Would you test this page for me

by carolf
22 replies
I added a new page to my website that offers a few ways to test life coaching. Would you take a look at it for me and give me some feedback.

I have built my business up using Facebook and my insights page tells me that over 90% of my fans are over around 40 ish female and split 50/50 between UK and USA. I designed my website with them in mind. My niche is Self-esteem.

I would like to know if you were feeling low in confidence and generally don`t enjoy life and your self opinion is pretty negative, would this page appeal to you to ask for help. I am assuming that most people will have read the home page and probably something in the blog before looking at the how to get started page. http://www.carolfinlayson.com/how-to-get-started/
#page
  • Profile picture of the author apeee
    Good work buddy, I really liked the page. It should definitely appeal to 40is females. Just one problem I see is the 300x250 adsense ad which divide the content in your page when scrolled down. Apart from that, everything looks great!
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  • Profile picture of the author natebunger
    Overall, I like the feel of the page. The design is simple and it's not complicated to navigate. I prefer sites like this because they don't hurt my eyes and it's easy to find what I want to find. I read the articles of your followers, by the way and they were really great.
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  • Profile picture of the author john13kran
    Nice and clean buddy!
    Keep the good work!
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  • Profile picture of the author carolf
    ohhhhhhh thanks everyone. I really appreciate your words. I will go look at the adsense advert and get it fixed.
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  • Profile picture of the author tdanz
    Good page, but just to play the devil's advocate:
    -clearer headlines? eg: How to get started with improving your self-image?
    -include images on the page
    -include a contact form on the page itself and call to action: contact me now to be the happy person you deserve to be
    -perhaps some more copy, such as: you already made the first step towards changing your life for good
    -for the "get instant access" (to what, is it an ebook?) I would use a usual font instead and an arrow pointing to the sign up form..and perhaps change it to "get instance access to the ebook"
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    • Profile picture of the author carolf
      Originally Posted by tdanz View Post

      Good page, but just to play the devil's advocate:
      -clearer headlines? eg: How to get started with improving your self-image?
      -include images on the page
      -include a contact form on the page itself and call to action: contact me now to be the happy person you deserve to be
      -perhaps some more copy, such as: you already made the first step towards changing your life for good
      -for the "get instant access" (to what, is it an ebook?) I would use a usual font instead and an arrow pointing to the sign up form..and perhaps change it to "get instance access to the ebook"
      Well thank you so much, I am more than happy for a few devils to help me out.... its hard to be objective with my own site and your feedback is great.
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  • Profile picture of the author Aaron Doud
    Carol here are my thoughts. I figure when people ask these things they want honest feedback not just a slap on the back.

    First I am assuming this is meant to be the sales page, so if it is not my thoughts will not be correct. So please keep that in mind when I give this feedback.

    1. Reformat: I'm a big fan of lists (clearly) but using them like that is not a great way to sell. Create a female targeted long form sales letter and use bullet points within it. Here is a link Ewen gave a while back. http://www.warriorforum.com/offline-...men-women.html

    2. The contact you part (aka A) should be among the last things not the first. Build into it. You are very cute but let's not just hop in bed together (to use the over used metaphor). You need to build up their desire first. Where's the wine & dine? Where's the foreplay? (yeah I continued that metaphor a bit far there).

    3. Do you want me to buy or not (aka B)? Seriously you just told me you don't care if I do or don't. Which might be ok as a rebuttal but this is a sales page. You need to convince me that you (and only you) can change my life and give me the help I need.

    4. PDF can't be filled out. Change it to a web form they fill out that send to you. Want to make it really nice have it create a filled out PDF and email it to them when they submit it. That will look very professional and help brand you.

    5. Social Proof: Use the social proof throughout the sales letter and link to testimonials as needed if you must. But personally I would just quote them on the page to keep the reader on this page.

    6. Headline?: That headline needs to draw me in.
    Fulfilling Your Destiny Isn't For Dreamers
    Let Carol take you from Dreamer to Goddess

    7. Lose the Google Ads: You are a professional and are (I hope) charging professional rates. The little bit of revenue you get from Google Ads is not worth it. Professionals don't have ads on their sites unless it is for their own products. Period, end of story.

    8. Use an email address from your website not gmail. Or better yet have a contact form that send to an email address from your website. Once again look like a professional.

    9. Add some images for the visual people.
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    • Profile picture of the author cajtrixie
      Originally Posted by Aaron Doud View Post

      Carol here are my thoughts. I figure when people ask these things they want honest feedback not just a slap on the back.

      First I am assuming this is meant to be the sales page, so if it is not my thoughts will not be correct. So please keep that in mind when I give this feedback.

      1. Reformat: I'm a big fan of lists (clearly) but using them like that is not a great way to sell. Create a female targeted long form sales letter and use bullet points within it. Here is a link Ewen gave a while back. http://www.warriorforum.com/offline-...men-women.html

      2. The contact you part (aka A) should be among the last things not the first. Build into it. You are very cute but let's not just hop in bed together (to use the over used metaphor). You need to build up their desire first. Where's the wine & dine? Where's the foreplay? (yeah I continued that metaphor a bit far there).

      3. Do you want me to buy or not (aka B)? Seriously you just told me you don't care if I do or don't. Which might be ok as a rebuttal but this is a sales page. You need to convince me that you (and only you) can change my life and give me the help I need.

      4. PDF can't be filled out. Change it to a web form they fill out that send to you. Want to make it really nice have it create a filled out PDF and email it to them when they submit it. That will look very professional and help brand you.

      5. Social Proof: Use the social proof throughout the sales letter and link to testimonials as needed if you must. But personally I would just quote them on the page to keep the reader on this page.

      6. Headline?: That headline needs to draw me in.
      Fulfilling Your Destiny Isn't For Dreamers
      Let Carol take you from Dreamer to Goddess

      7. Lose the Google Ads: You are a professional and are (I hope) charging professional rates. The little bit of revenue you get from Google Ads is not worth it. Professionals don't have ads on their sites unless it is for their own products. Period, end of story.

      8. Use an email address from your website not gmail. Or better yet have a contact form that send to an email address from your website. Once again look like a professional.

      9. Add some images for the visual people.


      Ooohhh well-said!
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    • Profile picture of the author carolf
      Originally Posted by Aaron Doud View Post

      Carol here are my thoughts. I figure when people ask these things they want honest feedback not just a slap on the back.

      First I am assuming this is meant to be the sales page, so if it is not my thoughts will not be correct. So please keep that in mind when I give this feedback.

      1. Reformat: I'm a big fan of lists (clearly) but using them like that is not a great way to sell. Create a female targeted long form sales letter and use bullet points within it. Here is a link Ewen gave a while back. http://www.warriorforum.com/offline-...men-women.html

      2. The contact you part (aka A) should be among the last things not the first. Build into it. You are very cute but let's not just hop in bed together (to use the over used metaphor). You need to build up their desire first. Where's the wine & dine? Where's the foreplay? (yeah I continued that metaphor a bit far there).

      3. Do you want me to buy or not (aka B)? Seriously you just told me you don't care if I do or don't. Which might be ok as a rebuttal but this is a sales page. You need to convince me that you (and only you) can change my life and give me the help I need.

      4. PDF can't be filled out. Change it to a web form they fill out that send to you. Want to make it really nice have it create a filled out PDF and email it to them when they submit it. That will look very professional and help brand you.

      5. Social Proof: Use the social proof throughout the sales letter and link to testimonials as needed if you must. But personally I would just quote them on the page to keep the reader on this page.

      6. Headline?: That headline needs to draw me in.
      Fulfilling Your Destiny Isn't For Dreamers
      Let Carol take you from Dreamer to Goddess

      7. Lose the Google Ads: You are a professional and are (I hope) charging professional rates. The little bit of revenue you get from Google Ads is not worth it. Professionals don't have ads on their sites unless it is for their own products. Period, end of story.

      8. Use an email address from your website not gmail. Or better yet have a contact form that send to an email address from your website. Once again look like a professional.

      9. Add some images for the visual people.
      I just hired a VA....... watch my page transform and I can not thank you enough

      ps as a coach I use metaphors all the time and your made me grin from ear to ear :p
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  • Profile picture of the author cajtrixie
    Originally Posted by carolf View Post

    I added a new page to my website that offers a few ways to test life coaching. Would you take a look at it for me and give me some feedback.

    I have built my business up using Facebook and my insights page tells me that over 90% of my fans are over around 40 ish female and split 50/50 between UK and USA. I designed my website with them in mind. My niche is Self-esteem.

    I would like to know if you were feeling low in confidence and generally don`t enjoy life and your self opinion is pretty negative, would this page appeal to you to ask for help. I am assuming that most people will have read the home page and probably something in the blog before looking at the how to get started page. How to get started | Carol Finlayson
    Hi there!

    I really like the nice, serene feel of the page and the website. I think that it fits well with the site's theme.

    However, personally, if I were depressed and wanted help, I would look to someone who was chipper and cheerful. The language being used is good, but it sets a very calm tone, not an upbeat, "You can be happy, and we can do it together!" sort of tone, you know?

    If people are looking for help, they want to know that the person helping them will be proactive, and will do ANYTHING to help them. They want to know that the person helping them will take charge of what needs to be done so that they can be happy, because they obviously don't know how to achieve that on their own, or they wouldn't be there.

    That proactive, "I'm here to help you and guide you through everything and anything!" feeling requires more emphasis and slightly more active language instead of passive language.

    For example:
    How to get started could not be simpler.
    It's easy to get started!


    A. You know you want to change things in your life and understand that a coach like me will help you to take each step, one step at time.
    A. Do you want to change things in your life? Do you want to feel better about [insert thing here]? Then you need a coach (like me) by your side, to guide you through each day step-by-step.

    B. You want to get started but you need to dip your toe in the water. Fine by me, many of my clients got started by trying out a free session or claiming an offer on my Facebook page. So contact me now and lets talk about
    that first step.

    B. Are you looking for change, but are unsure about hiring a coach? That's okay! Many of my clients got started by trying out a free session or claiming an offer on my Facebook page. It takes no commitment to start. Contact me now, and lets talk about taking that first step towards a happier life.



    Or, something of the sort.

    You are providing a wonderful service, and I think that what you have is good. I just think that with a few small tweaks, it could be even better! ^_^

    I hope that helped somehow!
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    • Profile picture of the author carolf
      Originally Posted by cajtrixie View Post

      Hi there!

      I really like the nice, serene feel of the page and the website. I think that it fits well with the site's theme.

      However, personally, if I were depressed and wanted help, I would look to someone who was chipper and cheerful. The language being used is good, but it sets a very calm tone, not an upbeat, "You can be happy, and we can do it together!" sort of tone, you know?

      If people are looking for help, they want to know that the person helping them will be proactive, and will do ANYTHING to help them. They want to know that the person helping them will take charge of what needs to be done so that they can be happy, because they obviously don't know how to achieve that on their own, or they wouldn't be there.

      That proactive, "I'm here to help you and guide you through everything and anything!" feeling requires more emphasis and slightly more active language instead of passive language.

      For example:
      How to get started could not be simpler.
      It's easy to get started!


      A. You know you want to change things in your life and understand that a coach like me will help you to take each step, one step at time.
      A. Do you want to change things in your life? Do you want to feel better about [insert thing here]? Then you need a coach (like me) by your side, to guide you through each day step-by-step.

      B. You want to get started but you need to dip your toe in the water. Fine by me, many of my clients got started by trying out a free session or claiming an offer on my Facebook page. So contact me now and lets talk about
      that first step.

      B. Are you looking for change, but are unsure about hiring a coach? That's okay! Many of my clients got started by trying out a free session or claiming an offer on my Facebook page. It takes no commitment to start. Contact me now, and lets talk about taking that first step towards a happier life.



      Or, something of the sort.

      You are providing a wonderful service, and I think that what you have is good. I just think that with a few small tweaks, it could be even better! ^_^

      I hope that helped somehow!
      I could not agree more, I used a copywriter for the home page but not this page and it really shows ....... so how about I hire you to rewrite the page for me using the fabulous advice from J above. Send me a quote to carol@carolfinlayson.com
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      • Profile picture of the author carolf
        Originally Posted by carolf View Post

        I could not agree more, I used a copywriter for the home page but not this page and it really shows ....... so how about I hire you to rewrite the page for me using the fabulous advice from J above. Send me a quote to carol@carolfinlayson.com
        sorry I meant from Aaron
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  • Profile picture of the author joesfortune
    I got the feeling that I was lead unto a spam.
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    Blogger and freelance writer. I belong to Ezine's Expert Author, Diamond, level. Visit me at
    http://withinyouisyoursuccess.com/

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    • Profile picture of the author IM Inc
      Like the page. Nice comfortable presentation.
      Good job.
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  • Profile picture of the author jay walters
    The page looks comforting and easy to use. The page looks soft and can automatically associate it with neutrality and calmness.

    Good job on this one.
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  • Profile picture of the author jacc
    Good job Carol. Aaron's review is excellent and if it were me i would take them on board.
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    • Profile picture of the author carolf
      Originally Posted by jacc View Post

      Good job Carol. Aaron's review is excellent and if it were me i would take them on board.
      You bet Jac
      That advice is golden
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  • Profile picture of the author Aaron Doud
    Carol glad I could help. Hope that advice can help you and your copy writer due that into a real converter.
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  • Here's a small change that sometimes has big results:

    Increase the font size.

    Especially since your target prospect is age 40+. Make it easier to read, and more people will stay.
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  • I think you have gotten some amazing feedback so I dont have much to offer but one thing I would add - you mention your target market, on your sales page I would add something about why you relate to them or why they can relate to you. People need to be understood and want to trust you so give them a reason. Relate to them by your age, being a mother, overcoming something ie self esteem troubles and something about what you can do for them that they wont be able to get anywhere else.. and unless I missed it your fee... personally if I got all hyped up because i just spent ten minutes checking your out only to have to phone you to find out how much it would cost I wouldnt. I dont think people would because would then expect a hard sell on the phone and then you have their number. Transparency. Let them know what they are getting and for how much.... I hope this helps.. Tony
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  • Profile picture of the author mistermuscles
    Hi Carolf

    I like the page and I can see from the previous comments that you have made quite a few changes in it already, and if I was as you described and I was looking for a solution to my problems, yes, I would certainly contact you.

    To make things even better (in my view) I would:-

    1. Adjust the last line in your point B (contact me now and lets talk about
    that first step)
    You have a line break after the word About.

    2. The page by Jacqui Parkin would look better and maybe be easier to read if you could intersperse some black bold type to break up the uniformity of appearance.

    You are providing an important service by helping people improve their self esteem.

    I applaud you.
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