeRhodes View Post

      He's 17. I don't think most 17 year olds are particularly motivated people, they've still got a confusing brew of hormones being pumped around their body that they're getting used to. Depression is also common at that age.

      You might actually do him a better service by backing off and letting him find himself.
      You're right Jake. Him being 17 is a huge factor here.
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  • Profile picture of the author Odahh
    backing off ..letting him get out of school and making sure he doesn't get in any kind of debt ..

    your instint to get him oversees or somewhere else may be what he needs ..if he is going to be lazy and useless .. it may be good for him to be close to a beach in another country ..
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  • Profile picture of the author James Fame
    Originally Posted by Snow_Predator View Post

    I have a 17 year old brother. He is the dumbest, laziest, most useless, pathetic person I've ever known.

    I personally believe that thoughts permeate into reality. It's almost like a psychological self-fulfilling prophecy.

    Thoughts => Speech + Non-verbal Actions

    Now I'm into all this self-help stuff, have been for over 12 years now. I know I shouldn't be negative with him. Heck, I've tried for so long to be positive, but it's gotten to the point where it's impossible to be positive.

    It's like he doesn't give a shit about anything, doesn't care about anyone or anything, doesn't even care about himself. Can't study for shit, doesn't even want to get a job, doesn't appreciate anything anyone in the family does for him.
    With those simple words above, you showed an extreme intent in that belief: That your brother is the dumbest, laziest, most useless, pathetic person that you've ever known. And that is where you've gone wrong.

    "You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot force it to drink."

    Similarly, you can forcibly make a person do a certain thing... but if he does not want to, you can't do it.

    What you need to do, is to GO to where he is.

    It's marketing, applied to real life.

    What are his needs, his wants, his desires, his state of mind, etc? Have you ever placed yourself in his shoes?

    WHY does he desire nothing in his life? Is it because he hasn't found a passion to live? Do you think it's because he has no one to impress or work for? What could be that reason?

    (1) Find out the BIG HOOK. You need to first get his 100% attention. If he doesn't pay attention, no words will ever get into his head. Something that gets him to bolt up. A huge, big benefit.

    (2) Market to him around that big hook. You're going to go with a "buying pyramid". Introduce small actions for him to agree on. These actions are like small price points.

    (2B) You need to get him over the little actions by offering him benefits. A good guarantee, for example. Or extra bonuses. Or proof. Something like that.

    (3) Then slowly lead him onto the bigger changes. Lead him up the 'price' pyramid. Produce that commitment (or what we'd call customer loyalty). He has to know, like and trust you to even believe what you're saying.



    Contrary to common thought, marketing can be applied to a lot of situations... Because it's based off psychology.

    James Fame
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    Fire me a pm if you have a question. I build businesses and provide consulting. I do not do finance/money/internet marketing niches. Fitness, self-improvement and various others are welcome.

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  • Well as you pointed out in your first few sentences you are into self help... and thats exactly what he needs to do help himself.... its like an addict, if they dont want help and are not ready to change then they are not going to and you are wasting your time and energy, be a good role model by improving your life..... also he is 17, 17 years dont give a shit about anything at that age, so its quite normal, you have to let him find his path but then by the same token you and your parents cant enable him to do nothing, dont give him money, limit his access to the internet, change the damn wifi password if you have to do and when he gets bored enough he will get off his backside and find something else to do...

    I dont think worrying about him at this age is going to do anyone any good. Leave him be.. also my brother went through a very similar stage and he said that the more we kept on at him the more he did it, so let him find his own way for a while,,, treat him like an adult and he might act like one.... Tony.
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  • Profile picture of the author rmolina88
    I was in that situation before as your 17 year old brother.

    Have him do something creative with his hobbies. If he likes watching shows, maybe get him to write a blog on his opinion of those shows.

    When I was 17, all I cared about was a show called Dragon Ball Z and didn't want to do anything else but watch it. I loved it so much that I ended up making a website for it, landed a job because of the website I made, and eventually paved my path into becoming a filmmaker and internet marketer (the web design and graphics skills I learned from my Dragon Ball Z website helped me in my IM endeavors). That literally spiraled my life into a positive direction by giving me something to work for.
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  • Profile picture of the author Curtis2011
    Have you ever considered the fact that maybe he has a personality disorder that is stopping him from functioning like a normal human being?
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    • Profile picture of the author hardraysnight
      Originally Posted by Curtis2011 View Post

      Have you ever considered the fact that maybe he has a personality disorder that is stopping him from functioning like a normal human being?
      the only thing that is wrong with him is he is unlucky enough to be 17 and everyone else is trying to live his life for him
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  • Profile picture of the author Aaron Doud
    I never had a job till I was 19 (almost 20) so I don't see the issue with no job at 17. He may have other issues but I am sure the way you and likely your parents judge him isn't helping.

    I'd warn you that you reap what you sow.

    Other than the fact I was a genius who could ace every test without studying and had friends he doesn't sound that different from me. I didn't care in high school because I got how pointless it was.

    I watched TV & surfed the net because that is what I enjoy to do. I still do it. But I also take drives in my Corvette.

    He may end up shocking you by being successful and by ignoring you. And don't think blood makes a difference.
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  • Profile picture of the author Arun Chandran
    He's only 17. Give him time. Water always seeks its own level.
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  • Profile picture of the author Bayo
    By changing your perspective of him.

    In your title you used a very, very strongly emotional word that screams of negativity i.e. my USELESS brother.

    It's like a parent who genuinely wants to help their child who they truly do want to help but they describe as their USELESS SON.

    How would you like him to be when he isn't useless? That's where you should start from and work you way back using all available resources you've got available.

    If you continue to see him in your mind's eye as useless, there's nothing you can do.

    It's a small step, but a powerful one in the right direction.

    BAYO
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  • Profile picture of the author Michael Ten
    To help your useless brother, stop thinking of him as and seeing him as useless.
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  • Originally Posted by Snow_Predator View Post

    I have a 17 year old brother. He is the dumbest, laziest, most useless, pathetic person I've ever known.
    Reading this, and the rest of your post, and your further comments in this thread, I highly doubt that you qualify to "help" anyone. Your brother was most likely not born depressed. (which is what it sounds like). I am however not surprised if he is, after having to deal with your "brotherly love" for 17 years. If you really want to help him, back away and let him seek some professional medical /expert help. It actually sounds as if not only your brother, but also you, as well as your entire family could make use of some counseling.
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  • Profile picture of the author joesfortune
    From the way you put things, I think the problem is with you. You take to your brother as if he is a piece of shit. If that's what you think, that's what you get.
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  • Profile picture of the author Rsherwood
    DO NOT TAKE HIM TO A WESTERN DOCTOR!

    They seem to only fix things with drugs and from experience, that doesn't seem like what he needs!

    I know that's a bold statement, but please read on!

    I went through what your brother is going through, after going to the docs they prescribed me this new anti depressant, which did help. But now I suffer from permanent brain damage to my serotonin receptors ! Do your research on SSRI's and tell me if you want your BROTHER, your blood, to suffer that way!

    My little brother has asberges, major social difficulties and was bullied for most of his childhood. Hes timid, awkward and shys away from people because of all the bullying he went through. He plays xbox from the min he wakes up to the second he goes to sleep.

    Why? Because he is in his safe zone, where he feels comfortable, he laughs and jokes with his friends on xbox live . Even though there is a lack of human interaction, when he's playing, he's happy! And you know what thats fine with me.

    I know for a fact that because I have not and will not give up on my brother, he will not give up on me ! One of the worst things you can do is give on someone, cuz one day later on in life, you never know when you are going to need a hand out and who knows that may be your lil bro.

    Giving up is a form of quitting! Its sounds to me like you are NOT a quitter!

    You have obviously stated your authority and that you know how to be successful, when he is ready, he will come to you! Until then, just carry on being a big bro looking out for him, not wishing he would be thrown out to fend or die!

    I understand your frustration, we all have our probs with family, even the families I thought were perfect, I later on found out they too have issues !

    And again keep him the f*** away from anti depressants, they have caused me so many issues and I wish the side effects upon no one.

    The thing that really help me was reishi mushroom. I wont give you a source as I dont want it to sound like Im selling you anything, but do your research and invest in your little bro. I haven't suffered since using it 6 months ago!

    Please dont give up on him, I know you came here to vent but this is the warrior forum, not the give up forum!

    I wish you all the best in whatever you decide to take action on,

    R.S

    P.s I dont want it to sound like im trying to preach you anything, of course I do not understand what the reality is of your own situation. This is however a message from one big brother to the next!
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    • Profile picture of the author Snow_Predator
      Originally Posted by Rsherwood View Post

      DO NOT TAKE HIM TO A WESTERN DOCTOR!

      They seem to only fix things with drugs and from experience, that doesn't seem like what he needs!

      I know that's a bold statement, but please read on!

      I went through what your brother is going through, after going to the docs they prescribed me this new anti depressant, which did help. But now I suffer from permanent brain damage to my serotonin receptors ! Do your research on SSRI's and tell me if you want your BROTHER, your blood, to suffer that way!

      My little brother has asberges, major social difficulties and was bullied for most of his childhood. Hes timid, awkward and shys away from people because of all the bullying he went through. He plays xbox from the min he wakes up to the second he goes to sleep.

      Why? Because he is in his safe zone, where he feels comfortable, he laughs and jokes with his friends on xbox live . Even though there is a lack of human interaction, when he's playing, he's happy! And you know what thats fine with me.

      I know for a fact that because I have not and will not give up on my brother, he will not give up on me ! One of the worst things you can do is give on someone, cuz one day later on in life, you never know when you are going to need a hand out and who knows that may be your lil bro.

      Giving up is a form of quitting! Its sounds to me like you are NOT a quitter!

      You have obviously stated your authority and that you know how to be successful, when he is ready, he will come to you! Until then, just carry on being a big bro looking out for him, not wishing he would be thrown out to fend or die!

      I understand your frustration, we all have our probs with family, even the families I thought were perfect, I later on found out they too have issues !

      And again keep him the f*** away from anti depressants, they have caused me so many issues and I wish the side effects upon no one.

      The thing that really help me was reishi mushroom. I wont give you a source as I dont want it to sound like Im selling you anything, but do your research and invest in your little bro. I haven't suffered since using it 6 months ago!

      Please dont give up on him, I know you came here to vent but this is the warrior forum, not the give up forum!

      I wish you all the best in whatever you decide to take action on,

      R.S

      P.s I dont want it to sound like im trying to preach you anything, of course I do not understand what the reality is of your own situation. This is however a message from one big brother to the next!
      Thanks for the warning. I know about doctors and psychiatrists and how blasé they are about handing out antidepressants. I don't think my brother is depressed, it's just his attitude, and it may LEAD to depression later on.

      Antidepressants may be helpful in severe cases of biological and suicidal depression, but in most cases they do more harm than good.

      I totally agree with the part about being there for him and not giving up on him.

      Thanks
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  • Profile picture of the author R E D
    Perhaps he needs a girlfriend to have a reason do do something so, take him out to have some fun.. meet girls.. once he will have one, he will have to get more active and of course, he will need money to take her out

    Try to be positive with him. There is a saying.. "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all".
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    • Profile picture of the author dkt1856
      Wow - I feel for you. It sounds like my brother and me. I practically forced him to come and live with me to get him off drugs (shooting meth). Threw money at him to help him turn his life around, he wanted to learn how to drive a truck - paid for that.

      Long story short - at the end of two years he gave me the finger, ended up on the streets and is now in prison.

      Bitter lesson learned; the wrong person wanted the change. Me, not him. Your brother has to want the change or it won't happen. The longer he waits the harder it will be.

      It does sound like it could be depression. Best of luck and God Bless
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      Donald Thomas
      Money$olutionsNow.com
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  • Profile picture of the author ddev
    Patience. Comprehension. Things that are part of a bigger word: Love.

    He might be depressed and may need lot of time to put himself on a positive road but once he finds a way, he will remember forever those who helped him. That's why when we're adults, we always remember with love and gratitude those who supported us in bad moments. Seems that's your turn to make a positive impact in his life.

    Regards,

    Diego.
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  • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
    We don't have all the facts. We don't have the brother's side of the story.

    As vitally important as those facts are, I do suspect your brother has shut down to you and your parents due to all the hounding and shooting down every idea he has ever had.

    You're the brother, not the parent. So, in a way it's not really your role. It's your parents role.

    I would suggest backing off and letting him run his own life. I'm not sure how things are in the UK, but here 18 is usually the age of emancipation. Make sure he knows you are not abandoning him.

    Back to the most important facts I mentioned at the beginning: Talk to a trained professional family counselor who has the proper background, who can operate with all the facts and family dynamics and provide the best guidance for the family, or just for you.

    Dan

    PS. Many years ago there was a study where the students were not divided into groups, but one group of teachers were told they had students with above average intelligence. The other group of teachers was told that they have average students. Guess which group of teachers got statistically significant better results? I'm sure you get my point about your underlying attitude towards your brother, expressed or not.
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    "If you think you're the smartest person in the room, then you're probably in the wrong room."

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  • Profile picture of the author PBScott
    Sounds like he may be depressed, this may seem a ridiculous suggestion, but toss 10-20 grand at him and let him run free for a while enjoying himself, maybe this will move him out, let him have fun, get a girlfriends and some interests, maybe even lead to getting a job and moving on with life.

    I have a rich million dollar a year earning brother that probably says the same thing about me, in fact I'm sure he does, but believe it or not his boring, linear, square lifestyle is one I could never live. He also wouldn't buy me a cookie if it were on sale, he probably would say to himself that I needed to earn it.

    Everyone sitting around telling him what to do, or pointing out his many failure all the time might just add to the depression, so help him get off his ass and learn to enjoy life again.

    If you can't afford 20 grand then you either really don't care or might want to work on your own example. Personally I don't have that kind of money to throw around
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  • Profile picture of the author goldenvee
    Hi Snow, do not use bad words on him, words are powerful, they are seed. You said you were positive before, yes stick to it, whether you see any good result or not. It may not be a one day or one month thing. When you plant a seed, does it grow over night, no, it takes time, that's why we have seed and harvest time. Please continue to call him good, blessed etc; he might not really be depressed, since he gets on well with family members that are his age, create more avenue where they can get together more often. Sometimes stay with them and have conversation with them,ask them what they want to do life, or some other stuff, he can open up. Another thing is if you stay around them you might act as if you're busy doing your own stuff, but you're listening, at least to know the kind of things he says.

    If you use bad words too much, that will be scaring him and putting him off, please don't. And be sure he attend church, read the bible daily, that will also help him.don't give up.
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  • Profile picture of the author hardraysnight
    too many people see trhe solution in drugs and professional help
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